Personality Cafe banner
1 - 16 of 16 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
47 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Okay, I am confused right now.
Usually, I am someone who, I am not sure whether I could say love, but I welcome it. I prefer critiques over nice words, most of the time, because they help me to improve my style and make me see my flaws.
But recently, I just got my first flame, a negative review. Woudl it have been a constructive review, I would have gladly accepted it and tried to see reason, but the thing is, it's hard to see reason when he (or she?) says things like 'Are you stupid?', 'a five-years old can write better than you' and 'please, go die'

Hm... okay, nice. It was something between amusing and disbelief, when I read it.
And this is where I am confused right now. The review was a mix between those mentioned arguments and a somehow something constructive. How should I react to that?
I am usually someone who is not sure of anything, I become uncertain and insecure the second someone says something says something which only hints to critiques. But, this time, I... am cool with that. Okay, I still think of it, but I don't feel like as if my whole world is breaking down now or something. I don't think that I write like a five years old, or that my stories are not desriptive, okay, I don't want to seem arrogant here please :). My friend told me it's not true at all and that I am very descriptive, but she is my friend, she has to say that, on the other hand, she was never afrait to tell me the truth.

Anyway, can anyone tell me how you would deal with critiques. It doesn't have to be as... dramatic as my example. Just tell me how you feel and what you usually do. Really, I don't want to appear whiny now, but right now, I am not sure whether to accept it or just ignore it and I cannot deal with uncertainty
 
  • Like
Reactions: Goosefish

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,202 Posts
depends on my mood mostly. i have to focus to make changes for other people or standards, so it needs some energy.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,247 Posts
If people can't point out what exactly is wrong with a text. It just shows they haven't really read it closely enough, or with an open enough mind to make any sorts of judgments. It still hurts hearing such things, and this may be hard to do, but you shouldn't really pay attention to what they're saying. They are just being jerks for no reason. They don't really know what they're talking about. And many times they aren't reacting to your text as much as to something else entirely.This is how I try to deal with criticism.
If you look close enough at any text you can usually find both good and bad things to say about it. Thing's are seldom as absolute as they seam at first glance. Another thing to remember is when you deal with criticism, unless it's something like the formalities of a thesis or something, you're ultimately dealing with one persons opinion. One man's trash, another man's treasures etc, you can't please everyone.
The only opinion that really matters in the end is yours, as long as you're happy with the result. What everyone else think shouldn't matter. And in the end we are usually our own toughest critics.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
717 Posts
I smile and nod. I say things like, "I understand where you're coming from," and, "I've never thought of that before," and "That makes sense." I ask specific questions to better understand what exactly bothered them, why it bothered them, and how I could change it to make it better. I reassure them that they have helped me a lot and that I will apply the changes they recommended.

Then, I file the entire experience in the to-be-dealt-with-later folder in my brain. When I deal with it later, I will reevaluate everything they said and decide whether it really does make sense and whether or not I will apply it.

Though, something like this:
'Are you stupid?', 'a five-years old can write better than you' and 'please, go die'.
would make me tune a person out completely. If you can't effectively deliver criticism, how can I expect you to know how to write?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
77 Posts
Sometimes I think the reason INFP's are their own worst critiques is because we shield ourselves from other peoples' critiques by already being harsh on ourselves, so no one else can hurt us more.

True constructive criticism stings because it highlights where we are incompetent, but I think this is a challenge for many INFP's- to learn how to analyze said criticism and make us a better person because of it.

I generally don't get hurt by troll critiques except when they talk about my moral values. I especially hate it when others make illogical and intentionally callous statements with no reasoning or explanation. They usually involve broad blanket statements meant to sensationalize what a stupid person I am for believing certain things, when that is not the case at all.
 
  • Like
Reactions: annieinfx

·
Registered
Joined
·
799 Posts
Why would someone even say shit like that? Don't take my advice but I would kick their ass. Just ask @Kr3m1in, she would probably do the same isn't that right Kr3m1in?

Now if it was reasonable without those things they say, then I would take it all in my head and pay attention to the things they mention. Then I would be like "it's all good" and.....yea....:D
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
77 Posts
Kick their arse, verbally. You'll probably find that you're quite a witty insulter. I'm rubbish at talking to people, but can insult them and make other people laugh at them in a flash.
Really, that was a very dickheadish thing to say.

If people are aggressive to me, I turn to being pretty angry at them. Under constant stress (bullying basically) I become very, very inward. Actually, a part of me thinks that I'd have been extroverted if I wasn't bullied for a few months during a vital part of my life. Kid got what he deserved though: a broken nose. Muhahahaha
Constructive criticism makes me nervous. I try so hard to make sure that I get that right again and balls it up even more the next time because I was trying too hard!
I think someone above me said something similar: we criticise ourselves so it isn't so bad when we get criticised.

INFPs can't handle criticism well. I've no solution yet. Sorry!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,227 Posts
Why would someone even say shit like that? Don't take my advice but I would kick their ass. Just ask @Kr3m1in, she would probably do the same isn't that right Kr3m1in?

Now if it was reasonable without those things they say, then I would take it all in my head and pay attention to the things they mention. Then I would be like "it's all good" and.....yea....:D
Like when I criticize you and you cry and bang your head on the laptop?

You kicking ass? I can't imagine..
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,248 Posts
Honestly, I don't handle real criticism well... though I may not let the other person know. I tend to avoid situations where I would receive it. I am in favor of suggestions of improvement/alteration, but I dislike criticism. It is counter productive for me, as I take it to heart/personally.

If I am expecting or asking for it however, I am already mentally prepared and I deal with it by stripping away everything aside the tidbits I can actually use.
 
1 - 16 of 16 Posts
Top