Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 76 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
238 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
OK I need some help, this is getting ridiculous.

So my problem is that I've been stuck in a thinking cycle for the past year.Maybe even more. I constantly search around google for solutions to my problems. I keep thinking about the future and how bad its going to stay if I don't find whats wrong with me. The past is also where I go alot since that was when life was perfect.

I tried to just "DO STUFF" and forget about it, but then I think , damn I can't waste time on silly things, the problem needs to be FIXED! So I'm going down in this endless thinking spiral and its mostly ALL negative. Mostly about money problems,relationships and family. Everything is just wrong. The problem is most of them cannot be fixed easily. Especially family - its doomed.

How do I stop thinking and start enjoying life ? I cannot enjoy any of my hobbies because they just seem to delay the problem. And I don't want to do anything that costs money because I hardly have any. Yes I have plans to make some, but its doesn't stop me from thinking they might fall apart.

Any advice that would shock me back to the present would be great - thanks !
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
238 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
1) Friends are distant - so don't really have any
2) Mom went crazy 14 years ago and it destroyed the family. And she still invalidates me daily.
3) I can't seem to find my life purpose.
4) Im saving all my money so I can quit my horrible job. So I can't go out much since I dont have money.
5) Can't seem to find any relationship that works. Meeting lots of girls , but nothing clicks ever.
6) My faith has been shattered. Decided to put that on hold for another day.
7) I don't find my usual hobbies fun anymore.
8) So MAIN problem = life is BORING and I don't know what to do about it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
298 Posts
Sounds like you just need a change of pace. Anyways

1) Friends are distant - so don't really have any
Try to make new friends. I know this is hard for introverts like us. We're not extroverts. However, there are websites like meetup.com that help you find groups of people in your area with similar interests to your own and meet up and do things together. I know its not easy for an introvert being around new people but I also know as an introvert it doesn't take long to get used to someone if they are similar to you and you have something to go on.

2) Mom went crazy 14 years ago and it destroyed the family. And she still invalidates me daily.
This is going to sound cold, but if your mom is causing you problems then perhaps you need to cut her out of your life or keep contact with her minimal. If you feel that the destruction of your family had psychological impact (if it was 14 years ago you could have been a kid) maybe find someone like a psychologist to talk to

3) I can't seem to find my life purpose.
Neither can I but it says you're Generation Y so you're young. You have time to figure it out. Take some classes at a community college or something on various different subjects. Perhaps you'll find something that you are really interested in and passionate about and decide thats what you want to do. Won't know unless you try.

4) Im saving all my money so I can quit my horrible job. So I can't go out much since I dont have money.
Well whats more important? Going out? Or quitting your job. Are you willing to stay at that job a little bit longer so you can treat yourself to going out once in a while or is it important that you get out ASAP? Either way you're going to have to compromise here. Hey thats life.

5) Can't seem to find any relationship that works. Meeting lots of girls , but nothing clicks ever.
You're further than me bro. I'm meeting no girls right now haha. Anyways don't worry about it dude, I know things get lonely but on the plus side sometimes being free is awesome too. If you dwell on being lonely you're just going to get lonelier. Finding someone to be with isn't going to make you happy, happiness doesn't come from someone else it comes from you and people are attracted to happy people. If you want a girl get happy :) Think of it this way, if you find someone right now they aren't going to help you get out of your problems instead you're going to be dragging them into yours and that isn't fair to them. You need to work out your problems before you try to find someone to get romantically involved with. Thats the honest truth.

6) My faith has been shattered. Decided to put that on hold for another day.
Well I recently lost my faith (if we are talking about religion) too but instead of seeing it bad maybe you should embrace it? Its not so bad. If being the atheist/agnostic type isn't for you why don't you explore alternative faiths and see if something clicks with you?

7) I don't find my usual hobbies fun anymore.
Maybe you need new hobbies. Try something new that you have never done before and maybe never even thought about doing who knows you might like eating spanish cheese :) okay I'm not saying go out and eat spanish cheese but I am saying try something new.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
238 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Sounds like you just need a change of pace. Anyways

1) Friends are distant - so don't really have any
Try to make new friends. I know this is hard for introverts like us. We're not extroverts. However, there are websites like meetup.com that help you find groups of people in your area with similar interests to your own and meet up and do things together. I know its not easy for an introvert being around new people but I also know as an introvert it doesn't take long to get used to someone if they are similar to you and you have something to go on.

I've been trying this too, but no success yet. Been forcing myself to talk to people at gym and random places. Nothing yet...


2) Mom went crazy 14 years ago and it destroyed the family. And she still invalidates me daily.
This is going to sound cold, but if your mom is causing you problems then perhaps you need to cut her out of your life or keep contact with her minimal. If you feel that the destruction of your family had psychological impact (if it was 14 years ago you could have been a kid) maybe find someone like a psychologist to talk to

I did for 2 years when I went to UK. Didn't really help. Made me feel really guilty. And now Im back and trying to limit it. But Im constantly invited to dinners and such and I have to go.


3) I can't seem to find my life purpose.
Neither can I but it says you're Generation Y so you're young. You have time to figure it out. Take some classes at a community college or something on various different subjects. Perhaps you'll find something that you are really interested in and passionate about and decide thats what you want to do. Won't know unless you try.
Well im 29..so its time. I've been to university. Don't want to go through that again. I thought I knew what I loved, but now im not sure.


4) Im saving all my money so I can quit my horrible job. So I can't go out much since I dont have money.
Well whats more important? Going out? Or quitting your job. Are you willing to stay at that job a little bit longer so you can treat yourself to going out once in a while or is it important that you get out ASAP? Either way you're going to have to compromise here. Hey thats life.

Quitting my job so I can have time to figure out what I want in life. Because going out is only delaying and wasting money so I can get out faster.

5) Can't seem to find any relationship that works. Meeting lots of girls , but nothing clicks ever.
You're further than me bro. I'm meeting no girls right now haha. Anyways don't worry about it dude, I know things get lonely but on the plus side sometimes being free is awesome too. If you dwell on being lonely you're just going to get lonelier. Finding someone to be with isn't going to make you happy, happiness doesn't come from someone else it comes from you and people are attracted to happy people. If you want a girl get happy :) Think of it this way, if you find someone right now they aren't going to help you get out of your problems instead you're going to be dragging them into yours and that isn't fair to them. You need to work out your problems before you try to find someone to get romantically involved with. Thats the honest truth.

I agree. But I don't know how to be happy yet.

6) My faith has been shattered. Decided to put that on hold for another day.
Well I recently lost my faith (if we are talking about religion) too but instead of seeing it bad maybe you should embrace it? Its not so bad. If being the atheist/agnostic type isn't for you why don't you explore alternative faiths and see if something clicks with you?

No im fine with this. Its just that its taboo to be faithless in our country. So its something I have to "hide". Which is annoying.

7) I don't find my usual hobbies fun anymore.
Maybe you need new hobbies. Try something new that you have never done before and maybe never even thought about doing who knows you might like eating spanish cheese :) okay I'm not saying go out and eat spanish cheese but I am saying try something new.

I'm very willing, but I don't have the energy. Everything I can think of to possibly try sounds boring. So an alien has to introduce me to something NEW. I personally think its just because im depressed that I dont find anything fun - I dunno. If I did happen to hang out with friends - I do find stuff fun, but it doesn't last
Thanks for your help btw.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
298 Posts
It seems part of your problem at least from what I can see is you have put your life in a box. You've decided, you're 29 you should know what you're going to do. If you think like that you're already screwed dude. My mom is in her 40s and she just found her passion a few years ago. If you try to live inside the box you're living like a bird in a cage and you're not going to be happy. so what if you're 29 thats not to old to decide you want to do something else. Most people change their career a few times in their life anyways. Do you have community college or trade school in you country? Something besides a university where you can just take classes at your leisure and kind of poke around and see what you like?

Personally I think talking to people at the gym is a bad idea since when I go to the gym I go their to work out not to socialize with people. And people at the gym you don't know their interests other than being at the gym. Its not really a great place to socialize. Like I said, try meetup.com

Ah yeah you live in South Africa. One of the problems of Africa is that its too religious. Not that religion is bad but religious people can tend to be intolerant of differing beliefs especially in large groups :) don't let it hold you back. If anyone asks maybe you could explain to them your reasons for believing what you believe. Generally I don't bring this topic up though unless someone asks me directly which is almost never, so you can keep to yourself pretty easy. If people are talking about god you just can keep your mouth shut haha.

Might I add, you said you feel depressed. If you have been depressed for a year straight that is a sign of major depressive disorder which is a very real mental illness. If this is the case you should see a psychiatrist and get help, the disease can be treated with some medication. My mom has it and she lives a happy life on her meds. I'm not saying you have it but if a symptom of major depressive disorder is depression that lasts over two weeks without stopping. So I don't know if you want to check that out or not
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
111 Posts
Only you control your destiny. That's all I'm going to say because that's something that I've learnt. I'm in a similar position and things only get better when you take the time to make the change you want yourself.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
238 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
It seems part of your problem at least from what I can see is you have put your life in a box. You've decided, you're 29 you should know what you're going to do. If you think like that you're already screwed dude. My mom is in her 40s and she just found her passion a few years ago. If you try to live inside the box you're living like a bird in a cage and you're not going to be happy. so what if you're 29 thats not to old to decide you want to do something else. Most people change their career a few times in their life anyways. Do you have community college or trade school in you country? Something besides a university where you can just take classes at your leisure and kind of poke around and see what you like?

Personally I think talking to people at the gym is a bad idea since when I go to the gym I go their to work out not to socialize with people. And people at the gym you don't know their interests other than being at the gym. Its not really a great place to socialize. Like I said, try meetup.com

Ah yeah you live in South Africa. One of the problems of Africa is that its too religious. Not that religion is bad but religious people can tend to be intolerant of differing beliefs especially in large groups :) don't let it hold you back. If anyone asks maybe you could explain to them your reasons for believing what you believe. Generally I don't bring this topic up though unless someone asks me directly which is almost never, so you can keep to yourself pretty easy. If people are talking about god you just can keep your mouth shut haha.

Might I add, you said you feel depressed. If you have been depressed for a year straight that is a sign of major depressive disorder which is a very real mental illness. If this is the case you should see a psychiatrist and get help, the disease can be treated with some medication. My mom has it and she lives a happy life on her meds. I'm not saying you have it but if a symptom of major depressive disorder is depression that lasts over two weeks without stopping. So I don't know if you want to check that out or not
You are very right as to living in a box. I do know that. I can see the light on the other side. And I do go there in my mind sometimes. But then reality snaps me back and I realize its not so easy - money,people to consider, too great a risk etc, laws stopping me. Although I know it is also easy haha. I can't or don't know how to kick myself in the behind to do stuff. I've done it before, but I forgot how...

Community college... I don't think so. I will have to find out. Yes africa is very bedind in times. If you are slighty weird everyone team up against you. Everyone expects you to conform...very irritating.

I looked at meetup.com. Basically it said nothing found in my city and gave me one further away. But its all boring activities such as wine tasting and looking at some boring show of dancers. I don't see how you will interact with people there. People in africa have their groups and tend to stick with it. In Uk I experienced it very different. People actually made time to talk to me. And I adopted that and tried it out here. But you only get some small talk and thats it. Convo over. I REALLY want to move out of here, but its really hard for us as we have no support/programmes such as other countries. Its hard to get out. The same program I used to go to UK has now been stopped. So boo hoo.

As for the psychiatrist..money is the issue. I have no medical fund. And I would rather fix the problem because I have had my moments when I was out of it. SO its DEFINITELY situational/environmental depression and not just because of my chemicals.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
238 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Only you control your destiny. That's all I'm going to say because that's something that I've learnt. I'm in a similar position and things only get better when you take the time to make the change you want yourself.
I agree, and I've realized that. But I've since slipped back into the old ways and can't get out. Even though knowing only I can change my situation. That's why im obsessed to find out what I can do to fix MYSELF. Hope that makes sense.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,006 Posts
The problem might be that you "think" you are broken, and act in ways that are self-defeating which reaffirm this. Even if something doesn't seem fun, I think you should do it anyway. It will most likely be a lot better than introspecting yourself to death, confirming the idea in your head that you are indeed broken. Feel free to message me if you like, I have a lot of the same tendencies you seem to.
 
  • Like
Reactions: nreynolds1990

·
Registered
Joined
·
238 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
The problem might be that you "think" you are broken, and act in ways that are self-defeating which reaffirm this. Even if something doesn't seem fun, I think you should do it anyway. It will most likely be a lot better than introspecting yourself to death, confirming the idea in your head that you are indeed broken. Feel free to message me if you like, I have a lot of the same tendencies you seem to.
Exactly, and this is why I want to know. How do I stop introspecting to this degree? How can I get myself just just play a game. read a book and just enjoy the moment ?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,006 Posts
Exactly, and this is why I want to know. How do I stop introspecting to this degree? How can I get myself just just play a game. read a book and just enjoy the moment ?
This might sound lackluster, but there isn't anything special to it...you just kind of do it lol. Would you say you're in a bit of an existential crisis right now? Reading novels with religious and philosophical themes tied into them really helped me during a depressed phase. It was both something to do and a way to find a sense of meaning for myself. I read a lot of dostoevsky for example and got a better sense of my attitude toward life from his books.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
238 Posts
Discussion Starter · #15 ·
This might sound lackluster, but there isn't anything special to it...you just kind of do it lol. Would you say you're in a bit of an existential crisis right now? Reading novels with religious and philosophical themes tied into them really helped me during a depressed phase. It was both something to do and a way to find a sense of meaning for myself. I read a lot of dostoevsky for example and got a better sense of my attitude toward life from his books.
Sigh...I guess I am. To be super honest, reading books is like a death sentence to me. Never enjoyed it. Especially if it has to do with religion. But I get your point. I hate not being able to explain what my problem is. Because lol I don't fully know. I guess the reason why I don't just play games etc is because there is no goal in them. How will that help me get out of this rut ?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,208 Posts
This might sound lackluster, but there isn't anything special to it...you just kind of do it lol. Would you say you're in a bit of an existential crisis right now? Reading novels with religious and philosophical themes tied into them really helped me during a depressed phase. It was both something to do and a way to find a sense of meaning for myself. I read a lot of dostoevsky for example and got a better sense of my attitude toward life from his books.
I'm not sure this is the best recommendation for the ISTP type. I'm going to a very similar thing as you are, @Tenshi_rdk, especially in the last few weeks it got really stressful and I found out watching insightful movies and reading "deep" novels only makes it worse because it makes me think even more about all the problems and it even adds up some. I would suggest you some energy-release strategy. I'll be taking up boxing, I think this is a safe way to explode without anyone getting hurt. I don't have any smart suggestions about changing your life, sadly, I have to figure it out for myself too. But keep writing if there is any progress!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
238 Posts
Discussion Starter · #17 ·
I'm not sure this is the best recommendation for the ISTP type. I'm going to a very similar thing as you are, @Tenshi_rdk, especially in the last few weeks it got really stressful and I found out watching insightful movies and reading "deep" novels only makes it worse because it makes me think even more about all the problems and it even adds up some. I would suggest you some energy-release strategy. I'll be taking up boxing, I think this is a safe way to explode without anyone getting hurt. I don't have any smart suggestions about changing your life, sadly, I have to figure it out for myself too. But keep writing if there is any progress!
Thanks will do. And yes, its a weird feeling. I want to scream and shout and punch stuff. Yet im not in the mood to get up and do it. My mind wants one thing and my body another. bah ~
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
697 Posts
3) I can't seem to find my life purpose.
Sounds to me like a Ti/Ni loop. They suck, but they're not hard to treat. The trick is to stimulate your Se (e.g. go biking or rock climbing or something). By the nature of our cognitive functions, acknowledging our aimlessness is the bane of our existence.

It is, in a way, our own little hell. Any advice anybody else could give on the situation itself is going to seem worthless because chances are you've already thought of it and shut it down (which is basically the reader's digest version of what a Ti/Ni loop is). If it actually is a Ti/Ni loop, then it'd behoof you to fix it ASAP. The last time I fell into a Ti/Ni loop, I enlisted in the United States Marine Corps. Maybe it's just me, but I do pretty drastic shit if I don't make a conscious effort to break Ti/Ni loops.

Yours might be slightly different, though. Seeing as you've tried "doing stuff," and the nature of your other problems (the ones that don't pertain to aimlessness) sound more like a Ti/Si loop. Try stimulating your Ne (look it up because I don't know; I'm not an INTP). If that works, you're probably mistyped.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
715 Posts
i too wouldn't recommend reading/watching the insightful stuff... but it was a book that helped me get my ass up. never finished it, but the first ~50 pages gave me enough motivation to start doing things instead of thinking about why i can't do them. moodgym also gave some good hints on how to overcome the thinking-loop (and it's free).

don't know if it's the right thing for you, but *shrugs* it's worth a try.
 
1 - 20 of 76 Posts
Top