How do I salvage a relationship with an ESFP
[ESFP]
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It's been my experience, that you don't. They'll take a lot of shit, I mean a lot, but when you've crossed the line, you're screwed. Unless you really don't mean much to them, then you've always been a drama tool, and when they bore of you, they have no further use for you. Of course, this is based on limited experience, with three to five of them. If there's still some interest, however, there may yet be a way. It depends on how badly they matter to you, and what you're willing to do, though. Most ESFP's love attention, and you can manipulate the hell out of them, through that weakness. Just disappear, take the attention away, and, if you can, let it out to the ESFP, through a friend or something, that your attention has been refocused. If you mean something, anything at all, to them, or they're just the type of ESFP to love drama, you'll hear from her.
That is so true Big Bad Wolf, a girl who was ISFJ that I was seeing happened to do the same thing to me. After I started to wander around and socializing with other people she stopped talking to me when she saw me and wouldn't answer my calls. I couldn't stop myself from trying to fix the problem everytime I saw her, I think i spent at least 100 on flowers. But everything worked out and I have her as friend who I somehow always seem to say stupid things in front off her and making her angry which makes me unhappy and try to fix it lol. Its a terrible thing to have the mentality of having things that go wrong fixed at the exact moment even when it may be best for time to work on the issue.
If you were meaningful to her, she will always come back and try to get your attention again especially if she is around you and finds out her actions/words can't affect you. We forgive people easily so you might have a good chance unless you did something really really really bad rofl.
If you were meaningful to her, she will always come back and try to get your attention again especially if she is around you and finds out her actions/words can't affect you. We forgive people easily so you might have a good chance unless you did something really really really bad rofl.
She answers my calls and we do go out just alot less and contact has become limited. She is probably the sweetest person I have ever met. I can read her like a book when gets doesn't like something. She has complained only about one thing giving people high fives and thumbs up.She also doesn't like my jokes because she hears them all the time. She used to stay the night every night now not at all. Here is the BIG issue she pregnant and since then that when the wall has gone up HUGE. I have tried very hard to be there and it seems that is what pushes her further away. My conundrum is I feel I ignore that means I ignore the baby and that doesn't sit well at all with me.
Sorry Jojo but the same jokes don't work everytime on anyone if you tell it over and over every time, and you might be boring her a little bit. Plus she does have a baby, I can't give you advice on how to deal with pregnant women but I'm pretty sure it changes them emotional and obviously physically. Have you tried giving her a little space to see if she still continues wanting to talk to you?
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Are you the father? How old is the ESFP, how long has she been pregnant, does she have other kids or is this her first? Some more details would be nice and maybe it will give some more insight on whats going on with her. Reasons why you think she is being distant ect ect.
Yes. I am the father. She is 24. She is being difficult going to the doctor. Her family except her sister doesn't know. She has been hot and cold to me. We were great a month earlier she was happy and perfect. Could it just be hormones? She has been confusing past three weeks. We are going home to meet my family.
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Its possible that it could be the hormones but ESFP in general can become quite distant in times of great stress. In these times ESFP can become detached and want some space so that they can figure things out on their own. ESFP do not like to express every single worry that is on their minds simply because they also don't like being told what to do.
Its possible for an ESFP to become distant just to keep from hearing someone nag. (I've purposeless stop talking to loved ones about specific problems because I think I know what they are going to say already)
My question to you is, why are you so worried? From what I've read so far it seems that everything was great up untill 3 weeks ago when she started to become somewhat cold towards you, and you think it might have to do with the pregnancy. It doesn't seem like anything in the relationship between you and her are in trouble. I wouldn't worry about it so much unless she says something to you. If you feel there are other reasons as to WHY she might be distant, then I would ask you to share these concerns with us so we have more information to work off of.
For example, is she scared of revealing the pregnancy to the family? Also have you tried asking her if anything is wrong and if you have what does she say about it?
Its possible for an ESFP to become distant just to keep from hearing someone nag. (I've purposeless stop talking to loved ones about specific problems because I think I know what they are going to say already)
My question to you is, why are you so worried? From what I've read so far it seems that everything was great up untill 3 weeks ago when she started to become somewhat cold towards you, and you think it might have to do with the pregnancy. It doesn't seem like anything in the relationship between you and her are in trouble. I wouldn't worry about it so much unless she says something to you. If you feel there are other reasons as to WHY she might be distant, then I would ask you to share these concerns with us so we have more information to work off of.
For example, is she scared of revealing the pregnancy to the family? Also have you tried asking her if anything is wrong and if you have what does she say about it?
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Talon. You're back? We need to talk!
@Jojo- you need to tell them that she broke up with you before she even knew she was pregnant. It's not the pregnancy.
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@pink- whats up
@JoJo, you need to tell us that you aren't married and aren't together as well. What is the nature of your relationship?
@JoJo, you need to tell us that you aren't married and aren't together as well. What is the nature of your relationship?
Indeed we broke up on Monday and then we got back together after she told me she was pregnant. But since then the relationship is non existant but she also told me she broke up because she was worried she was pregnant. No I am not married. We have gone out since then......
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Jojo, you can't force someone to love you. I've seen so many of my ENFJ friends try to make this happen with their partner. It always leads to catastrophe, until they are the ones finally willing to let it go. For some reason, it's very important to not feel like they weren't the ones being left.
Either you want an honest opinion from ESFPs, or you are just trying to hear what you want to hear. Perhaps this thread and your post will give more background #26 http://personalitycafe.com/sex-relationships/32026-staying-relationship-3.html
I am not forcing as I am asking advice and trying to understand the personality of the ESFP. I am looking to best understand this relationships. We are still together and she has been warm and willing. She wanted space and that seems normal with ESFP. This is a process and I want to the best. I believe relationships take work and many don't the take the time educate themselves about others feelings and personality that's what I trying achieve. Thanks so far for input.
Also post 26 happened before the pregnant announcement and again she said she did break it off because of the pregnant findings. She did apologize for that.
Also post 26 happened before the pregnant announcement and again she said she did break it off because of the pregnant findings. She did apologize for that.
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You were together 2 months, Jojo. No one knows if they have what it takes to make a relationship after just two months. You were barely getting to know each other when you started having problems.
Don't read between the lines on this or sway others to say this is a "type" thing. Look at the present moment and at the immediate behaviors and what she says to you.
She is hurting something that means a lot to you. This shows me a huge lack of concern and respect for you, among other things. Please just get honest with yourself. She is who you should deal with.
Again.. I am trying understand ESFP thus my question and purpose in this forum. I want to learn what I am doing wrong with an ESFP. When I ask a question I ask it in hopes that it will also answers others questions too like MikeAngell. If my relationship is over fine... But I am also an ENFJ which isn't out of our character to expend all resources. As for honest with myself asking questions isn't dishonest. I am trying to learn and better myself.
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Its hard to tell you what you did wrong because I still feel like there isn't enough detail for any esfp to really form an opinion on what you did wrong. All you've been able to tell us so far is that, she broke up with you and got back together with you because she was pregnant, and now she is being distant with you. She hasn't told anyone in the family yet cept for her sister. You keep emphasizing the "broad idea" that you guys were awesome and then she became distant without going into any major details or events of your relationship. Keep in mind that as dominant sensors ESFP's need as much detail as possible to form an analysis.
With the information at hand all I can deduce is that, you two got together not to long ago. You were way more into her than she was into you and now shes pregnant. I'm guessing that shes freaking out because this wasn't exactly planned and she is worried about telling the family. It sounds like she has a lot to think about, and that a relationship with you isn't on top of her list of priorities right now. I would give her some space and let things unfold because things are about to change abruptly for her (physically and socially).
Personally I'm worried for her because from my point of view, shes kind of in this all by herself without the support of her family. If i were to give you any other advice it would be to be there for HER and not "the baby". I understand that you probably care about whats developing inside of her, but theres nothing that you can do except to take care of the oven baking that pie. By keeping her feeling happy and cared for, rather than guilty, you have a better chance of her actually taking care of herself and the baby.
With the information at hand all I can deduce is that, you two got together not to long ago. You were way more into her than she was into you and now shes pregnant. I'm guessing that shes freaking out because this wasn't exactly planned and she is worried about telling the family. It sounds like she has a lot to think about, and that a relationship with you isn't on top of her list of priorities right now. I would give her some space and let things unfold because things are about to change abruptly for her (physically and socially).
Personally I'm worried for her because from my point of view, shes kind of in this all by herself without the support of her family. If i were to give you any other advice it would be to be there for HER and not "the baby". I understand that you probably care about whats developing inside of her, but theres nothing that you can do except to take care of the oven baking that pie. By keeping her feeling happy and cared for, rather than guilty, you have a better chance of her actually taking care of herself and the baby.
Good advice... How does one keep happy care for someone from a distance? I do want to be there for her. I am what she needs. She is a very quiet person normally. The only real fight we had was when we were in a parking lot at Walmart and she threw trash into the street and I asked her not to do that. She arguedthats what they pay the street cleaners for.
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