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Doesn't it ever seem like more often times than not we like someone who is unavailable in some sort of way shape or form and the people who are available who are interested in us we aren't interested in?

I swear something's always in the way. Some people think I like a challenge, but honestly, it's a constant headache trying to fight for a place in someone's life and no I don't like challenges. It gets tiring.

Over and over I feel like I've been through it all

1) -- found out they're secretly married, they lied to me
2) -- found out they have children and a family and are still committed to them while trying to talk to me
3) -- they're secretly gay (He was already gay before he met me but actually I was the first person he confessed this to. I guess I should be flattered he trusted me with that and I confused him enough to lead me on for 8 months but still that was depressing. He was seriously the closest thing I've found to my dream guy near by and I knew he was too good to be true something was up with him and then he told me...8 months later when we first started talking his secret. I'm like there's no possible way I can simply be with someone just like this, something's going to happen.)
4) -- they're far away
5) -- something else

The people who are into me that are available are super clingy, inconsiderate (show up whenever they please to my place when I didn't invite them), smothering, and I just don't like that they don't seem to get it no matter how many times I've told them.

It always takes me a month or two to get comfortable with someone before I reveal I'm interested and the people interested in me that are available to be with already confess their undying love the third day they know me ever in their life time and they're serious about it, not joking. Not only that their personalities are completely dull and boring. I cannot keep up a conversation with them.

Does this happen to anyone else? Ugh!
 

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Yes, something like this does happen to me too.

The few odd ones who've been able to get my attention end up being married with children, or are way too young for me.

And the rest have nothing in common with me at all what so ever.... makes me wonder if they're just shooting in the dark and hoping they'll get something.
 

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Beer Guardian
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Take your time and do a thorough background check. It's cheaper than getting all invested before finding out the truth.
 
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makes me wonder if they're just shooting in the dark and hoping they'll get something.
Probably.

 
The only way to get lots of hot women if you’re not a celebrity is to play the numbers game. And there are two ways to play the numbers game:

A) Hit on 30* hot chicks, have 29 reject you, so the 30th says yes
B) Become a master at knowing how to flirt, how to socialize and how to create the opportunities for interested women to ADMIT their interest in you, and being good at knowing when to make a move

In both strategies you get one out of 30* women, it’s just that in case A you make the 29 explicitly reject you to get to the 30th one. Whereas in case B, you find out who “chick 30″ is without having to face overt rejection

*-30 is a random example number, your ratio will vary on how attractive you are, your fitness level, genetic shape, facial structure, your status in the context you meet these women, the context itself etc etc…

Now, most PUAs apply strategy A, they just invent fancy ways (methods) of masking the rejection.

Tyler Dyrden even openly tells guys now he only gets one out of 30 chicks he approaches (that’s after 10 years of doing this professionally). He even mocks the idea that this is a “numbers game”. Apparently his newest explanation is that the 29 chicks are just a “warm up” and he’s warming up his mood, and it’s really his heightened “mood” that makes chick 30 sleep with him. I wish I was making this up… I’m not…

On the video above, Go to 13 minutes, 55 seconds

So yeah… Funny, how is that most of us anti-puas can get these same results without “mood”? And without any of the 50DVD crappola?

Heck, you can get those lay ratios or better just by asking these same club women if they wanna bang right from hello.

You’d get the same ratio of makeouts this doofus gets if you just walked up to the same women and said “hi, wanna make out”?

The only major difference is that your rejection will suck harder (i.e. the 29 will be more glaring). This is the scam of game. You still don’t get the 29, you still only get chick nr. 30.

*-Note, you can have a much worsened ratio by being akward and have bad “calibration” or signal-reading ability. In other words, your ratio might be as low as 1 in 60 because for example you might make some moves too soon, or wait too long, or persist too much, or not enough, things like that.

This is how some people see improvements and misatribute it to game. A guy might go from 1 in 100 to 1 in 30 with no change in attractivness, and he assumes he’s gotten game (the ability to create attraction), what he doesn’t realize is he’s merely gotten better calibrated on when and how to escalate. The same women are attracted, he’s just screwing up less…

PUA rationalization on the numbers’ game | Game Myth (formerly seduction myth)
 
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Loon Princess
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And the rest have nothing in common with me at all what so ever.... makes me wonder if they're just shooting in the dark and hoping they'll get something.
Yeah, pretty much. Society tends to expect guys to be the one to initiate, so a lot of guys go the route of hitting on as many people as possible until they're able to get laid. Least emotional investment involved.
 

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I have the same issue. I've never had a secretly married guy go after me, but the whole thing about the ones you're interested in not being interested and the ones interested in you not being people you'd be interested in really rings true for me. I've pretty much given up on relationships. If I do happen to meet someone and we're right for each other and both like each other, I'm open to that possibility, but I'm definitely not trying to make it happen anymore. I've been burned too many times.
 

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Take your time and do a thorough background check. It's cheaper than getting all invested before finding out the truth.
I just got the vision about a girl sending a private detective after me, after a couple dates, to check up on the situation.
In some kind of bizarre way I would find it funny, though she would have some explaining to do (while I laugh have the time)
extra points for thoroughness and originality :D
 

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If you find out how to break this cycle please let me know. The last 3 decent women I came across had gotten a bf within 2 weeks of me asking them on a date.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
If you find out how to break this cycle please let me know. The last 3 decent women I came across had gotten a bf within 2 weeks of me asking them on a date.
Oh yeah, you also reminded me the two exes that I dated, they got married and have kids after they dated me and they were asses to me yet found happiness before I did. This is ridiculous. I'm not mad about that, though. I knew they weren't right for me but it's just weird to me after I date someone, they always get married to someone else a few months or a year or two later.

I'm working on breaking this curse right now. I'm not letting distance win. If it isn't someone it's something in the way.
 

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Been there, done that. You have to be honest with yourself though: Are you afraid of commitment?

I wasn't able to have a healthy relationship until I realized that I had a fear of commitment. I intentionally went after guys who seemed aloof, hard to get, unavailable, etc. and when a guy actually took an interest in a relationship with me I'd run away. I dated a lot of assholes, liars, manipulators and weirdos because they were the ones who kept their distance, and that made me feel safe. If a guy actually wanted me straight up... well, he must be a loser/creep/boring/shallow. I ended up chasing people who didn't care about me.

My current boyfriend spent a month and a half trying to talk to me. Like so many guys, I dismissed him as "probably not going to work" before even going on one date. He was single, I had a fuck buddy already, and I was not even looking for a relationship. He seemed... normal. Maybe a bit douchey and way more attractive than I normally went for. So after a month and a half of him texting me and me ignoring him, he caught me on a bad day and convinced me to go to dinner with him. The moment I saw him, we met in a passionate kiss like nothing I'd ever felt. Five months later we're living together and I've never been happier. He brings me flowers and chocolate for no reason, takes care of me when I'm sick, listens to me no matter how insane I get, and his whole family loves me. I never would have thought I could find a guy like that.

You need someone who cares about you, and not in their words - in their actions. Don't be afraid of someone who's available for you, and don't sell yourself short by dating anyone who isn't amazing.
 

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Beer Guardian
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I just got the vision about a girl sending a private detective after me, after a couple dates, to check up on the situation.
In some kind of bizarre way I would find it funny, though she would have some explaining to do (while I laugh have the time)
extra points for thoroughness and originality :D
I am imagining a cheesy plot in one of those Lifetime made-for-TV movies (not that I know about such things).
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Been there, done that. You have to be honest with yourself though: Are you afraid of commitment?

I wasn't able to have a healthy relationship until I realized that I had a fear of commitment. I intentionally went after guys who seemed aloof, hard to get, unavailable, etc. and when a guy actually took an interest in a relationship with me I'd run away. I dated a lot of assholes, liars, manipulators and weirdos because they were the ones who kept their distance, and that made me feel safe. If a guy actually wanted me straight up... well, he must be a loser/creep/boring/shallow. I ended up chasing people who didn't care about me.

My current boyfriend spent a month and a half trying to talk to me. Like so many guys, I dismissed him as "probably not going to work" before even going on one date. He was single, I had a fuck buddy already, and I was not even looking for a relationship. He seemed... normal. Maybe a bit douchey and way more attractive than I normally went for. So after a month and a half of him texting me and me ignoring him, he caught me on a bad day and convinced me to go to dinner with him. The moment I saw him, we met in a passionate kiss like nothing I'd ever felt. Five months later we're living together and I've never been happier. He brings me flowers and chocolate for no reason, takes care of me when I'm sick, listens to me no matter how insane I get, and his whole family loves me. I never would have thought I could find a guy like that.

You need someone who cares about you, and not in their words - in their actions. Don't be afraid of someone who's available for you, and don't sell yourself short by dating anyone who isn't amazing.
It's not just guys in general that I don't trust. It's people. I would be willing to commit to a guy who can assure me he wouldn't ever think of cheating. And for the ones who are single and available they are just super aggressive and clingy for my taste and they really don't have anything in common with me at all for it to work.

I felt like if I caved into one of them they would always keep tabs on me and that would also be an unhealthy relationship.

I'm looking for a balance where I know I wouldn't have to fight for a spot in someone's life and I can count on them. I'm looking to relax with someone without extra worries and without being smothered.

I hope my future guy whoever he is will do the little gifts thing, too because I would for him as well.
 

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It's not just guys in general that I don't trust. It's people. I would be willing to commit to a guy who can assure me he wouldn't ever think of cheating. And for the ones who are single and available they are just super aggressive and clingy for my taste and they really don't have anything in common with me at all for it to work.

I felt like if I caved into one of them they would always keep tabs on me and that would also be an unhealthy relationship.

I'm looking for a balance where I know I wouldn't have to fight for a spot in someone's life and I can count on them. I'm looking to relax with someone without extra worries and without being smothered.

I hope my future guy whoever he is will do the little gifts thing, too because I would for him as well.
I would recommend an ISTJ such as myself for the trustworthiness. Heck I'd even recommend myself If I didn't live in the middle of nowhere lol. You just gotta make sure to get one that's matured a bit, when I wasn't mature yet I wouldn't have been worth the time and efort.
 

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Doesn't it ever seem like more often times than not we like someone who is unavailable in some sort of way shape or form and the people who are available who are interested in us we aren't interested in?

I swear something's always in the way. Some people think I like a challenge, but honestly, it's a constant headache trying to fight for a place in someone's life and no I don't like challenges. It gets tiring.

Over and over I feel like I've been through it all

1) -- found out they're secretly married, they lied to me
2) -- found out they have children and a family and are still committed to them while trying to talk to me
3) -- they're secretly gay (He was already gay before he met me but actually I was the first person he confessed this to. I guess I should be flattered he trusted me with that and I confused him enough to lead me on for 8 months but still that was depressing. He was seriously the closest thing I've found to my dream guy near by and I knew he was too good to be true something was up with him and then he told me...8 months later when we first started talking his secret. I'm like there's no possible way I can simply be with someone just like this, something's going to happen.)
4) -- they're far away
5) -- something else

The people who are into me that are available are super clingy, inconsiderate (show up whenever they please to my place when I didn't invite them), smothering, and I just don't like that they don't seem to get it no matter how many times I've told them.

It always takes me a month or two to get comfortable with someone before I reveal I'm interested and the people interested in me that are available to be with already confess their undying love the third day they know me ever in their life time and they're serious about it, not joking. Not only that their personalities are completely dull and boring. I cannot keep up a conversation with them.

Does this happen to anyone else? Ugh!
Yes this happened to me. Twice.

Your 1/2 happened to me very recent.
It sucked he conveyed he was single at first, then after we had sex he conveyed that he was in a limbo.
We had a really great time, conversations, chemistry. And he recognized things in me that were under the surface and it was very nice. And I really enjoyed his company.

And then 5 I had great chemistry with a guy and we had some amazing dates and conversation and sex once it got to that point. then he suddenly flaked out on me, come to find he was a closeted alcoholic, he went to treatment and then had to focus so much on that he was advised to not be in a relationship while in early recovery which made sense but it was very depressing to have something so neat with someone and have the circumstances be way off.

Depressing.
And I am not actively seeking anyone, both of them fell into my lap and I just thought I was meeting someone random and hitting it off. But obviously based on circumstance neither could be. Again I wasn't even actively looking so it was feeling kinda blindsided both times, thinking I didn't sign up for or even initiate this.
 
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