[IAmOrangeToday]

I saw a thread about how INFJs deal with liking someone who doesn't like them back, and a mix of my odd mind and an ongoing situation made me wonder how it works the other way round?

 

[vanilla_dream]

It depends on what grounds "liking" is based on. On the ground of friendship, I normally maintain an agreeable temperament with them, thought it is unavoidable that there is some detachment going on. This perfectly describes my relationship with a female ESFJ friend who is in the same circle of friends as I am. On the grounds of romance, I'm afraid there isn't much to use as reference because I hardly had any experiences of such.

 

[missushoney]

hmm it depends. If they like me but seem to be normal about it I don't mind. but if they get too clingy or seem like their life is revolving around me then it is weird to me. makes me not want to be around. I don't like to feel responsible for someone's feelings. it's burdensome.

 

[bengalcat]

I would worry about them and worry about my potential to hurt them. I mean I would assume that they take responsibility for their feelings and know that that doesn't obligate anything on my behalf, but I'd still feel worried that I might do something that would hurt them.

If they could stay treating me as just a friend then it could be okay, but if I see any signs that they're in limbo and hanging out for something that will never happen I'd probably want to deal with that somehow. Talk to them, or if we've talked a few times already maybe distance myself more, or if it's really intractable then stop contact for a while. I don't think it's healthy for someone to be pining away and putting their life on hold for the object of their affection who they interact a lot with but who will never turn their way. I would rather our relationship soured and they learned something and moved on for themselves rather than keep a strange facade of a friendship going that is putting one person's life on pause and keeping their mind stuck in a loop.

 

[Lightlilly]

I have trouble with this...

if they like me and have made it directly clear but still go on and treat me like a friend the same friend they've always been towards me every things fine...

however.....if they tell me...and directly expect me to reciprocate the feeling >.> and I can't
which causes them to try to "make" me love them back....by excessive txting or gift giving/compliments

It usually ends in a door slam on my part.... which I hate because I really don't want to hurt anyone

I have trouble keeping close guy friends in real life.... can't keep them from falling in love with me apparently ;-; and they don't even hardly know me when they decide this which is the annoying part...me being married doesn't make it any easier....guys, for me are better kept as acquaintances or a sort of online pen pal

 

[The Proof]

They shut them out of their lives completely

Cuz INFJs are always right about everybody, even when they aren't

Source: lived it

 

[strafen]

First you will start thinking about how you might have a second chance with them. After a few days or weeks on that you will start dreaming about how some other girl (more ideal than the one you currently have a crush on) will come into your life and make your dream a reality(this ideal girl will come in the form of someone you probably know or have seen before). After a few more weeks of that, reality will hit you and you will slowly iron out your heart and come to accept the fact that you are undesirable. After only a few days of feeling undesirable you will come to the fact that the person you had a crush on was flawed and as you are a super elitist INFJ, "she failed to see what was in you". Proceed to find a even more perfect girl.

sadly we don't deal with it :*(
we just live with it and let the pain set in.

 

[vanilla_dream]

They shut them out of their lives completely

Cuz INFJs are always right about everybody, even when they aren't

Source: lived it

I have a feeling you have a sort of disdain for INFJs as your post here in some ways reflects your other post in a thread I started in the ESTP forum. I know it's not right to assume; however, correct me if I'm wrong.

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

Question: How do you know 'they' don't like you back?

 

[GoodOldDreamer]

Can't say I've ever experienced someone openly liking me that I haven't liked as well. Few people are ever directly interested in me romantically, and any woman who subtly flirts or whatever it is they do when they won't bother to directly let me know goes unnoticed by me in that respect. I don't do subtle when it comes to romance, lol. Too big picture thinking for that.

The only women I've known to openly have an interest in me were my previous SOs. Anyone else that may have never bothered to tell me. At times, I've wondered if so-n-so might have, but I'm terrible at finding cutesy flirting as anything more than being friendly. >_>

...

Can't decide if I should feel sad that I'm that unlovable according to the general population, or if I should feel elated that I've been truly valued by a select few who bothered to get to know me and love me for me. Hmm. *shrug*

 

[Lightlilly]

They shut them out of their lives completely

Cuz INFJs are always right about everybody, even when they aren't

Source: lived it

^^^THAT^^^
could very well be right....
but, don't forget.....
They could be wrong
and convince you they're right
knowing they are in fact wrong
O_O
made myself laugh there oops

 

[Misha]

They might feel extremely uncomfortable as most posters had already mentioned under this thread--it can stress them out since they probably don't know how to put it into proper closure without hurting the confessor's feelings.

If they still feel the emotions remain strong toward them, then they'll probably resort in emotional-distancing. When everything fails, they might resort in doorslamming--not to hurt you, but to help you to get over it.

In my case, whenever I've received signals that someone like me more than as a friend when I have no mutual feelings back in return, I often do try my best to offer obvious hint to them that I have a crush on someone else but them (even when I have none). If that didn't work out, I might apply the above two mentioned steps.

Most people didn't realize that having an emotional burden can be extremely daunting for INFJs. First of all, I think most INFJs don't fall in love easily and once they do, they tend to fell hard. What is more, it can be quite challenging for INFJ to accept the change in human interaction, especially when it comes to one-sided romance. I've had few similar experiences among my coworkers and I just had to change my pattern to either leave work early and avoid hanging out with them. Usually they can pick up the signals really fast and when I felt they didn't have any romantic attachment toward me, I can easily let them back in my social life.

However, I often felt that when INFJs like someone, they can be a little clingy. Or creating more opportunities by organizing social activities just to get closer to their romantic interests.

Well, at least that's how I've been.

 

[Callie]

Let's say someone likes you and makes it obvious, and you're feeling you're not into dating right now because of personal issues to overcome. Does it make you think/dwell afterward over the situation even though you answered clearly about this to the confessors ? Or not at all ?
Do you wonder if you're making a mistake ? especially if the person (an ENTP..... just mentionned randomly.. ) shows you obvious reason why you are on the same wave length according to him/her (and you fail to see it) and how much she/he cares about you ?

 

[milli66]

To me, it really depends on the personal issues needing to be overcome. I know I always look in hindsight to see if I hurt someone.
Again, this is personal opinion, I know I would have played through the scenarios using all of the “obvious reasons” you had pointed out. How much someone cares about me has an effect for sure, but if I’ve made up my mind that you aren’t going to get into my circle, you’re not. How the news is broken depends from person to person, I try to be as nice as possible while making it obvious using the type of communication they respond to.

 

[Shale]

I've always been careful to not be friends with men ... b/c it always ended up becoming more. So if I were single and felt comfortable to be in a friendship with you, it is quite possible I would be open to it growing into something more. I believe for a committed relationship to work, the INFJ needs to feel secure with their partner and this knowledge doesn't just come overnight. Otherwise, the INFJ will go into "emotional detachment" mode.

If I didn't like the person back at all, I may cut off the friendship. There will always be that "liking" which would be uncomfortable. I feel separating myself from that friendship would be the best outcome for both people, the other would be able to move on.