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Hey, fellow INFJs. I was just wondering...How do you deal with the process of understanding and accepting the person you are deep inside? What is it that you find inspiring after having discovered your INFJ-ness? Let's talk to each other and come to terms with the confusing complexity hidden within us.
 

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I actually don't find it all that confusing. I approach myself from a very practical standpoint.
I have no choice but to spend all my time with myself regardless of whoever is or not around I am the one common denominator.
It makes sense then to know myself.
It's crazy important that I trust myself.. And in order to do that I have learned (but still learning) to be honest with myself.
I have found that honesty is not only the "right" thing to do.. It is extremely efficient.
Life is complicated enough that I don't need myself to be a mystery to boot..
If I am deep that is for others to decide.. I like to think I am easy.
 

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Writing has really helped me to contain all the thoughts and feelings I have racing in my head all the time. But on the acceptance of myself. I know that I am very accepting of myself and that I very much love me. I don't struggle with myself I struggle with the people in my life. Finding out I was an INFJ also helped me a lot with understanding that I may not be like most people but at least I'm happy with what I have.
 

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Self analysis of demotivators overcome, exploring past influences, positive truths over negative feelings conveyed by others, learning what unconditional love actually feels like versus conditional love and respect, realising my own self worth and seeking small opportunities to learn how to trust that my true self will not be devalued (not the same as external validation, more like confirmation on the internal level i.e. somewhere safer such as volunteering).
 

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I actually don't find it all that confusing. I approach myself from a very practical standpoint.
I have no choice but to spend all my time with myself regardless of whoever is or not around I am the one common denominator.
It makes sense then to know myself.
It's crazy important that I trust myself.. And in order to do that I have learned (but still learning) to be honest with myself.
I have found that honesty is not only the "right" thing to do.. It is extremely efficient.
Life is complicated enough that I don't need myself to be a mystery to boot..
If I am deep that is for others to decide.. I like to think I am easy.
^This. Exactly this. I'm really not that hard to figure out.
 

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How do you deal with the process of understanding and accepting the person you are deep inside? If you are having trouble accepting yourself because of your flaws just remember that your weaknesses are really just a side effect of your strengths. For instance, sometimes I fall into the trap of caring too much about what people think. In reality, this is really just one of my strengths (empathy) gone out of control. When I look at it like that, I don't feel like beating on myself so much.

As far as understanding myself goes...I guess I've always sort of known myself well since I've always sort of been my own best friend. Plus it's pretty easy to understand myself after I see myself falling into the same patterns over and over again. Oh and the other secret is being honest with yourself about your weaknesses in the first place (not falling into pride).

What is it that you find inspiring after having discovered your INFJ-ness?
Not sure. I'm drawing a blank. Probably nothing.
 

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By challenging others to the standards you have for yourself and realizing how much better you are than a lot of people. Yeah yeah I know everyone can be just as awesome as you are if they tried but those are just words and empty promises. Sometimes you have to accept the fact that you're better than a lot of people out there and can even take it upon yourself to show people you think are worth it "the light", let those who want to listen follow you and those who don't...well that's Darwinism for you, maybe their way will work just fine or maybe it wont but never think you can be ANYONES savior.

Also, trust your instincts/intuition. The few times that you're wrong....well good news you'll learn something new!
 

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Being INFJ is more of a blessing than a curse, I've come to realize after all :proud: INFJs are awesome people who never stop moving forward and growing <3
 

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Sometimes I perceive my inner, true Self as a huge, shining white dahlia flower that opens its petals one by one, slowly, but surely, as life time passes and wisdom accumulates. Although many aspects of my personality are, as some have stated here, quite obvious, most of who we are will never truly be understood. I enjoy, no, I love the process of the never-ending self-discovery. I seriously would never trade any of my life lessons and insights for a pretty face, a glamorous lifestyle, not even the perfect boyfriend :) Too many blessings, each of them worthy of gratitude and love.

Learning about my type has given me a huge push toward a better understanding of my inner mechanics, incredibly helpful and fascinating.
 

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Writing has really helped me to contain all the thoughts and feelings I have racing in my head all the time. But on the acceptance of myself. I know that I am very accepting of myself and that I very much love me. I don't struggle with myself I struggle with the people in my life. Finding out I was an INFJ also helped me a lot with understanding that I may not be like most people but at least I'm happy with what I have.
Some years ago I tried journaling. I am a perfectionist and rewrote journal entries to improve the writing. I found that I culd see what I wanted to be by the revisions, do some serious thinking, and often realized that was the true me, and I was holding back because of adverse earlier experiences, e.g., childhood rejection and abuse. That was the start of true healing. because of an eidetic memory Ioften re-experienced the negatives on certain stimuli. Learning that I was able to free myself from the negative imperatives. Like me? well, let me say that I like the improvement. I also - even as a senior adult - have made better choices of friends (few) and associates.
And I am very pleased that am not ike most people, and can follow my chosen path. Never to late to learn. What you posted is very insightful. Thanks!
 

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Discussion Starter #12
How do you deal with the process of understanding and accepting the person you are deep inside? If you are having trouble accepting yourself because of your flaws just remember that your weaknesses are really just a side effect of your strengths. For instance, sometimes I fall into the trap of caring too much about what people think. In reality, this is really just one of my strengths (empathy) gone out of control. When I look at it like that, I don't feel like beating on myself so much.

As far as understanding myself goes...I guess I've always sort of known myself well since I've always sort of been my own best friend. Plus it's pretty easy to understand myself after I see myself falling into the same patterns over and over again. Oh and the other secret is being honest with yourself about your weaknesses in the first place (not falling into pride).

What is it that you find inspiring after having discovered your INFJ-ness?
Not sure. I'm drawing a blank. Probably nothing.
About the acceptance of weaknesses that you mentioned, that's not necessarily what bothers me. I think my biggest isuue is the fact that I find it hard to deal with my awkward empathy and compassion. Don't get me wrong-I love being able to be a support for people and offering them anything good that I can offer- but sometimes it is just too tiring to always feel everything so deeply. As a kid, I was always tormented by the intensity of my feelings and now I know why-I'm an INFJ. Anyway, it's hard for me to be with someone because when there is no meaning, there is nothing to me. I can't just be with someone if the true MEANING isn't there bc I end up feeling guilty and upset and everything falls down again. I don't know...I just keep asking myself if these two spontaneously written lines from my poem are true:
"Cause my role is not that of a lover in 2
But one of a lover in 7 billion."
 

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I am caring and loving and nurturing, but also watchful and Hold high expectations and will reprimand when I falter. I want the best for and to be my best. Pretty much the way you accept someone you love and care about :).
 

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I actually like the fact that I can draw the human body, either gender, in any pose, just from figuring out where the spine is as reference for the rest of the body.

I like that I am at a point now where I can play pretty much anything in the world on the guitar. anything.

I am usually the polite perspective in the room that makes people question things.

I have around 300 books in my room (absurd amount of piles), and as experience is knowledge is understanding is maturity is growth, I am happy with the experiences and minds of so many others.

I feel that talent is a way of coping with myself, though, not of accepting. I look at my life, and realize that the people in my life validate me, make me happy, and allow me to accept myself. Like yesterday -- I spent my day with my old experimental psychology teacher who is a doctor - we are good friends I love her! It is connection and communion with others that allows me to accept myself. Even...love myself, after a year of hell. Being on this forum adds to that, for sure, and that's why I stay.
 

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It's helped me with my social anxiety & depression. I initially felt like it made it worse. It confirmed all my insecurities about how I thought others perceived me. As time went by I learned that just because I'm this type of person, it doesn't mean I have to make a point to be the true definition. I've learned to embrace key things about myself. I've actually convinced people that meet me for the first time that I'm this awesome-outgoing person. I've also been told that when they find out I have anxiety problems they think I'm just exaggerating. (That does suck sometimes, but it's whatever they don't know me so I get it.)

I could go on forever about how much I've changed since I discovered this whole "INFJ" thing. My mind was blown when I found out what enneagrams were too!
 

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For as much of a hard ass I come to this kind of talk,
I'll admit that for a long time I struggled to accept who I was,
To accept I have a personality that either draws you in or rejects you,
A style that is loved or hated,
But once I got my head around it I began to fit into the bigger picture with anyone :)

I guess we all just need to take a step back and see us for who we ourselves are,
Good and bad,
And then come to accept that we're human like everyone else :)
 

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My journey to self acceptance:

1. Undertanding myself:

INFJ 3w2

2. Developing my own beliefs, values and perspective:

" My country is the world, all men (and women) are my brothers (and sisters) and my religion is to do good"

3. Realizing what it really means to "be yoursel":

There are things I hate about myself. There are things that I love about myself. I have more flaws and shortcomings than I'd like to admit or let on. But I find comfort and confidence in doing the most with what I have and can do.

To me, being yourself is a recognition of everything your not, faith in everhything you are, a will to live your life as you see fit and a constant pursuit of self-improvement.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
It's helped me with my social anxiety & depression. I initially felt like it made it worse. It confirmed all my insecurities about how I thought others perceived me. As time went by I learned that just because I'm this type of person, it doesn't mean I have to make a point to be the true definition. I've learned to embrace key things about myself. I've actually convinced people that meet me for the first time that I'm this awesome-outgoing person. I've also been told that when they find out I have anxiety problems they think I'm just exaggerating. (That does suck sometimes, but it's whatever they don't know me so I get it.)

I could go on forever about how much I've changed since I discovered this whole "INFJ" thing. My mind was blown when I found out what enneagrams were too!
I hope I am going to do the same. :) I've become much more mature over the past year-year in which Psychology has infiltrated my life. I'm struggling and sometimes it seems that, as you said, finding out I was an INFJ confirmed bad things about myself, but I am trying to completely accept ME. I wanna do this- I wanna smile in contentment.
 

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About the acceptance of weaknesses that you mentioned, that's not necessarily what bothers me. I think my biggest isuue is the fact that I find it hard to deal with my awkward empathy and compassion. Don't get me wrong-I love being able to be a support for people and offering them anything good that I can offer- but sometimes it is just too tiring to always feel everything so deeply. As a kid, I was always tormented by the intensity of my feelings and now I know why-I'm an INFJ. Anyway, it's hard for me to be with someone because when there is no meaning, there is nothing to me. I can't just be with someone if the true MEANING isn't there bc I end up feeling guilty and upset and everything falls down again. I don't know...I just keep asking myself if these two spontaneously written lines from my poem are true:
"Cause my role is not that of a lover in 2
But one of a lover in 7 billion."
I understand how you feel. I've been there myself with the empathy issues and feeling over burdened by other people's baggage that I was never really meant to carry. I guess I've just learned that empathy is great but when it gets to the point where I start to feel as crappy as the other person does or even start to despair then it's a problem and I'm not helping anyone by letting myself get to that point. You almost have to deliberately detach yourself from the person (emotionally) so you can gain some mental clarity.

Not exactly sure what you mean by "true meaning" here but if you mean a lack of connection I would say that's a very natural and healthy reaction to have. I don't think relationships are meant to stay at the surface level.
 

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How do you deal with the process of understanding and accepting the person you are deep inside?

Once I was able to understand, truly understand, that my life was MINE and what I did with it was my choice - not others', as I'd allowed Fe to dictate to me so very long and through truly miserable times...I was FREE. That allowed all else to fall into place after it: understanding, acceptance, and when I create, unconditional self-love. Which is the only time I feel it, to be honest.

What is it that you find inspiring after having discovered your INFJ-ness?

That I was not a freak. After being alone for so long, there were others like me, even if only online (I've never met another IRL). It was what brought me to PerC to begin with.

I long to connect to those INFJ that are similar to myself - for to my sorrow, I have found some INFJ here that I have nothing more in common with than we by chance share the same functions. Then I have found some I would adopt, were I able. :proud:

(And perhaps, the differences within the type is in part due to the Enneagram as well.)
 
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