Something in me opens up, and I reach out very quietly in the beginning..
So far I have also quietly taken a step back..
I feel like I want to give the world to my beloved.. and when I fail, I don't know what to do with myself..
They don't even have to ask, I'm quietly paying attention to everything they say because I want to know how to make them happy..
I don't know whether I want to lose myself in Love or simply share a special bond..
Love is a very serious thing to me.. to say "I love you" is to utter sacred words.. to say these words without meaning is blasphemy..
I quietly try to prove my love through actions, self-growth, and surprises..
but I hate myself when I fail to reach the potential I see for myself as a lover.. It seems I'm failing both of us..
Apparently, my eyes can only express the love I hold for someone dear. When I deeply love someone, all I can do is stare at them, I'm quite quiet. I just like observing them, and I just love listening to them. My ex-boyfriend from a few years ago told me that I had barely told him that I loved him, but he said I had let my eyes do all the talking.
My emotions are constrained in my body, and it's hard for me to express them through words. However, I try my best to express my devotion and love through actions. @Rune, has said that "I love you" are very sacred words, and they truly are for me as well. If I ever tell someone those three sacred words, then it means I will go through hell for them.
Like @Rune, when I fail I feel so disappointed in my self, and this often times leads me to bouts of depression.
That depends on the individual INFP. I mean, you have to consider their tri-types as well as their MBTI personality type.
That said, I am very affectionate when I am in love with someone. I mean, even when I'm just crushing on someone, I have this overwhelming urge to hug them or touch their arm lovingly. My happiest moments in life (also the saddest when they ended), was when I get to be physically close to the person I love. I like cuddling and I like to give plenty of face kisses.
I also like to surprise people romantically. I'll write them love letters, poems, or make a drawing just for them, and hand them to the person out of the blue.
I'll respond to words, hugs are always good, I might share something I like with them, be there for them emotionally, be there for them financially to a point, & just generally share ideas back and forth. As far as anything tangible, I can't recall a thing.
I do practically everything in my power to make the person feel loved. It's so rare that I find someone that I can fall in love with, so I would find it impossible not to want to shower them with all the love I can express. It would be horrible to me if I thought that the person could for one second think that I didn't love them or wasn't absolutely the most special person in the world to me, so I actively try to reinforce that. It makes me feel a little cold that as an infp I can only give that to a few people, and yet I suppose that's the way it must be. How could one person make every single person feel that way- it's only special if it is for a few people.
I do pay attention to the 5 languages of love thing. My top three are words of affirmation, physical affection, and one on one time. But actually I feel like in my relationship we try to cover all 5- we often try to do acts of service for each other, even if it's only taking the dishes away at dinner. Gifts can be as simple and small as a flower picked while walking.
This is huge for me.
INFPs seem to adapt very readily in terms of how to demonstrate love. They see their partner feeling loved as the goal and then the rest is figuring out how to best accomplish that goal. I'm not a touch-feely person, but If someone feels comforted or loved through touch, I'll take note and show them affection that way. My preferred method is through words so, sure, I'll do that too, but the main thing is making my partner or whoever feel loved.
I try to make a person a love feel good about themselves.roud: The thing that would make me the happiest is simply making them laugh or seeing them smile- causing it would just totally make my day.:tongue:
I can't help but me a little at a loss for words when it comes to writing about my feelings... mushy gushy feelings... haha :laughing: It's odd by I think I'd probably do better with returning gestures- actions than writing about it like I usually do. Like I don't trust myself or something... But I think the small little actions, shy glances, and dorky giggles are your best bet :tongue:
I've actually never been in love before, at least I don't think so. Actually, I'm pretty positive I haven't because I feel like being in love is something you instantly know and remember. Anyway, I have had strong feelings and crushes on people though. I'm usually too shy to verbally or even physically express the admiration I have for people though so I usually just treat them like I treat all of my other friends or people who I respect, except I might go the extra mile for them. So basically, I just admire from a far and hope that my actions or body language will give off enough signals to notify the other person as to how I'm feeling about them.
by actually listening when you have something to say
by smoothing things over when someone didn't get your joke, or the meaning you intended
by making sure others give you attention
by cleaning up your spilled milk or broken glass while you stand startled and embaased
by huging you whenever I can
by sitting or standing close
by running my fingers through your hair
by being there when you need someone at 3am
by reflecting and sharing in your emotions, both good and bad
by worrying about the things you worry about
by trying to find solutions for your troubles
by making you a cup of tea
by rubbing your back when you're sore, not for a minute, but for as long as I can
by kissing your booboo or getting you a bandaid
by waiting for you to catch up, or finish, or gather your thoughts, or wake up
by putting aside my own time frame and interests and doing things on your schedual
by getting up early for you when I don't want to
by staying up later with you when I'm exhausted
by never expecting you to pay me back when I buy lunch or 'loan' you some cash
by getting you little gifts when I see something I know you'll like
by sharing things I enjoy with you
by talking through things when we don't see eye to eye
by trying to look at things from your perspective
by being humble when I've hurt you and just saying sorry instead of defending myself
by complementing you whenever I like how you look or like what you've done
by being open, honnest, and real with you
by accepting you just as you are, loving you anyways and because of all those quirks, even the ones I don't understand
by caring about you and your interests, even when I'm upset with you
by sharing my special treats - like my chocolates, or my favorite tea, or the 'sweet bite' of my piece of pie
by not pushing you to do things you don't want to
by not criticizing your tastes if I don't share them
by doing stuff you want to do even though I don't really feel like it
by taking an interest in the things you're interested in for your sake so you can enjoy sharing about them
by respecting your way of doing things instead of expecting you to always do it the way I would
by reaching for your hand when we are walking in a crowd
by long heart to heart hugs
by holding you when you cry
by validating the feelings you express to me
by paying attention to how you say things and your outlook and responding in ways that I know you like or are comfortable with
by sticking around for your sake, even when I'm bored
by warming your hands
by encouraging you when you're down
by pointing out things I know you'd enjoy
by just being there and spending time together
by respecting and working around your pet peeves
by doing chores you don't like to do
by making something I know you'll like to eat
by taking action ahead of time to prevent you from allergic reactions or getting a headache, or being carsick, or other things like that
by giving you the benefit of the doubt
by helping you think things through and brainstorm
by helping you not do what I know you really don't want to do even though on your own you always end up doing it
by sending you random notes with kind and happy thoughts
by letting you fall asleep on me and just sitting there while you sleep, even though I'm getting stiff and numb
by whispering I love you, even when I know you can't hear me
by defending you when other people think ill of you, and trying to help them gain a better impression
by not sharing the secrets you tell me with anyone, even if you didn't specifically say don't tell anyone
by doing what I know you want me to do, even though you haven't actually told me to do it
by encouaging you to do things that are good for you
by reminding you of things that may be important when you've forgotten them
by asking you if something is okay, or what you actually want
by saving you a good seat
by putting your interests before my own
by telling you what I think and feel
by thinking fondly of you when you're not around
by inviting you to come along and share good times with me
by trusting you to love me even when I'm at my worst
by having hope for you future, not giving up on you
by snuggling close
by holding you tight
by making sure you feel included
by loaning you any of my things
by not being mad when you break or stain something of mine
by not holding grudges against you, and not bringing up past wrongs, by forgiving and forgetting
by showing care for you even when I'm in great need myself
by not boring you with things I know you're not interested in
by not doing or saying things in a way that I know irritates you
by letting others know of things that you may want them to know but wouldn't tell them yourself
by being your excuse for not doing something your don't want to do
by approching you and offering company when you look like something is bothering you
by not pressing my company or advice when you want to be alone, or silent
by seeing who you really are
by being safe to open up to
by helping you when you want it
by taking time for you
by looking in your eyes, really looking at YOU
by seeing the beauty in you and telling you so
by just sitting back and admiring you
by trying to create situations in which I know you will 'shine'
by trying to find common ground
by caring about people you care about
by talking cutesy with you (if you like that anyways)
by sharing my memories and asking to share yours
by remembering the things you like and don't like
by paying attention to your style and tastes
by laughing together, sometimes just for the joy of being with you even though there's nothing particularly funny
by bouncing when I see you because you make me so happy
by atcking you with hugs
by leaning on you and letting you lean on me
by getting up to get you something so you don't have to
by appreciating your artwork
by proofreading your term paper or formal letter
by not being judgemental
by holding the whispies away from your face when they're bugging you
by nuzzling noses
by walking arm in arm
by not letting the presence of others make me too embarrased to be affectionate
by making you a priority over other people who may want my attention
by giving bear hugs and picking you up and twirling you around
by choosing you to be the first person I share things I'm excited about with
by talking on the phone with you even though I hate phones
by sharing my seat, or offering my lap
by trying to make you comfortable
by massaging your feet
by tucking you into bed
by not letting strained emotions drag on between us
by crying because I love you so much it aches and my body can't contain so much emotion
by giggling and squealing with joy over you
by putting my arm around your waist, or my hand in you pocket, or in some way closing the gap and keeping us close
by staying with you untill you fall asleep (even if I have things to be doing)
by making things for you
by mending things for you
by surprising you with something you like
by anticipating what you'll be wanting and having it ready when you want it
by taking care of you when you are sick rather than avoiding you like the plauge, even when it requires gross tasks
by doing something over and over for you untill I get it just how you want it
by not brooding over things you said that bothered me, because that just makes it worse
by believing you have good intentions
by praying for your safety and wisdom and happiness and comfort and health and provision etc. etc.
by not interrupting you
by noticing when you have something to say and making sure you get the chance
by not letting you get away with playing martyr when I know you'll just be unhappy
by accepting your gifts
be being willing to share things about myself that you don't agree with me on
by speaking up instead of just smiling and nodding to you all the time
by trusting you
by not being jealous
by not 'keeping accounts'
by doing favors and not using that to make you do things for me (though of course good relationships do have give and take.)
by putting up with things without making you feel like I'm just putting up with you
by showing comapssion, sympathy, saying 'awww!' and running to your side
by swelling up with pride when you do well
by telling other's you're great
by not telling others things that might make them have a bad impression of you
by simply delighting in your company and existance
of course I don't always do all these things, but they are things I find I want to do and try to do to show people I love them
Words are very important for me. Which is ironic because I can urgently sense their inadequateness as if they are conveying only the surface layer of my true feelings. Perhaps that has something to do with the fact that she is long-distance and we do not get too many chances to really be together so words assume much greater importance.
Very gentle and loving caresses are also very important because they are a way to show her how uniquely special and wonderfully beautiful she is and how devoted I am to her.
Gifts are difficult. They are mostly a matter of inspiration. When I see something that really touches my heart and has special meaning for her or for both of us I will get that for her. I am definitely not the flower kind of guy.
And there is so much more. I am always on the lookout for anything that can make her life happier. And when we are together I want her to have a good time. I want her to see the things she never could before. I want to fill her mind with wonderful memories instead of the old bad ones.
And if I know that she is enjoying herself, that makes me so happy in turn. Even if we do things that I would normally not enjoy so much. That is not to be interpreted as 'noble sacrifice in the name of love', that's not how it feels to me at all. Instead, there is actual genuine happiness and even contentedness inside me stemming from the simple fact that she is having a happy time.
@Aelthwyn: I wish I could give you a hundred thanks for you list, one for each item