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It seems natural that this happens to me a lot, since I seem all spacey and make a lot of mistakes (i.e. putting my shirt on backwards and not noticing until someone tells me, wearing 2 different socks that I put on early in the morning in the dark). Somehow this translates to others as weakness and low intelligence. Does anyone else experience this? Especially at the workplace, where you can't escape uncomfortable situations and/or people who belittle you?
 

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Be less nice. More guarded, secretive and stoic. For some reason people feel free to criticize 'nice' folk -- especially if those folk criticize themselves or are open to improvement and/or admit a mistake.

If they criticize you, criticize them. That'll shut 'em up fairly quickly, though that's hard for INFP's to do. At the very least uncomfortable and exhausting, still it's necessary.
 

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It depends.... If they talk down to me and they're right about something, I acknowledge it but tell them to talk to me more respectfully or at least indicate it.

If they persist or act asshole-ish about it, I play some games until they feel mindfucked.
 

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Be less nice. More guarded, secretive and stoic. For some reason people feel free to criticize 'nice' folk -- especially if those folk criticize themselves or are open to improvement and/or admit a mistake.
The problem with doing this is that you will end up becoming the person that you don't like. One of the things that gives me self-esteem is knowing that I am accepting of my mistakes and not ashamed of them and that I treat other people similarly. This is like an antidote to the widespread depression that plagues western society.

Healthy INFPs are self-revealing (to an extent of course) and that is part of our charm. People who act like the big expert on whatever they do are extremely annoying and their insecurities do surface, usually in the form of projection and criticism. No way am I going to mimic that dysfunctional behavior.


Society favors left brained thinking and us INFPs are maybe one of the most right brained types out there. Others do think we need to improve and this is very hurtful, annoying and frustrating. My response these days is to show that I like myself and my traits and I hint that I would never in a million years want to be like them...This annoys them more than ever!
 

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Wow---thanks so much for the replies, this gives me a lot of food for thought, because it is a daily situation at work (the library). I do swivel between what amanda32 suggested and what connieculkins said---2 opposite ends of the spectrum in handling the situation, but I see the strengths of both approaches. Also, seeing all of your replies to my thread makes me feel more confident already! It's SO good to know I'm in good company here, and not the only one who experiences this. And btw snail, the snail is one of my favorite animals. I love the snaily picture----I keep apple snails as pets.:crazy:
 

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How cool, I used to work in libraries to! You're the second INFP Ive met here who is a librarian.
 

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The problem with doing this is that you will end up becoming the person that you don't like. One of the things that gives me self-esteem is knowing that I am accepting of my mistakes and not ashamed of them and that I treat other people similarly. This is like an antidote to the widespread depression that plagues western society.

Healthy INFPs are self-revealing (to an extent of course) and that is part of our charm. People who act like the big expert on whatever they do are extremely annoying and their insecurities do surface, usually in the form of projection and criticism. No way am I going to mimic that dysfunctional behavior.


Society favors left brained thinking and us INFPs are maybe one of the most right brained types out there. Others do think we need to improve and this is very hurtful, annoying and frustrating. My response these days is to show that I like myself and my traits and I hint that I would never in a million years want to be like them...This annoys them more than ever!
Hm...there are, unfortunately types of people you cannot escape from, that you are forced to 'deal' with. If they are exceptionally rude, I have found that the only solution is to give it back to them -- granted in a far more cultured way than they have.

Usually, I've found that those so easy to dish it out really cannot take it. Especially from the likes of an INFP, who can see right through them but who is normally far too polite to point out their flaws.

I don't think it's "sinking to their level" to give what you get. On the contrary, it may be the one way such people will begin to respect you.
 

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Hm...there are, unfortunately types of people you cannot escape from, that you are forced to 'deal' with. If they are exceptionally rude, I have found that the only solution is to give it back to them -- granted in a far more cultured way than they have.
Well, I do think this is what they deserve for their behavior...and I also believe that bullies only respond to being bullied back. I think just as INFPs are sensitive these people are insensitive and need to be treated accordingly.

Usually, I've found that those so easy to dish it out really cannot take it. Especially from the likes of an INFP, who can see right through them but who is normally far too polite to point out their flaws.

I don't think it's "sinking to their level" to give what you get. On the contrary, it may be the one way such people will begin to respect you.
I guess all INFPs are slightly different because for whatever reason the above advice has never worked for me. Instead of respect, giving it back to them just causes an all out power struggle where they try to maintain dominance and war ensues. Then I don't know what kind of one-sided account they give their friends, but the friends will end up giving me the cold shoulder as well.
 

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Ooooh! I so don't cope well with this! Doesn't happen all that often any more - probably because I'm approaching middle-age.

Initially I try to ignore it and carry on the conversation as if it wasn't happening (whilst seething inside). Then I'll cut the conversation short.

If it happens more than once, I'll eventually get to the point where I'll "call" the person on it:
If it's on a matter of opinion, I'll be clear to thank them for their opinion - or even say "well, that's your opinion" - and then offer them my opinion, being sure to stress that it's only MY opinion. That strategy is usually pretty effective;
If they seem to believe I'm stupid or ignorant, I tend to attempt to take control of the conversation (which is often NOT so helpful), become sarcastic (not so good either) or laugh (definitely NOT good - the sanctimonious don't like being laughed at). If I can keep my head, I'll try to say something along the lines of, "I'm getting the impression that you think I don't know anything about this - is that right? Why do you think that?" which will at least bring the situation into a place where it has to be talked about.

Not very helpful, sorry! This scenario is something that really pushes my buttons - I'm not great at dealing with it at all.
 

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I guess all INFPs are slightly different because for whatever reason the above advice has never worked for me. Instead of respect, giving it back to them just causes an all out power struggle where they try to maintain dominance and war ensues. Then I don't know what kind of one-sided account they give their friends, but the friends will end up giving me the cold shoulder as well.
I guess it depends on the person -- some people back down when you tell them off. Others yeah...all out war. With the all out war types I ignore them as much as possible because fighting is too emotionally exhausting while they get off on it, enjoy playing the head games and doing the back biting and such. Usually though, those types end up biting the hand that feeds them eventually and they don't last long. :)

Good luck.
 

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Initially I try to ignore it and carry on the conversation as if it wasn't happening (whilst seething inside). Then I'll cut the conversation short.

If it happens more than once, I'll eventually get to the point where I'll "call" the person on it:
If it's on a matter of opinion, I'll be clear to thank them for their opinion - or even say "well, that's your opinion" - and then offer them my opinion, being sure to stress that it's only MY opinion. That strategy is usually pretty effective;

Ditto!

What really upsets me is that certain types seem to really get perverted pleasure from watching us squirm while they challenge us to the very core.

I know someone who treats being obnoxious and opinionated as some kind of pseudo-religion. He thinks that to be respected, you have to fight and cause a scene and be demanding of everyone; and he suggested I was weak and pathetic and needed to get a grip of myself and show an angrier, meaner side.

I don't know if it's me, or if it's a typical INFP trait, but I often resort to passive aggression when I'm at the end of my tether. That really gets under people's skin if BewilderBeast's strategy doesn't quite do the trick.
 

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I dont handle that kind of thing very well although my skin has thickened somewhat. I don't usually have a good snappy response but simply slide it all past me.

Although very few people I meet ever mistake me for a fool.
 

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i tend to be more sarcastic and make em sound stupid. since im in college, if anyone does that its usually a student and most of em are stupid or immature so i enjoy witty comebacks and making them sound stupid.

if its an adult (someone way older than me) then i try to be respectful but do the same thing just a little more held back lol. its hard to explain, it depends on the situation tho.
 
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