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Discussion Starter #1
How do you show affection to someone you like? Do you verbalize them through words/gestures or both?

How should one know if an ENTJ truly cares for them??

Another question...How does an immature ENTJ express their interest compare to a mature & emotionally stable one?

Any help will do. Thanks in advance!
 

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I use gestures, and if it's not out in the open, I'll only verbalize it if it comes up in conversation, or if it feels like the tension [which I love] has gone far enough. I won't lie about it.

I don't know any other ENTJs personally, so I can only speak for myself.

As far as knowing whether one truly cares for you goes - if you're not seeing any clues, suppose you could just ask outright. =] But not in a desperate way, like you think the answer will be no.

And you say "cares for," not "is attracted to," so I'm assuming you're in a relationship with one?
 

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As weird as this sounds sometimes I tease the person a little.
It may look like we are arguing but it's more like playful teasing.
I do like to touch and caress. ( but that would be more personal and intimate)
I do give compliments and talk sweetly, but only when I am sure that the person will respond well to it.
 
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Discussion Starter #4
Thanks for the replies. I really appreciate it! :wink:

The reason I bring this up is because I was involved with an ENTJ guy for roughly around 3 years. We both agreed to see where it would go since we live in different countries. It was hard since we only got to see each other 10 times in total.

We first met when he was in my hometown of NYC at a music event. He happen to live here for a couple of years, but was moving back home when we met. What a bummer...bad timing! Anyway, it was a memorable night. He came up to me after the show and we chatted up a bit, it was intense...he is intense! I am a very shy person and he's forward and confident which kind of threw me off. He asked me to look at him so, he can see my soul. I couldn't look the whole time, just looked away while he just looked dead in my face :crazy:. I received an email from him a week later. He let me know how glad he is to of met me and it was his pleasure and that he's open to anything as long as it's positive and progressive.

Let me fast forward a bit...

He initiated everything from phone calls to meet ups. I must admit I held back A LOT...I mean a lot of myself. He was just so aggressive and condescending, always critiquing any and everything. I can handle banter (I prefer it. it's fun and endearing), but he was very judgmental and was often mean spirited. I just brushed it off since I knew he was sarcastic and made tons of snarky comments which I enjoyed actually so, I tried to take it as a quirk rather than him being a douche. We all have flaws...I didn't want to attack his character or anything. I accepted it and just it go. When we would see each other, I would anticipate seeing him and look forward to just spending some time with him. Often he would invite me to music events around his friends and other music folk. He was trying to show me his world which was I appreciated.


Here are some things that annoyed me about him. (Btw, all these were done in extremes):


- Arrogant/A Show-off
(Always bragging about what he has, how good looking he was, amounts of attention he was getting, who he knew, and how he's a hotshot. :confused:. Basically not humble at all, but don't tell him that he refers himself as a very humble person and a free spirit, lol.)

- Hates inefficiency. (I admit I had/have issues with making up my mind specifically about my career/work which he would persistently show his disapproval of. He would try to encourage me a lot, but criticizing me.)

- Can be extremely condescending of others.

- A bit delusional.

- Almost everything has to be on his terms.

- Power/money hungry.

- Emotionally immature and not in sync with others feelings/thoughts.

- Very conforming if it benefits him financially/career-wise. Switches up to fit the trends.

- Can say hurtful, gawd awful things.

- Moody (One day he'd be playful then the next he can be a jagoff)

- Unable to express emotions especially negative ones (very detached) .
(I went through a very bad depression and he was supportive when I first told him (one incident), but he just went off on me when I seemed down or "off" and told me I was a loser and need to grow out of it. He called back later on and asked if I was still upset and I let him have it. No emotionally outburts....just straight up let him know that he has was disrespectful and inconsiderate and I won't allow him or anyone to speak down to me in that way. He apologized, but tried to make light of the situation.)

- Always assumes people are jealous/envious of him.


Compliments he has given me:

- Beautiful, exotic (physically)

- Intelligent.

- Individualistic.

- Deep/Complex.

- Off beat/Weird.

- Innovative, Creative

- Good sense of humor.

- Free spirited.

- Empathetic.

- Eccentric style.

- Good taste in music, movies.

- Gives lots of space, freedom

- Autonomous person.



What he liked about me was when I was enthusiastic, adventurous, out going, happy, but to be honest...I am not always like that...not at all. He fed off my vibe/energy, but hell I'm human and a balanced person who needs a lot of time to reflect and can get detached. He would refer to me as an introvert almost like it's a bad thing. I saw him one final time back in May and I made up my mine that I am done with him. I got a new phone plan (different number) and did not give it to him. In my opinion, he is immature and I don't need that in my life. I hope one day he will mature and realize how great he could be, but as for right now...we are at different phases of our lives. I left off a lot of info, but I wanted to mention that he brought up marriage and kids regarding (me and him).

I know ENTJ's are often stereotyped negatively which I know isn't the case for all ENTJ's. Funny thing, I get approached by ENTJ men pretty often and wouldn't mind getting to know a mature/balanced one. No discrimination here. You live and learn.

Just been reflecting about my experience with this fella and wanted to know what you ENTJ's think. Does it seem like he genuinely cared for me in a more deeper sense? I am not trying to move backwards or anything, but he was NOT good with emoting. I admit I rarely spoke of my feelings or asked for his (he would bring it up not me), I knew he liked me because he took the time to keep me in his life by telling me what's going on in his life, asking me what I'm up to, thinking, feeling. Maybe it's weird for me saying this as an ENFP, but I don't feel comfortable asking for verbal affirmation and when I do get it...I prefer it to be natural and for the person to say it on their own terms.

What should I know about ENTJ's when it comes to relationships? Any pointers?

Sorry for the lengthy post!
 
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The Doer King
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ENTJ's show that they care by pushing for you. They can be scary, but most of them are alright.
You meant pushing you.:tongue:
 
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As weird as this sounds sometimes I tease the person a little.
It may look like we are arguing but it's more like playful teasing.
I do like to touch and caress. ( but that would be more personal and intimate)
I do give compliments and talk sweetly, but only when I am sure that the person will respond well to it.
That would be the same for me.

Personally I'm not very good at verbally announcing my emotions/feelings for someone (or about myself for that matter). In fact, my best friend and I say "I hate you" to each other, it's kind of our weird way of saying you're my best friend because for me it's easier to say that than "love ya". With my current boyfriend I can sometimes say things that seem mean, but I don't actually mean them in that way, I'm really just joking around and I don't intend for him to be offended by it. He's good about it and usually says some kind of snide remark back so it works.
 

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As the first ENTJ male to post in this thread, I've got a few opinions to lay down.

First, when I like someone I bash things with them. Yes, sarcasm and jokes are fair game, but sometimes if I really don't like something I'll be very blunt about it. I often make people laugh while bashing something, but I know some people don't feel comfortable when I get too blunt about it, especially if they disagree.

When there is a disagreement, it often turns into a win-lose conversation. This means you will either have to show me that you're right or acknowledge that I'm right (or give a hint about it that is to my satisfaction) to resolve the issue. I don't feel right about not resolving issues as they come up, and I want us to be on the same page in case they come up again. Some types that can hang on stubbornly to something that is wrong may be upset with me about this, but as an ENTJ it's worth the risk to try and get on the same page. You need to be able to prove your case or take mistakes in stride and if you're really going to get hung up on it, I won't go out of my way to mend your feelings. That said, I will admit when I'm wrong and usually these conversations go pretty well when I'm dealing with a mature person and we can learn from them.

Yes, ENTJs care by pushing you.

Any ENTJ will absolutely hate inefficiency and try to correct it if they can. If you're doing something inefficiently, I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to "fix" the way you do it. However, a good ENTJ is persuasive and tactful in doing so, and a bad one (or stressed one) is aggressive and condescending.

I'm currently with an INFJ (suspected) and I like it. The biggest problem I see is that when we get in win-lose conversations, she usually forfeits and I don't know where she was coming from or what her idea was and I don't like that. However, it is a very happy, healthy relationship, so it is possible to date an ENTJ.

She has trouble with what she wants to do for a career, too. I see it as something of a challenge and a service to her to try and help her choose something. Sometimes I remind her of something unpleasant on the way just to show her where I see a problem. However, I definitely don't try to make her feel stupid, which is kind of hard sometimes when I'm basically holding her hand and walking her through some things.

As your guy did, I like to talk about the future a lot. I like to have an idea of where things are going and what we're going to do. It puts me at ease and makes me more confident about the relationship. Likewise, if you often run really late or don't know what you're trying to accomplish or get hung up on a detail when there's a big picture that needs tending to, I will get stressed and stress causes my already sub-par patience and filtering what I say for the sake of feelings to get even worse.

I like someone stimulating. I like someone that I can discuss things that aren't tangible with like my philosophies, our future and fantasies are always fun. If you can talk about those 3 things, I wouldn't ever call you boring in a relationship.

Don't try to control me or change my ideas and principles, because I have thought through my ideas and pinciples to make sure they're the most logical and correct and usually base my actions off of those. However, attention isn't a bad thing. My girlfriend is pretty clingy and I think its adorable. I don't need a lot of space or alone time at all, so I really enjoy it.

I don't like to show off too much, but I definitely like throwing a little out there on occasion. Perhaps you were giving him so much space that he felt like he needed more attention.

Speaking of giving lots of space, being empathetic is another thing your boyfriend noted, that I wouldn't particularly care for. I can step back from a sitaution pretty well and see things from both sides, but I know what I think is correct and empathy is something I can notice in another, but don't care for myself. I'm a man of principle; feelings come second.

That said, money is power and influence, and power and influence allow me more respect and a better platform to spread my principles (also known as: correctness).


P.S. My best friend is also an ENTJ and also in a relationship with a girl who gives him lots of attention. She is very outspoken and very wrong... I mean has very different opinions from my friend and I (who agree a lot and often bash things in conversations together). She's not as smart as my girlfriend, but she is definitely mature and can handle disagreements, so they get along well.
 

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Hey,
I'm an INFJ girl seeing an ENTJ guy (and yes, its great) so I thought could help on the win-lose thing:

INFJs can't bear conflict, and at the merest hint of it they're liable to run. However, we do like intellectial discussion and bouncing our ideas off people.

Verbally, it can be very difficult to put all the ideas and thoughts we have into sound arguments: it usually comes out a little jumbled, even though, it may not be in reality. I'd say, if you're discussing something, DON'T interrupt the moment you notice a fallacy in the argument. Wait for her to finish, show you've listened to the whole picture and then explain what's missing, or ask critical questions. I love truth, and having someone who you can bounce off to get closer to this is great.

Just be aware of tone - we kind of listen to how people say things more than what we say. If we know you're talking from a place of love, critque is fine; but if we think it might be from a place of contempt, it's difficult to handle.

If you really want to know what an INFJ thinks however, get then to write it down. We're much much better in that medium, and can really tell the story to show how we got to our conclusions. Story can be long however, and may seem irrelevant to you, so if you're feeling impatient, just read the conclusion! :-D
 

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whoops! :p
 

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In my perspective, 'pushing for you' meant 'arranging things in an effective way for you'. Do I come close mutatio ;) ?
 
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I express affection in stages.

If I like you but don't know you very well, I am very friendly and tend to give you an undue amount of attention. I will likely ask you a lot of questions to try to get to know you (and maybe even type you). Your responses will determine whether my interest is continued or not. If it is, I will likely suggest some sort of shared activity.

If I label you a "friend," I show affection through acts of service and quality time. When I enjoy myself, I do so with friends. I'll help with homework or troubleshoot a project you've been working on at work, fix you food, fix your car, fix your computer, or do anything else I see that can help you (I guess that's the type 6 coming out). I'll put conscious effort towards always being there if you need me.

If I'm in a relationship with you, I will gradually give you access to inner information that I don't give to anyone else. There are MANY things about me that NO ONE else knows. I will also touch and compliment and buy trinkets for you and the whole bit, but I see a true investment in a relationship as being something that can backfire. Something that you have to trust the other person with. Anyone can buy chocolates or rub someone's back, even if they aren't really invested in the relationship. I'd love to start a business with a SO in the future. Bottom line, you will get many things from me that I find to be "meaningful."
 

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How do you show affection to someone you like?
I believe that this is unique to the person, and can not be necessarily based off of MBTI.

I use this system to break people down,
The 5 Love Languages | The 5 Love Languages®

My 2 "languages" would be,
Acts of Service
Physical Touch (in romantic situations only, no one else can touch me)

Last on the list would be,
Words of Affirmation
I have no use for them.

Do you verbalize them through words/gestures or both?
Them refers to romantic interests?
I guess both? Not really sure.

How should one know if an ENTJ truly cares for them??
ENTJs tend to be individualistic, they also tend to want to see those they care for succeed and maximize their potential. This leads to seemingly offensive comments and criticisms that can be easily mis-interpreted.

It is important for ENTJs to learn how to compliment-criticize instead of just criticize, it is a challenge some of them never really learn.

Another question...How does an immature ENTJ express their interest compare to a mature & emotionally stable one?
An immature ENTJ is an inexperienced ENTJ. They will make seemingly offensive comments without softening them up.
For example,
"Wow, that isn't really your color."

While a more mature ENTJ will say something like,
"You know, you look really good in color a, and color b."

The more mature ENTJ will avoid being so direct and offensive, but ultimately get at the same point.

To any non-NTJ, this is extremely offensive. An immature ENTJ either doesn't realize this, or hasn't figured out how to control the flow of thoughts coming out of their mouth.

For more info: ENTJ Compatibility
 

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I am beginning to see reasons why my Te is so developed. This is a little disconcerting to read this thread and find myself relating to it 100% ....

Are ENTJ's and ENFJ's that similar? or is it that my Fe is really a shadow function ??? I will never know ... this thread is confusing me about my type.
 

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Okay, ENTJs are human as well. You know, with feelings and everything?

I don't express them well because I am scared to express them. It feels like the most dangerous and vulnerable thing you can do. I suppose I get a little bit demonstrative, shower him with lots of attention and physical contact. I don't like to say it though, I like to do it.
 

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How do you show affection to someone you like? Do you verbalize them through words/gestures or both?

How should one know if an ENTJ truly cares for them?
Look beside you ... is the ENTJ still there? Yes? The ENTJ cares for you.

That applies whether we are your friend or your lover. We tend to made decisions quickly, and have a really low tolerance for bullsh**. If we don't like you, you are already a memory. But, once we decide we like you, we can be extremely loyal.

We're not big on hugging it out. If we like you, we will show our affection for you by taking you seriously, even when we think you are spectacularly wrong about something. And, I agree with @Sovereign 's comments: "I show affection through acts of service and quality time" ... and ... "will put conscious effort towards always being there if you need me". We are picky about who we will spend our time with. If we have decided to spend time with you, you matter.

As your lover, again I agree with @Sovereign 's comment: "I will gradually give you access to inner information that I don't give to anyone else. There are MANY things about me that NO ONE else knows." The way I would put that: we allow you access to the soft squishy parts of us. Not everyone gets to know about that. We are very protective about who gets access to that. If we share something intimate with you, it's our way of letting you know that we love and trust you. We thrive on being in charge, and having power. If we let down our guard with you, know that that's not easy for us, and that it means we want to share an intimate bond with you.
 
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