How do I attract an ESTP?

calicobts said:

I've come to the realization today that my natural attraction tends to be with ExTPs. I arrived at my conclusion when I realized that this guy who I am attracted to in my class is an ESTP. For some reason, the stereotypical ESTP (in real life) tends to be what I'm drawn to. (I know that seems a bit masochist). You know the jock who gets all the girls, maybe it's because of my weak Se. The problem is that I tend to be intimidated by ESTPs in group settings.

Because of this I've only talked to this guy a few times, but I'm always intrigued by ESTP guys. I'm also quiet introverted with some social anxiety issues.

So how can I approach and attract an ESTP effectively as an INFJ?

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I dated an INFJ guy for several months. One of the things that most attracted me to him was his vulnerability and his ability to express his loving feelings. It turned me off when he would put on a hard exterior and try to be someone he's not. So I suggest that you simply be yourself. Your ESTP may just be naturally attracted to your shy and introverted personality. Keep talking to him, but do so in a way that feels natural to you. Don't try to impress him by taking on personality characteristics that you do not naturally have.

My INFJ sis often dates ESTP dudes (unknownly and unaware of mbti).

I think just don't be a neurotic.

:laughing: all I mean by this is she can get super duper, PREMATURELY skeptical. I am pretty fricken sure she is dating an ESTP right now based on what she describes. Almost her entire approach however is sooooo, no no for ESTP. Seriously there is always this grey area where people are getting to know each other and transition between being a single person vs couple. I have found she doesn't actually allow these guys to develop their full feelings for her before she starts getting super neurotic and suspicious & requiring premature reassurances. I.e. Let the ESTP naturally develop feelings for you and you could probably own them. But if you start acting like a fruit loop too soon asking to see their phone, being insecure about who they talk too, etc they will check out real fast. So just DONT do that shit.

Sensational said:

My INFJ sis often dates ESTP dudes (unknownly and unaware of mbti).

I think just don't be a neurotic.

:laughing: all I mean by this is she can get super duper, PREMATURELY skeptical. I am pretty fricken sure she is dating an ESTP right now based on what she describes. Almost her entire approach however is sooooo, no no for ESTP. Seriously there is always this grey area where people are getting to know each other and transition between being a single person vs couple. I have found she doesn't actually allow these guys to develop their full feelings for her before she starts getting super neurotic and suspicious. I.e. Let the ESTP naturally develop feelings for you and you could probably own them. But if you start acting like a fruit loop too soon asking to see their phone, being insecure about who they talk too, etc they will check out real fast. So just DONT do that shit.

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Thanks lol. I'm definitely not the type to check phones or anything extreme like that.. even my ex (who I assume to be an INFP) tried to get me jealous before we even started dating, but even if I do get jealous I don't really show it haha

Selinda said:

I dated an INFJ guy for several months. One of the things that most attracted me to him was his vulnerability and his ability to express his loving feelings. It turned me off when he would put on a hard exterior and try to be someone he's not. So I suggest that you simply be yourself. Your ESTP may just be naturally attracted to your shy and introverted personality. Keep talking to him, but do so in a way that feels natural to you. Don't try to impress him by taking on personality characteristics that you do not naturally have.

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Thank you. I had this issue to when I was trying to get a different SP to notice me in highschool. Instead of just going with my natural introverted and intellectual personality, I forced myself to appear more confident and dress more revealing. And while it worked to an extent (I got into his social circle and etc), I noticed some of my introvert tendencies peak through and I think it was obvious to the SP that I was trying too hard. I blame it on my Ni :laughing:

nablur said:

1. show your tits
2. make direct eye contact and hold it as long as you possibly can, wink, blow kisses, smile, lick your lips.
3. put your hand on his thigh

not in that order

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You forgot masturbating in a corner, it always catches my attention.

ClOwNkInG said:

Never dated an INFJ, believe hollyshizzy did but he’s not as active as he used to be. Where do you sit within proximity to him? I guess you could tease him on his responses to the teacher to get his attention.

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HERRRRE I CUM TO SAVE THE DAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!! (Bro - Next time use a proper tagging to get my attention, you're so better than this, smh.)

nablur said:

1. show your tits
2. make direct eye contact and hold it as long as you possibly can, wink, blow kisses, smile, lick your lips.
3. put your hand on his thigh

not in that order

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Very solid advice. Any of those plays would get my attention every time.

Selinda said:

It turned me off when he would put on a hard exterior and try to be someone he's not. So I suggest that you simply be yourself. Your ESTP may just be naturally attracted to your shy and introverted personality. Keep talking to him, but do so in a way that feels natural to you. Don't try to impress him by taking on personality characteristics that you do not naturally have.

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Nothing is more of a turn off to an ESTP than an INFJ who can't be their self. Seriously, its like in your mind, you think you're a wolverine. In reality, you're a sloth. We know you as a sloth but you're trying to be a wolverine. Image how silly this appears to us. Just be your slow, introverted, kind, smelly, sloth self and quit fronting.

Sensational said:

I.e. Let the ESTP naturally develop feelings for you and you could probably own them.

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Sad to say, but yes, if you are patient and wait for us to figure out our feelings, you will have a master level control over us.

calicobts said:

I sit in front of him.

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OH! Stick something ridiculously funny to your back, something completely INFJ and weird.

Depending on how serious your class is, give him something to do. For example, you could give him a short list of words and ask him to illustrate each word with a drawing.

ClOwNkInG said:

You forgot masturbating in a corner, it always catches my attention.

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Solid gold!

dotsandloops said:

ESTPs: What are you drawn to for long-term partners?

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Nothing. We're not drawn into or interested in long-term partners.

You know I would be interested in seeing a poll of ESTPs on the forum in regards to our longest relationships, whether they are still in that relationship and what the reasons we are still/no longer in said relationship. Now go set that up for me please, I've got work to get back to.

To answer your question though, you need to be interesting, honest, trustful, and non-controlling.

HOLYSHIZZY said:

You know I would be interested in seeing a poll of ESTPs on the forum in regards to our longest relationships, whether they are still in that relationship and what the reasons we are still/no longer in said relationship.

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If there were such a poll I'm thinking that I would be the person whose longest relationship would be the shortest. I always think that I would like to be in a relationship when I'm not in one, but once I'm in one I start feeling imprisoned and look for ways to get out of it. :-/ Don't even get me started on the psychology behind choosing the wrong men in the first place. I do that too.

Now that I realize I'm an ESTP and not an ISTJ, I make more sense to myself. ESTPs do manage to have healthy long-term relationships though so I'm optimistic that I will eventually meet a man I can tolerate for longer than five minutes.

Anyhow, I'm derailing. Please carry on...

HOLYSHIZZY said:

Sad to say, but yes, if you are patient and wait for us to figure out our feelings, you will have a master level control over us.

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This is super intriguing to me, because I think I might have this on the ESTP I'm into? We work together, so he keeps it pretty professional, and I've sensed he's liked me for a few months now. But over time, he's become less and less shy about it and I even sense he's obsessed with me (which I like, LOL). Constantly stares at me, finds excuses to talk to me all day, asks my advice, always making me laugh, tries to get to know me on a deeper level, is supportive and so playful. I swear he'll be in a conference room with 50 other people and when he sees me walk by he'll POINT at me and just not care. It's so endearing to me, as I tend to hold back when I like someone. But him being like this draws me out too. He also is extremely blunt in general, but he seems to have a soft spot for me and isn't like that at all when we talk.

HOLYSHIZZY said:

Nothing. We're not drawn into or interested in long-term partners.

You know I would be interested in seeing a poll of ESTPs on the forum in regards to our longest relationships, whether they are still in that relationship and what the reasons we are still/no longer in said relationship. Now go set that up for me please, I've got work to get back to.

To answer your question though, you need to be interesting, honest, trustful, and non-controlling.

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Yeeeah I've always read that ESTPs aren't into long-term relationships. If my ESTP older sister is any representation of the type as a whole, she was extremely uninterested in long-term relationships until her late twenties. But once she neared 30, she was dead set on settling down and is now genuinely one of the most committed partners I know.

Regardless, I appreciate the insight! Thanks @HOLYSHIZZY.