Personality Cafe banner

1 - 7 of 7 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,044 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I had a few questions for you guys. What are situations that can usually elicit feelings of incompetence for you? Are you generally conscious of this? Do you usually see yourself as competent? Do emotions tend to overwhelm you (your own or someone else's), and when they do, how do you deal with them mentally, and what steps do you take? Do you detach from people, and if so, what determines if they are worth being attached to? Do you ever attach again to someone you have detached from? How do you feel in company of someone you may feel inadequate or inferior to?

Yeah, I had a lot of questions haha. Feel free to pick and choose which ones you want to answer.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,428 Posts
I had a few questions for you guys.
Oh good, it's been dead in here.

What are situations that can usually elicit feelings of incompetence for you?
Things that can only be learned by intuition, by direct experience, or by memorization: things that cannot be learned by systematizing. Social things and some physical things like sports. Usually the feeling of incompetence is not strong because most of the things I'm not good at are things I don't much care about, because I'm good at figuring out why I'm not good at things, and because I focus more on what I need to do to improve.

Are you generally conscious of this?
Yes, but I doubt that I was conscious when I was younger, partially because it just didn't happen often.

Do you usually see yourself as competent?
I don't think of it in terms of competence, but I do generally expect to be able to do almost anything I set my mind to and feel surprised when I cannot.

Do emotions tend to overwhelm you (your own or someone else's), and when they do, how do you deal with them mentally, and what steps do you take?
Only in social situations, so mostly only relatively recently (past 5–10 years). I try to tell myself that it's no big deal and try to distract myself intellectually (with reading, computer games, etc.), but neither works because my biggest problem is stopping the physiological component of the emotions.

Telling myself that I may not have all the facts of a situation seems to make things a bit worse because it adds worry and frustration that I don't/can't know what really happened and therefor have no way of preventing it from happening again.

Do you detach from people, and if so, what determines if they are worth being attached to?
I have done it but not many times because I've not known many people; mostly I've just not gotten attached in the first place.

I feel most comfortable attaching to people who seem like they will not occasion me too many negative emotions, particularly in areas in which I've either been repeatedly frustrated or had the strongest, most enduring negative emotions, such as poor communication.

Do you ever attach again to someone you have detached from?
I've never done that. I have recently sort of pledged to try having a closer relationship with my mother, but I don't expect the relationship to progress to anything that even begins to approach attachment.

How do you feel in company of someone you may feel inadequate or inferior to?
I've never experienced inadequacy or inferiority in relation to another person.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,093 Posts
I had a few questions for you guys. What are situations that can usually elicit feelings of incompetence for you? Are you generally conscious of this? Do you usually see yourself as competent? Do emotions tend to overwhelm you (your own or someone else's), and when they do, how do you deal with them mentally, and what steps do you take? Do you detach from people, and if so, what determines if they are worth being attached to? Do you ever attach again to someone you have detached from? How do you feel in company of someone you may feel inadequate or inferior to?

Yeah, I had a lot of questions haha. Feel free to pick and choose which ones you want to answer.
I feel incompetent when I do something poorly, but I don’t deeply internalize that feeling, because that is not part of my identity. if I care about something I will hack at it until I become competent to my standards, or I will discard it because I don’t have an aptitude for it and I have nothing to prove.

yes I see myself as competent, it is based on purposely becoming a competent person in areas that I think are important

emotions do sometimes overwhelms me, yes. too many emotions makes me feel off of balance and I need to detach and level out.

The only people who are worth being attached to are the people who are respectful, loving, consistent, and who are not needlessly cruel.

no I never return to someone I have detached from, I am not a forgiving person. Once you’re out of my circle of attention you’re done.

I have never felt inadequate or inferior to anybody so I don’t know how to answer that question. I did feel a little intimidated by someone once, he was a peer when I was in high school and I enjoyed talking to him a lot. and I am realistic about things that I don’t do well if someone around me does them better, I just let them do it. But that does not become an inferiority complex within me. I think the cool thing about being five is being removed from your feelings, and being able to reason your way through them, it can be good and it can be bad. it is bad when most of your personality becomes a coping mechanism but it is good if you can sort through your experience and use what works and discard what doesn’t. ultimately, I don’t tend to approach other people from any feelings of inferiority, I tend to think very highly of myself. and I tend to think most people are fucking stupid. Like how do you live stupid. it would not serve me and my purposes to walk around feeling less than other people, and that is my modus operandi: serving myself, and being the one who ends up on top. almost everything I do is in-service to that, some of it is my ego, and some of it is viewing life as a game, one I like to play to see what happens.
 

·
Registered
Enneagram 3w4 ENTJ
Joined
·
59 Posts
I had a few questions for you guys. What are situations that can usually elicit feelings of incompetence for you? Are you generally conscious of this? Do you usually see yourself as competent? Do emotions tend to overwhelm you (your own or someone else's), and when they do, how do you deal with them mentally, and what steps do you take? Do you detach from people, and if so, what determines if they are worth being attached to? Do you ever attach again to someone you have detached from? How do you feel in company of someone you may feel inadequate or inferior to?

Yeah, I had a lot of questions haha. Feel free to pick and choose which ones you want to answer.
When problems happen over and over again without action being taken I feel incompetence, either internally or externally directed. I'm generally conscious of this when pain is involved, like when a recurring problem involving other people happens that affects me.

I generally see myself as competent only if I get the results desired and continually upgrade my skills/knowledge. I can feel competent just by improving my knowledge or skills, knowing that I WILL be competent when the time arrives.

Emotions are totally human- only robots and aliens dont like emotions......... :O lol but I prefer a shorter grieving time to most people, and I prefer to grieve at an appropriate time, not while the battle is still going on, so to speak.

I tend to ignore feelings until the battle is over, to use that analogy again. There is a time for emotions for sure (and like the sales people say, which is really sage advice: it's not just buying decisions that are emotional backed with logic... ALL actions are emotional, backed with logic.) If people recognized that, we'd have a better society.

I have detached from some people, being completely honest here, and they were burdens, as much as I hate to say it. They had no ambition, they didn't want to help themselves, (and if they couldnt even help themselves, how could they help me?), and they constantly wanted to do time wasting things, rather than things of substance or value.

I have attempted to reconnect with people who I've detached from, but they were generally the same and it hasn't been profitable for me.

I feel a mixture of (good) envy and admiration to those I may feel inadequate or inferior to. Provided they're healthy (and they should be if I feel inferior to them- I wouldn't feel inferior to someone who's emotionally unhealthy or otherwise), I am generally in a state of acceptance and receptiveness to their wisdom and insight.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
99 Posts
I had a few questions for you guys. What are situations that can usually elicit feelings of incompetence for you? Are you generally conscious of this?
I generally feel incompetent when I'm unable to perform in situations where I feel I should be able to. When I'm confident in my knowledge or skill in a certain area (or I've at least asserted that I am) and I fail to do so, that elicits feelings of incompetence. This also applies to things I should have/or be skillful in by nature, things that apply automatically to my identity based what makes up me. I am always fully aware of these feelings. They are my nightmares.

Do you usually see yourself as competent?
I'm cautious to think of myself as competent because it hurts so much to be proven wrong, but I have things I can't help but put my pride into so it pretty much can't be helped.

Do emotions tend to overwhelm you (your own or someone else's), and when they do, how do you deal with them mentally, and what steps do you take?
I rarely get overwhelmed by emotions, but when it does happen to me it's usually the result of someone else getting overwhelmed by emotions. Typically that emotional response is anger in instances where my environment is being upended by someone else's emotions. With anger I tend to have temper tantrums. With every other emotion I tend to just let go of reality and disconnect.

Do you detach from people, and if so, what determines if they are worth being attached to? Do you ever attach again to someone you have detached from?
I do sometimes detach from people, but not usually on a personal level. It's just a side-effect of detaching from reality completely. I'm not great with empathy so when someone around me is very sad, I tend to completely lose my ability to emote as some kind of weird defense mechanism. Against what I have no idea. I don't really have a problem detaching and reattaching to someone at will, it's not a difficult process.

How do you feel in company of someone you may feel inadequate or inferior to?
When I meet someone more competent than myself, it depends on the context. If I can prove myself competent, even if less so, I can accept that other person while maintaining my pride and might even be friends with that person if it's something interesting we have in common. If they just straight up embarrass me or prove I'm just an incapable, neophytic moron, I'll probably quietly ragequit and hate that I ever bothered to care about anything ever and the memories of that event will haunt me forever.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,264 Posts
What are situations that can usually elicit feelings of incompetence for you? Are you generally conscious of this?
Whenever results are significantly outside of the predicted range. 'Failing' doesn't necessarily make me feel incompetent (it's part of the learning process), but being blind-sided by something I didn't predict/account for does. I am excruciatingly aware when it happens.

Do you usually see yourself as competent?
Usually, yes. My 513 tritype is called "triple competent" and that's a feeling/experience I've had (relative to my peers) in many ways, my whole life. I'm great with most physical & mental things but then I'm not good with people outside of close relationships (I'm not socially awkward but I'm SO blind and an introvert with no Fe -- so my naivety/complete lack of intuition with people/groups can be sad, frightening or hilarious depending on the day).

Do emotions tend to overwhelm you (your own or someone else's), and when they do, how do you deal with them mentally, and what steps do you take?
It depends on the exact emotion. If it's in any way positive (something like awe or joy), I lean into it. If it's negative, I'd evaluate the best course of action to fix the underlying problem (and make mental notes -- learning from what went wrong). If it's something like grief and there is nothing to 'do', I just take it easy, connect with nature & people I'm close with and let time heal. I don't get overwhelmed by other people's emotions. I 'feel for them' but I tend to take on a 'how can I help?' role and focus more on that (unless there is nothing to do but emotionally support them).

Do you detach from people, and if so, what determines if they are worth being attached to?
I have to detach from people generally -- I can't cope with them. Whenever I forget that, I'm soon reminded. I do better with intelligent, well mannered, positive people who value honesty but there aren't too many of those around. Attachment (in varying degrees) depends on how much they 'add' to my life and what their role is (friend/boyfriend etc). I do a lot better in close relationships with compatible people -- everything is suddenly intuitive & effortless & works (due to my dominant SX instinct).

Do you ever attach again to someone you have detached from?
Unlikely since I would have had reasons to detach. I'm very particular when it comes to certain things (not taking responsibility etc etc -- I can find them physically sickening) -- it would be tough to come back after failing in one of them.

How do you feel in company of someone you may feel inadequate or inferior to?
I generally don't feel that way. When I occasionally run into someone I admire I feel respect, happy for them, in awe of their talent/work and open to learning (where applicable). This is a positive thing, I don't feel inadequate or jealous. If they have achieved something I'd like to, I'm confident/optimistic I'll get there too. The only embarrassing thing I do in this regard is the thought of being around another woman who I perceive as 'better dressed' is uncomfortable (my enneagram 3 SX influence from my tritype showing I guess). It's funny bc I dislike ego stuff (in me and others) and prefer to do my best than compete.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
759 Posts
I feel incompetent when I'm with others.

Working alone as a chef in a cafe, I could alone do the whole menu with ease, but as soon as somebody else falls into the equation, whether I have to work alongside them or they believe they can help, my competence levels drop. In solitude, the whole world is in the grasp of my hands; in company, I'm a rabbit in the headlights. This just came to mind from preparing Christmas lunch: if everybody just let me be; stopped walking in and out of the kitchen thinking they can do something; stopped questioning or criticising or judging, when they do it at no other time in the year; the task would be a breeze. Just because I'm quiet and don't ask for help, it doesn't mean I'm stressed out.

Yes, I'm conscious of it, that's why I'm constantly researching, not only to delve deeper into whatever I want to know, but also to reassure myself of what I already do. I see myself as competent when I know the theory. If I don't possess this as a basis, I won't necessarily back away, but there would be an incompetent reluctance to take part. For some reason I always have an expectation to fail, so I don't feel as bad when I do.

Positive emotions overwhelm me. I don't know why, but they always have. When people seem happy-chappy for so long, I need to get out of their company before I collapse. Perhaps such feelings and emotions take a great deal of effort for me to express, that if I truly felt happy or "excited", I appear stoic in order to preserve myself and extend my life-source - this confuses people. On the other hand, sadness and gloom I find quite refreshing. I suppose these emotions are less forced, in a sense, because nobody wants to be sad or gloomy, so they feel more genuine and free. It's odd. As to my own emotions, if I'm feeling so-and-so for so long, I tell myself that I'm being pathetic, and to calm down and keep a cool head -- this doesn't always help because I'm never sure of what I feel, and seldom know how to truly deal with it.

I never attach to people, if I can help it. I keep my distance if I feel an attachment forming on my part -- I have been told by people that that hurts them. Perhaps if I was more conscious of them attaching to me, I would be less resistant and attach to them in return; but people can be very fickle-hearted, and I don't want to lose control by being the puppet of somebody else's manipulative tactics. I don't look for worthiness in people, for I'm sure everybody is worthy by default -- until they prove themselves otherwise. I don't want others to think of me as unworthy, or useless or helpless, so I guess that prevents me from seeing it in others.

Once detached from an attachment, always detached from it. Like a pathway snaps in the brain.

Inadequecy or inferiority I've always seen as an utter joke in mankind. Whenever I'm aware that someone is trying to be dominant or superior to someone aside them, I have a tendency to laugh, because such behaviour always appears apelike and plain ridiculous; I cannot take them seriously. I try to avoid people who spend too much mental energy on social hierarchies. If I'm aware of their talents and skills they possess, however, particularly when they spent a great deal of their life trying to achieve it, I'm in awe, and am too curious to know more about them than to let silly feelings of inferiority to interfere.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Rose for a Heart
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
Top