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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
There is an INTP I am crushing on. I work with him and he is sending me mixed signals...At one point it seemed like we were close to dating, but then he just ignored me for months. Recently, he asked me to hangout, and then ignored me when I followed up about it. How should I react to this? The truth is, I just want him in my life. Yet, I feel like if I let him continue to ignore me and just say "it's okay!", I will be seen as a pushover. All my friends who know the whole story (it's much longer) say he makes no sense, and that if he tries to reschedule I shouldn’t say yes, or at least make it clear it’s rude to ignore someone like that. But, I don’t want to scare him away. Still, I feel that if you don’t demand respect, then people won’t love or desire you – because then you’re just seen as a pitiful pushover and I want to obviously avoid that...I know INTPs sometimes need to be pursued but I can't deal with being ignored anymore. We have such similar interests and I know INTPs enough to know when they are generally vibing with someone – and we vibe a lot, like two excited Ne puppies. I don’t like to be socially manipulative or hold things over people, but I don’t want to be seen as someone he can act in whatever way with. So how do you deal with INTPs fickleness in a way that doesn't make you pathetic in their eyes?
 

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Literally just ask him what the fuck hes doing/how he feels. Its that simple with (most) intps. Be honest with your interest (as he may not know exactly where you stand) and see if he reciprocates. A lot of this fickleness with intps comes from not knowing explicitly what the other person is feeling so even if we have a pretty good idea we get hit with indecision.
 

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1. Tell him with no uncertainty that he is being a fucking dick.
2. Ask him why he is being a dick.
3. Make plans and DO NOT LEAVE IT OPEN. Set a date and a time and a place.
4. Show up, and if he ditches you, cut him out of your life. You don't need that shit.
 

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Literally just ask him what the fuck hes doing/how he feels. Its that simple with (most) intps. Be honest with your interest (as he may not know exactly where you stand) and see if he reciprocates. A lot of this fickleness with intps comes from not knowing explicitly what the other person is feeling so even if we have a pretty good idea we get hit with indecision.

I agree with this completely


1. Tell him with no uncertainty that he is being a fucking dick.
2. Ask him why he is being a dick.
OP, if you did this to me you would not get the desired response. Please tailor your response to your intp.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
HA :/ because romantic attachment is absurd and irrational. I just felt a connection and can't really let it go. Maybe I should though.
 

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If he does or does not have feelings for you, I don't think he will know how to be conscientous in a way that won't have any risk involved. So he distracts himself with something else it seems. Seems like he can live without you, but doesn't want you to get emotional about it either. So obviously he will be receptive to hearing that he's been a jerk, it doesn't seem like he wants to be. If you have feelings for him, you should let him know. Or I suppose you could get rid of them by ignoring him as you said. Either way he needs to know he's not being considerate in a "mutually beneficial" sense, regardless of feelings. Just don't make him feel like shit for doing something unintentional either, he already will feel that way.

I think you have the right to say, "hey, you completely ignored me by the way, wtf was that all about? lol" and then he'll try to explain, or he'll apologize, and you can say "look I don't think you intend to do that, hell I don't intend to do that, and I do that :p" (I know what you're thinking, but seriously no one is innocent, so close enough). "Now that I think about it, do you ever feel like distractions keep you from having free choice? I was watching this commercial the other day... " and there you have it. Bringing up the topic while not insinuating the other person is literally a dick and segwaying into something that actually matters as an indication that it is essentially trivial. But he'll recognize from the content of what was said what isn't trivial, and perhaps he'll behave differently.
 
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Honestly i believe he probably has absolutely no idea he is being a dick. He just doesn't know how to approach the situation. How old are both of you? Especially if he's young, he probably has not fully learned yet how these things work.

Either way, i suggest that you push the thing if you are really interested, instead of waiting his moves. It'll make him more comfortable... unless he's actually being a dick on purpose, in which case you'll realize it without a doubt after making your move, and then you can ditch him.
 
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