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I'm a member of a few forums and I asked similar questions elsewhere and not satisfied with answers. Maybe those answers did not have the depth of understanding and sensitivity I need. So I want to ask INFPs (no pressure ;) ).

Doesn't have to be "death" though that's the ultimate loss. But loss of any kind whatsoever. For instance:

-Family/relatives/friends moving away or getting married. For instance a friend who was so chummy then gets married and suddenly the relationship changes and act differently and spends limited time with you.

-A parent who was always in charge and you could depend on, is sick and now suddenly the roles have reversed.

-Neighborhood were you grew up changing so that your favorite landmarks are not there anymore.

-Your kittens have grown up and no longer want to be entertained by you and want to go out and play by themselves.

-People in your community no longer valuing the same values you were raised with.

-You lose your job, which was the main things that made you feel good about yourself in a life filled with problems and disappointments.

-Due to illness, you lose some body part or body function (lose eyesight; or something less severe, like develop chronic knee problem and your doc says you can't jog/run or do mountain climbing ever again).
 

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I just lost my cat. She was only two years old, and if soulmates exist I'm pretty sure she was one.
At first when she died I cried and I cried. It felt as if someone had ripped out my lungs and heart, and every heartbeat hurt. At that stage I decided to take a bunch of painkillers just so I could escape into sleep for just a little while.
Then I passed through a stage where everything felt oddly normal. I guess it's what's called the denial-faze. I felt sort of happy and energized.
Now I'm in a depression, I guess.
I can't sleep, because my brain keeps showing me pictures of how she was, and imagining the sounds of her and missing her horribly. The pain of loss is kind of like feeling like a hollow tree. As if there's nothing but emptiness inside of you. It echoes all the way down to your toes from your heart.

I've been dealing with it by trying to remember and appreciate the things the she meant for me, remembering the small details about her in a way to capture the essence of what I had. I've also tried to allow myself to grieve. Normally I hate crying, because when I start I can't stop, but now I'm just letting it happen because I know somehow that if I don't I won't ever get better.
I am also more prone to escaping into my mind and hiding there (on some days) and on other days I feel caught up in reality with no escape whatsoever. I think I'm also being abnormally extroverted, as if I can somehow detach from everything if I just hang around with people all the time (which I can't but oh well)

In fact I deal with all kinds of loss in the same way. I feel awful, I try to preserve the essence of what I lost and I try to do anything to keep my mind of it and also letting the feelings run free.
I know I've done almost the same things whenever I face loss, however this is the most extreme case yet.
 

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@conscius ... First, Hi. I'm new to the forum. Nice to meet your cyber-aquaintance.

I have dealt and continue to deal with loss by embracing it, fulling allowing it, and then releasing it. I'm sure others have responded similarly to your question.

About six or so years ago as I was experiencing deep grief due to loss (but not physical death of a person), I was perusing the bookstore for a book on dealing with loss. Most all the books had to do with someone dying. But there is one book I found and bought which helped me. The book deals with loss in all categories an in learning to accept and embrace little losses we learn to better deal with the large losses. The name of the book is "Good Grief" by Deborah Morris Coryell. It helped validate my fully feeling the grief and allowing myself (as much as I could) to listen to my inner intuition and heart. Here's an article by Coryell which might be helpful: The Art of Losing.

As far as how I deal with loss....it depends on the loss and where I am emotionally at the time. I endeavor to listen to my intuition. Sometimes I'm spot on; other times it seems to be a matter of waiting the grief out and riding the waves 'til it passes. A list of things I have done and do:
~journal
~write poetry
~read
~cocoon (hibernate and allow the emotions to be, knowing that it won't last forever)
~cognitive exercises (such as something called a thought record)
~spend time in nature and/or with an animal friend
~cry, cry, and cry some more
~talk with a human friend
~connect with my heart and feel the loss and also encourage a feeling of gratitude for the good in life (HeartMath has some good exercises for connecting with one's heart...at least I have found them useful)
~walk or bicycle or some sort of exercise


Those are a few things. I'm sure I have more that I can't think of at the moment. Hope you don't mind the links. And maybe none of what I stated is any different from anything others have stated. Sadly, or not, loss cannot be avoided in life. <3
 

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I personally don't deal with it very well, I find it really hard to let go and move on I suppose. I've definitely lost a lot of time in the past wondering about what I could've done differently while family members that have passed where still here. When I was younger I was also terrible about blaming other people when clearly there was absolutely nothing they could do either...
In any loss I think I become very sentimental and think a lot about what things used to be like rather than accepting the present way things are and learning to live in the new circumstances...that definitely takes me a lot longer than most I think.


There's a word in Portuguese 'sauadade' which means feeling nostalgic for something or someone that you were once close to but is now lost...its kind of like 'the love that stays' or 'the love that remains' after someone is gone. Which I think is pretty beautiful.
 

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My mom had six cats (now five), and we're just focusing on two for right now. These were so totally our cats. We adopted them both off the street, a year apart. T when I was 6, D when I was 7. D was put down last month, and I found out the day before it was.. and right when I was getting ready for class I got a call saying it was done. I hadn't expected it to be done for another few days. I punched a wall when I got the call, and I cried for like 5 minutes, then swallowed everything and went to class for two hours. I went up to see my boyfriend after class, and I was crying for probably something like half an hour. I hate crying in front of people. I know it was for the best, and I know he'd been uber thin for months. I know he's in a better place. I go down there in a month, and I'm probably going to bawl my eyes out because it'll totally sink in that he's gone and not coming back. I'm tearing up writing about it, actually.

I had a friend I was really, really close with get a boyfriend. He was her only priority. Contact dropped. She wouldn't talk about anything but him, she spent all her time talking about him/etc etc etc. One of those people. I hate it. I'm not the only one (several mutual friends, talked about it for maybe 5 minutes a couple times). Oh well. That was years ago, and I know there's no way that relationship will ever be as strong as it used to be. We're simply Facebook friends and nothing more at this point.

About six years ago, my grandma died. We (mom & I) had seen her a few days before. I think it was a Monday. My mom came and woke me up for school, and seemed fine. Then I walked out of my room, and the look on her face (coupled with the fact I think she was crying?) just gave it away. We knew it was coming, but.. still. I remember sitting in homeroom and just crying for the entire first period (homeroom + first period were the same class in that school for the middle school portion, just differently designated). I remember her cremation, and how terrible I felt after. I felt sick to my stomach, I just.. no. I'm still not over that, not completely. I think about all the things I wish she was here for, about how she probably wouldn't recognize me after all the shit that's happened since. I mourn the loss of my cousin + aunt, who cut ties after she died, and that whole situation. And I need to stop talking about that before I get too in my head.

There was this really, really close friend that I'd had, on and off for years. They were one of the people I was closest to, probably. It'd always been a bit rocky, but it worked, if that makes sense. We just had a really weird thing. They'd always dabbled in drugs, but they generally weren't too stupid with them. Generally. I know why they did them, and I can understand it, but it was just something we never saw eye to eye on, and I probably saw the longer term effects a bit more than they did. (Like tripping out for a week and nearly pissing away a great thing they had going as a result.) I got a message after they'd been quiet for a bit (weird, but not entirely surprising for them), and found out they'd shot themselves up with heroin and been in the hospital. I'd given so much to them at that point, and I just couldn't deal past that. I cut ties, and.. I want to say I miss them, but I don't know if I miss them per se. I miss what we had, when it was good. I miss the understanding, the long talks. But I don't know if I miss them, because that came with so, so much more. It's just hard to explain. I still miss it. But I know that whenever I remember that, I remember the positive more than the negative, so I try not to, because I know I'm better off for it.

Life is just a bitch sometimes.
 

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I have a hard time with potential loss. I grieve about losing things when I haven't lost them yet. I think about people dying who I love and I think about getting rid of some sentimental item or enjoyable thing, and I feel really anxious. Sometimes I cry. I get really attached to things, animals and people.

My first car was totaled and I insisted on getting it repaired anyway even though it was more to repair it than it was worth. I kept that car going with everything I could. Finally when it died at 226,000 miles, I couldn't get rid of it. It sat in my yard for years, rusting away, gathering wasp nests, pieces falling off of it little by little. Finally one day I thought to myself, "ok, I am ready to let go." It was really weird. I had been hanging on to this car for years just because I loved it too much to see it hauled away. Then I suddenly felt ready to say goodbye. I have no idea what triggered my readiness, it just magically felt like the right time. I contacted the local scrap yard and they said they'd haul it away for me. It took two months after the initial contact with them to confirm a date because I had to go in baby steps. The day they finally sent over the wrecker, I had spent the morning inside the car, taking numerous photos of every angle of the interior possible. Taking out all my little decorations and knick-knacks from the dash and putting them into a special bag. I sat in the car and cried and said I love you, but I have to say goodbye now. When that wrecker hooked up the car and I saw it start moving again for the first time in years, the tears came out like a waterfall. I was bawling and snapping photos as it slowly went down the driveway. It was so hard. But it was time, and I did it, and I'm glad I did it.

And that's just a car.

Losing my cat was horrible. I don't even want to get into that.

I remember as a kid, I was given this toy dog as gift one Christmas. (It was Benji from the movies). They took photo of the moment I unwrapped the dog in which I am hugging it, looking at it with such tenderness. A few years later, my mom forced me to give up one of my toys during a toy drive at school for needy kids. I could not decide what toy to give up. After much hemming and hawing, I reluctantly gave up my Benji dog. A few weeks after, I can remember crying myself to sleep because I missed that stupid dog. I didn't even play with it, but I missed it anyway. I would look at the photo of me holding it and just cry. Literally YEARS went by when I would think about that toy dog and how much I missed it. I don't understand why it effected me so much when I didn't even play with the toy very often, but it did. And I think that is part of the foundation for my problem with letting things go. I hold on to anything with sentimental value. I have way too much clutter.

As for loss of other things, such as when a TV show ends that I've been watching for a long time, I sort of feel this emptiness and anger toward the people who decided it had to end. Like the show Freaks and Geeks. Man, that show was sooo good! And it was cut short way too early! It makes me so mad thinking about it. I am currently watching every Andy Griffith show available on Netflix and I'm on the last season. I feel like I should savor these last few episodes because when it's over, it's like a huge part of my life has to stop. It makes me sad and and makes me immediately want to find something else to fill the void.

That's what it is. Filling a void. Losing something creates a void. And when there's a void, I desperately want to fill it back up with the same thing that was already there. Nothing else will fit in that void so perfectly. That's why it's hard to lose something and try to find a replacement because no two things are exactly the same. Then you're left with all these little air pockets when you try to fill the void with something that isn't exactly right. And you have to wait for the air pockets to settle before you can feel comfortable with the new thing. I still miss my car. I like the car I have now but it's like a pebble trying to fit in a boulder-sized void. Not really working.

So yeah, I have a hard time with loss.
 

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not to sound like a smartass, but generally, lots of mourning, crying, yelling, internally raging, alcohol and shying away from others, until I've come to grips with the loss I've suffered. I remember the face of every person and pet that has ever come into my life, left an impression and then departed for the next world. Sometimes I wish I could forget and other times I'm glad I can't. In my reality, I just hope that when my time is done here, I can meet up with them in the next life, because I miss them.
 

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I've suffered and endured many losses, especially in the past year alone. Since this time last year I've lost an acquaintance to suicide, almost lost my father, my pet of five years died, I loss several contests at work I was planning on doing well in, lost the family cabin, almost lost the house, lost the dream I was going after, and dealt with unrequited love.

All of these hit me in pretty different ways, but basically I was really sad about them for a while, and the biggest ones I just wept bitterly over for a day or two, then kind of accepted it and moved on. Tried not to think about it too much, just keep focusing towards the future, towards the positive things, at least until I am able to look back without feeling the sadness, and instead look back and smile at the memories and the joy these things gave me.

I try to think instead of "what have I lost?" but "what have I gained through the loss?" and in most instances it's been a new appreciation for the things I already have. Time is short and you never know when you are going to lose something, so I find it best to treasure it while you have it, because one day you won't and I want to remember those things as I do now.
 

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I go crazy when I lose some memory or person. My train of thought always makes me think, what am I going to do without it? I always thought, when I leave for college, I can't see my good friends in person anymore. I once met a friend while traveling to Canada and couldn't contact her through phone number which I found her on Facebook 3 years later. Usually if I lose an object I'm okay with it but if I lose a important memory it doesn't turn out very well.
 

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When experiencing loss I tend to bottle it up which isn't good, it's always good to talk about things. I also long to be in nature, I think it helps with the healing process.
 

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By preventive measures, often. If I can smell the wind carrying loss my way I prepare by not having something to loose if possible, by cutting off the side that cares, by distancing etc. These are not advice, it is a terrible way to deal with it. If having failed to prepare properly... I don't deal with it well.
 
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