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The one danger of relying too much on physical attraction (which is not wrong by itself) is that some INFPs may idealize their romantic prospects and be blind to their possible incompatibilities, just because they feel so attracted to them. The nobility of idealization, which is not really a bad thing, can in ocassion get in the way. Granted, I don't think this is common among all of "us", and most mature INFPs tend to like/appreciate people way beyond the physical aspects, and to be more realistic than just following their initial made-up image of the person vs who he/she really is and how compatible ultimately they will be together. In short, like whoever you like-as is your right-but be wary of idealizing him/her just because he/she initally seems to be "so compatible" or you are so attracted to him/her on a mostly physical level.
 

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I just read the whole thread & realized how odd my post is in the context of it... I think @Luke was the only other one to go into some essay-like analysis of attraction & beauty instead of just stating personal preferences :laughing: :tongue:.
You just wanted to be understood in the correct context!!! ;-) I kind of tried to explain the "attraction" instead of the "aesthetics" you speak of, in my post, (what tends to cause the attraction is not physical but their personal qualities and there are trends in what attracts me), but I felt like I mangled something kind of beautiful so then I just meandered on to qualities more explainable ;D
 

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The one danger of relying too much on physical attraction (which is not wrong by itself) is that some INFPs may idealize their romantic prospects and be blind to their possible incompatibilities, just because they feel so attracted to them. The nobility of idealization, which is not really a bad thing, can in ocassion get in the way. Granted, I don't think this is common among all of "us", and most mature INFPs tend to like/appreciate people way beyond the physical aspects, and to be more realistic than just following their initial made-up image of the person vs who he/she really is and how compatible ultimately they will be together. In short, like whoever you like-as is your right-but be wary of idealizing him/her just because he/she initally seems to be "so compatible" or you are so attracted to him/her on a mostly physical level.
I would be willing to guess that this is true, that the depth of the attraction the infp feels disguises or inhibits the infp from noticing other factors or warning signs in their personality, not just for physical attraction but other attraction as well. "attraction". The sensation of being in love. The sensation is so heady that often when I stopped to analyze it, I realize there is the person, then there is the feeling I am having of "attraction" and there is a disconnect between the two. Attraction can be made up of idealized qualities the person may or may not posses, and we can use their better qualities to avoid focusing on their lesser. For example, loving a man because he is SO SMART and thus always accepting his judgement, even when they cause this pinprick of "hey that isn't right..." deep inside that is stuffed down until years later, when the infp could have recognized, wow, this man is smart but he lacks shift of perspective or empathy or something earlier on.
 

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One thing I've noticed is that I become attracted to girls who are similar to past crushes. Which sounds obvious (of course you would be attracted to people who look similar to other people that you're attracted to), but it's not only because they look similar. I think it's to do with me developing a romantic fantasy about a girl (a massive crush) and when it doesn't work out, I become attracted to other girls who could potentially fullfil the fantasy. How weird is that?
 

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I would be willing to guess that this is true, that the depth of the attraction the infp feels disguises or inhibits the infp from noticing other factors or warning signs in their personality, not just for physical attraction but other attraction as well. "attraction". The sensation of being in love. The sensation is so heady that often when I stopped to analyze it, I realize there is the person, then there is the feeling I am having of "attraction" and there is a disconnect between the two. Attraction can be made up of idealized qualities the person may or may not posses, and we can use their better qualities to avoid focusing on their lesser. For example, loving a man because he is SO SMART and thus always accepting his judgement, even when they cause this pinprick of "hey that isn't right..." deep inside that is stuffed down until years later, when the infp could have recognized, wow, this man is smart but he lacks shift of perspective or empathy or something earlier on.
Weeks ago, the disturbing idea came to me that physical attraction often pulls couples back together. They overlook or forget about personality conflicts because of the visual appreciation (which boosts mood). Sometimes there's chemical component to it, too.
 

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Aesthetic appeal vs. sexual attraction, good call.

On an aesthetic level, I like perfection. But cookie-cutter perfection (or conventional, low-class clothing style) turns me off. My idea of perhaps the best-looking famous woman is Kathy Ireland in her prime, and due to the hair and other details, she looks distinct from the others (from, say, Faith Hill, a "Stepford" type). KI is too glamorous-looking for me to trust, though. Jewel, to steal an example from page 2, is more real in her beauty. I don't care much about teeth. I am not turned on by any unconventional features. I like hair that is long, thick, and wavy and skin that is clear, fair, and soft, as part of a round but defined face and ideally atop a lithe, somewhat tall body. Random observation of the day: Debbie Matenopoulos is too muscular.
 

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Well from a quote from a few male friends "Your taste in woman is strange." Another one "I don't know how you see beauty in girls like her." So from allot of my male friends perspective I have a weird sense in taste and a very different view in beauty. Potentially I don't look at the girls body, honestly it is the last thing I am looking at, the first thing I notice about a girl is their eyes (hehe yea serious) than I potentially look at the rest of there facial features if for some reason I like how her facial features match to my standard of cute or "beautiful" than I just wont be able to stop looking. Than if I ever get know the girl I look at the beauty from the inside, and if for some reason her inner beauty doesn't match her outer, than her outer beauty disappears on instant.

basically how i measure beauty in my belief system, sure Megan Fox is super "hot" to some but it's just eye candy. I would rather look at an "average" or "strange" girl that i find as beautiful for all my life than to look at someone who's trying to be perfectly beautiful just for a few glances.
 

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Discussion Starter #90
Wow I enjoyed reading all the insightful responses!

And lastly, I wondered, what makes a person, more specifically a romantic interest beautiful? Why do women become (exponentially) more beautiful after I get to know them?
Perhaps, after learning about who they are, I associate ideas (many of which I find desirable) to them. Perhaps I think of these ideas whenever I see them/am near them.
Intelligent, weird, adorable personality, humorous, quirky, laid back, loving, perverted (in a good way ... I mean in any way :p), caring, ...
Perhaps those ideas are what I see when I see them.
And that is what I think beauty is.



To differentiate between someone we barely know, but are attracted to I use the words pretty and sexy in different ways.

To me, pretty describes how we view a person we don't know, but may or may not find sexy. I mean pretty is like beauty in the sense that we see ideas, but these associations may not come from the individual themselves. I don't know how to explain this. Let's say a woman is wearing a great dress, we may think elegant, but that is a cultural bias that nice dresses are elegant, she, herself, may not be (although maybe she is fashionable). Or a muscular guy, you might think strong or you might think muscle bound idiot. ... I suppose I could say that I feel prettiness is more about cultural and individual biases that we may not be aware of. Idk ... Anyway I use prettiness to denote superficial "beauty"
(Edit: Kind of like what I said about beauty in nature, but applied to a person)

Then there is sexy. Since I feel like being crass :p, I think of sexiness as how much a person makes me want to touch myself #ForeverAlone :p. But there are two types of sexy to me ... There is a physical sexy which has to do with his/her body, such as how much cleavage is she wearing (you don't show cleavage, you wear it :p ... I don't know why I like to say "wearing cleavage") ... and then there is an emotional sexy, such as a sexy that comes from how much you love him/her and/or how weird they are XD
Just want to thank you Mr Meepers, I loved what you wrote, and the idea of "beauty by association" makes a lot of sense. I have always wanted to study Philosophy of Aesthetics and perhaps now is a good time to look into it. Do you have any books/articles to recommend?
 

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It's the vibe that attracts me. The overal posture of a person, the way he talks, the stuff he says, the facial expressions, the tone of his voice. I try to read the personality behind the looks and it's a combination of both that finally attracts me. I don't pay so much attention to physical appearence per se, it's part of a whole.

Well, strong arms, messy hair and light-coloured eyes are definitely a plus :p
 

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I kind of have two different physical attraction outlines that I rate/judge (I don't like the word judge as I try to avoid doing it) others with.

1. Physical attraction according to how I see a person.
-This is basically just how attractive I think a person is. My opinions on what attractive are does not coincide with what society deems attractive 100%. For example; most people tend to agree that the hot blonde supermodels are very attractive and lots of men often pursue these type of women. Yes, they are pretty, but they are not my cup of tea. I usually don't find myself declaring these types of women as gorgeous or stunning, IMO of course.
When I base my own personal opinion of how attractive a person is, it is usually based off of a first impression. It's only natural... However, I have had experiences where people do become more attractive over time, which I believe is just an affect of being within relatively close proximity to that person on more than a couple occasions. Also, a lot of what factors someones physical attractiveness to me is how they carry themselves. For instance I do not usually find the girl who hangs out with shady gang people very attractive because of how that culture influences her overall image. But now i'm just getting into personal taste.

2. Physical attraction according to the standards of society.
-Well I can also see by society's standards how one might be deemed attractive or unattractive. Because I am shaped by the society around me, I am able to clearly see how others would be "judged" (really don't like that word) by others. Of course sometimes I am in accordance with societies standards and other times, I deviate from the norm and find women attractive that most others would only see as "ok". The L.A. Times put Scarlett Johansson as the #1 most beautiful female celebrity on their website, and well for me, it's hard to argue with that. But I will probably find someone who is more attractive in my eyes than the general opinion of the Times. I just can't think off the top of my head of who that someone would be. Perhaps Zooey Deschanelle? I don't know, they are different kinds of pretty to me. I don't like to compare people much either.
 
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I *totally* understand where you're coming from, and you're right: most people don't get it. I tried explaining it to my mom once, and she looked at me like I was an alien. The reason I bring that up is because oftentimes she'll ask me if I think a particular guy is good-looking, usually some random guy we might see at a restaurant or in a store or something. And I'll honestly tell her "I don't know." She doesn't get how I "don't know" whether I find a person attractive, but it's because I base so much of that on personality (automatically, not purposely).

Like you said, it's mannerisms and stuff, but it's also attitude and just plain personality. Sure, I get first impressions. Looking at someone briefly, like a snapshot, I can make a judgement as to whether that person is objectively attractive or not. But when I actually get to know people, their looks can change drastically. If someone I saw as objectively attractive turns out to be a huge jerk, he'll actually get less attractive to me. It's not just that he's still attractive and I don't like his personality, he actually begins to appear uglier physically. The opposite can be true for a guy I don't find attractive at first but who becomes more attractive as I get to know him.

This is why I usually say "I don't know" whether a guy is attractive or not when I don't know him. The only time I make a judgement is if his looks remind me strongly of someone I once knew well, because then I associate the two, good or bad. If I were to get to know the guy and he turned out to be the opposite of what I thought, he would become more/less attractive.

My personal theory on this phenomenon is that when a guy acts like a jerk, my brain associates him with a broad sense of "ugliness" so when I look at him I focus on the things about him that are unattractive, and when a guy is really kind, I associate him with attractiveness and focus only on the good things about his looks. I mean, obviously, the guys are not actually changing in appearance (in terms of facial features, body type, etc.), so it has to be me. Maybe other INFPs are the same?
 

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One thing I've noticed is that I become attracted to girls who are similar to past crushes. Which sounds obvious (of course you would be attracted to people who look similar to other people that you're attracted to), but it's not only because they look similar. I think it's to do with me developing a romantic fantasy about a girl (a massive crush) and when it doesn't work out, I become attracted to other girls who could potentially fullfil the fantasy. How weird is that?
Lol, my ex-boyfriend (the only serious one I've had) married a girl who looks a lot like me. It creeped me out a little at first, but she doesn't seem all that much like me personality-wise (which is why the two of them make a much better couple than we ever did), and I'm glad he found someone to fulfill that "fantasy" of his, which I would have been miserable trying to do.
 

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I find these two people really attractive, and they have awesome personalities that just add to that. (In the show anyway)


11.jpg 10.jpg
 
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I love a good since of humor and a good heart. The only thing that I have a physical attraction to is red hair. I blame that on Wally West fangirling when I was younger. I grew up spending most of my time around adults in the country,so I'm really attracted to guys who know how to work with tools. The rest is based upon mannerisms, hygiene, and personality. I know it sounds weird but to me a face is just a face. I don't understand what is so attractive about David Beckham or Kate Middleton. I... just don't see it. That picture of Fabio made me gag a little.:tongue:
 

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I am most attracted to someone who is intellectually stimulating, who imagines and creates and builds on ideas with me in a T way, which complements my F. If this person, in addition, is interested in who I am, helps me pull out of my idealism long enough to see myself more clearly, yet still appreciates my whimsy, I am completely theirs. It doesn't matter how attractive or unattractive they are by normative standards. From that point on, I just bask in the glory of how much I am in love with that person, and everything about them becomes the most beautiful, most desirable quality I could ever imagine. Even after the "honeymoon phase" this holds true in terms of attractiveness. If we are focusing purely on the physical, I am most attracted to the eyes of someone. I love it when someone has that fun, mischievous glint in their eye that indicates a spontaneous or analytical side.
 

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I can't be attracted to someone in a picture. I really have to meet a guy and get to know him before I can be attracted to him. Attraction for me is all about the kind of person he is. Usually, a man becomes more attractive to me if I like his personality and less attractive if I don't.
 

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To be honest I can be judgemental with people that surround me specially men but I am not shallow don't get me wrong. I think I judge the way a person dresses or acts more than his physical traits. The way a person carries himself gives me a bigger impression. There are certain styles and attitudes that turn me off immediately and unfortunately they are quite common where I am from and I see them daily.

Like for example I don't like men who dress like thugs and act like thugs (like Daddy Yankee) this is a major TURN OFF. When I see a man with his pants on the ground, wearing his baseball hat off to one side, walking with a swagger (I don't know if I speaking your language correctly) and then doing it sloooooooowly like if he doesn’t have any responsibilities or worries..........I CANNOT STAND this type of men and I find the majority ugly. You talk with them and they have nothing intelligent to say. The sad thing is that this kind of men look my way and I ignore them.

Sorry if I offended anyone who likes this type of lifestyle. I am pretty sure there are a lot of chicks that are attracted to guys like that but not me.
 
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