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Discussion Starter #1
Hello,

I have been wondering how do you guys manage narcissist people that mess up with you?
Have you ever experienced any of them?
I've confront many of them lately and I want to know the best way for INTP to deal with.
One of narcissists in my life is my closed friend, and my ex.
I just found out I've been gaslighted too, even I had been acting like they're not my problem, but it's disturbing me some way presently.

It would be great if you can suggest your favorite books about narcissists too.

Thank you for the answer in advance. :happy:
 

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I've only dealt in any significant sense with one narcissist (how are you attracting so many? Are you a magnet for them or something?). I'd likely cut out a close friend. One in the immediate family would just be a constant source of stress, I'm sure. For more distant family or anybody else, I'd sit back with a bag of popcorn and watch their crazy shenanigans like a fascinating documentary. If they are anything like the one I knew, the drama they produce on a daily basis is unreal.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
I've only dealt in any significant sense with one narcissist (how are you attracting so many? Are you a magnet for them or something?). I'd likely cut out a close friend. One in the immediate family would just be a constant source of stress, I'm sure. For more distant family or anybody else, I'd sit back with a bag of popcorn and watch their crazy shenanigans like a fascinating documentary. If they are anything like the one I knew, the drama they produce on a daily basis is unreal.
I wonder the same thing :laughing: interesting response, I'll try.
 

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You're a narcissist. The introverted, sensitive kind. 'I'm so altruistic and caring...so special. Nobody knows the depths of my understanding. Everyone around me, the whole world, is narcissistic...how ever shall I cope?' And then you project.

Yes, yes, I know projection is overused and tiresome. But not as much as everyone having narcissistic personality disorder.

Or maybe not. Maybe you won the narcissist lottery and dumb luck has you surrounded by them.

Anyway, that's how I deal with it. How'd I do?
 

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Discussion Starter #8
You're a narcissist. The introverted, sensitive kind. 'I'm so altruistic and caring...so special. Nobody knows the depths of my understanding. Everyone around me, the whole world, is narcissistic...how ever shall I cope?' And then you project.

Yes, yes, I know projection is overused and tiresome. But not as much as everyone having narcissistic personality disorder.

Or maybe not. Maybe you won the narcissist lottery and dumb luck has you surrounded by them.

Anyway, that's how I deal with it. How'd I do?
Narcissist is surrounded and attracted by a narcissist? If that's true I understand it all then.
 

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I can't stop laughing at this for some reason.

OP, I've dealt with a couple of narcissists. It's fun to create firm boundaries and watch them with some bemusement and some disinterest as they try to force you to join in their world of chaos. The great thing is that if you don't buy into their madness and simply ignore them, they'll go away on their own. They can't be bothered with someone who won't live in the reality they've created.
 

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Hello,

I have been wondering how do you guys manage narcissist people that mess up with you?
Have you ever experienced any of them?
I've confront many of them lately and I want to know the best way for INTP to deal with.
One of narcissists in my life is my closed friend, and my ex.
I just found out I've been gaslighted too, even I had been acting like they're not my problem, but it's disturbing me some way presently.

It would be great if you can suggest your favorite books about narcissists too.

Thank you for the answer in advance. :happy:
leave, simple as that, don't waste your time on anymore. Simply leave
 

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... The great thing is that if you don't buy into their madness and simply ignore them, they'll go away on their own. They can't be bothered with someone who won't live in the reality they've created.
leave, simple as that, don't waste your time on anymore. Simply leave
Agreed.

Don't feed the narcissist. They live on attention. Starve them to death.
 

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Can we clarify exactly what narcissism is? A lot of responses sound like ways to classify or act badly towards people you don't like. I wouldn't be surprised if this itself was narcissistic behavior on some level.
 

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There's a difference between narcissistic people and people who are narcissists. One is an arrogant jerk and the other is pathological.
I've only ever met one person who has NPD, she's also my grandma.
With her I give myself the control on when I will and won't see her, I don't give her my address so she can't come see me, I don't let her know my schedule and she stays in the dark. I don't give her the tools to use. Because she will invite herself over, and she will try to get into your head to manipulate you- and she's excellent at it. She does it with everyone she meets. A lot of people get sucked in and they bend over backwards for her. If she wasn't family (and at this point pretty helpless now) I would have cut her out of my life.

On the other hand, for people who are narcissistic, I just don't let their bs get to me and move on.
 

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Can we clarify exactly what narcissism is? A lot of responses sound like ways to classify or act badly towards people you don't like. I wouldn't be surprised if this itself was narcissistic behavior on some level.
The disorder lists these as attributes: "Symptoms include an excessive need for admiration, disregard for others' feelings, an inability to handle any criticism, and a sense of entitlement."

I'm not one to label every individual displaying these traits as having a disorder, so I'm not necessarily talking about a person that needs treatment. When I speak of a narcissist, I'm talking about one of those insidious people that attempt to sneak into your life just to take ownership of you and then ruin you. This is unallowable to me.

They follow a normal pattern, first by trying to make you think that you are the sole special person on the planet. After knowing you only a brief period of time, they groundlessly flatter you with grandiose terms and try to convince you that only they can see just how amazingly awesomely fantastically special you are. You're supposed to be flattered by this, and you should then begin to pay them special attention.

You see, this person has probably been treated poorly in their life - by everyone they have ever come across. Somehow, though, you are different. You're not mean or cruel. You won't abandon or abuse them like every other person in their life has. You'll be horrified at the horribly horrendous horrors they've endured. You'll stick by them no matter what and never cause them to feel any pain.

They will then use their trauma(s) to milk you for whatever it is they need, be it material support, praise, attention, etc. They will be the center of your world. Then, once they become bored, they begin to see the truth. You're not amazing. You're not the best thing since sliced bread. You're such a disappointment. How could you be so horribly imperfect? How dare you have your own thoughts that they haven't personally implanted? How dare you want to have friends outside of them? What kind of monster are you to not cave to their every whim? Everybody is against them! Nobody cares about them! They'd might as well die! How could you hurt them like this!

Perhaps this individual is ill. I do not care. There is no room for them in my life. When I've met a person, and two hours later, they think I'm the best thing since sliced bread (I am, mind you, but there's no way for them to know that yet), the alarm goes off in my head, my eyes glaze over, and they get moved to the list of people I will never deal with. Then I watch from a distance, with some bemusement, while they try to reel me in.

EDIT
After reading this over, I realized that I was probably speaking about someone with NPD. Generally, people think of narcissists as jerks who want the world to revolve around them. Those people simply aren't that interesting. I'm not interested in them, and they're not interested in my disinterest.

Either way, just don't engage.
 

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TWhen I've met a person, and two hours later, they think I'm the best thing since sliced bread (I am, mind you, but there's no way for them to know that yet), the alarm goes off in my head, my eyes glaze over, and they get moved to the list of people I will never deal with. Then I watch from a distance, with some bemusement, while they try to reel me in.
I sympathize because I understand narcissists are dangerous and undesirable to associate with, but determining one from among a crowd is tricky. It's still a term that associates a lot of loose psychological patterns to culminate as some form of monster; the concept of which can be seen differently by different people. But what traits-by-association also dissociate from being anything else at the same time? Whenever I hear people describe "red flags" or "bells" it's hard to relate - maybe because I've seen someone use it continuously in a very unsuccessful way, nevertheless I still think it's objectively appropriate to find such a way to judge troubling. I see it leading to a said narcissist developing resentment for being treated unfairly, and in an important sense this is true. This to me is the same thing as feeding the beast.

Grandiose sentiment and accolades just need to be reformulated into something fair, and maybe if they understand this difference through explanation, they can recalibrate their own misguided way of perceiving others.

But I say these things with a grain of salt because I can't say I've had my life profoundly disturbed by a narcissist... that I know of.
 

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I sympathize because I understand narcissists are dangerous and undesirable to associate with, but determining one from among a crowd is tricky. It's still a term that associates a lot of loose psychological patterns to culminate as some form of monster; the concept of which can be seen differently by different people. But what traits-by-association also dissociate from being anything else at the same time? Whenever I hear people describe "red flags" or "bells" it's hard to relate - maybe because I've seen someone use it continuously in a very unsuccessful way, nevertheless I still think it's objectively appropriate to find such a way to judge troubling. I see it leading to a said narcissist developing resentment for being treated unfairly, and in an important sense this is true. This to me is the same thing as feeding the beast.

Grandiose sentiment and accolades just need to be reformulated into something fair, and maybe if they understand this difference through explanation, they can recalibrate their own misguided way of perceiving others.

But I say these things with a grain of salt because I can't say I've had my life profoundly disturbed by a narcissist... that I know of.
I have a shellfish allergy. It is very extreme and I've been treated in the hospital for anaphylaxis. That was a horrible and traumatic experience. Before that happened to me, I would put up with other people bringing shellfish around me so as not to be rude. I'd go to a corner, pop a benadryl, take a few puffs of my inhaler, then I'd return to grin and bear being around them. Now, I don't do that anymore. It's far too dangerous, and I have every right to protect my health. If someone gets into the car, and they have shrimp, I'm sorry - get out. You want to come to my home after you went to a crab feast? Nope. I'll see you some other day. I'm not mean about it, but I am very firm.

For some reason, people aren't expected to protect their own mental health with any vigilance. We don't want to harm the other person, inconvenience anyone, or worse: make someone realize the horrible truth that they're toxic. I've had my own experiences with toxic people in various forms and I have had to deal with the aftermath of rebuilding my sense of self.

Needless to say, my description was the abridged version. Still, once I get a whiff of alarming behaviors, I get out of dodge - just like I do with shellfish. I don't ignore their existence (that is, if I absolutely have no choice), but I do set firm, non-negotiable boundaries. They can resent this all they want. I have every right to protect my sanity and reject their behaviors. Individuals all are responsible for their behavior, sick or not. I realize that not everyone is self-aware. I realize that there are people who need help. That doesn't mean that I am obligated to play along with their games. That helps no one.
 

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Not to be anal and miss the forest for the trees but people use narcissism too loosely. You get plenty of people who are selfish and you get plenty of people who are self-centered, seemingly interpreting the world and everything in it primarily through how it relates to them. There might actually even be a function for that. You also get people who are disproportionately arrogant and who lack self-awareness. Narcissism is fetid melange of this writ extremely large. Trump is the most public current example of a textbook narcissist. I knew a narcissist, he dated one of my sisters (woman has horrendous taste in men but I genuinely hope she finds contentment) for several years during which he would be brash and boastful (that man's fucking laugh I swear), start businesses ranging from computers to real estate to a peanut butter factory which would all go bankrupt (someone elses fault), purchase ostentatious homes he couldn't afford and squat until the banks kicked him out (uncontrollable economic circumstances) and molested my youngest sister, the fallout of which permanently split my family.

Anyway, assuming you can't simply not engage or remove yourself from the situation then don't indulge them. They're gonna wanna use you as kindle for their ego furnace, don't let them. Consign them to the periphery of your attention and they'll eventually lose interest.
 
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