Addressing the question that is the title of this thread: Based on my limited experience of ESTJs and on what I've read about Extroverted Thinking and how it works--Extroverted Thinking gives a person the mindset that feelings are of secondary importance to efficiency and order. ESTJs often live in a world where you have to follow the rules, you have to be punctual, you have to follow a certain order, get things right. If you have very strong emotions, suck it up and deal with it. I find ESTJs often come across as harsh and uncaring, but I don't believe that they are purposely mean-spirited or don't care about your feelings, its just that for a Te-dom, feelings are of secondary importance to efficiency, so that being said, the best way to get along with one is just: follow the rules, and be consistent with it.
The tricky thing about ESTJs is they often are heavy Si users, especially if they're very strong sensors and not in touch with their intuitive side; the thing about Si is that it feeds a lot of past experience into the decision making process, and makes a person think like "Well this person was like this in the past, so this is the way the person is," so it's really hard to change a person's mind or opinion on something when they have that mindset. I find NP types often make SJ types really nerves because Ne tends to be full of all these crazy tangents and new ideas, and, like I said, it depends on how much the ESTJ is in touch with their intuitive side, if they're a heavy sensor, they might see the mindset of a Ne-dom as being pretty unnerving. So again, I would say, be really consistent, because, from what I've seen inconsistency makes most hardcore STJ types really nervous, especially if they have a strong judging preference; it might take a really long time for them to change their opinion on you; they might not want to. I can't say for sure, though, because I don't know the person...
