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1,105 Posts
Hi.
I apologize, as this may get long winded. I need some advice for dealing with some of my friends. A very specific group of my friends.
I have always had this weird habit of being the one my friends come to for counseling. I know this is something that happens with other INTJ's, so I figured that PerC would be a reasonable place to ask. I also am hoping, that unlike other places or when asking other friends, no one will jump down my throat and yell that I'm being narcissistic and shallow. I assure you that if I were, I wouldn't care about upsetting people. The problem lies in not wanting to be their relationship counselor. I'm not good at it. I have no real experience to draw from. In the end, it doesn't matter if I tell them this, they continue on because they simply want:
I'm getting tired of it. I find it incredibly draining to be around. And it's having the added effect of making me just want to sever all ties with these people. They won't respect my wishes, they outright ignore my requests for changes in topics, and these friendships are quickly turning into one sided relationships in which they take, and there's no give. I understand that everyone needs moments of "it's all about me," but it's causing my already existing depression to increase. For some reason I'm also expected to socialize with these people and their significant others. Some of which, judging by what is being said at me, are probably being cheated on. Now don't get me wrong, I have no problem being around the spouses/boyfriends/girlfriends of my friends that are really in love. But I can't take being around the ones with obvious hypocrisy and PDA so intense that it's only for the benefit of anyone within 10 yards of the couple.
I really don't want to hurt my friends, but I need a way to make it very clear that this is starting to affect my mental well-being, and that they need to listen to me when I say no. That when I say I'd like to be on my own and can't do various social activities with the couple, I mean it. If however, there isn't a solution anyone can think of, please let me know. Because if I need to sever ties for my sanity, so be it. I just want to make sure that there is no other option.
I apologize, as this may get long winded. I need some advice for dealing with some of my friends. A very specific group of my friends.
I have always had this weird habit of being the one my friends come to for counseling. I know this is something that happens with other INTJ's, so I figured that PerC would be a reasonable place to ask. I also am hoping, that unlike other places or when asking other friends, no one will jump down my throat and yell that I'm being narcissistic and shallow. I assure you that if I were, I wouldn't care about upsetting people. The problem lies in not wanting to be their relationship counselor. I'm not good at it. I have no real experience to draw from. In the end, it doesn't matter if I tell them this, they continue on because they simply want:
- A) Someone to talk at.
- B) Someone to make up their mind, so they avoid responsibility if it goes wrong.
I'm getting tired of it. I find it incredibly draining to be around. And it's having the added effect of making me just want to sever all ties with these people. They won't respect my wishes, they outright ignore my requests for changes in topics, and these friendships are quickly turning into one sided relationships in which they take, and there's no give. I understand that everyone needs moments of "it's all about me," but it's causing my already existing depression to increase. For some reason I'm also expected to socialize with these people and their significant others. Some of which, judging by what is being said at me, are probably being cheated on. Now don't get me wrong, I have no problem being around the spouses/boyfriends/girlfriends of my friends that are really in love. But I can't take being around the ones with obvious hypocrisy and PDA so intense that it's only for the benefit of anyone within 10 yards of the couple.
I really don't want to hurt my friends, but I need a way to make it very clear that this is starting to affect my mental well-being, and that they need to listen to me when I say no. That when I say I'd like to be on my own and can't do various social activities with the couple, I mean it. If however, there isn't a solution anyone can think of, please let me know. Because if I need to sever ties for my sanity, so be it. I just want to make sure that there is no other option.