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Discussion Starter #1
So I've made a bad decision recently.

In my head I think "I'll learn from it and make sure it never happens again". However, I have made similar bad decisions in the past and the fact I have repeated it annoys me as it means I am not doing something right - and not learning from my mistakes.

I KNOW what I did wrong and why and don't ever want it to re-occur. But I am having trouble in finding a meaningful way of working through it.

(Sorry for the vagueness of the bad decision!)
 

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I make them all the time, I accept them easily because I expect it of myself. I can actually forget about the mistakes I make rather quickly, however the slightest thing can bring the embarrassment rushing back with remarkable accuracy and clarity.
I spend most of my time walking the line between straight up ignorance and self loathing, all with the goal of maintaining sanity.

Time heals all wounds, sorta. Try to distract yourself.

Edit:

I missed the not learning from them bit. If you feel that you’re not learning from them, I can only assume that you’re somehow emotionally at odds with reality or perhaps you have less control over the outcome than you think. Again, I think time, coupled with distraction, can offer some perspective in these regards.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Hmm, I think if it's a bad decision which ONLY affects me then I am similar. I don't dwell too much. But when it affects how someone else ends up feeling, I struggle to be as blase about it and it lingers in my mind. I can't do anything to turn back time, so my lingering regret is illogical to me .... I SHOULD accept I screwed up, learn (which I don't seem to do) and move on.

Sounds easy in writing, but why the hell can't I do that, ha. The anal side of me needs a practical strategy I think.
 

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Well, I don’t know if you have self esteem issues, but I find that people who do tend to look externally for validation. This validation never offers a cure, but it helps stave off the more harsh forms of self loathing for short periods of time. If one can partially entertain the idea that they are sometimes viewed in a positive light by others, then they can hold on to a feeble form of hope.
Personal failure, when acknowledged by others, can strike an insecure person at their very core and suspend the above mentioned hope. At that point, there’s nothing left between you and oblivion, so to speak.

I’m speaking from personal experience of course, and I’m not suggesting that this applies to you. If it does, however, then I’m guessing you’ll only stop caring when you can make your own decisions with conviction and accept the consequences regardless.

Failure often leaves me feeling rather vulnerable, and obsessively ruminating over the nature of the failure in an attempt to eliminate all chances of a reoccurrence. More often than not, I can’t correct shit. Whether I lack in grey matter or not, I think the real solution is to genuinely not care. Let me know if you work out how to get that right.

P.S To those who are wondering “I thought you said you were apathetic”, my apathy covers my ability to self affirm and manifest any sort of individuality.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Well, I don’t know if you have self esteem issues, but I find that people who do tend to look externally for validation. This validation never offers a cure, but it helps stave off the more harsh forms of self loathing for short periods of time. If one can partially entertain the idea that they are sometimes viewed in a positive light by others, then they can hold on to a feeble form of hope.
Personal failure, when acknowledged by others, can strike an insecure person at their very core and suspend the above mentioned hope. At that point, there’s nothing left between you and oblivion, so to speak.

I’m speaking from personal experience of course, and I’m not suggesting that this applies to you. If it does, however, then I’m guessing you’ll only stop caring when you can make your own decisions with conviction and accept the consequences regardless.

Failure often leaves me feeling rather vulnerable, and obsessively ruminating over the nature of the failure in an attempt to eliminate all chances of a reoccurrence. More often than not, I can’t correct shit. Whether I lack in grey matter or not, I think the real solution is to genuinely not care. Let me know if you work out how to get that right.

P.S To those who are wondering “I thought you said you were apathetic”, my apathy covers my ability to self affirm and manifest any sort of individuality.
You have a good way of stating things Richard. I've highlighted the parts which jumped out at me as where I WANT to be right now.

I think the only reason I struggle to deal with the fact I have made a bad decision is because it is linked to someone who I need to "get over". If I can get over that person, then I won't be in the position to make the bad decision again. And I do agree that not caring is the short term goal to getting over them .... I need to work on not caring as much. I guess I'm (internally) a sensitive soul and have trouble letting the logic take over when I am deeply involved in something or someone. Sometimes I don't think I am an INTP, but those ocassions are quite rare.
 

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INTP

INTPs lack follow-through and this can isolate their ideas from practical examination. Their notions become over-intellectualized and too abstract to be of practical benefit. With their sharp critical thinking and analytical abilities, INTPs tend to nit-pick, hair-split, and generally overdo simple issues. Their desire for accuracy and precision exacerbates any error they may perceive in themselves or in others - they are, in other words, highly self-critical. Wanting to be competent and know everything, their standards grow increasingly higher. When fear of failing becomes overly pronounced, INTPs are quick to feel unintelligent, slow, and powerless.

If stress continues, the INTP's mind seems to freeze and block out the vital information it has worked so hard to accumulate. Their creative juices stop flowing and they suffer from stage fright, writers block, and a general inhibition of their ingenious thinking and fluent language skills. Preoccupied with performance failure, INTPs become self-consciously distracted in anticipation of their failure. If the stress becomes too overwhelming, the fear of blanking out prevents them from taking risks in areas they desire to succeed in. Attempting to avoid incompetence, they fail to gain the expertise and mastery they so desperately need.
Via Personality Types Under Stress
 

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I don't know about you, but I'm ridiculously self-critical (as @Chrysantheist quoted). I spend a large proportion of my time wallowing in my own self-pity. However, there comes a point when you just can't keep doing that. People make mistakes. That's one of the few things all humans have in common. No one's perfect. No one expects that. When you make bad decisions, you rectify them if you can and if you can't, just deal with it. Move on. Take up knitting or learn an instrument or get a crack addiction. Just do something.

As for learning from your mistakes, learn to spot the warning signs. If you see recurring patterns in your behaviour that you don't want, change it. Become more self-aware. You're an INTP, man! Ti-Ne was practically designed for spotting and analysing patterns. Eventually, you will condition yourself like the proverbial dog.

Edit: Oh, and I disagree with @Richard where he says that, "I think the real solution is to genuinely not care." Kolinahr is not the answer. Acceptance is. You should learn to deal with emotion and not repress it until nothing matters.

By the way, Richard, I thought you said you were apathetic :wink:
 

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Edit: Oh, and I disagree with @Richard where he says that, "I think the real solution is to genuinely not care." Kolinahr is not the answer. Acceptance is. You should learn to deal with emotion and not repress it until nothing matters.

By the way, Richard, I thought you said you were apathetic :wink:
There’s the care about what others expect and esteem in society, and then there’s the care about what you want.
I personally have very little individuality. Preferences, hopes, plans for the future, I have very few and they aren’t in the slightest bit developed. I wake up every day wondering for what reason I continue to live. I have been like this for most of my life, the only problem is that it wears you down. The optimism I had as a child for finding interests in life has long since died.

For the moment I remain amongst the living, and unfortunately the monotony of spending day after day doing nothing gets to a person. I’ve tried doing things of course, I just never give enough of a shit to enjoy myself and maintain the act. All I can do is observe what others do, and try to extract some sort of general metric for pleasure. Self accomplishment, money, knowledge, human relations. Do any of these lead to happiness ?
Shall I try to obtain a PhD, develop an expertise in a specific area and confidence along with it ? Nope, that didn’t work.

Not everyone with depression is like me. They possess an individuality that is repressed by what they think others expect of them. I suggest that they stop caring about others and start expressing themselves in a manner that maximises their personal brand of pleasure in both the short and long term. Construct your world as opposed to finding your place in it.

I want to construct my reality, but first I need to bootstrap my subjectivity. I need to fall in love with care bears and dedicate my life to producing care bear merchandise. Alas, I’m not quite there yet.
 

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>_>

<_<



Plausible deniability


>_>


<_<
 

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Don't worry about it too much....

I've been making this one mistake over and over, and I realize what I'm doing while I'm doing it and I tell myself that I won't do it again because it just ends badly .... but I find myself doing it again anyway...
It's an emotional problem though -- not entirely sure if it would fit in with yours.

The other thing I struggle with is eating chocolate. Hehe, not so 'emotional'.

In both cases, I just make the conscious effort to do whatever I can to avoid making the mistake I'm trying to avoid. If I slip up, I don't pat myself on the back, but I'm learning not to beat myself up either. I mean, none of us are perfect -- some only pretend to be.

I think the best thing you can do is to keep trying and remember that you'll eventually learn ... or be forced to learn.
 

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>_>

<_<



Plausible deniability


>_>


<_<

Lol, that would apply ... if he didn't know about the mistake before it occurred and had nothing to do with it ... but he did...and he did.
 

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So I've made a bad decision recently.

In my head I think "I'll learn from it and make sure it never happens again". However, I have made similar bad decisions in the past and the fact I have repeated it annoys me as it means I am not doing something right - and not learning from my mistakes.

I KNOW what I did wrong and why and don't ever want it to re-occur. But I am having trouble in finding a meaningful way of working through it.

(Sorry for the vagueness of the bad decision!)

It depends on whether the bad decision can be remedied. If it can be fixed then let your guard down, swallow your pride and repair the damage. By this i mean render any apologies that are due, pull some favors, clean up the mess.

If it can't be reversed or at least mitigated in some way, you need to internalize it. Really break it apart and analyze what motivated that bad decision from start to finish. If you have done the same thing several times in the past then you should have enough information to assess all the factors that lead up to the bad decision and make an educated guess on how to avoid it in the future.
 

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Just dispose of any evidence and witnesses and make sure it never happens again.
I think I just made a bad judgement call by offering horribly inappropriate advice,... time to start the disposal process.
 

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I am more critical of myself when I do something and after I do it, than anyone else who sees me make a mistake. So, if I do make a mistake, I'm already prepared to handle the likely repercussions, but if I do well, then I tell myself I can do better. Either way, I am never really satisfied, but I am more prepared to handle bad situations with calmness, and never remain at one plateau. However, even if I fuck up, and I will, I have fun doing it. I actually am happier if I am honest with myself than if I lie about what I did.
 

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Figure out where you messed up, figure out why you cannot seem to correct it, forget about it, and make sure not to let it happen again. For an INTP to make the same mistake twice, I sense there is an emotional aspect to the situation. You have to be very aware of your emotions vs your actions. Continue with caution and remind yourself what you must/must not do.
 
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