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Discussion Starter #1
My bestie is going through a tough time. She's facing roadblock after roadblock and it seems like everything is going wrong for her. She thinks she's being judged as a terrible mother, a poor worker and a bad friend because she's been sick and falling behind.

I tell that stuff isn't her fault. She can't control when she or the kids get sick. The school should understand why they're out and so should her boss, but she doesn't hear it. She's hellbent on the idea that everybody thinks she's a terrible person and inadequate. I think it's because she's usually on top of things.

Do y'all ever get into this kind of funk? She's easily embarrassed [mortified is her favorite word] but I can't relate or figure out the right words to get her not to worry about it.

If so, how do y'all squash feeling inadequate?
 

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Is your bestie a INFJ? Because as an INFJ, I can't identify with her negative self-talk. I may have my moments but wallowing in misery isn't something I enjoy. But she sure sounds like my ESFJ-friend when she's stressed.
 

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My bestie is going through a tough time. She's facing roadblock after roadblock and it seems like everything is going wrong for her. She thinks she's being judged as a terrible mother, a poor worker and a bad friend because she's been sick and falling behind.

I tell that stuff isn't her fault. She can't control when she or the kids get sick. The school should understand why they're out and so should her boss, but she doesn't hear it. She's hellbent on the idea that everybody thinks she's a terrible person and inadequate. I think it's because she's usually on top of things.

Do y'all ever get into this kind of funk? She's easily embarrassed [mortified is her favorite word] but I can't relate or figure out the right words to get her not to worry about it.

If so, how do y'all squash feeling inadequate?

For me, when people tell me I'm doing great, and I know I'm not, it just makes me feel worse and stop listening. I will ignore anyone I disagree with, basically. Although, I'll probably feel bad about that too.

Most INFJs don't like melodrama, so if you can prompt her to see for herself in a caring way that she is being OTT, she will likely want to find her own way back to reasonableness. Maybe ask her what she thinks she should have done specifically to manage the situations better, and what she would say to someone else in her exact situation. INFJs are not generally very good at taking care of themselves emotionally, but talking through our problems as though they belong to someone else seems to help activate our Ni-Fe problem solving skills.

I'm sure she will appreciate your care for her anyway.
 

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Depends on situation, but most recently:

Was on the train home feeling incompetent. Mentally compared myself to a mealworm. Realized the mealworm is better than me because the mealworm doesn't doubt itself. Mealworm just keeps on being its mealworm self. Realized it's too pathetic to have lower self esteem than a mealworm. Felt better.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Is your bestie a INFJ? Because as an INFJ, I can't identify with her negative self-talk. I may have my moments but wallowing in misery isn't something I enjoy. But she sure sounds like my ESFJ-friend when she's stressed.
Yeah, INFJ that borders TJ. She has a LOT on her shoulders right now. I think this week was a tipping point.
 

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Is your bestie a INFJ? Because as an INFJ, I can't identify with her negative self-talk. I may have my moments but wallowing in misery isn't something I enjoy. But she sure sounds like my ESFJ-friend when she's stressed.
I don't think it's really uncommon for INFJs to be hard on themselves. My teens and early twenties passed in a silent monologue of negative self talk. My need to be perfect and my awareness of how flawed I was repulsed me. I put an end to it by my mid twenties, by banning myself from negative self talk. I think it's a little harsh to call it wallowing in self pity, because I don't think I was wanting anyone's pity at all, including my own. In any event, I think all types can fall prey to negativity, even the sunnier temperaments. Aside from personality type, I think a lot also depends on our circumstances and emotional resilience.
 

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I don't think it's really uncommon for INFJs to be hard on themselves. My teens and early twenties passed in a silent monologue of negative self talk. My need to be perfect and my awareness of how flawed I was repulsed me. I put an end to it by my mid twenties, by banning myself from negative self talk. I think it's a little harsh to call it wallowing in self pity, because I don't think I was wanting anyone's pity at all, including my own. In any event, I think all types can fall prey to negativity, even the sunnier temperaments. Aside from personality type, I think a lot also depends on our circumstances and emotional resilience.
Perhaps I should clarify. When I said negative self-talk, I don't just mean talking to myself. I mean talking negatively about myself to others. And when you repeatedly talk negative, you ARE 'wallowing in misery', no matter how you wanna spin it. No one enjoys wallowing in misery, but people do fall into that trap without realising. They do not realise that the negative talking is not only not helping the situation, it makes them focus on what went wrong instead of what they can do to improve the situation, and by doing that they may add problems or make it worse. I agree this can happen to any type and that's why I mentioned my ESFJ-friend, and also asked if ponpiri's friend is indeed an INFJ.

Like I said in my earlier post, I may bash myself at times because I have my moments but to repeatedly tell others, besides myself, what a pathetic person I am is something I find hard to keep up because it's exhausting. At the end of the day, I'm more interested in how I can improve my circumstances.
 

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Yeah, INFJ that borders TJ. She has a LOT on her shoulders right now. I think this week was a tipping point.
Perhaps your friend has fallen into a her shadow Fi which can generate self-doubt. Being caught in a Ni-Ti loop can also make her overanalyse things. You can't really tell her what she should do (and if she's an INFJ, she probably doesn't need or want to be told). She needs to figure out what will help her emotionally and in pragmatic sense. Try guiding her to talk about solutions instead or redirect her focus and energies. INFJs with well-developed Ti is able to exercise good, rational thinking.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Like I said in my earlier post, I may bash myself at times because I have my moments but to repeatedly tell others, besides myself, what a pathetic person I am is something I find hard to keep up because it's exhausting. At the end of the day, I'm more interested in how I can improve my circumstances.
Ehhh. Is that why you thought ESFJ? She said this to her best friend, not repeatedly or to others.

Anyway, diverting attention to solving a problem is usually the way to go, but something's different this time. She's a 'gotta keep it together' chick, that's why the outburst caught me by surprise. Maybe it's because she's sick and can't really do anything right now?

Depends on situation, but most recently:

Was on the train home feeling incompetent. Mentally compared myself to a mealworm. Realized the mealworm is better than me because the mealworm doesn't doubt itself. Mealworm just keeps on being its mealworm self. Realized it's too pathetic to have lower self esteem than a mealworm. Felt better.
lol this is something I would do.
 

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Ehhh. Is that why you thought ESFJ? She said this to her best friend, not repeatedly or to others.
Yes, I had the impression she was repeatedly talking about it to others (doesn't matter to one or more) because you said you told her it was not her fault but she was hellbent on it. And that's why I thought she sounds like my ESFJ-friend. My bad if I misconstrued.

Anyway, diverting attention to solving a problem is usually the way to go, but something's different this time. She's a 'gotta keep it together' chick, that's why the outburst caught me by surprise. Maybe it's because she's sick and can't really do anything right now?
It could be many things. It could also be that the recent string of unfortunate events have brought out all her hidden insecurities. On surface she's calm and collected probably because she employs Ti often, but that's only an exterior. You may not know all the feelings she has been collecting inside until she bursts.

Since she's sick now, of course you can't be telling her to get up and do something. Comfort and support are all you can provide now. But if she continues to be caught in a negative loop, my suggestion applies.
 
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