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Discussion Starter #1
For some odd reason, when I wake up early I feel just sad. Not because I'm tired or anything. It's only if I'm waking up to go do something.

For instance, this morning I woke up really early because I had an orthodontist appointment.

School starts back in 2-3 weeks, and I know every morning I'm going to feel so crappy. I somewhat know why it's because I don't enjoy talking to people, I don't enjoy being in reality. I always read or draw before I go to sleep, and when I wake up I feel as if I am just shoved into the real world.

I hope this doesn't sound silly!

Now my question is, how can I have a better mindset? Any tips and ways to change my thinking? How can I enjoy my last few weeks of summer without thinking about school? How can I feel better in the morning? I haven't enjoyed my sumer much-if at all because I can't stop thinking about school. I try putting it into perspective and just not think about it, it hasn't been working.
 

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Distract yourself, enjoy the free time you have left and immerse yourself in that moment. Once school starts, do what I do: stay in your head world while you can. You'll get through it and I believe.
 

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From my exprience you have to find your place in the real world, I was lucky to meet and make some great friends. Eventually you just get tired of yourself and living inside your head. You should balance between the two (living inside your head and living in the real world). And of course I know that's easier said than done and how to do it varies between each person, but I hope you can find your own way.
 

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I believe the cure would be a hobby or a walk etc but I wouldn't know how to get motivation to start and keep at those ;<

Or you can read/watch movies for a more passive but uplifting mood.
 

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Change the way you think about your reality. it seems you loath waking up because you're forced to participate in the external world. You are a part of this physical world and as adults we must get involved. There's no other way around this fact, if you resist it will only make matters worst. Be realistic, There's time for work and play. Get shit done and then enjoy your leisure time, reading and drawing. It is so much more fulfilling doing something you like after you handled what needed to be done. i don't think you can overcome the feeling of morning melancholy unless you start becoming more optimistic about your life. Find what you love to do the most, make a goal pertaining to that hobby and strive every day to accomplish that goal. This worked for me.

Practice mindfulness. Mediation is a good discipline for learning to clear your mind of unwanted thoughts.

As for enjoying the remainder of your summer vacation, You have to live in the moment if you truly want to enjoy anything. Don't think, empty your mind and immerse yourself in whatever activity you find fulfilling and fun.

Best of luck to you.
 

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Do something the night before that makes you have something to look forward to in the morning. For example, i like to clean my living space before heading to bed so that when i do wake i'm already in setting that promotes productivity and positive thoughts. From there on its just a matter of maintaining this attitude by avoiding habits that encourage procastination or a loop of any kind.

Look at it as a task of jump starting Extroverted Thinking after free falling through the sky with your body flapping about. Change your environment to assist you in keeping proper form. You can never stop falling, much like time can never stop passing. But you can decide where you fall, through proper form and some structure.
 

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The responses above are good ones and they all hover around one single truth. Nothing you're presently doing in your life at this time has stirred a passion in you. There are things that will in time. But until the reality supercedes your dreams, you'll feel like it (reality) is barely worth your time.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Change the way you think about your reality. it seems you loath waking up because you're forced to participate in the external world. You are a part of this physical world and as adults we must get involved. There's no other way around this fact, if you resist it will only make matters worst. Be realistic, There's time for work and play. Get shit done and then enjoy your leisure time, reading and drawing. It is so much more fulfilling doing something you like after you handled what needed to be done. i don't think you can overcome the feeling of morning melancholy unless you start becoming more optimistic about your life. Find what you love to do the most, make a goal pertaining to that hobby and strive every day to accomplish that goal. This worked for me.

Practice mindfulness. Mediation is a good discipline for learning to clear your mind of unwanted thoughts.

As for enjoying the remainder of your summer vacation, You have to live in the moment if you truly want to enjoy anything. Don't think, empty your mind and immerse yourself in whatever activity you find fulfilling and fun.

Best of luck to you.
This helped me a lot actually! I am definitley going to remember this! I appreciate it so much! <3 It really changed my thinking!
 

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what bothers you about reality?
is it the future, deciding what you're gonna do with your life?
is it a problem you're facing - difficult subject at school, unreturned love, fighting with parents/cousins/friends?
what makes you perceive reality as negative?
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Well, I don't have much of a family to begin with. It's just my dad and I, my little sister comes over occasionally.
I can't stand school, just the students there are so different than how I had hoped it would be when I was growing up. I don't know how to explain it. I just can't stand people sometimes. :apthy: That, and my school wants us to be social. They don't want us talking, but at times they force us to talk to other people and tell them about ourselves, especially the first day.
My future also stresses me out, I try not to think about it too much.

I'm always reading or watching shows or writing, so whenever I stop I am having trouble embracing reality. I just want to go back to reading. I find myself to become irritated and depressed (I hate that word, I don't know what else to describe it with. 'Depressed' and 'sad' are so overused and cliche.) I really hope all of this mkes sense, I feel as if I am being overdramatic.

Thank you for replying and asking questions!
 

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Smile at something nice, those little breaks in between bigger movements is what's good. Explore is the key. You don't need books to explore necessarily...
 

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It's hard to say why you feel that way and don't like reality. No one just hates reality. There has to be something that bothers you. And just school alone also can't be the reason. Yes, studying isn't fun for everyone and putting up with all the different people isn't easy either. But your problem is maybe more specfic. (for e.g. bullying, class is too difficult, fear of social situations, etc...). Maybe the reason is at home with your family, or in other relationships. Or the problem is in your head (bad self-image; a lot of self-criticism; too high expectations).
I felt the same and the reason was that I didn't take care of myself.
I ignored my emotions. I numbed them by distracting myself with video games or alcohol. When I was in a situation I didn't like, I just thaught that I had to endure it.
Try to think more specific about what makes reality so horrible for you. Then it's easier to find a way to help yourself. Otherwise you just get more ideas of how to distract youself from the problem.

Edit: oh, I've just seen you've already listed some more specific problems above. I should refresh the page before I post haha..
 

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I don't know about the feeling better in general. But one temporary plaster, while working on the rest, can be to prepare some treat for the morning, like a little ritual, I am not sure why I don't always do this myself, I should. In december I always like waking up better, because there is a ritual we have of watching the christmascalender-story, and eat a gingerbreadcookie or something like that, and cinnamon on porridge, perhaps light a candle. It becomes something to look forward to. It makes the day start better at least. Now it doesn't have to be those specific things, but things you like.
 

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Hello @KasKas19 , first let me tell you, you are very lucky. Because you know you are INFP, and second because many of us can give you nice advices because we felt that feeling before (at least me).

Second I want you to know that I truly understand you, trust me ;)

The reason you feel depress is because there is a gap between your desires and reality and you are not capable to fiill that gap. How do you fill that gap? Well there are several ways.

Aceppt the.imperfection of the real world, stupid people exist, cancer exist, violence exist all thaat crappy is part of reality but at the same time exist cool people, people who are working harde to cure several disiseas etc. Is not logical to stick with the bad side of the world, when it have two, you should embrace both in order to appreciate it as is.

Anothe tecnique is to reconsider your expectations. Hace you ever thought or question your self that maybe your standars are too high? Dont get me wrong Im not talking to mediocre, Im talking of being REALISTIC.

Finally, maybe because you are young you wont feel it now, so you will have to trust in me. Im 30 and let me you : REGRET about the past is the worst feeling, believe me you dont want that later. I regret of not talking that girls, I regret to miss all those parties, I regret to miss that opportunity to study abroad, I regret many thing. DO NOT COMMIT MY MISTAKES, this will require to move out of your confort zone, it will be disgusting but thats the real world. If the girl you like say NO, well at least you wont live with the doubt of what would happened.

I know is hard, dont expect to be easy but.you will be.more satisfy and will thank me later ;)

I hope my mesaage open your eyes

Greetings

Charly the Rabbit
 

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Charly the Rabbit wrote one excellent letter! Read it carefully :)


you have to consider that you are still young,and just starting to explore the world. up until highschool we 're kids, but right then do we start watching life around us and thinking about it.
in the years that you are now in, it's completely normal to feel chaotic, not in touch with yourself (who am i?) and with the world. try calculating that in the judgements :)

the whole world is before you. so many possibilities. choosing the right path is tricky, you have to listen both to your heart and some common sense, reason too. the path that draws you is the one you'll be the best in (talking about choosing profession). but build a backup plan too. if you want to turn to arts professionally, it's great but think of taking a reasonable job to be able to support yourself while working on ideal path. never ever place all the cards on only one option.

people are a chaotic bunch. trust comes in time and experience, proving to each other. being kind doesn't mean letting others take advantage of you. being decisive (saying NO when you don't want something) doesn't mean it's necessarily rude. make best for yourself and be kind to others, that's my motto.

having your own world within, as an INFP, is crucially important. it's what makes you healthy.
work on it, enjoy building it and spending time in it. the outside world is different and it's necessary to have different standards when "out". but it's full of wonders too, if you look closely, the search pays off.


as an INFP of late 20s and with many difficult stories behind me, these are my suggestions for you.
the world is a layered place. take what you need, reconstruct what you want.
everything in life is possible, any wild dream - if you can plan steps how to get to it.
people are both wonderful and terrible creatures, i'm still learning here.

the school period will pass. it's bad for everyone, because you have to learn both math and history no matter what you like. later you choose for yourself, gets much easier. remember to always have backup plan, some stability while working for ideals.


this troubled period WILL pass. hang on. i wish only the best for you :)
 

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Hello Kas,


Thanks for sharing you're mood, it's almost always very boring when people comes up with too general things instead of personal ones.
I don't think you're being over dramatic at all you just sound natural and sensitive to me. Most of the people around simply aren't; they are artificial, aggressive, pretentious, noisy, immodest as hell, unreliable, etc.
I'm twenty-six without any friend, social phobic (My external life is a tragic disaster, I'm a true pariah, what they call a "social outcast") and I feel similarly as you. Although I'm pursuing some interesting degree at College but most of the time I hate going there because of people. Most of them are obviously satisfied with small talk, always in a hurry and they appears to be stressed-and stressful- all the time. It's like if they don't enjoy being there at all but the difference is the aren't asocial, it's more like they don't like to learn things which is strange isn't it?


It seems you're afraid to go to school because you are kind of asocial (which isn't necessary a bad thing in itself as soon you don't feel isolated or excluded or like an alien in a bad way) and it makes you feel out of place. And when you feel that way you became depressed, you lose confidence in yourself... Then it's even harder to make a friend.
Maybe you should regularly try new patterns of behavior (being stucked in an identity is painful, I suppose it's good to to explore various unexpected ways of acting to feel more yourself; the more you're contemplative the more you need to experiment otherwise you're stuck inside you're head, trust me I know what I'm talking about. Being introspective is a pleasure and a gift but being stucked in you're head only keeps you away you're potentialities and best insights) but you have to want it. If a teacher wants you to work in group, try to choose the persons that you find the most interesting and if you're not comfortable speaking about yourself in front of people try to be humorous, say how you feel in the moment instead of being caught in an anxious state of mind.
I also know it's very very hard to enjoy school if you lack of a good friend there. When you have some good friend you can speak laugh and share with the worst things becomes bearable, when you have nobody to talk to it's a nightmare and for that reason I'm also afraid to go back to school next month.
You don't need to stop feeling melancholic for me it's a great and attractive feeling when you can share it without being labeled as "depressed", "special", "withdrawn" or "weird".
I truly hate when someone is telling me -which is often- " The way you behave is weird, I never saw this in thirty years. Regular people aren't like that".
If someone don't appreciate you're melancholy or what you have to say it's not you're friend.
My only real advice to you is: like yourself and try to meet the ones who likes you and you immediately feel good with.
I personally learned that if someone can't respond/connect to you're moods it's simply impossible to explore any bond together (except a very superficial one but sensitive people only got pain from formal relationships they want and need something deeper) . Feeling lonely in front of someone who don't feel you (who tries to get you only from a mind perspective) is undoubtedly worse than feeling lonely in you're own company.



I know every morning I'm going to feel so crappy
This thought is undoubtedly much more crappy that you will ever feel because the truth is you don't know how you are going to feel every next morning of you're life.
At times if not often you will feel discouraged, other times you will feel some joy and pleasure to be yourself if you're not trying to much to control you're feelings.
As for you're lack of enjoyment for the reality I can't help you because I'm suffering from the same problem since my childhood. The fact that the reality isn't something objective at all but you're own subjective perception can help because it frees you from the very oppressing and false idea of a reality independent of you when everything is connected.
I noticed that people who seriously believes the reality is objective, measurable are so tyrannic and narrow-minded; they only wants you to submit to their poor, bureaucratic conception of life which inevitably leads one sensitive soul to feel crappy when she isn't in any way.

I guess that once you enjoy yourself no matter what you enjoy reality but it's hard to enjoy yourself, especially when you feel a bit different and you lack of self confidence.

Can you tell me a bit about you're readings?
I hope my answer isn't too self centered, out of touch with you're initial question (she likely is). I tried to share my own feeling and experience because I think life deeply sucks without sharing. Humans who only share small talk or artificial feelings are not really humans but utterly robotic to me.




 

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Keep a gratitude journal and write down 3 things that went well everyday before you go to bed. Then read them in the morning and start thinking about the things you look forward to in the day that you will probably add to the journal at night.
 

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You have to treat it like any skill. Just because you can't physically see your brain working, doesn't mean it's not actually working/changing. It takes practice to get your mind used to defaulting to optimism. You have to practice being consciously aware of something optimistic. Our brains were created to be amazingly efficient. The more you do/think of something, the more you will do/think of it. You just have to train your brain!
 

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I know how you feel. I had this problem aswell. The thing that worked for me was a plan I came up with: to merge my fantasy world with the real world.
When I was a teen I used to be very closed. Although I socialized a lot, I never had any true friends, and the only person I could talk to about things I was interested in and things I had a passion for, was myself. Just like you, I had a rich inner life which was much more attractive to me than reality ever could be. Very few people know that this quality of yours is like a sparkle that shines in your eyes. If they will take it away from you, the sparkle in your eyes will dissapear.
I don´t understand why everyone is telling you that you should "submit" to this dictate the true world enforces upon you. You are the way you are because you have a rich fantasy, am I right? Killing your fantasy and "becoming real" will only strip you off this beautiful thing your soul possesses.
This tiredness of yours and the disgust at the mere thought of returning to school is only a symptom of a condition that is caused by the lack of meaning in your life. You must find a meaning in your life otherwise the "fight" with reality will be much harder. If you will have a passion for something you truly love, then you will be able to bear with all those responsibilities and restrictions the real world will impose upon you sooner or later. After a hard day in work you will still be able to return home a do things you love. To things that make you feel whole. Not many people can say the same.
And so, if you love drawing(painting, writing or whatever else), then invest your time and effort into it and let the world see the fruits of your hard work. Never ever let anybody tell you to become "real" or "grow up", or tell you the things you love are meaningless. Believe me, I see people like you everyday who have listened to these "advices"(younger and older people happen to be INFP aswell) and I can clearly see how unhappy they are with their life.
It´s not bad to become more realistic and accept the world as it is, but never get used to it. Never get used to violence, greed or any other vices people indulge in. Getting used to something means we accept it as a normal part of our life. I personally know I will never get used to any vices people indulge in and I will never get used to people who are trying to rationalize them so they would not look(in their eyes and in the eyes of those similar to them) as bad as they really are.
 
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