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How do you act around quiet, anxious people?

[ENTP] 
7K views 43 replies 19 participants last post by  timeless 
#1 ·
Im actually kinda quiet and anxious myself, but am...getting over it basically. There was this girl in one of my classes today who was giving a presentation and she was nervous as fuck. Her voice was staggering and she was out of breath and stuff.

Made me want to like, talk to her, make her laugh...but im a pretty anxious person myself, and really dont know how people see me. I assume people see me as how i see other quiet people. But you can tell if they are quiet and annoying as opposed to quiet, yet confident on the inside...somehow...Being quiet, but NOT being all weird and rebellious...ya....thats it.

Im thinking that you have introverts who are naturally quiet, and then extroverts who are quiet, but extroverted if you get to know them...I knew this kid in highschool who i thought was weird as fuck the first year he was there, because he didnt say shit, being a new student. Then during a lab class he was in my group of 3, and we found out that this kid was cool as fuck, and an ENTP. Then he became super popular, not "popular" like the dumb label, but "popular" as in, everybody liked him. We used to fukin just sit in the library and make up these hilarious scenarios and shit, and this kid had an overpowered intuition...good times.

I see it as a challenge almost to talk to these people, figuring out what they're all about, and i enjoy talking to them. I assume that this is why random people come up to me and talk to me, or make me their friend, even though i don't say much back. In high school i had a bad case of social anxiety, but I was still considered "cool"...I guess only an ENTP could play the "cool quiet kid" character...ALLITERATION

So ya, how do you act around these quiet and strangely interesting, anxious people? And have you ever helped them to open up? That was like, my main role in high school, to help the weird ass mutherfuckers become accepted haha.
 
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#2 ·
When I was a freshman in high school, I took keyboarding class for an easy A, and there was this kid in there with the exact description you gave. I have always felt compelled to screw with these people, not in a mean way, but in a socially weird way (like desensitizing their virgin ears, such as shocking the hell out of them). So for an entire year I messed with this quiet nerd, and he didn't once open up to me. The next year when we came back from summer break, I had a new friend. It was quite hilarious (and enlightening) to see such a different side to what I know now as the INTP.

In general I have always tried to help others come out of that awkward stage, because I used to be that way myself (though I probably never saw it that way at the time). I understand now that some people just want to be quiet and keep to themselves. I respect that. The others though.. they just need some prodding :X
 
#3 ·
In general I have always tried to help others come out of that awkward stage, because I used to be that way myself (though I probably never saw it that way at the time). I understand now that some people just want to be quiet and keep to themselves. I respect that. The others though.. they just need some prodding :X
^^ this ... only less respect for personal space and more poking with a stick. I try really hard to get them outta their shells if I can see that they don't belong there.
 
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#4 ·
I LOVE people like this, I went through a shy awkward stage but that didn't last long cause I got through that tweenage crap and found my niche, I HATED being shy. So, with a newfound dose of 'Ha, I'm smart, and I don't care if you don't like it' confidence, I was the weird, loud-mouthed and opinionated type in high school, on top of this I got straight A's so I was kinda intimidating, but after that first year of freaking the hell out of most people, I won them over and I was that popular eccentric that sort of floats around in all the groups at school, didn't care enough about popularity to be the queen bee, I just wanted to have fun with whoever suited me at the time. So whenever there was a quiet kid, too nervous or scared to be themselves, I never considered them lame or nerdy like the 'popular' kids did, because I can relate to being a 'nerd'. So I'd go EXTRA extrovert, act super outrageous, scare them witless at first as a bit of a shock to the system, but always with the aim of making them laugh, because if you make someone laugh, they feel much more comfortable and just chill out: you can be yourself when you know people will laugh with you, not at you. And pretty much whoever I did this for, they would work out that they could be who they want, and find a group that suited them that they wanted to hang with. kind of an initiation I suppose. And I still do this today whenever I meet new people who are shy, expecially at work when someone new starts and they don't know how to act. As I said, I love it, it's a privilege to help people break out of shyness or nervousness and hopefully find their niche.
 
#5 ·
I don't like trying to force quiet people out of their shells. I always believed I was highly introverted until really very recently, and when people tried too hard to get me to "open up" all I felt was disrespected and misunderstood. I was told that I was shy, depressing, sometimes even boring and socially awkward, all of which kind of screwed with my self-identification; more likely I was zoning out because I found the conversation tedious and uninteresting and irrelevant. People who genuinely wanted to understand me were a whole lot more successful at unearthing my inner extroversion. :p

As far as anxiety goes... that's a tough nut to crack. Performance art is one of the random areas I obsess over. A good speech, or reading, or presentation, or recital, or whatever, is contingent on achieving that perfect balance between anxious and confident. If you don't get that balance, you create awkwardness, and awkwardness is what screws things up more than anything. Overly confident people make me feel just as nervous and weird as overly anxious people
 
#6 ·
uhhhhhh, im not quite sure. i think i do bring people out of their shell, because i am a very goofy person. i can make the most serious people smile.
the thing is just to be natural, i suppose.

i usually just start babbling and making convo, and hopefully the person responds well, you can usually tell if someone gives you the "leave me the **** alone" vibe then i'd just leave em alone. but ive had a couple good friends who are shy/anxious, and i think that ive helped them out of their shell by just babbling on a whole bunch sooner or later they realize that its okay to just be their funny goofy selves and join the fun :p
 
#9 ·
I'd love to have a nice, witty ENTP bring me out of my shell if I was feeling a bit shy or reserved at a party, for example. There's nothing like genuine laughter to ease the tension (unlike the fake smiling and laughter you often have to do at parties).
 
#31 ·
I'd love to have a nice, witty ENTP bring me out of my shell if I was feeling a bit shy or reserved at a party, for example. There's nothing like genuine laughter to ease the tension (unlike the fake smiling and laughter you often have to do at parties).
I would gladly oblige! and I am not gay! not even a little bit!... no!

How would you be able to tell the difference between the ones that like to keep to themselves, and those that "need some prodding"?
judging from how popular this question got here, I must say ENTPs have it in their blood, NO ONE can beat us! we're good and we know it.
 
#14 ·
I act ridiculously random in front of them.
To the point that some think there's a pattern and go mad trying to find it.
My main goal is to make them "mad" (insane, or emotionally), then mold that into something a lot better.
Either way he/she gets out of their shell, main goal.
Afterwards, if they crawl back in, I'll respect their choice and still be friends.
Just wanted to show them the sun for a while and see if they're just blind or lazy.
 
#21 ·
this reminds me of one time on the sports bus, where this one kid, who i suspect is entp, who is really fat, ugly and short, sat next to me on the bus. For the entire hour of driving to the opponent school, this mother fucker sat next to me, singing along to all of the stupid modern-pop songs on the radio...I was annoyed as fuck, but all i did was laugh and smile.
 
#16 ·
So really what it comes down to is that most of us think they're lab rats, or dormants
 
#30 ·
I understand this perfectly and totally absolutely agree with what you said, and for my part in this thread, I only want stress what extroversion is for an ENTP (and for other EXXXs); I mean, extroverted doesn't mean sociable, it means having and extroverted dominant function which is a different thing, and it doesn't entail being social unless the Ne has a good stimulation from people (and there are places where fun people are extinct so then it is NATURAL for the ENTP to withdraw in an awkward way, rather than the cool confidence of the introvert you mentioned)

how I act around them uncomfortable, anxious but awesome peoples? I roll with them, hell yeah!!!! feels great not being the only one *wink* :angry:
 
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#33 ·
Honestly, I'm sort of a quiet, anxious kind when I am unfamiliar in an environment, and when people tell me to open up in an asshole way, I find it pretty disrespectful. Most people who are saying that aren't actually thinking for themselves, but going by everyone else's standards anyway.

Admittedly, socially awkward and quiet people aren't always the most easily approachable people for me. Frankly, I'm intimidated a bit if the person bears too much confidence. What's in between is what's easier for me.
 
#34 ·
As a usually quiet person, I get extremely offended when people take it upon themselves to get me to open up or "bust out of my shell". I have my shell for a reason. I like it. I'm not afraid to come out of it and I will come out of it when *I* want to come out of it. I don't need anyone's "help" to open up more and you are not doing me a favor by trying to help me do so. You're annoying and patronizing.

Just as I like people respecting my preference for being quiet and reserved, I respect that preference in others. I let people be as quiet as they want. That said, I find myself opening up more around quiet people. I don't have to compete with anyone for attention and I can be the "loud, crazy one" without having to be too loud and crazy. I love being friends with all shy people because it's the only time I'm NOT the "quiet one". I guess it's kinda like how when fat people like being friends with other fat people because they look skinny in comparison...
 
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#36 ·
Your exactly right. There are people who patronize quiet people, not respecting them, and the ones who just treat the quiet person as if though they were a normal human being, which they are haha. Its these people who just treat us normally, and just accept us who actually make us come out of our shells. The ones who give us the opportunity to open up, rather than the ones who were all caught up with stupid shit, tryin too hard to be "cool".

I guess i got lucky in highschool. My class was small, about 80 kids, and everyone kinda just got along, except for a few "rejected" kids of course. I played sports so i was forced to deal with some of the "cool" kids, who annoyed the fuck out of me. Cool kids and hipster-ass *******...i cant stand them haha. There were a few though who actually respected me and were intelligent. You know people respect you when they bitch about their problems to you and call you names in a joking manner.

Holy shit, this one time before a baseball game one of my teammates, also a kid who i helped become socially acceptable, asked me of i had a mild form of autism. I was fuckin pissed, but i held together. I just said "are you kidding me?" and then i explained to him what autism actually was and what mild versions of it were called. Fuckin piece of shit was home schooled up until 8th grade, his parents forcing religion onto him. Little freak would walk around school all day and try to convert people, and tell them about Jesus.
I was his only friend for a while, eventually peer pressure got the best of him, and he became the narcissistic douche-bag type. He wants to become a surgeon, and took a special medical program in high school. He probably learned about autism in his class that day, and needed an ego boost to act cool in front of the other cool kids on the team , so he chose me, the least intimidating one on the team, to "diagnose". But all the kids talked shit about him behind his back anyway. I feel bad for him, knowing how he was completely unaware that he annoyed everyone.
 
#41 ·
@King_Moonracer regarding post #37.

I can see how it seems kind of rebellious to use the words you mentioned as they are kind of 'forbidden' words . However, I believe that there are very good reasons for not using them. This is because these words are associated with hatred, extreme prejudice and even persecution. People use these abusive terms when they are committing hate crimes. I do not believe that they are merely 'words' to be played with but rather they are offensive terms that have dangerous connotations.
 
#43 ·
I am the "quiet anxious type" - or at least, every ENTP I have ever met seems to think so, whether I feel that way or not - and they all seem to take it upon themselves to "lighten me up" by making me laugh or provoking me to anger and then poking holes in my anger, and then making me laugh. I think they get a kick out of breaking up my serious-meditative look and forcing me to laugh when I don't want to. If they get me to argue with them I think they love to play devil's advocate just to fuck with me, which is fine, but the thing is when an NF argues they are usually not arguing for the fun of it like a rational, but usually because they have strong feelings invested in the topic, and it can feel like the ENTP is making light of these (which, in fact, they often are). I have been told point-blank by ENTPs that I need to lighten up, stop taking things too seriously etc. etc.

I don't mind it, I usually enjoy it actually, except sometimes it is a bit surprising to find out that someone thinks you're serious when actually you just feel normal and they seem like clowns. They are probably right, though, and I appreciate their attention. Sometimes it annoys me that they can't ever be serious about anything. There are some things I just don't think are that much fun to joke about.

But overall, like I said, I enjoy the teasing.
 
#44 ·
they all seem to take it upon themselves to "lighten me up" by making me laugh or provoking me to anger and then poking holes in my anger, and then making me laugh. I think they get a kick out of breaking up my serious-meditative look and forcing me to laugh when I don't want to. If they get me to argue with them I think they love to play devil's advocate just to fuck with me
From an ENTP perspective, this is so so so so so so true.
 
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