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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My grandfather is an 8w7 (ENTP, and most likely an sp/sx/so). He's 86 years old. We just found him laying on his house, on the floor. Still alive but cold. Doctors say he was probably laying there for 3 days. He's in the hospital. He's probably gonna be fine.

His house was a mess. It's clear he can't take care of himself all by himself anymore. I want to point that out to him.

I'm actually pissed off that he behaves like a child! What he does is very irresponsible. He got us all worried. He needs someone to check up on him and assist him on the house jobs. Probably some kind of a nurse.

The hard, cold bastard inside me wants to simply talk to him the way he talked to me as a kid: "If you planned to commit suicide, we should just move out of the way and let you finish the job. If you weren't, then you need to change the way you do things. Otherwise, what you can expect from us the next time is to just leave you on the floor. Am I understood?"

One more problem in the whole thing is that he sees money as power (and "nurses cost!"), so he's unbelievably stingy. I think he's going to be more receptive to recieve assist from member of his family (he has suggested that himself a couple of years back), but I don't think I want to become a nurse to him. I think that other family members would also be disheartened to the posibility. He's incredibly difficult as a person... not always but... he can be. You really can't move him out of his possition. Mulish. We love him but he makes things so hard.

For the past 5 years, he lives a reclusive life. He'll probably pick up the phone if I call. I haven't called of course. I don't know why. I just realized that we could have a chat every so and often. There's just a lot of emotional baggage. Anyway, I regressed.

How, as an Eight, would like someone else point this out?

I'm reading that Eights react well to sensitivity. I don't know if I can be sensitive right now but I'll give it a try if it adds up to my ods.
 

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He's an 86 year old man for christ sakes, stop being so angry with him. This is what old people do, they mourn their youth at the same time as their mental and physical capabilities desert them. Cut him some slack.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Sure. But life also needs to operate on a practical level.

And I don't want to go through this worrying again since it's so easy to prevent.
 

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He's an 86 year old man for christ sakes, stop being so angry with him. This is what old people do, they mourn their youth at the same time as their mental and physical capabilities desert them. Cut him some slack.
^ This. Show more compassion, this is your grandfather you're talking about. And that's what old people do, indeed. I don't even think being a 8 has anything to do with that. My grandpa is a blatant 9, he's 90 and behaves exactly like yours. He refuses any assistance, and family members don't take care enough of him out of annoyment and selfishness (I would gladly do it if he didn't live in another country). My aunt found him laying on the floor for an entire day too, with his leg broken. People their age are stubborn. How about you and you relatives take care of him in turns?
 

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Appeal to logic and Fe. Let him solve the problem. He's a frigging ENTP. Creative and brilliant and smart and big ego.



We want you happy. We want you safe. You fell. We will waste our time worrying if we don't figure out a solution.

what do you suggest?
 
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Hello! I just came home from nursing my grandfather for a few months until he regained mobility because of a fracture, so I can relate.

At that age, old people are very, very aware that their mental and physical capacities are declining. He doesn’t want a nurse, not only because of the cost, but also because it would feel like he’s losing the last of his independence as a man. Your grandfather was a man like you once, young and mobile. He is holding on to whatever remains of that.

Talking to him like that will not help matters. It will make him feel more useless.

I don’t know if your grandparents are like mine, but part of the reason mine are so thrifty is because they want to leave whatever money they have earned for their children and grandchildren. Your grandfather might be thinking the same, or he might have plans to leave it to charity. Either way, he probably sees money as a form of the legacy he will be leaving behind.

Definitely, it was very difficult to become a nurse for my grandfather. Your grandfather probably understands this too, which is why he might feel like he doesn’t want to burden an outsider and wants to keep it in the family instead. After all, most nurses are women, so to trouble one would feel kind of… ego-robbing as a man on some level.

The way I convinced my grandfather to do things he didn’t want to do, was to point out how doing it this way would contribute and help the family. Basically, give him power, autonomy, and like he has some control in his life again.

When you’re old, even basic things like wiping your butt is difficult.

What you could say is:

“Grandfather, I know that you’re old and it feels like you can’t do a lot of things anymore. But you’re still a very valuable member of our family. We worry about you when you’re alone by yourself at home. If we hadn’t found you then, who knows what might have happened? We want you to be safe and comfortable. We all have our own lives, so it’s very difficult for us to personally come and nurse you. But, we can hire a nurse to come and check on you and assist you around the house. I know, it costs a bit of money, but it will set our mind at ease. Otherwise, we will keep worrying about you and we can’t concentrate on our jobs and studies. Who knows? Maybe the nurse will be a hot babe? ;););) So, what do you think?”

The important point is to let him have a say in the decision, and to gently emphasize that all of you do still care for him but cannot personally be there every day. He’s already losing control of his motor and brain functions, so giving him some control back is important. If he is still obstinate, give him time to think over things. He’s obviously not feeling well yet since he was cold for so many days, so a little patience will go a long way.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
drmiller100 said:
Appeal to logic and Fe. Let him solve the problem. He's a frigging ENTP. Creative and brilliant and smart and big ego.

We want you happy. We want you safe. You fell. We will waste our time worrying if we don't figure out a solution.

what do you suggest?
Presenting him the data and let him solve the problem by himself is a great idea. Thank you.

Hello! I just came home from nursing my grandfather for a few months until he regained mobility because of a fracture, so I can relate.

[...]
That's also a great suggestion. A humanitarian, sensitive, and diplomatic approach. Actually, I think I'll combine yours with drmiller100's. A big thanks! :happy:
 
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