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Discussion Starter #1
How do I deal with a sketchy person?

I've got this guy in my class whom we shall refer to as "John." He lives on the same apartment floor as I and has all my same classes.

Problem: I don't like him. I've been getting some really shady vibes from him. He seems to have an interest in interacting with me and my friend only when he needs to borrow something or needs to have something explained that's class-related. When he goes out to do stuff, he never invites me. Not once, even when I'm there! But when I'm going out to do stuff or planning events, he always wants to join me.

I thought he could be a good friend in the beginning--for about the first two weeks while friend circles were forming. But lately it seems like as things are settling in and people are being less fake, my sketchiness radar's been going in full blast when I'm around him.


Main problem is our class size is small, so if I try to avoid him or not say hi, he'd start telling people/friends that I'm being a total jerkoff!

My friend whom I've become close to has been getting the same impression of him.


I don't know whether he's just another sociopath to avoid or just someone who's in reality decent but is morally shaky in the way he uses people.


I have very low intuition. That's why when my sketchy radar goes off, I'm more inclined to trust my 5 senses and tell myself I'm overthinking things. Turns out I should've trusted my instincts.

What do I do?
 

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He does what he needs to reach his ends, and from now on his being holds less integrity. Keep a friendly demeanor around the guy, but never think he will be authentic enough to get close to and be true friends with.

I would be a little less nice to the guy in terms of letting him use you for stuff. Giving up something for those types isn't really a good act, but one that lessens you as a mere tool.
 

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I have very low intuition. That's why when my sketchy radar goes off, I'm more inclined to trust my 5 senses and tell myself I'm overthinking things. Turns out I should've trusted my instincts.

What do I do?
Trust your five senses. Maybe he is a poser and a user, and maybe he is just so self-centered in his thinking that he does not realize how he is coming across.

Have a cup of coffee with him and lay your cards on the table. Tell him how it appears and what you think. Don't bring in others and how they feel in this conversation. This is between you and him.

Be nice in the conversation and you will do him the favor of opening his eyes to how others might perceive his actions. Confrontation is not necessarily ugly, and is some times the best path to clarity.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Trust your five senses. Maybe he is a poser and a user, and maybe he is just so self-centered in his thinking that he does not realize how he is coming across.

Have a cup of coffee with him and lay your cards on the table. Tell him how it appears and what you think. Don't bring in others and how they feel in this conversation. This is between you and him.

Be nice in the conversation and you will do him the favor of opening his eyes to how others might perceive his actions. Confrontation is not necessarily ugly, and is some times the best path to clarity.
Situation's a bit difficult for that. It'd be one thing if I still had some reason to believe he's a good friend. But he isn't. At this point, I just want to know how to cut my losses and run.
 

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If your forced to be in close proximity to him often then I don't think it is a matter of cutting your losses. He is a social and influential individual so learn to be around him and be ok with the guy with it always in the back of your mind that he's a POS. He doesn't have to be a friend, but that doesn't mean he should be your enemy.
 

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Situation's a bit difficult for that. It'd be one thing if I still had some reason to believe he's a good friend. But he isn't. At this point, I just want to know how to cut my losses and run.
You can't. You are forced to be in close proximity. Clear the air or deal with being considered a "jerkoff."
 

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Trust your five senses. Maybe he is a poser and a user, and maybe he is just so self-centered in his thinking that he does not realize how he is coming across.

Have a cup of coffee with him and lay your cards on the table. Tell him how it appears and what you think. Don't bring in others and how they feel in this conversation. This is between you and him.

Be nice in the conversation and you will do him the favor of opening his eyes to how others might perceive his actions. Confrontation is not necessarily ugly, and is some times the best path to clarity.
This is probably the best option but someone would have to poke me with a cattle prod all the way to ask him to meet for coffee, then poke me all the way to the coffee shop and while there, poke me while in the chair until I spilled it.

He doesn't have to be a friend, but that doesn't mean he should be your enemy.
FRIENEMIES!
 

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Given how you've stated you view the situation at this point, I'd be more comfortable with being the "jerkoff" at this point. But that's just me; YMMV. Obviously that doesn't give you license to be RUDE, but "polite" is ALL I would be at this point.
 

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Really? Me too! I believe that stance, breathing, grip, and squeezing the trigger give the best control possible. :tongue::wink:
I believe that you're trying to make me laugh as much as possible tonight :tongue:
 

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I've dealt with shady people like this; if you smoke, make sure he doesn't pinch your bag.
 

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Problem: I don't like him. I've been getting some really shady vibes from him. He seems to have an interest in interacting with me and my friend only when he needs to borrow something or needs to have something explained that's class-related. When he goes out to do stuff, he never invites me. Not once, even when I'm there! But when I'm going out to do stuff or planning events, he always wants to join me.

I thought he could be a good friend in the beginning--for about the first two weeks while friend circles were forming. But lately it seems like as things are settling in and people are being less fake, my sketchiness radar's been going in full blast when I'm around him.
Seems like he is singling you and your friend out for help in whatever he needs. Also sounds like he wants to take but never give back. Does this person have other circle of friends to hang out with or just waits till you want to do something.

I see your point about not wanting to come off like a jerk. Yet, if this person keeps acting this way you may need to put your foot down. If others are already aware of his behaviors so may not come of like a jerk to all the other people.
 
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Discussion Starter #19
Seems like he is singling you and your friend out for help in whatever he needs. Also sounds like he wants to take but never give back. Does this person have other circle of friends to hang out with or just waits till you want to do something.

I see your point about not wanting to come off like a jerk. Yet, if this person keeps acting this way you may need to put your foot down. If others are already aware of his behaviors so may not come of like a jerk to all the other people.
He has a separate circle of friends but only expresses interest in the two of us when we're doing something that would help or interest him.

I've already moved the chess pieces to their proper places and I suspect he's become aware that I'm not as forthcoming and willing to hand out free help. I'm reluctant to even consider him someone to work with as I expect a fair amount of trustworthiness even from coworkers whom I don't consider my friends.
 

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He has a separate circle of friends but only expresses interest in the two of us when we're doing something that would help or interest him.

I've already moved the chess pieces to their proper places and I suspect he's become aware that I'm not as forthcoming and willing to hand out free help. I'm reluctant to even consider him someone to work with as I expect a fair amount of trustworthiness even from coworkers whom I don't consider my friends.
Be careful of this--it is a classic ISTJ shortcoming.
 
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