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Discussion Starter #1
Hello Everyone! I have just realized that you all might have some insight here to help me understand this. Does praise freak you out? I never know how to accept compliments from people (in person, writing is not a problem) because I want to tell them how much it means that they appreciate whatever it was, and then, too, I don't want to come off as conceited. Then there are the times when I'm like, "Oh... You really think that?" when someone says something like "You know, you're like a really cool person!" Whenever that happens (and it's not all that often) I can't help thinking that I am like the least cool person on the planet. LOL! How does it work for all of you?
 
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I'm not really sure what too do. I mean I preen a bit, but at the same time, I'm suprised someone actually said/thought that about me.

I agree, I want to show how touched I am, but I don't know how to do that without it seeming fake and/or mushy. Normally I say something like "Oh, thanks" and either down play it, or give them a compliment...or I just say "Well of course, I'm amazing!" in a very over the top fashion. Then just try and move on with the conversation.

Sometimes I need to be told, look that wasn't luck, that was YOU...I can find it hard to take credit for my achievments. I am quite hard on myself, and I am concerned about being arogant.

I don't do things just to get praise, I do things because I think it is the right thing to do or because it is in my nature. I don't want to be someone who does things just to apear a certain way, perhapes this is why it's hard for me to acept?

I do remmeber compliments though, and they mean a lot to me when I get them, as I don't often feel what I do is noticed or aprechiated by others. I don't need it to be, but it's nice sometimes to know someone has noticed...if that makes any sense.
 

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I feel pretty similar to Filigee (for lack of a better nickname)-- I do accept compliments, but I usually try to find a way and compliment the person back. Sometimes it's very artificial, which I feel bad about, but that's just the way I am.

I used to be really bad at accepting compliments, but I've come to strongly believe that there is something very powerful and respectable about a person who can just accept compliments graciously. Not dodging, not deflecting, just saying "thank you," and moving on. I really dislike when people feel the need to say things like "oh, you really think so?" or "oh... I guess..." -- If I say something about you that's positive, I really mean it (unless, as mentioned above, I'm seeking to make someone feel good who made me feel good about myself). I do have friends that act that way, but I try to get them to realize that not just accepting the compliment gets really tiresome, and makes me not want to compliment them.

It's all very complex. Sorry if I've offended anyone. I realize that I've been through this journey myself, but I just thought I'd share my perspective.
 

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Indeed as I the others said, I feel really awkward when I'm complimented because I don't know how to respond so I usually say "thanks" with a low quiet voice and a smile. Yes it is nice to be appreciated but sometimes I don't see what others see or down play it as something not that significant to be mentioned.

I think for something to be really an accomplishment it really has to be groundbreaking and cause one heck of a positive change.
 

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Short answer = with considerable embarassment. :blushed:

I get really overwhelmed easily by compliments. They mean a lot to me, especially from people I love, so my response is mixed. On the one hand, as others have said, I want to make it clear to them how much their praise and appreciation means to me, usually by complimenting them in return to make them feel as good as they've made me feel. Then it occurs to me that giving them a compliment just because they've given me one seems really insincere, so I'm not sure whether to say it or not. Most of the time I just either blush and say "thanksisupposeyourereallyverykind" or something like that, or I deflect it with some OTT response like "sure I don't blame you, I love myself more every day" :crazy: that clearly isn't sincere.

Generally though, I handle praise very badly. Not that I don't enjoy it, of course...
 

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Discussion Starter #8
I don't do things just to get praise, I do things because I think it is the right thing to do or because it is in my nature.
You're all saying something very similar and it's interesting to know that praise is difficult for all of us. I think Filigree hit on it though. We aren't doing things for the praise and when we get praise it's such a surprise, but then we're all so grateful that someone noticed, "Yes, this person has invested and has worked hard, good for them!" that we become bashful. I can't really thank you all enough for your responses btw. I've wondered about this for years. My ISFJ relatives also struggle with praise. Interesting, eh?
 
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I tell myself I don't do things for praise, but if I hear it it's nice to hear. Unfortunately I usually respond by downplaying whatever they are praising me for "oh it's nothing anyone can do this/that" is my usual response.

I like to hear it when it happens, but I rarely accept it.
 

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I agree with everyone's response here, and I think I've even DONE all of them in my quest to figure it out. I get sick of a certain response I do, like it even starts to sound dumb to my own ears, so I think about why I responds that way and what a better response would be. Kind of like that 'challenge myself' I've started to notice as a tendency of ours.

My latest? I think of how it feels when I genuinely thank someone and what response I get that is my favorite, which is when they are genuinely touched and accept it graciously. When I thank someone and they blow it off in anyway, it actually hurts my feeling, like they're refusing my gift of thanks.

So I let myself feel the thanks as genuine, and say back genuinely, You're very welcome. And then we move on, and I let that warm - AWESOME - feeling stay with me in the background for as long as possible. Because it will dissipate ALL too soon. And it actually recharges some of my 'strength' & ability to handle things in everyday life. I've kind of beat myself up so intensely for so long, I'm grasping on straws for this LOL :crazy:

THANKS! (hee hee) for this topic.
 
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The thing is, I am usually the one complementing others. I like making people feel appreciated for the things that they do.

And when I'm the one receiving complements, I'm flabbergasted! I get so confused when people complement/praise me, because I don't think I deserve the praise most of the time. And as I think that, I realize that oh, yeah, I did do something really nice for them or they just want to make me feel happy.

I usually thank people awkwardly. I really suck at accepting complements, and my friends have pointed it out several times before. Ha I think we are all just super awkward when people recognize us for our accomplishments or whatever we did! :p
 

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If possible the best way to answer to a compliment is with another compliment(honest of course). Since I read that I started to applied it and it has make a difference. In the past I used to blush/ say in a shy way thanks or don't believe it( old self-stem issues). Now that I have more confidence of my abilities and a better grasp of who I am...I respond positive and usually give a honest compliment to the other person. If I don't have a compliment I just give them the gift of my smile with a warn "thank you". You are all amazing people so don't feel shy...even if you don't believe it at first :p. INFJ are amazing human beings if you get to know them 8).
 

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I get reeeeally uncomfortable when I get praise because I don't know how to react. So sometimes in a sarcastic, playing-around voice, I will answer with "I know. I'm so awesome," then follow up with a genuine "thank you." Then at other times (when it's not appropriate to play around...) I just simply say "thank you" and feel awkward inside. Haha. I'm used to being the complimenter, not the complimentee.
 

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I don't confuse praise with flattery.

I accept praise with grace and with a thank you.

I always remember the line from Kipling: -

"If you can meet with triumph and disaster, and treat those two imposters just the same"
 

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I have no idea how to react to compliments/praise/flattery. When I get them, I just freeze up and only manage to say a 'thank you', and even then, I think I sound conceited. I don't take them seriously.
 
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I don't like getting compliments/praise

if it's someone I'm very close to....like my husband....
a lot of times I'll tell him to shut-up
he knows I'm not trying to be mean and that
I just want him to drop it

but other people I usually just awkwardly say thank you
I can't accept it without blushing and stuff and you can really tell when I blush so it bothers me/embarrasses me

especially when someone does it in front of other people because then I'm at the risk of someone noticing my blushyness and pointing it out >.>....grr
 

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Over-the-top sarcasm or over-the-top cheesiness usually works for me.

"You're amazing!"
"Well it's about damn time you noticed."

"You're cool."
"Cuz I'm so chill."
I've noticed, however, it only really works if you take it EXTREMELY over the top. Or, it just sounds cocky. Unless i have one of those remarks ready, i say "thanks," and conversation continues.
 
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