[Blackbird]

I have an INFJ sister, and although we are freakishly similar, we seem to be most different when it comes to school and rules, and I wondered if it was an INFJ thing.

We both hated high school, but while my response to it was to never do my homework, ditch class, and refuse to listen when I wasn't interested, she is the typical 'teacher's pet' (her words, not mine), does all of her homework, balks at the thought of breaking school rules, and feels truly bad about herself if she does not receive good grades. As INFJs, how did/do you conduct yourself in school? Do you think it's a P/J thing, or does it just come down to the individual person?

 

[curious0610]

I think school conduct can be read as an individual thing, not necessarily a P/J thing. I wasn't a teacher's pet, but I was a perfectionist when it came to the quality of my work.

When it comes to rules, I usually follow them as long as I don't disagree with them or they don't conflict with my own values or moral system. I usually don't mind rules being in place to enforce certain things and I'd rather not break school rules if I don't have to. I like to choose my battles, so if I'm going to break a rule, it has to meaningful for me.

In high school, I was the student that followed the rules, but I didn't make it a big deal when others didn't. It turns me off when people start viewing certain rules with legalistic/judgmental tendencies, because then I feel that they are placing the weight of certain rules over individual opinions and individual free will. This refers to people who follow rules to the t and then are critical of those who don't.

 

[caliSoldier]

i absolutely despise school and wish it was an option. However, im naturally inclined to be a teachers pet. This doesnt mean that i am though, i never ever do homework at home. I'l do it at the last minute while im at school during lunch or something. I do however feel the need to do homework if i have a connection to the teacher. Freshmen year we had a new student teach in the english class that i was failing. We had a good friendship and she would always tell me about her personal life. So whenever she taught the lesson and assigned homework i always finished it and did a good enough job to get an A. Its not that i dont like learning. Its just that i hate having to sit in a desk and learn what the teachers want us to learn (which is usually pointless). No teacher ever assigned us to learn something useful such as mbti personality types (most useful thing i ever learned in my life). I like to research all the time at home on my computer. But when it comes to high school, the united states education system is joke and completely overrated. When im made to learn something and dont have a choice, it defeats the whole purpose of learning.

 

[vel]

... she is the typical 'teacher's pet' (her words, not mine), does all of her homework, balks at the thought of breaking school rules, and feels truly bad about herself if she does not receive good grades. ...

same ... except breaking rules part, i only broke those which i thought were useless/unfair

and omg, what happened to your avatar :crazy:

 

[Iraneken]

I hated school and the rules as it seemed to me you are conditioned in schools to 'do as your told' and rammed alot of societal norms and expectations down your throats and you were expected to behave as though any other way of thinking is wrong. Added to that those who deviated from the 'norm' were harshly dealt with, including bullied children who were too afraid and/or miserable to concentrate on studies, you got labelled as a troublemaker and thrown into the 'bottom groups' were you were told your either too stupid and/or too much trouble to deal with so you belonged in the bottom and its your fault no one else's.

 

[spook]

I hated school with a passion but I never liked drawing attention to myself so I didn't act rebellious. If I broke rules they were minor ones like eating or listening to music in class. I didn't always do hw bc I couldn't be bothered but if we were threatened a detention, I tried to hand something in so they couldn't enforce more reasons to waste my time. I actually took a lot of sick days off, and I used to skip PE classes bc they made me anxious/nauseous.
I was mostly the quiet loner who secretly hated everything and everyone haha. I agree Iraneken I felt like schools were trying to homogenise our brains and individuality, and any attempt to deviate from the norm just highlighted inherent power imbalances within the system. I often asked myself was school preparing us for the real world or contributing to the harshness which its trying to desensitise us from?

I used to care a lot about grades though, mostly bc I thought I wanted to go to uni and it would be incompatible with my goals to not try.. Some teachers liked me bc I worked hard, but not much more than some of the other students. Typical teacher's pet sounds more like ISFJ- one of my friends used to get really annoyed at people who back chatted and disrupted the class while it didn't really bother me unless I personally disliked the person. My ENFJ friend is also more trusting of rules and authority. But some of the most goody two shoes people I've known were ESTJs, they were just "cool" enough not to make it vulnerably obvious.

Towards the end of senior year I re-evaluated my career goals and did start skipping classes. I resented getting sucked into the competitive spirit they were trying to instill in us.. even though I dislike the whole idea of standardised testing/curriculum and don't believe grades accurately reflect your intelligence, I felt embarrassed if I did significantly worse than any of my peers. It was exhausting trying to keep up, I experienced a lot of exam/assessment anxiety and had to do some of them late. Seems like a Fe/Fi difference, Ni+Ti were dragging its heels in the mud trying to get me to detach. There could be a J/P correlation since Je's criteria for success is rooted in goal setting and its relation to the external world whereas strong Ji only cares to measure up to its own values. Finally I decided that finishing school really wasn't worth it, but you may be onto something here.. I felt like I had to fight a lot of pressure to go through with that decision, whereas INFPs might just do whatever they want and be less conflicted over what everybody else thinks is best for them?

Vocational college is slightly better than school.. you get more freedom but the course is always going to be structured, and at the end of the day, if you skip class, it's you who's going to miss out on qualifications for the job. mbti says Js might deal with work satisfaction better than Ps but I actually find it mentally draining trying to organise anything to do with career preparation, at least with the industry I'm currently exploring. Maybe that has to do with low Te? Eh, now I realise I have a problem with the way our absurdly holographic society in general is structured, not just school. :frustrating:

 

[MissNobody]

All of my school reports read "conscientious, hard working individual. However she should try to contribute more to group discussions". Another comment I used to get from my teachers was that they wished they had more students like me in the class.

I worked hard in every subject. English and Art were my favourite subjects. Science and Maths were my least favourite but I still worked hard in them.

I cared (and still care) about what people thought of me. Teachers more so than class mates. I look back at school wish that I had relaxed a bit more, had more fun not been so worried about getting into trouble.

I always did my homework and if for some reason I forgot to do it and realised on the day it had to be handed in I would be furious with myself and panic about how the teach might react.

One thing that used to really drive me crazy was when a teacher set a deadline for homework but when it came to handing it in the teacher completely forgot she had set it and never bothered to ask for it. Or the teacher remembered but at least half the class hadn't bothered to do it and so she gave them an extension! I used to think that was so unfair!

I got into detention once and I hated it! Not because detention was bad but because I felt so stupid for letting myself get there, almost as if I lost the respect of my teacher. The frustrating thing was that it wasn't even my fault. Some idiot sat next to me was winding me up and I shouted at him to stop and the teacher put us both in detention. I've never been very good at standing up for myself so I didn't bother trying to explain what happened to my teacher.

Another thing that I hated was how a naughty kid would be rewarded if they made and effort in an assignment or in classed. Yet I was a ‘good girl’ all the time but was never praised or rewarded for my behaviour. I felt overlooked.

I had a hard time asking for help when I needed it because I felt that I shouldn’t need to ask for help because I should know all the answers. A part of me also thought that my teacher should know when I’m struggling, because they can read minds right?

 

[Humilis Curator]

Public school I wasn't fond of but I didn't hate it. I agree with the notion above that it is far more of an individual thing rather than a J/P thing, even a type thing. Don't give much heed to personality type. Individual preferences mean more and make the difference in an individual.

However, back to the topic. I am now in college at a University. I absolutely love it, I strive to get good grades on everything and I feel like hell if I don't make good grades.

As for rules, I would only break them if I felt they were unfair and unjust and I would do so proudly.

 

[MoonLight]

*shudders* I hated my school with a vengeance even though I was a good student and got good grades so I'm similar to your sister in some ways. I wasn't the teacher's pet and preferred not to be noticed by the teachers.

As others said I would not break the rules unless they are unfair or useless.

I don't see how it is a J/P thing.

 

[Malovane]

I always went my own way.

In high school I rarely did homework, but always got 100% on tests (or better if there was extra credit). My GPA suffered, but I was able to get into every college I applied to (including some Ivy League ones) due to my extraordinarily high SAT scores. One of my teachers got a little angry with me that I never did his homework, so in senior year he decided to do the entire term without any tests - all essay papers. My response was to take a college level course after school, in which I got an A.

In large part I just didn't care for being told what I should know, so I studied what I wanted to, when I wanted to. I wasn't particularly rebellious in this regard, as I had no anger towards anyone.. I just did my own thing.

Now, as far as family rules, that's where I did become very rebellious... quite a bit more so than your average teen.

 

[BodhiTree]

Well I did care about good grades, studied hard, but also broke some rules, ditched class hahaha (and it felt good to be bad sometimes). Ridiculous rules? Just break them!
Gosh, I love school...

 

[HorribleAesthete]

I do not particularly agree with compulsory education, or compulsory anything, really. I enjoyed school during my elementary years, but began to despise it in junior high, and even more so in high school. I was well-mannered and good grades came easily, so I was typically liked by my various teachers. I avoided allowing them to pigeon-hole me as a teacher's pet, because it would bring undue attention to me, and I always attempted to keep a low profile. I would greet attempts at such behavior with sarcasm and rebellious behavior in an effort to deflect unwanted attention or feelings of jealousy or contempt in other students.

As for rules, I was quite rebellious in high school, and prone to iconoclastic behavior. I typically refused to follow arbitrary rules if I could find no logical reason for their existence (and sometimes, even if I could). I lashed out at the status quo every chance I got. I always tried to follow the Eleventh Commandment (don't get caught). However, my rebellion was good-natured, never cruel or mean-spirited. I tried to keep a sense of humor about it all. I still maintain a very pragmatic stance regarding laws and rules that others may wish to impose upon me. I only obey laws and rules that limit my actions to the extent that I am comfortable with the consequences of getting caught,and then only if it limits something I already wish to do.

I was inundated with homework when I was in junior high, and so, when I got to high school, I refused to do any. If I could not finish my homework during school, it did not get done. During my senior year, I skipped classes that I did not like (which was the greater majority) often. I took various classes (yearbook, theater, etc) that provided plausible reasons for me to be out of class. Nevertheless, I graduated valedictorian. It was a small, rural school, only sixteen in my class, so this was not a particularly amazing feat.

 

[curious0610]

However, back to the topic. I am now in college at a University. I absolutely love it, I strive to get good grades on everything and I feel like hell if I don't make good grades.

As for rules, I would only break them if I felt they were unfair and unjust and I would do so proudly.

-> Perfectionist tendencies of the INFJ.

-> Same. For rules, I prefer not to break them, and if I do, it has to be meaningful, such as me acting out against an unfair or unjust rule. I've done this in high school, and I did so proudly. :tongue: And because I was a good, quiet student, most administrators/teachers didn't even realize that I was breaking a rule, because they assumed that I was given permission to do something.

Overall, I try to follow the idea that I need to pick my battles. Sometimes there are rules that are ridiculous and useless. I won't agree with them but as long as they dont conflict with my values, ill "obey" them. The entire time I'll be thinking "this is stupid and ridiculous" but i'll save my energy for a later rebellion.

 

[Humilis Curator]

-> Perfectionist tendencies of the INFJ.

yeeeaaahhh >.<
Bad grades are one of the few things that really get to me. Probably not a good way to be. Yay INFJ always trying to improve oneself.

-> Same. For rules, I prefer not to break them, and if I do, it has to be meaningful, such as me acting out against an unfair or unjust rule. I've done this in high school, and I did so proudly. :tongue: And because I was a good, quiet student, most administrators/teachers didn't even realize that I was breaking a rule, because they assumed that I was given permission to do something.

ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH XD

Overall, I try to follow the idea that I need to pick my battles. Sometimes there are rules that are ridiculous and useless. I won't agree with them but as long as they dont conflict with my values, ill "obey" them. The entire time I'll be thinking "this is stupid and ridiculous" but i'll save my energy for a later rebellion.

Yeah, a lot of people never learn how to pick their battles and end up fighting battles they shouldn't be. Then when something important comes up they are exhausted or affected in some other way that inhibits their full force towards something when it matters more.

 

[myosotis]

Yep, also a teacher's pet. I didn't like the school system but stuck by all the rules. Like a lot of people who replied, I was also very much a perfectionist. My INFP friend is the same - he hates school but chooses to work hard. Might not be a j/p thing...?

Oh but he was not teacher's pet at all (he broke some rules and I think he got suspended a few times?). In fact, he was a bit rebellious when it comes to appropriate behaviour but was so brilliant that teachers can't hate him.

 

[SarahWilliams]

I'm a perfectionist, and general rule follower. But there is always a side of me that actively questions the rules.

I think a lot of rules are made to keep things in order, but arent necessarily vital.

Hall passes?? Really??!!? no.

 

[Lor]

I did not go to traditional school. I read much and enjoy writing. Mostly I work.

 

[curious0610]

I'm a perfectionist, and general rule follower. But there is always a side of me that actively questions the rules.

I think a lot of rules are made to keep things in order, but arent necessarily vital.

Hall passes?? Really??!!? no.

Exactly!

That's what I've noticed -- the entire time I'll be thinking "REALLY....?!?!" and thinking a rule can be a tad ridiculousl, and I'll question a certain rule, but I won't go out of my way to break that rule.

And yeah....

HALL PASSES were one of them -_-.

 

[Linus]

To compare me now to when I was a child/teen.. It's like two different people.

I would say as a child, quite timid, would cry when I got in trouble, so I always followed the rules. I was existing just to experience. I enjoyed doing most homework, the challenge. I remember the only thing I questioned was people's behaviour.

In college I grew more alienated with people... and there came a lot of unexpected stress and drama not just at school but where I lived and everywhere else. I eventually got so low on energy that I had to drop everything to survive. Hand work in only when I was ready, go to class only when I was free, stop doing presentations, built my own lab at home, stopped saying hello. My focus was to learn the course material and 'find myself'. I did get them in the end ^^... I didn't attend graduation and I didn't say good-bye.

 

[zwanglos]

School is about molding a person into a product for society... I had chronic sleep issues in high school and basically slept through it, so I wasn't quite a grade-A product when I graduated. I had a miserable GPA, but a 700/650 SAT was good enough to get me into colleges. Since then, I've been more interested in molding myself into what I want, which is the appeal of secondary education.