I'm sorry--I'm just rambling even more here:
I just have to add here--this seems "objective" or logical or something to me.
But why would it make sense that understanding of sex was defined by one's virginity. (rhetorical question--not directed at you, Ock, but just society in general, who I feel does sort of present it this way.)
Like, I feel that is how it's portrayed--once you know what it is in an intimate sense.
But realistically? Sex can be soo many ways? Just like there are so many individuals in the world?
The extreme example of losing one's virginity without consent (and there are worse ways than I experienced for sure...many of which are probably sad, tragic, and should not be)...
Like could you say to someone who lost their virginity in a very terrible way that "well now you know...sex" ?
I would say no, you can't.
Because it could be there is a completely different type of sex out there with someone who cares about you and your wellbeing. Who even loves you? Could be you never experience this, but it's okay--because it still exists. Someone else has.
So that's why the whole virginity = knowledge thing doesn't make sense to me. Because who defines what sex really "means"?
It's as different as there are different people in the world. And intentions.
And so that's why I think the whole virginity thing doesn't make sense.
Even if you did have sex with a person--your intentions, their intentions, may be different than with a different person. It's not like suddenly you would be enlightened. Which is sort of how virginity is portrayed.
As if you learned some new skill--like people are just some kind of object to be used...and you learned how to do it? Once you lost your virginity?
Silly!
But it is much more individual, if or when you choose to explore sex with a specific person, imo. Because it's about what it means to you and them.
Virginity, objectively, doesn't really matter that much in the scale of things, imo. "Things" being everything that could possibly exist. Virginity is just a detail...not as significant as its made out to be by society.
Tbh I'm probably a little jealous. I kind of wish I'd never had sex. I've even wished I'd never even been a sexual creature, as I feel it's put me in more dangerous situations than anything...I've had too many bad situations to count, and it's left me hurt.
And it makes me sad that people can't view each other more simply--like as individual people...sexuality sometimes (or maybe not--maybe just people being unkind and choosing to not care for others) seems to blind people and they don't really care about the other person, because they only care what they want or what reaction they want. Which I find really sad and isolating.
I am always curious about people's virginities, perhaps because of my dissatisfaction with my own loss of virginity. So I also find it sort of fascinating, tbh. And I probably idealize it more than I should. It just seems nice to me, the idea of being a virgin. But at the same time, I'm kind of glad I lost mine, even though I didn't want to at the time, or consent, because it allowed me to question the importance of it--personally, compared to how others value, or society values it.
So I would still say that I wouldn't judge someone badly about it. And I am sorry that I've made this topic more about me, but it's how I see it. I think it'd be nice to be a 43 year old virgin sometimes! Though I also respect and care for anyone, regardless of their sexual history--experienced or not. There are benefits to having sexual experience and also to not having it.
So to me it's more of a curious, wonderful sort of thing--like "how did you manage that?!" I wonder what it might be like. Of course though, I don't see it as really being that significant because I can't see virginity so much as an expression of choice as much as just some detail. But it is definitely really interesting to think about what kind of meaning we could assign to it.
So--tldr I don't see it as a bad thing at all. I just see it as a bad thing if it's something that is bad to you, because then it's just a problem to be solved, but the good thing is that by the time you are 43 you've had a lot of time to figure that out, and so I am confident you will be well equipped to make the right decision for yourself. So all in all, seems pretty good.