[Noelle]

In reality, there really may be no way, but there must be some ways to cope to make people a much more functional out in the social sphere.

It has been a reoccurring theme in my life: Even when I have really good, enjoyable interactions with people, I'm always drained afterwards. If it's negative interactions, even moreso. A lot of people in my life don't get it. "You're so friendly, everyone loves you and loves being around you, why do you just not want to hang out?"

I have found as I have gotten older (I feel 85 at the age of 25, lol,) my tolerance for being social, in any way, is starting to wane away. I had a very fun party with my family yesterday, and it turned out so much better than I thought it would (family drama rabble rabble etc.) And now I have a really good friend coming over but I'm just...tired. I know I'm going to have a good time, part of me is really looking forward to it, but I'm looking at the clock and thinking "crap, only X more hours until he comes, I have to do XYZ to prepare and then I'm going to have to put on my friendly face and be fun..."


It isn't social anxiety at all, I don't get anxious around people at all, it's just, tired. My batteries aren't re-charged, and I know I'm going to hit my "okay, its sleepy time can people go away now" LOOOOOOOONG before the other parties I'm interacting with are going to hit that point. Which leads to the uncomfortable "you're so quiet and checked out now..." comments.


So, how do you improve your social "battery" life without locking yourself away in your room for a week? Is this even possible?

 

[Arclight]

Well you understand Introversion for what it is in Jungian terms.

The only advice I can give you.. Is make time. I walk places alone.. Even if it takes an hour (also keeps me fit). I stay up after everyone else has gone to bed. Just for the quiet of it all.
I have made the people around me understand what introversion is. You say people say they "love" you.. Then they should understand and not take it personally.

Also.. Sometimes you have to grin and bear it. You wont survive without people and you know you take from them too.
So cut them some slack.
So the other way I cope is.. Is to realize life is fragile and they or I could be gone at any second.

 

[PurpleProse]

In reality, there really may be no way, but there must be some ways to cope to make people a much more functional out in the social sphere.

It has been a reoccurring theme in my life: Even when I have really good, enjoyable interactions with people, I'm always drained afterwards. If it's negative interactions, even moreso. A lot of people in my life don't get it. "You're so friendly, everyone loves you and loves being around you, why do you just not want to hang out?"

I have found as I have gotten older (I feel 85 at the age of 25, lol,) my tolerance for being social, in any way, is starting to wane away. I had a very fun party with my family yesterday, and it turned out so much better than I thought it would (family drama rabble rabble etc.) And now I have a really good friend coming over but I'm just...tired. I know I'm going to have a good time, part of me is really looking forward to it, but I'm looking at the clock and thinking "crap, only X more hours until he comes, I have to do XYZ to prepare and then I'm going to have to put on my friendly face and be fun..."


It isn't social anxiety at all, I don't get anxious around people at all, it's just, tired. My batteries aren't re-charged, and I know I'm going to hit my "okay, its sleepy time can people go away now" LOOOOOOOONG before the other parties I'm interacting with are going to hit that point. Which leads to the uncomfortable "you're so quiet and checked out now..." comments.


So, how do you improve your social "battery" life without locking yourself away in your room for a week? Is this even possible?

reading this i couldnt stop laughing. sounds like me to the letter lol. i havent figured out a way to recharge my 'battery' without locking myself in my room and laying down.

 

[Susanna]

You can try some psychic protection. Surrounding yourself in a protective bubble. For me, so many times I am not even aware that this is going on so I thank you for just bringing up the possibility that part of my exhaustion that I feel regularly is being drained by interacting. And I do practice psychic protection just obviously not enough. Certainly not daily.

 

[Vivid Melody]

If people comment on you being quiet and checked out just smile and say, "I'm just tired " People usually have sympathy after you say that and let you be.

 

[jd_]

Make sure you get some quiet time every day is key. I need pure silence often for the work I do, meaning often I can't even be in the house with people b/c they have the TV blaring, or just in general noisy. If I could afford it I would get a private office in the day.

 

[The Proof]

stop taking on other people's feelings and moods, it's not your responsibility

no wonder you're tired

 

[firelink]

suspend your judging function (fe ) and let your rational function (ti) take place

 

[Ramysa]

I cannot avoid it. There are too many ppl around me that are different than me. It's hard to find an INFJ friend IRL, or just someone that doesn't drain you. If I were to avoid it I would be alone all the time and that's something that I only do to "recharge my batteries"

 

[Sybok]

a few things, I tend to do: I become agressive and "kick them away" or become aggressive and shut down the contact for a few days (if I dont work with them)... I found out, that becoming drained makes me aggressive but this happens to me since a few month, the time before, I became sad instead

 

[HorribleAesthete]

I avoid people, of course.

 

[The Beauty of Storm]

My family is very social... I am not. They have almost infinite battery lives (ok... not really, just much longer than mine), I do not. Thus, I go into my quiet mode after I start feeling drained and people interpret me as "reserved" or "anti-social." Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I love people, I love fun, most people think I'm really fun and social in public places, but... I'm tired... and after a while, you find you've lost your tongue, the music is suddenly too loud, and everyone need to JUST STOP TALKING... even if just for a moment.
I have found very odd ways to deal with this, I'll list them in hopes that they help someone:
A) I withdraw myself from conversation with my peers and play with their dog or their children on the floor. Most people actually don't know you're purposefully withdrawing, they just think you think their daughter is adorable.
B) If we are at a restaurant or the like, I excuse myself to go to the restroom. Ok so yeah, I don't really need to go wash my hands or fix my hair or go, but those few brief moments just to breathe in solitude make conversation after so much more tolerable.
C) I'll sometimes excuse myself for a bit of fresh air or "run out to my car" to grab something. This one is simple and if the situation is right, it works quite well. Ok, I will admit, there have been a couple times when I knew I was going to get drained eventually at a function so I purposefully left something in my car so I would have an excuse to go retrieve it later >.>
Having people over to my house, I absolutely love... but I haven't really found a way to recharge during that one yet. Saying you need to take your baby girl up to get changed real quick, "sorry and please excuse us" only works so many times.

 

[LiteratureNerd]

I really need to extend my social battery life. I went shopping at the mall for two hours and was exhausted by the time I got home.

In my defense, I hate shopping for clothes...and I don't like talking to salespeople. I feel guilty for seeming aloof or unfriendly when they ask if I'm looking for something in particular, and then continue at intervals to ask if I'm "still doing okay." They're simply doing their jobs - I get it. I used to work in retail. But for some reason, going clothes shopping makes me even more tired than loud parties.

My family is mostly introverts, so they all kind of understand that need to get away and be alone...if I'm visiting home and I wander off for a little while, nobody thinks it's weird. At big family get-togethers, sometimes I'll just plead a need for fresh air and take a walk by myself for ten or fifteen minutes for a quick recharge. Some of my more extroverted friends, however, don't understand how I can disappear off the map for awhile. Quite honestly, graduate school has made me downright reclusive, and I feel like I need to "practice" being social again.

 

[Ashneversleeps]

I try to limit any contingencies involving my participation, especially when future plans arise when I'm already out. By not making myself flexible/available for future outings I get through the vast majority of prolonged social interactions without feeling like I've crossed some event horizon of a series of social black holes; just knowing that I'm only out for a little while and soon will be back in my nest helps immensely .

And don't be afraid to make time for yourself!

edit: I also wanted to mention that it's helped me out a lot to realize that I can be a lot quieter than I feel is expected of me when socializing, so that I can stretch my energy as far as possible.

 

[Berdudget]

My family is very social... I am not. They have almost infinite battery lives (ok... not really, just much longer than mine), I do not. Thus, I go into my quiet mode after I start feeling drained and people interpret me as "reserved" or "anti-social." Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I love people, I love fun, most people think I'm really fun and social in public places, but... I'm tired... and after a while, you find you've lost your tongue, the music is suddenly too loud, and everyone need to JUST STOP TALKING... even if just for a moment.
I have found very odd ways to deal with this, I'll list them in hopes that they help someone:
A) I withdraw myself from conversation with my peers and play with their dog or their children on the floor. Most people actually don't know you're purposefully withdrawing, they just think you think their daughter is adorable.
B) If we are at a restaurant or the like, I excuse myself to go to the restroom. Ok so yeah, I don't really need to go wash my hands or fix my hair or go, but those few brief moments just to breathe in solitude make conversation after so much more tolerable.
C) I'll sometimes excuse myself for a bit of fresh air or "run out to my car" to grab something. This one is simple and if the situation is right, it works quite well. Ok, I will admit, there have been a couple times when I knew I was going to get drained eventually at a function so I purposefully left something in my car so I would have an excuse to go retrieve it later >.>
Having people over to my house, I absolutely love... but I haven't really found a way to recharge during that one yet. Saying you need to take your baby girl up to get changed real quick, "sorry and please excuse us" only works so many times.

I second all these things. At a lively party, when I find myself needing it, I'll sneak off to the bathroom or a dark, quiet bedroom, or out to my car for 10 mins alone. It makes a big difference. When I was younger and didn't have kids, I'd go to people's houses and just nap in front of everyone. Then I'd wake up refreshed and ready to rejoin whatever was going on. I was known for it! LOL.

 

[thunder]

The solution is rather simple, and has already been stated: spend time alone.

I realize, though, that even if you accept it on a head-level, it is possible that you don't accept it in your heart (happens to me). Wanting to meet others' expectations to be social prevents you from doing what you know you need to do: spend time alone.

It is true that time constraints and circumstances make this difficult, but if you want to remain healthy and sane, it is necessary to acknowledge this need and make the time to be alcan one, even if it means pushing others away. If people really care about you, they will understand/accept your need to be alone.


In summary: Care about yourself enough have that time alone (or to say "No thanks"/"Thanks, but only for a short while"). You will feel less drained and people will enjoy your presence much more when you *do* hang out with them.

 

[DEARJULIET]

I like people but once it's too much,I try to get away from everything: loud noise, people talking, the heat they give off..etc. I usually go outside and just take a walk or sit down and recharge my batteries.

If I'm unable to find a way out with all the draining, I usually become aggressive and I don't like the feeling x/. Not kicking or punching, just seething i guess..haha, and avoid everyone.

One time, my family and I went to my neice's birthday party, and was basically the first family to get there. I felt comfortable and content. But as the time past, families started coming over and I just felt drained to the point where I became aggressive...just seething to myself and avoiding everyone. My sister recognized this, and asked me 'why do I look so mad'. I told her, 'just too much people'. And she told me that I am such an 'anti-social'. I didnt like her reply because I'm not an anti-social person. I like people just that I'm not like her who has an eternal living battery.

 

[setzer]

I always have my music and earbuds with me. ALWAYS.
Basically I plug my earbuds in and blast a tune and drift off into my own world for a short while. Then I'm ready for life again.
If people interrupt this precious time of mine I'll help them out with whatever to then return to my own world.
Much like the bubble I find myself in as I feel really lonely, it's the same bubble I use get those solitary moments. It's a love/hate thing.

 

[Mav_]

Just find someone you can relate with who doesn't drain you. I have had friends for over 16 years and even after 4 hours I get winded from their company. This is natural so don't let it bother you. You need to find someone who you can sit with in moments of silence without feeling awkward. Someone who waits their turn in communication, who has an open mind and will not argue with you for arguments sake. The opposite sex helps because it's nice to look at something pretty as well. I would suggest another INFJ. We tend to adapt to peoples personalities.

 

[Pjb]

I've tried to be more extoverted but I just end up anxious and neurotic. I much prefer to socialize with a quality me instead of showing up absolutely everywhere, stressed, imagining that I'm enjoyable to anyone let alone myself!

I'm careful not to over plan and most everyone seems to accept my reclusive ways and has remained friends. I 've been known to wander off at parties and gatherings or just disappear. I tell people it's part of my mystery!