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In a very formal way. Sort of expaining to her why she would be the kind of girl I really like without specifically saying I liked her.

So it's indirect.


Me: "When it comes to girls I really like [certain qualities]. You have those qualities."

But then when they press for a difinitive answer I get really uncomfortable.

Her: "So you like me?"

Then I give some evading answers that all clearly imply yes, but it's so hard to directy say it before she confirms that she likes me too.
This was my earlier approach when I was younger. And it was not very successful.

Maybe I'm an aberrant specimen, but I've always been pretty direct in this regard. I prefer to just take my chances and kiss her than to bashfully sit there, trying to think of the right thing to say.
This was a later approach and was more successful.

I use to try to rationalize my feelings and explain them. I did this several times (explain my feelings) to one woman over many years and never made any progress with her. Many years later I went after her passionately when the opportunity came. I felt her melt in my arms. I wish that I had taken this approach years earlier with her.
 

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I am writing a screenplay with an INTP character.
He is falling in love with a girl he knows and wants to be her boyfriend.
How do you think he would confess his feelings?

At the moment I've written that he does this accidentally when he is having an argument with her.
Do you think this is realistic?

Feel free to ask me anything about the screenplay/ character.
Well, I think it will depend on what the history is between the two. But as for me personally, if I like the person, one thing I really consider is the reciprocity. There will be three ways that I'll go about it:

1.) If I find that I'll just be rejected, I won't confess. Why go through it if I can see that it is a lost cause? I think I'd rather not waste the time and effort.

2.) If I find that I am liked back, I'd probably make my move in a heartbeat and do my best to maintain the relationship.

3.) If I can't find out the person's feelings, well, this is where it becomes a long haul. For starters, I usually try to spend more time with the person. Try to get to know her more. This is where the anecdotal stories usually come in. Since we can't be direct about our feelings, this is a common way of finding out how she feels. (Or through another trusted mutual party, which really helps us out a lot.). If the person responds positively, I go back to #2. If negatively, I go back to #1. If neutral, try again another time. If this neutral result will happen time and time again and I'm still head over heels for this person, this is when the internal struggles happens. One interesting thing that happens during this phase is what I'd like to call the "simulation". With the information I have, I try to simulate different courses of actions and think about the result it may yield. If I yield any positive simulation, I'll try it. However, if I can't decide on any course of action, this is when the feelings crumble and I try to rationalize my position. This may lead to moving on by: A) acknowledging that we are just friends and continue as if nothing happened, or, B) I start to distance myself from that person.

For your screenplay, I think #3 neutral - 'B' would be the best bet. From what I can picture, this is what can happen:

INTP goes to #3 Netural - 'B'. He distances himself from girl.
Girl did enjoy INTP company so he looks for him and asks what happened.
INTP does not want to open up and tries to get away.
Girl pursues INTP and this irritates him so they get into an argument of some sort.
This ultimately yields to INTP confessing.

I'll leave the rest to you? =D
 

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It all depends on situation.

Typical phases:
First I probably just notice, develop certain curiosity. Observe from afar, if at close, being very casual and low-profile just friendly.
It needs a few encounters to sort one's feelings. Sometimes this phase is ended in flash-like realization. She may reveal part of her character by a warm smile, or friendly interaction with either the INTP, her friend or some animal.

-> The INTP realizes his feelings

Next INTP ponders course of action. INTP prefers to confess in between four eyes, honestly, best setting possible and ideally part by part slowly but irresistably both parties reaching each other. If he has a lot of time, he might spend a lot free time with her casually and shyly test the waters (if she is comfortable with subtle, deniable advences).
But it's not always so easy, so if you want something more dramatic, give him deadline - might not see her again so he must confess now or never.

- > Confession.

Do not make it "I love you ..." in grandiose words and acts (poetic, romantic). If anything, INTP would try to downplay the outside drama of it (it would be enough drama inside his head), he would be obsessed with accuracy and honesty and being perceived like that.

It would be rather: "I must confess to you... I find you very charming." If he is not very experienced and is really struck, he might flush or have otherwise struggle to deliver the message in perfectly calm voice. Especially in the dramatic version of story.
Probably would be smoother if he has the time to prepare and be used to her presence.
 

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Discussion Starter · #24 ·
What's the girl's typing?

Also, here would be a good example.

*Couple having a fun moment together, girl says something passionate and Ne-Fe inducing.*

INTP: I wish you wouldn't say things like that...

Girl: What's wrong with those things?

INTP: Nothing.

Girl: Then?

INTP: *Flustered, looks at the ground away from girl* It makes me uncomfortable.

Keep in mind he won't look at her if he's attempting to do feelings, he'll stare off into the distance.

You could create a bit where they "accidentally" end up cuddling.

The girl could also make advances.

What if they ended up falling asleep together?

The INTP has to be super feeling reluctant too.

What kind of relationship would they have?

INTPs are protective as well. He might get violent or something if someone said something inappropriate or tried to attack her.
She is an INFx; I'm still figuring out whether she will be INFP or INFJ.

They have been friends for months now and it has been one of the most beneficial relationships they have had however she has strong beliefs that go against his own and he wonders if he could win her over, she would let go of those beliefs and then they might have a chance together.
 

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She is an INFx; I'm still figuring out whether she will be INFP or INFJ.

They have been friends for months now and it has been one of the most beneficial relationships they have had however she has strong beliefs that go against his own and he wonders if he could win her over, she would let go of those beliefs and then they might have a chance together.
I don't know what those beliefs are, so this might be irrelevant, but your comment struck me as strange. My husband held/has strong beliefs that I disagreed with and went against my own, but I never thought about him "letting go" of those beliefs. He had his beliefs, I had mine, we debated frequently, and that's just how it was. I had no desire for my husband to become an echo of me. It would seem strange to me that an INTP would need someone to let go of their differing beliefs to have a relationship with them, but then, I'm not all INTPs and you haven't specified the beliefs, so who knows.
 

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This was a latter approach and was more successful.

I use to try to rationalize my feelings and explain them. I did this several times (explain my feelings) to one woman over many years and never made any progress with her. Many years later I went after her passionately when the opportunity came. I felt her melt in my arms. I wish that I had taken this approach years earlier with her.
+infinity Not to make this into pickup stuff but the difference in the second is they see your confidence which as long as it's not too cocky virtually all women just love it.
 
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Discussion Starter · #28 ·
I don't know what those beliefs are, so this might be irrelevant, but your comment struck me as strange. My husband held/has strong beliefs that I disagreed with and went against my own, but I never thought about him "letting go" of those beliefs. He had his beliefs, I had mine, we debated frequently, and that's just how it was. I had no desire for my husband to become an echo of me. It would seem strange to me that an INTP would need someone to let go of their differing beliefs to have a relationship with them, but then, I'm not all INTPs and you haven't specified the beliefs, so who knows.
Sorry, the different belief system is on religion. He is an atheist and she is a Christian. He wants to try to convince her that atheism is true; partly because he thinks religions are mind control and because he knows she likely wouldn't want to date him at them moment due to being 'unequally yoked'. Feel free to critique the idea.
 

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+infinity Not to make this into pickup stuff but the difference in the second is they see your confidence which as long as it's not too cocky virtually all women just love it.
Yes. I agree with you. I was never "cocky". It was never really planned. It was either what I really felt inside or it wasn't there. It was more of allowing myself to be passionate in the moment, when I would normally restrain myself. Not wanting to be rejected would be a cause of self restraint.
 

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Sorry, the different belief system is on religion. He is an atheist and she is a Christian. He wants to try to convince her that atheism is true; partly because he thinks religions are mind control and because he knows she likely wouldn't want to date him at them moment due to being 'unequally yoked'. Feel free to critique the idea.
Does he ever help her break away from these irrational beliefs in the story?
 
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If the problem was being "unequally yoked" then she would most likely be a fanatic and convincing a fanatic with logic is close to impossible and certainly not something i would like.
That INTP seems to be immovable in regards to religion wich would relate more to INTJs.
 

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No though they do help each other to grow in confidence, self-esteem and in their views/ beliefs.
So what would be the conflict then? Why would they not be together? As SilverKelpie said, we don't let go of people just because of different beliefs. As long as we are not dicks to each other's beliefs, we won't mind.

And on the confession part, I seem to have forgotten that it is what you wanted to know. It would be passionate. Few words but passionate. Not planned but just done in the moment.

How about this kind of scenario:

([Girl] asked [INTP] why he is avoiding her but [INTP] does not want to open up and this becomes a very heated argument and we reach this point.)

[Girl]: "I just want to know why you are now avoiding me!?"
[INTP]: "Ugh... You know what, just stop it! I'm leaving!"

([INTP] walks away.)

(as [INTP] is walking away, [Girl] shouts)
[Girl]: "All right! Leave!" *sobbing*

([INTP] stops.)

[Girl]: "But at least tell why you are leaving. You can give me that, can you?"

([INTP] looks back, then walks back to [Girl].)

([INTP] holds [Girl] by the shoulders and looks her in the eyes intently.)

[INTP]: "You want to know why?"

([Girl] was about to answer)

([INTP] suddenly kisses her)

=============================

But still, I really can't get how the INTP would confess if they had that kind of glaring problem. If we can't agree to disagree then I'd rather let it go down the gutter. Could you add more details about their relationship? Maybe if the "unequally yoked" thing was just inside the INTP's head and was just jumping to conclusions, it may work. Is that what you want to happen?
 

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Discussion Starter · #34 · (Edited)
So what would be the conflict then? Why would they not be together?

...

But still, I really can't get how the INTP would confess if they had that kind of glaring problem. If we can't agree to disagree then I'd rather let it go down the gutter. Could you add more details about their relationship? Maybe if the "unequally yoked" thing was just inside the INTP's head and was just jumping to conclusions, it may work. Is that what you want to happen?
My idea is:
For them both to be attending college. He has a stuttering problem which unfortunately leads to him being bullied. She is new there and is having trouble making friends and is feeling under a lot of pressure. They meet and become friends however they begin to realize their very different belief systems. She seems like she is fairly set on not dating anyone unequally yoked however she still seems to be very close to him. He figures that if he can try to convince her that her beliefs are flawed that he might be able to win her over or she might fall for him and let go of her beliefs. Though he isn't going to wait around forever he figures he'll at least see if has a shot at something more.

Feel free to let me know if you think this isn't very characteristic of an INTP or if there is anything you think could be improved.
 

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My idea is:
For them both to be attending college. He has a stuttering problem which unfortunately leads to him being bullied. She is new there and is having trouble making friends and is feeling under a lot of pressure. They meet and become friends however they begin to realize their very different belief systems. She seems like she is fairly set on not dating anyone unequally yoked however she still seems to be very close to him. He figures that if he can try to convince her that her beliefs are flawed that he might be able to win her over or she might fall for him and let go of her beliefs.

Feel free to let me know if you think this isn't very characteristic of an INTP or if there is anything you think could be improved.
I'm not speaking for all INTPs but as for myself, I'd rather settle this difference first before pursuing a romantic relationship. I find it a bit too messy and complicated. But still, as said before, letting go of one's beliefs are actually not necessary. Acceptance is enough. But in the way I interpret what you are saying, it is the girl that does not want the relationship to happen as she is the one with the restricting belief. How about a clarification on the stance of the girl? Does he know about the feelings of the boy? Is she really not open to the possibility of the relationship? If not, why should the boy exert effort for the girl? This will mean that for the girl, you would have to establish a persona worth fighting. What kind of persona would that be?
 

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Story time! This was the exact strong belief I was alluding to about my husband. He is an NF (ENFJ), so let me tell you how it went for us. Maybe it will give you ideas.

So, I met my future husband and he was a pretty swell guy; intelligent, incredibly kind, etc. He was a STRICT Mormon (no spending money on Sundays, teaching assignments, quoting biblical stuff all over the place, etc.) and I was (am) an atheist. I had no idea about the whole unequally yoked thing and grew to really like him a lot. Would have loved a relationship with him (however, I would not admit this for all the tea in China because I had issues with expressing feelings. Plus, I did not need that much tea.). Then, one day he told me about how Mormons cannot marry outside of their religion. I spent quite a bit of time that night arguing this BS with him and I got very heated about it because I was disappointed, though I didn't admit that. By the next day I had resolved that I should just go ahead and put him mentally in the "friend" box because religion is logical-argument-proof since it is based on feelings, and his religion made him happy anyway. So, we were good friends. The idea of "changing his beliefs" so we could be together just really would not have struck me as a rational course of action (it wouldn't be possible due to the beliefs being based in nonsense, so it would be a massive waste of effort and just create drama), so it puzzles me that your character would try this.

Fast forward a long time... One night we were talking and he confessed he loved me, and hoped that one day I would be Mormon so he could marry me. I found this weird, but we knew where we stood. We debated religion a lot, and he knew I could not just "believe," and that I would not pretend I was a Mormon or any other religion. So, we continued to be good friends.

Then, one day out of the blue he asked me to marry him. I asked what had changed, and he said that he had found a Bishop who said it was okay that he marry me. He still hoped I would convert one day so that we could be religiously married in the temple, but he really had decided I was the one. I made him wait a month because I had to re-adjust where he stood mentally and ponder all of the scenarios.

He eventually relaxed in his feelings about religion (the church has done a few things that really got up his nose) and no longer attends the church. We've been married almost ten years.
 

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I am writing a screenplay with an INTP character.
He is falling in love with a girl he knows and wants to be her boyfriend.
How do you think he would confess his feelings?

At the moment I've written that he does this accidentally when he is having an argument with her.
Do you think this is realistic?
Here’s some helpful reasoning that explains why INTPs say what they say rather than simply stating what is good to say.

Due to their dominant Ti, INTPs figure out pretty in-depth every situation they are in to a high degree. Thus, only after they are certain, then do they finally act out.

This means an INTP would most definitely figure out whether or not a girl liked him back or not before confessing. So if an INTP decided that he too liked her back, then he will confess rather bluntly because he already knows for certain that she liked him back.

HOWEVER, since you want an accidental confession - you’d have to do the opposite. An INTP would only confess accidentally if he was certain that she did not like him back. Therefore, he’d hide his affection for her until new information lead to the realization of her reciprocating his affection. During this gray area is a perfect time for accidental confession since he thinks for sure that she does not like him back.

IF you want a short one liner then I’d go with this:

The INTP shows his negative analysis, but gives his own opinion: “I know you don’t care about our time together, but I hate every second I’m apart from you.”

Or if you want a more detailed interaction:

The INTP would say something that shows his negative analysis: “I know you don’t like me”

To which she’d respond with something new that proves his current thinking as faulty: “Don’t be silly, I like you a lot, I’ve always liked you.”

This would make him realize his thinking was all wrong and he’d respond with a question probably (from his secondary Ne) to make certain: “Do you really think that way…?”

In which she would confirm: “Yes, I enjoy every minute we spend together.”

Once he’s certain of her affection, then he’d finally confess: “I think the same way... I can't bear every second that we're apart.”

My idea is:
For them both to be attending college. He has a stuttering problem which unfortunately leads to him being bullied. She is new there and is having trouble making friends and is feeling under a lot of pressure. They meet and become friends however they begin to realize their very different belief systems. She seems like she is fairly set on not dating anyone unequally yoked however she still seems to be very close to him. He figures that if he can try to convince her that her beliefs are flawed that he might be able to win her over or she might fall for him and let go of her beliefs. Though he isn't going to wait around forever he figures he'll at least see if has a shot at something more.

Feel free to let me know if you think this isn't very characteristic of an INTP or if there is anything you think could be improved.
An INTP would bring up points against religion but he would never try to change someone else's beliefs. From personal experience, and the fact that over half my good friends are INTPs, I know that they are very laid back in these terms. Forcing personal beliefs on another person is very TJ not TP, so he’d have to be more of an INTJ for this situation to work out.

However, if you’re adamant on maintaining an INTP character, then in order for the relationship to work out - the female has to change primarily by herself since the INTP would never try to change her. I’ve seen this happen personally with two good friends of mine. An INTP male and ENFP female both liked each other. The INTP wanted to date but the ENFP didn’t because she believed it would damage our friend circle. My INTP friend just accepted it rather happily and remained friends with her - zero argument. They finally dated a few months later when the ENFP changed her mind on her own without any pressure from the INTP.
(A lot of INTPs such as @SilverKelpie posted above confirm my observations - I'm glad that things worked out so well with you Silver! :D )
 

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Story time! This was the exact strong belief I was alluding to about my husband. He is an NF (ENFJ), so let me tell you how it went for us. Maybe it will give you ideas.

So, I met my future husband and he was a pretty swell guy; intelligent, incredibly kind, etc. He was a STRICT Mormon (no spending money on Sundays, teaching assignments, quoting biblical stuff all over the place, etc.) and I was (am) an atheist. I had no idea about the whole unequally yoked thing and grew to really like him a lot. Would have loved a relationship with him (however, I would not admit this for all the tea in China because I had issues with expressing feelings. Plus, I did not need that much tea.). Then, one day he told me about how Mormons cannot marry outside of their religion. I spent quite a bit of time that night arguing this BS with him and I got very heated about it because I was disappointed, though I didn't admit that. By the next day I had resolved that I should just go ahead and put him mentally in the "friend" box because religion is logical-argument-proof since it is based on feelings, and his religion made him happy anyway. So, we were good friends. The idea of "changing his beliefs" so we could be together just really would not have struck me as a rational course of action (it wouldn't be possible due to the beliefs being based in nonsense, so it would be a massive waste of effort and just create drama), so it puzzles me that your character would try this.

Fast forward a long time... One night we were talking and he confessed he loved me, and hoped that one day I would be Mormon so he could marry me. I found this weird, but we knew where we stood. We debated religion a lot, and he knew I could not just "believe," and that I would not pretend I was a Mormon or any other religion. So, we continued to be good friends.

Then, one day out of the blue he asked me to marry him. I asked what had changed, and he said that he had found a Bishop who said it was okay that he marry me. He still hoped I would convert one day so that we could be religiously married in the temple, but he really had decided I was the one. I made him wait a month because I had to re-adjust where he stood mentally and ponder all of the scenarios.

He eventually relaxed in his feelings about religion (the church has done a few things that really got up his nose) and no longer attends the church. We've been married almost ten years.
Yikes! I'm not sure I would want to be with someone how puts their religion above our relationship and look for external validation through other people in the religion to justify our union. I would pass and look for someone else. (I mean, I'm glad it worked out for you, but this would be conflict I wouldn't even want to address.)

Not talking about romantic relations; I've only had a couple of friends who I felt we had a good friendship despite their being highly religious. These were friends (usually NTs btw) who were open to our debating religion without taking it as a personal attack.

Edit: Political differences is not as big a deal if my partner can justify reasonably (logically and rationally) about her political beliefs. I knew a woman when I lived in Europe who was a communist and I was a budding libertarian in those years. I would not have let our political differences have prevented us from approaching a relationship as long as she could handle debating without getting personally hurt, because I can be pretty aggressive on politics. Religion is something that is irrational and there is not much I can do maintain a relationship with the irrational.
 
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