[scude]

Say, you've got an ESTP friend who you're also honest with and who is always honest with you, and they really want to know the truth at all times, so you spill it out; but it ain't pretty. Say, that friend is going through something. How do you ESTPs react? Do you pull away and distance yourself of the friend, because you don't know what to do? How do you ESTPs deal with others' difficult feelings and life situations?

I've seen this sort of behaviour from Ts before, I mean pulling away out of helplessness and simply not knowing how to handle it. I just never seem to be able to anticipate just "how much" they are able to cope with before it crosses that line. What's your take on this, ESTPs?

The point being I do spill it out rationally and understand the situation objectively and am looking for solutions to fix it, but can't help but be influenced by the emotions too and let's face it, I am moody sometimes. It's like... You guys know something's up, and anything else would be a cover up and you see past that too, but now I think that might've been a better way to go, for the first time.

 

[TreeBob]

Say, you've got an ESTP friend who you're also honest with and who is always honest with you, and they really want to know the truth at all times, so you spill it out; but it ain't pretty. Say, that friend is going through something. How do you ESTPs react? Do you pull away and distance yourself of the friend, because you don't know what to do? How do you ESTPs deal with others' difficult feelings and life situations?

I've seen this sort of behaviour from Ts before, I mean pulling away out of helplessness and simply not knowing how to handle it. I just never seem to be able to anticipate just "how much" they are able to cope with before it crosses that line. What's your take on this, ESTPs?

The point being I do spill it out rationally and understand the situation objectively and am looking for solutions to fix it, but can't help but be influenced by the emotions too and let's face it, I am moody sometimes. It's like... You guys know something's up, and anything else would be a cover up and you see past that too, but now I think that might've been a better way to go, for the first time.

I can only speak for myself but I love it when people spill their guts and confide in me. I love one and one and I also enjoy trying to get people to open up when I know they are down. Now if you do this all the time then I might start to pull away as I don't want to hang out with someone who is ALWAYS negative. Regardless, in general I like to discus issues.

 

[GreenCoyote]

I can only speak for myself but I love it when people spill their guts and confide in me. I love one and one and I also enjoy trying to get people to open up when I know they are down. Now if you do this all the time then I might start to pull away as I don't want to hang out with someone who is ALWAYS negative. Regardless, in general I like to discus issues.

you should have been gay treebob.


I know what you mean OP. I rcently discovered that a friend I didn't know was an ESTP is.
although he never opens up his own emotions and isn't the most emotionally expressive person, he is really good at reading my very out there FE emotions that I am seemingly always expressing or using in some way.

He typically always seemed interested in me and I would vent to him all the time. I will admit that I had never had anyone who wanted to listen so much and that was an extrovert, liked talking to random people and asking simple questions about peoples lives, such as where they went to school, I could judge their feelings and how I felt and then when it was just us two I would just blahb on and on about them and what I thought. He was alwas interested in my perspective.

Most of the time though I am not a sad bitching individual, I am just me, emotions wherever they go. sad to positive, angry to calm.
I get "charged" a lot.
One of my favorite things about being with my ESTP is that when I be my fun loving positive self and use my emotionality and charmind persona with others he always seems to be pleasantly confused and seems to have this deep feeling of passion for me, even though he is straight.

I think in life, when we find people so different than us but still seem to compliment us we feel this sense of ease that wasn't felt before they were around. it doesn't happen in a day but maybe... overnight? lol. (reffering to sex. lol)

no but seriosuly, I really love that inquisitive mind of his and I really appreciate the feelings of adoration towards me that he never expresses but I get to feel coming from him. It's like our own private communication line that we have different from all the other people in the room.

 

[baent]

I can't speak for all ESTPs but personally, I don't generally pull away unless it's a constant thing or the person is extremely unreasonable. I love it when people open up to me, as I usually have good insights into their situation. I can usually at least make them laugh and cheer them up or get their mind off their troubles at least.

However, there are emotionally based types of problems that I get fed up with.

One of my college psychology books defined suffering as "expending emotional energy on something outside of your control." That really brought perspective to why I always seemed to be a happy camper. I never let anything I have no control over get me down. If I have control over it, I change it. And to me, it doesn't quite compute that some people are incapable of seeing this ability within themselves.

Now I understand that there are certain emotional blows that just take time to recover from; a breakup, a loss of a friend or family member... but for the reason that whatever happened I hadn't then or now have no control over it, the emotional turmoil just melts away from me. I've been called a hearless robot or some variation of that multiple times because I just don't stay upset about anything. Because of this I can't relate to my little sister, a Scorpio and ESFP. She gets so upset and puts herself through so much pain because of things other people do or say, even when it's not about her, and she always focuses on the negative. I can tell her a dozen ways to fix / better her situation, and she just talks herself in circles to the "woe is me" view. It's intolerable. All I can do is maker her laugh until she shuts up about it or flee her presence.

If it's something that you are doing to / bringing on yourself, and you don't / "can't" listen to reason and help yourself... I have better things to do. But if, like you mentioned, you approach it rationally and seriously looking for advice, you'll find no shortage of loving suggestions from me.


I kinda went in depth there but from what you posted there, Scude, I picked up a similar vibe. I hope that helps.

 

[Derosa90]

I can't speak for all ESTPs but personally, I don't generally pull away unless it's a constant thing or the person is extremely unreasonable. I love it when people open up to me, as I usually have good insights into their situation. I can usually at least make them laugh and cheer them up or get their mind off their troubles at least.

However, there are emotionally based types of problems that I get fed up with.

One of my college psychology books defined suffering as "expending emotional energy on something outside of your control." That really brought perspective to why I always seemed to be a happy camper. I never let anything I have no control over get me down. If I have control over it, I change it. And to me, it doesn't quite compute that some people are incapable of seeing this ability within themselves.

Now I understand that there are certain emotional blows that just take time to recover from; a breakup, a loss of a friend or family member... but for the reason that whatever happened I hadn't then or now have no control over it, the emotional turmoil just melts away from me. I've been called a hearless robot or some variation of that multiple times because I just don't stay upset about anything. Because of this I can't relate to my little sister, a Scorpio and ESFP. She gets so upset and puts herself through so much pain because of things other people do or say, even when it's not about her, and she always focuses on the negative. I can tell her a dozen ways to fix / better her situation, and she just talks herself in circles to the "woe is me" view. It's intolerable. All I can do is maker her laugh until she shuts up about it or flee her presence.

If it's something that you are doing to / bringing on yourself, and you don't / "can't" listen to reason and help yourself... I have better things to do. But if, like you mentioned, you approach it rationally and seriously looking for advice, you'll find no shortage of loving suggestions from me.


I kinda went in depth there but from what you posted there, Scude, I picked up a similar vibe. I hope that helps.

I couldn't have said it better myself, GT. You took the words right out of my mouth. Some people just don't get that getting emotional and worked up is not going to solve the problem. You have to think and be rational. Obviously not with all the cases, like you mentioned - death, break-up, etc, but you have to realize it's life and that stuff happens. You have to move on

 

[IheartFootball10]

i generally dont mind when people open up to me. however, its circumstantial. if someone is coming to me here and there with an issue be it serious or not so much, thats fine. however, if it is a constant, dramatic display of emotion over every little thing..then no. i do not have the time or patience for that. my best friend drives me crazy because everyday there is some "world-ending" issue shes bitching and moaning over and i just tune it out, or ignore her lol i mean how many times are you gonna cry over some guy that doesnt treat you well?? and yet she keeps going back. actually 2 days ago she called me crying over the same issue with her bf. and i told her that unless she changes her situation that i dont wanna hear it anymore. im not gonna listen or give any sympathy to people who dont wanna help themeselves and just wanna hear themselves talk really. and for that she called me a cold-hearted bitch .....lol story of my life!!

 

[Acey]

common ESTP's, show a little compassion. Sometimes people spill their guts to you because they want support, not advice on how to fix their situation. Step in their shoes instead of thinking to yourself "why cant they be more like me?"

 

[GreenCoyote]

common ESTP's, show a little compassion. Sometimes people spill their guts to you because they want support, not advice on how to fix their situation. Step in their shoes instead of thinking to yourself "why cant they be more like me?"

honestly. I hate always being in others people's shoes. it would be nice to not care sometimes...

why can't I be more like them. that's the question.

 

[njchick]

common ESTP's, show a little compassion. Sometimes people spill their guts to you because they want support, not advice on how to fix their situation. Step in their shoes instead of thinking to yourself "why cant they be more like me?"

Because wining is probably the most unattractive trait to an ESTP and the SF/NF drama is something we can't relate to. We can't understand why someone would want to torture themselves and not want to make things better.

 

[Acey]

Because wining is probably the most unattractive trait to an ESTP and the SF/NF drama is something we can't relate to. We can't understand why someone would want to torture themselves and not want to make things better.

that's a valid point; it's as if you guys can brush things off as if nothing has happened, no matter what it is, and that is something i admire and respect. As for the people who are in emotional turmoil, u dont always have to understand why they react the way they do to stress. If you care about them, showing a little sympathy goes a long way.

 

[GreenCoyote]

i generally dont mind when people open up to me. however, its circumstantial. if someone is coming to me here and there with an issue be it serious or not so much, thats fine. however, if it is a constant, dramatic display of emotion over every little thing..then no. i do not have the time or patience for that. my best friend drives me crazy because everyday there is some "world-ending" issue shes bitching and moaning over and i just tune it out, or ignore her lol i mean how many times are you gonna cry over some guy that doesnt treat you well?? and yet she keeps going back. actually 2 days ago she called me crying over the same issue with her bf. and i told her that unless she changes her situation that i dont wanna hear it anymore. im not gonna listen or give any sympathy to people who dont wanna help themeselves and just wanna hear themselves talk really. and for that she called me a cold-hearted bitch .....lol story of my life!!

that's a valid point; it's as if you guys can brush things off as if nothing has happened, no matter what it is, and that is something i admire and respect. As for the people who are in emotional turmoil, u dont always have to understand why they react the way they do to stress. If you care about them, showing a little sympathy goes a long way.

here is the thing...

there is someone for everyone.

and ESTP's will totally find that person. and it will work out.
just a warning though to you ESTP's be warned you cannot completely avoid emotional people. emotions are in every person, they just manifest differently, or "don't" maifest differently. if that makes sense.
basically everyone feels things, ugh... being an INFJ. I know. but like... oftentimes youguys hurt more than other people who are "showing" their emotions...if that makes sense.

I am glad you stopped listening to your friend. thats what she needs from you. to know that you are not going to be her complaining bitch all the time. She is basically a bully.
so good for you.

 

[scude]

Thank you everyone for your responses, they've been very helpful.

I like that this ESTP never seems to judge me (it's such a relief and a nice thing, you've no idea how precious that is to an INFJ like me whose felt a bit out of place all her life) but seems to like me the way I am, all of me. And I don't get it but I appreciate it, tons.

 

[mav04]

Yep. You nailed the hammer on the head.