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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
How do you court a stranger?

Online and Work/School Environment:

If you were the pursuer, how do you compete with others?
a) How would you present yourself to get attention? Any personal examples?
b) What kind of communication approach works best for you?
c) What is the mental list that must be fulfilled in order for you to interact with that individual (e.g. family-orientated, charming, humorous)?
d) What is your ideal dating environment?

If you were the pursued, how do you select a potential partner?
a) How would you be impressed by a pursuer's approach? Any personal examples?
b) What characteristics do you look for a partner? (e.g. kindness, intelligence, looks) Why?
c) Under what circumstances will you switch from being the pursued to pursuer? Explain.
d) What is your definition of love?
 

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How do you court a stranger?

Online and Work/School Environment:


If you were the pursuer, how do you compete with others?
a) How would you present yourself to get attention? Any personal examples?
b) What kind of communication approach works best for you?
c) What is the mental list that must be fulfilled in order for you to interact with that individual?

If you were the pursued, how do you select a potential partner?
a) How would you be impressed by a pursuer's approach? Any personal examples?
b) What characteristics do you look for a partner? (e.g. kindness, intelligence, looks) Why?
c) What is the mental list that must be fulfilled in order for you to interact with that individual? (e.g. family-orientated, charming, humorous)
a) Dealing with others? I would put this on, crank it up to 11 and get ready to rumble, Kirk style.


I would try and win 'her' by being myself and expressing who I am - if 'she' picks 'them' over 'me' - it might just be because ultimtely she prefers them - I doubt I will be required to face them in single combat.
b) 2 tin cans and 50 ft of string. - I remain myself whether communication is in person, phone, radio or online.
c) I ultimately want someone who values what I value - empathic, desire to have a family at some point, sense of humour, shares many of my interests and ambitions, who won't freak at my introvert behaviour.


a) An honest, friendly approach would be a good start.
b) A combination of all 3 - for me empathy is primary, then intelligence and looks. I've been out with women who were extremely intelligent and attractive, but completely lacked empathy. Its not something I wish to repeat or desire in a partner.
c) See previous 'c' entry
 

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MOTM Dec 2011
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If you were the pursuer, how do you compete with others?
I generally am not and do not like to be a pursuer....and neither will I "compete". But I will answer nonetheless...
a) How would you present yourself to get attention? Any personal examples?
I probably do the typical thing of dressing my best, making sure my hair/makeup looks exceptionally good. This may backfire and make me less approachable though. I also may place myself in the general vicinity of the person (including finding reasons to "run into" them), so that they may notice me and talk to me. I am pretty passive like that....Initiating anything beyond that makes me feel desperate & unnatural, and since that likely becomes my vibe, the other person doesn't usually respond well to it anyway.

b) What kind of communication approach works best for you?
I am terrible at this...I suppose the non-verbal kind. I think I often send the wrong signals because I clam up. If I don't overthink it, then I think I do the shy, bashful, but slightly playful thing. I like playful banter at first...I dislike interviewing or feeling interviewed. I might be a little too arch at times; I can stick my foot in my mouth. I don't pander or seek to please, but neither do I play hard to get. I think I am legitimately hard to open up, even if I want to be more open. I have to be prodded and wooed a bit. The most I can do is maybe let someone know I am open to being prodded/wooed, and even that is a challenge for me.

c) What is the mental list that must be fulfilled in order for you to interact with that individual (e.g. family-orientated, charming, humorous)?
I will interact without much criterial; if there is a request for more interaction with intent for something romantic, then I may begin to consider criteria. The basics for me are: shared spiritual/religious beliefs & shared worldviews, compatible/common life goals/values/lifestyles, some compatible/common interests/tastes, mutual physical attraction, and that je ne sais quoi which is like a vibe which tell me a mental/emotional connection is also possible.

d) What is your ideal dating environment?
Casual, no pressure to talk constantly, prefer one-on-one to a group setting

If you were the pursued, how do you select a potential partner?

a) How would you be impressed by a pursuer's approach? Any personal examples?
I like when someone makes me feel at ease, so that I don't feel judged for whatever I say/do. I don't like to feel like I am being "evaluated". Of course, I want to feel like I can be myself. Frankly, I've responded well to people who act like I am fascinating and special. I also do well with someone a bit more outgoing, so I don't feel pressure to talk, but also someone who asks questions and takes an interest in me too. I need to be given time to warm up, but with gentle prodding.

I don't mind directness at all & actually prefer for intentions to be clear...if I have a pleasant exchange with someone, then if they ask me for, say, my phone number right away, then I am not hesitant to give it (given I see any potential). I am pretty open to getting to know new people, even though I can appear not to be in my demeanor.

b) What characteristics do you look for a partner? (e.g. kindness, intelligence, looks) Why?
See above....and to expand...someone who is emotionally mature, kind, moral, spiritual, unselfish, open to novelty, has an intellectual streak, mentally stimulating, more decisive and organized than myself, sensual, appreciates art & culture, and physically attractive to me. Mostly, I want a particular dynamic... I need to feel that mental/emotional/physical connection and intimacy is possible.

c) Under what circumstances will you switch from being the pursued to pursuer? Explain.
Bad ones....hahaha! It is usually an insecurity which causes this, a kind of paranoia that someone is slipping away. It generally is not successful.

d) What is your definition of love?
It is a deep valuing of who someone essentially is on an emotional level that leads to a principled treatment of them - a desire to sustain and nurture who they are because of their value, and separate from your own needs/desires (unselfish). Romantic love also involves a personal attachment and connection because of a dynamic you create with someone, a dynamic which fills your needs/desires too.
 
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