If you were the pursuer, how do you compete with others?
I generally am not and do not like to be a pursuer....and neither will I "compete". But I will answer nonetheless...
a) How would you present yourself to get attention? Any personal examples?
I probably do the typical thing of dressing my best, making sure my hair/makeup looks exceptionally good. This may backfire and make me less approachable though. I also may place myself in the general vicinity of the person (including finding reasons to "run into" them), so that they may notice me and talk to me. I am pretty passive like that....Initiating anything beyond that makes me feel desperate & unnatural, and since that likely becomes my vibe, the other person doesn't usually respond well to it anyway.
b) What kind of communication approach works best for you?
I am terrible at this...I suppose the non-verbal kind. I think I often send the wrong signals because I clam up. If I don't overthink it, then I think I do the shy, bashful, but slightly playful thing. I like playful banter at first...I dislike interviewing or feeling interviewed. I might be a little too arch at times; I can stick my foot in my mouth. I don't pander or seek to please, but neither do I play hard to get. I think I am legitimately hard to open up, even if I want to be more open. I have to be prodded and wooed a bit. The most I can do is maybe let someone know I am open to being prodded/wooed, and even that is a challenge for me.
c) What is the mental list that must be fulfilled in order for you to interact with that individual (e.g. family-orientated, charming, humorous)?
I will interact without much criterial; if there is a request for more interaction with intent for something romantic, then I may begin to consider criteria. The basics for me are: shared spiritual/religious beliefs & shared worldviews, compatible/common life goals/values/lifestyles, some compatible/common interests/tastes, mutual physical attraction, and that je ne sais quoi which is like a vibe which tell me a mental/emotional connection is also possible.
d) What is your ideal dating environment?
Casual, no pressure to talk constantly, prefer one-on-one to a group setting
If you were the pursued, how do you select a potential partner?
a) How would you be impressed by a pursuer's approach? Any personal examples?
I like when someone makes me feel at ease, so that I don't feel judged for whatever I say/do. I don't like to feel like I am being "evaluated". Of course, I want to feel like I can be myself. Frankly, I've responded well to people who act like I am fascinating and special. I also do well with someone a bit more outgoing, so I don't feel pressure to talk, but also someone who asks questions and takes an interest in me too. I need to be given time to warm up, but with gentle prodding.
I don't mind directness at all & actually prefer for intentions to be clear...if I have a pleasant exchange with someone, then if they ask me for, say, my phone number right away, then I am not hesitant to give it (given I see any potential). I am pretty open to getting to know new people, even though I can appear not to be in my demeanor.
b) What characteristics do you look for a partner? (e.g. kindness, intelligence, looks) Why?
See above....and to expand...someone who is emotionally mature, kind, moral, spiritual, unselfish, open to novelty, has an intellectual streak, mentally stimulating, more decisive and organized than myself, sensual, appreciates art & culture, and physically attractive to me. Mostly, I want a particular dynamic... I need to feel that mental/emotional/physical connection and intimacy is possible.
c) Under what circumstances will you switch from being the pursued to pursuer? Explain.
Bad ones....hahaha! It is usually an insecurity which causes this, a kind of paranoia that someone is slipping away. It generally is not successful.
d) What is your definition of love?
It is a deep valuing of who someone essentially is on an emotional level that leads to a principled treatment of them - a desire to sustain and nurture who they are because of their value, and separate from your own needs/desires (unselfish). Romantic love also involves a personal attachment and connection because of a dynamic you create with someone, a dynamic which fills your needs/desires too.
