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lol age and maturity are two different things for starters (here's a hint I graduated from my first university around 10 years ago :) ).

Treating them like a person and playing a game are two different things? So you never tease ever? Come on that's boring. I never said to go overboard *grins*. You think there's no amount of play in flirting, both sides are playing a game to see if the other's interesting otherwise it's just lame isn't it? We are talking about approaching a woman (or a man don't see why it's an issue with either sex) not seeing if this woman (or man) will be the love of your life - besides you barely know them.

I don't think the women were that insecure, well maybe around 10 years ago they were because I was going after people around my age - people tend to be less insecure as they grow up or mature as the case may be and it's actually quite healthy. I think you just gave up perhaps or have had terrible experiences. Who knows? I don't. You do. :)

I'm sorry but I can't expect every random person I meet to be the most engaging person in my life. It's just like that. Sometimes they and sometimes they aren't. There is an element of play involved and so long as you're not a jerk and disrespectful and both sides engage themselves I see no problem.

But hey to each their own. Regardless be confident and charming - you don't need to be a douche to be either. And flirting is a game :).
Opposite of this. I do not play games when emotions are involved.
 

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@Penguin, I suppose it depends on what you're looking for. If you want a long list of women, there is advice here for that. If you want quality and you're shy, then I like @Cetanu's advice to practice talking until you find one you are ready to approach further. I also like what @NiDBiLD had to say.
 

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Discussion Starter #64
@Penguin, I suppose it depends on what you're looking for. If you want a long list of women, there is advice here for that. If you want quality and you're shy, then I like @Cetanu's advice to practice talking until you find one you are ready to approach further. I also like what @NiDBiLD had to say.
Thanks, yeah I'm looking for quality and I'm not shy per say but I dont make new friends easily; which translates into I don't form close intimate relationships with females easily either.
 

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Chatterbox, MOTM August 2013
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@Penguin

Just be yourself.

If you're looking for a meaningful relationship, don't start off by presenting yourself as something you're not. I think that meaningful relationships (ones that last) are founded in honesty and genuineness. Working from a to-do (to-be) list may get you some dates, but it probably won't find you some who appreciates your uniqueness - she'll just be attracted to who you are pretending to be.

Intimacy is achieved when the people involved strip away all the bullshit. It's accepting someone for who she is, and letting her accept you. This is who someone is at their core, the part of themselves they don't share with others. That's what makes it special. You can't force that, it has to happen naturally, and the only way it can is to be yourself.

You don't need a good opening line, you need an honest one.
 

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Thanks, yeah I'm looking for quality and I'm not shy per say but I dont make new friends easily; which translates into I don't form close intimate relationships with females easily either.
Well I agree with Ms. Bossy, be yourself. However, when NiDBiLD mentioned physical contact, I agree with him on that completely. From personal observation and opinion, the guys who get friend zoned are not put into that category because women like assholes, it's because women (not all) like a man who is ok with showing her that he wants her physically...without being a pig. If you connect in every way, but you never touch her, that could land you in the friend zone.

What ultimately separates a romantic relationship from a friendship, is intimacy.
 

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Discussion Starter #68
Thanks for the quality responses ladies. I actually joined eharmony today, not gonna lie I'm extremely skeptical but this is more like a social experiment for me than a serious way to find someone. I am very practical though so it seems like this could be a good thing. I'll report back with details on how things go.
 

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Well, if it makes you feel any better (@Penguin), I'm going on a date with an ENTJ tonight :proud: and I've been quite charmed by him, not just on the surface but by the kindness and chivalry that lies beneath.

It honestly struck me that I haven't met a guy like him before, and I am very interested in getting to know him better. Right now, I get the feeling that he is still trying to impress me (and he has), but I want him to feel comfortable so he can be himself around me. Like others have said, I appreciate his uniqueness (who he is - not who he pretends to be); INFJs, in general, are very accepting.

Being the two rarest types, I think we can understand in a fundamental way; both of us have been struck by the incredible good fortune of stumbling across each other (if you want to go into the details, it was by the most chance of circumstances, even though we share many interests/ activities and should have, by all probabilities, crossed paths years ago).

Sometimes, it's a matter of luck; but I also do think it's a matter of knowing what you want and consciously finding/choosing the right person.
 

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Opposite of this. I do not play games when emotions are involved.
Emotions and random encounters don't quite work because if you're putting yourself up for random encounters on the giving or receiving end you are playing with your(and their) emotions - that's the risk you take. Just like asking someone out puts you at a risk of getting a No. We are talking about approaching and not 'how do I ask someone I like and sort of know out?'

If you are seeking to approach someone that you knew in some form or the other then yeah you probably should work on a different angle.

In general:
But the truth is it's still a game, mating rituals in most organisms are. There are patterns, cues, rules, signs, signals, everything. We study, mimic, react and work based on those.
The difference between us and animals is that we aren't incestuous, do not rape and do not give into animal lust (not everyone - though supermales (XYY) technically are excused from their behaviour (considered insane) and locked away for that very reason. However the truth is you cannot expect the find that quality relationship with everyone you meet. You aren't looking to bed everyone you meet either - I wasn't giving advice for that. I mean you can but there's no point in putting yourself out there. Tease and flirt all you want but don't give in until there's at least something worth giving into. The endgame can be different but the ways to achieve them are all very similar.
@Penguin Also friendly advice if you live in an urban area with a healthy population and like to meet people online OKC is a better go.
 

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Emotions and random encounters don't quite work because if you're putting yourself up for random encounters on the giving or receiving end you are playing with your(and their) emotions - that's the risk you take. Just like asking someone out puts you at a risk of getting a No. We are talking about approaching and not 'how do I ask someone I like and sort of know out?'

If you are seeking to approach someone that you knew in some form or the other then yeah you probably should work on a different angle.
Thanks for the distiction. I agree on that.

Could you elaborate more about the risk we take when not playing the game when approaching women?
 
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