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Having OCD has been a source of shame for me for quite some time now, when it comes to the involuntary and disturbing/emotionally upsetting thoughts that I have.

I just can't bring myself to accept that I can't control those thoughts; I'm constantly performing rituals in my head to verify that I don't actually want to do those things, even though I know very well that I don't desire to do the involuntary things that I think. Usually these rituals consist of saying certain phrases in my head to "comfort" myself, or by doing certain actions to make myself feel less tense.

As a Christian, having OCD has made me angry at God, because I feel like I would be so much healthier if my mind wasn't this way. I feel like demons are constantly planting thoughts into my mind, in an effort to torment me, and whether unwanted thoughts are caused by demons or not is not really the purpose of this thread, but to me, that is exactly what having OCD feels like; something whispering all sorts of obscene thoughts into my head.

Anything and everything disgusting and vile, that I hate, pop into my mind, and I can't control thinking of them; disturbing sexual images, acts of violence towards those I love, thoughts of cursing God, thoughts of saying something profane in public, etc. Not a bit of me desires to do any of those things, and I know this, yet the way my mind is, I can't help but doubt myself; you can know that you know something, and still doubt yourself, even if you absolutely know you are correct, and that is the mindset OCD brings to a person.

Accepting that I have OCD, and that I can't control what I think, feels impossible to me. The way my mind is, I feel as though accepting that I can't control those thoughts is somehow agreeing with them, and saying that they are good. I know that sounds very asinine, and I admit it does, but to someone like me, that is exactly how I feel; if I silently accept unwanted thoughts, I must secretly desire to act on them.
 

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OCD doesn't discriminate between people who are Christian or other. It's more of a neuro-chemical state mixed with learned behaviours. No need for shame about that from my perspective (hopefully one day you will agree). If you aren't taking fish oil already it might be a useful non intrusive/interacting measure (to get levels of serotonin higher). Have you been diagnosed? It would be helpful to get help with the serotonin levels.

Learned behaviours however are a little more harder to unlearn. When you catch yourself with the negative thoughts you can disrupt them by other more beneficial thoughts and actions. A psychologist who utlises CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) might go over the triggers with you and give you pointers on how to disrupt the negative thoughts and behaviours and over time with constant disruption they will become diminished.

Talking about it and writing about it will always be beneficial. You're doing the right thing by posting and getting it out for examination to pull the thoughts apart.

Good luck with it all.
 

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Well you can't always control what you think, you can adjust your reaction however. For example I've had suicidal thoughts before, in my youth these thoughts were "I want to kill myself" and I believed I thought those thoughts. More recently I've realized that some thoughts happen independently from my will, and if I got a suicidal thought it would go more like this: "I want to kill myself" "fuck off brain".

Also I'm fairly sure it's not demons, and of course you would be healthier without those thoughts. If you have a chance you might consider a good natural holistic doctor, ocd plus ritualistic thinking plus unwanted sexual thoughts all give me a solid hunch of what the problem might be, there should be a nutritional type of fix.
 

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The best thing I have found to combat OCD and intrusive thoughts is embracing them. Write that shit down and say it out loud. Know that your irrational fears have no control over you (or should not obviously). The next part is what REALLY does it for me. Embrace your fears. Example, I started getting a lot of intrusive thoughts about getting in a wreck, so I'd drive extra careful and it'd freak me out. I started driving FAST and like a complete MANIAC (which I used to before anyways :tongue:) now I don't have no cares when I'm driving. That's just a personal example, not condoling that anyone drive like a drunk Andretti.
 

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My personal belief is not to roll-over and give up concerning such things. I have battled mental problems and such since I became a christian, yet I am learning if the devil gives an inch he will give a mile.

As a Christian, you have inside you the same faith that raised Christ from the dead, if you give up your spirit will be grieved.

To me it sounds like where you are getting it wrong is 2 things...

1) When you fight these thoughts, you are using fear to fight them. You need to fight them from a position where you do not have fear in your heart. Part of this can be achieved by realizing, "Oh I am afraid. It is not God's will that I be afraid." If you just let your body sit there afraid for several moments, not doing anything, the fear will eventually pass. You can't keep fighting these thoughts the way you are now, because it is likely a cycle of fear that perpetuates itself and makes them worse. There is a way to fight these thoughts without using fear, that's what you need to learn to do. Realizing what you are doing is not God's will is a first-step forward. God never wants us trying to rebuke things out of fear, because it never works.

2) You are looking at yourself instead of what Jesus did for you. The fact that these thoughts repulse you and make you afraid and condemned proves this. If I had a thought like you are describing, I would just tell myself, "Oh that's just my flesh or the devil... just proves I need a savior." Then I could just thank God that he looks at me according to what Jesus did, and not according to what I do.

This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. - Romans 3:22

If you think for one moment your thought brings any condemnation upon you, or has the power to bring any guilt upon you, then you are not believing in the righteousness of God by Christ.

If you need more teaching on this, I suggest the person I learned these principles from. He has a great series I just watched and it's helped renew my mind. I did not realize I was hanging on to my own righteousness until I started to listening to this series. Like I knew most of what he said because I had heard it before, yet the seed was watered that was already inside of me and so I am experiencing more of the fruit. (Less fear, less unbelief)

 

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turn the act of acceptance into an ocd. then you cant help but to accept it


you are who you are, you should not be ashamed of something you can not control. its important for you to recognize these types of thoughts as you are experiencing them, so you can separate them from your normal thoughts. eventually you will come to see these thoughts as not part of who you are, but just random thoughts that does not reflect on your real self at all.
 

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Find a passion to obsess over instead?
. . .
http://www.yorku.ca/inpar/lull_lover_peers.pdf
A Christian Mystic,

"'Say, thou bird that singest of love, why does my beloved [God], who I have sworn myself to, do naught but torture me now?' and the bird replied: 'If love made thee not to bear trials, what wouldst thou give to show the depths of thy heart?'"

Paraphrased.
 

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My dad was diagnosed with severe OCD when I was an infant. For years he was embarrassed by it and wouldn't talk about it. He would get upset if my mom brought it up. It's only here recently that he's became more comfortable with it (I'm 21 now), and it's even to the point where he'll casually mention it at the dinner table.

I think part of it is the fact that I was recently diagnosed with a mental illness, and he now realizes we can relate to each other. My suggestion would be to find other people who understand your struggle. Things like this are a lot more common than you may think, and being around supportive people who know what's going on can be amazingly therapeutic.

It's important to remember that just because you have bad images coming into your mind, doesn't mean that you're a bad person. Understand that these thoughts don't reflect your character. I know a lot of people with OCD, and from my understanding this is one of the things a lot of sufferers have trouble with.

I recall reading an article that claimed that people with OCD tend to be more morally aware than neurotypical people, which is something to think about.
 
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