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INTP 5w4 359 autistic
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
The only thing i had to eat today was a bowl of cereal, yesterday was around 1250 calories, the day before just a sandwich, and the day before that literally nothing, but until then I had been following my weight restoration plan precisely.
I’m always hungry and as the result of my anorexia and depression, food is the only thing I ever think about and look forward to. It makes me feel embarrased and fat. I feel the hunger grow bigger and bigger and evolve into starvation. I know it will eventually happen at some point. Ice cream, chocolate, scones, peanut butter, cookies, noodles, snack bars, cereal, fruit pies and I’ll feel like absolute shit afterwards. Plus I barely exercise bc I lack the motivation. I also get weighed tomorrow and I don’t know if I’ve lost, gained or maintained weight. I am terrified of no longer being skinny.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I’m RECOVERING from anorexia do I’m not allowed to exercise. I’ve tried getting hobbies but nothing distracts me.
 

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How about chewing gum? Whenever you feel you shouldn't eat anything and are trying to resist eating just get out a bit of gum to chew. It should help distract you from whatever food you were being tempted by, it does for me at least.
 

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My former boss was always hungry and didn't want to gain too much weight. He was eating a lot of vegetables all day (lost of bags of carrot and celery). At least that's plenty of vitamins.

I think you just have to eat a lot of good things and you won't gain too much weight: yogurt, nuts, fruits, vegetables, etc.
 

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INTJ 5w6 Sp/Sx 593
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I think @Aksel has a really good tip here.
I know at work, I rarely get breaks. Every time I try to sit down and eat, I have to answer a call or help a customer. I sometimes go from 8:00am-7:00pm without eating anything.
Chewing gum is a great way to stave off the hunger. As an added bonus, it also wards off anxiety by giving you something to chew.
 

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The only thing i had to eat today was a bowl of cereal, yesterday was around 1250 calories, the day before just a sandwich, and the day before that literally nothing, but until then I had been following my weight restoration plan precisely.
I’m always hungry and as the result of my anorexia and depression, food is the only thing I ever think about and look forward to. It makes me feel embarrased and fat. I feel the hunger grow bigger and bigger and evolve into starvation. I know it will eventually happen at some point. Ice cream, chocolate, scones, peanut butter, cookies, noodles, snack bars, cereal, fruit pies and I’ll feel like absolute shit afterwards. Plus I barely exercise bc I lack the motivation. I also get weighed tomorrow and I don’t know if I’ve lost, gained or maintained weight. I am terrified of no longer being skinny.
Like I said in another post, why don't you just start eating a healthy diet? That way you can eat as much as you like and still won't get fat, and you'll have enough energy to do your exercise as well.
 

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You need to learn to forgive yourself even if you do binge. Try to not be so hard on yourself and eat normally (not starve but really really try to eat well balanced meals the next day). You are your best motivator. Good luck.
 

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Thank you for your vulnerability and trust in sharing your situation. My hope for you is freedom. If you'll allow, I'd like to share some thoughts I hope will help you love yourself more and more and more. You are worth SO much more than self-judgement or the judgment of others could ever give you. Your value goes so much deeper than your body or the food you eat. There is no one like you in the universe. There is a unique expression of the beauty in humanity that the world is waiting to see in you. *kind smiles and eye contact here ;) Your body is important because it gives you life. But it is not where your worth comes from. I realize saying this doesn't make it easy to believe, but please trust this comes from a genuine soul. I don't give false platitudes, I'd rather be silent. Be kind to yourself. You are on a journey. Your now is not your forever. Give yourself permission to be broken on your way to being whole. Some of the most beautiful things are created in the most difficult, unforgiving environments. What is a binge or two or three or more, on your way to freedom. Be kind to yourself. Your weight or eating habits or exercise are not at the route of the problem, they are merely symptoms of an inward pain. Sometimes on our way toward balance we swing wide toward the opposite direction. The momentum we built to become unstuck for a bad place, forcing us to the opposite extreme. The pendulum swing principle. If you have ever seen a pendulum swing you will remember how it goes back and forth until the energy is dissipated and gravity pulls it down to the center, the point of balance between two extremes. You are further ahead than many who are broken and can't see it for what it is. Maybe it isn't extreme enough to recognize, not difficult enough for them to reach out for help. Don't stop seeking help when you need it. Don't listen to judgement. Accept all encouragement. Don't give up the fight for true beauty. (Sidenote: I follow @thefightforbeauty on Instagram, an old acquaintance of mine who struggled with bulimia for years. She speaks out against diet culture, and the backwards ideas in our fatphobic society. You may find her content interesting.) I'm rooting for you. Don't give up, don't ever. Binge if you have to. I know feeling sick sucks. But this is just a blip on the radar. There are worse things out there than eating too much. And for any who may say, "What about balance? or You can't give up your health! Or Bad advice advocating binging!" To those people I would say, "When you have come face to face with death and crawled back from the grave then you can talk." This is your survival. The road towards health (mental, emotional AND physical), starts with survival. Keep your body alive as you seek healing for your heart and mind. Just keep it alive. Please. As a fellow human who knows the value of your existence on this earth. Look forward to the day when you can see yourself, and not hate what you see. And love yourself like you deserve. Believe in what feels impossible, and do what you have to do to live another day, until the day you truly thrive. Don't give up the fight. I'm with you.
 

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I completely agree with @ArtefaFyn and I know what only one person says is hard to trust. So i'm just gonna say i'm with you too. That makes two persons now, right? I once had ED too. And don't get hurt by people who says 'just eat healthy'. I know it's bigger than just physical thing. What you need right now is support. How about posting anything you see, hear, feel on single thread here like diary? I will reply to you. People will reply to you unless you are giving off too much negativity. Then you might feel heard and get better, right? Let's start from there.
 
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