Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 27 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
So I had a friend who was an intp i think. I've been friends with him ever since. The problem with him though is that he is very full of himself, he would try and use long words that would make him look smart but they were never the right words. he would always try and act like he was smarter than everyone else and its annoying.

A little about my self, Im an intj from Canada. i like to play piano and read theoretical books

One day i just decided that i was sick of dealing with his selfish behaviour and i dropped him as a friend about two months ago. im writing this now because today i bumped into someone who was very narcissistic and full of himself, after arguing with him for ten minutes i wondered how people can deal with those people all the time.

Thanks for your input
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,418 Posts
complete total ignore them..........give them no attention what so ever.





<<<<<=============take it frum a koon!


unless I want to manipulate them someway. Then one ques in to their attention seeking and can generally 'push' them - actually watch them run where ever you want them to go........... its totally fuking hilarius!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
833 Posts
Since he is an INTP maybe he wasn't trying to be superior to anybody but just preferred to express himself with more complex words. We also have a tendency to know a lot about random subjects or how things function and can go on rants about them. In general this has nothing to do with wanting to be 'smarter' than everyone else. Just something to consider.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
When i mentioned that he was an intp i meant no disrespect to intps. the thing is is that the words he used weren't the right words. he was narcissistic it had nothing to do with other peoples type. Another thing that bothers me with other people is that they get the 4 letters that describe them and they feel that they need to live up to it. I don't agree that all intps are geniuses or that every intp is an Einstein. No my friend was very narcissistic because of all these things that added up, he has even told other people he is smarter than every one else.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
833 Posts
When i mentioned that he was an intp i meant no disrespect to intps. the thing is is that the words he used weren't the right words. he was narcissistic it had nothing to do with other peoples type. Another thing that bothers me with other people is that they get the 4 letters that describe them and they feel that they need to live up to it. I don't agree that all intps are geniuses or that every intp is an Einstein. No my friend was very narcissistic because of all these things that added up, he has even told other people he is smarter than every one else.
Oh, then there you go.
I wasn't trying to defend him nor my type I just thought I'd throw it out there so maybe if it held any truth you'd see it from a different perspective.
 
  • Like
Reactions: JustinR

·
Registered
Joined
·
374 Posts
Narcissism is becoming an epidemic with young society.

Narcissists crave attention. Their egos are dependent on it. The best way to handle a narcissist is simply to ignore them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,010 Posts
Don't ignore a narcissist or you will pay. What you need to do is change your number, address and probably state line.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
257 Posts
I've met a very Narcissistic person before. Personally, I ignore them. Really, the fact that a narcissist is targeting you implies that your very presence makes them feel inadequate, so take it as a compliment.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,074 Posts
I find it quite childish to link his verbiage with narcissism. I'm not here to create a heated argument but I used to be like that too. Full of ''big words'' and it wasn't because I wanted to impress people. That's just the English I've learned the most. I've been trying to talk in a more ''normal'' manner lately but it's not as easy as it seems.

Back to you question... You don't deal with a narcissistic person. Trust me you don't! You just cut lose with them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,168 Posts
Sounds like he is trying to feel grown up and impress people with his vocabulary. That sounds more like being an insecure teenager than being a narcissist. I did the same thing when I was about twelve.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
273 Posts
It's hard to tell whether that person is narcissistic or not from the given describtion.
I prefer using complex structures in my speech, because I consider them more refined and better than the elements of "usual" language. And, thankfully "big" words, person is able to shape his/her thoughts more precisely (given that those words are used appropriately). But I don't think that other people consider me narcissistic.

What about his body language? Did he use certain gestures and facial expressions which made you think that he is narcissist?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
Discussion Starter #12
It's hard to tell whether that person is narcissistic or not from the given describtion.
I prefer using complex structures in my speech, because I consider them more refined and better than the elements of "usual" language. And, thankfully "big" words, person is able to shape his/her thoughts more precisely (given that those words are used appropriately). But I don't think that other people consider me narcissistic.

What about his body language? Did he use certain gestures and facial expressions which made you think that he is narcissist?
A lot of times when we were in arguments he would act like he was better than everyone else, he just decidided that he was an atheist. i could be wrong but it seemed that he was using that to look like he was smarter than everyone else. he always had this smug face on him whenever i was in an argument with him, and he would make up lies to prove a point. I cant exactly decide if he is a narcissist but he was definatly full of himself. we knew each other since we were 4 or 5.

Actually a little story, i decided to buy a computer and it was a really nice laptop with good specifications. i was telling him this and he would keep telling me that he hated computers and he would never use them. however a week later he bought a huge gaming computer for 2000$ right out of the blue, he started saying my laptop was horrible with horrible specs. of course i didnt really care. 2 months later he was trying to sell his computer and he regretted buying it; i still laugh at him internally because of this.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
251 Posts
Don't ignore a narcissist or you will pay. What you need to do is change your number, address and probably state line.
Amen to that! (not religious)

I only discovered in hindsight that I was "confined" with a narcissist for a friend.
While I was friends with him, I slowly lost all other friends. It was so bad that after all the years I felt mentally restricted.
Everything that wasn't working in our friendship was because I didn't do something.
I had no free time anymore, since he always wanted to do something together. And if I even dared to not be enthusiastic about us meeting up as soon as possible again, then he'd question my friendship.
And is wasn't as simple as I'm describing it here. He used very manipulative tactics that eroded my clear thinking. It was like I was sinking ever deeper into the ocean, everything around me becoming darker and darker.

And I never saw a way out, because everytime something happened that he saw as something serious he went to extreme lengths to basically mentally bully me into admitting that my lack of <whatever> was the problem.
Don't get me wrong, there were good times as well, but they slowly got replaced by more and more bad times.
This went so far that after a time I was constantly stressed out, had no money (because we always had to do something that involved money) and generally felt mentally abused. My mind felt like it was in a vise.

Then, one day I moved to a new apartment in another town. At first I didn't realize that this could be my chance to get rid of him without fearing his always looming and totally disproportionate retaliation. We wanted to move together to that new town, first me then him. But while I was there alone for a month for the first time in years, I was slowly getting a grasp of my mind again and it dawned on me that this was my chance.
So I moved to yet another apartment, sent him a message saying as polite and non-aggro'ing as possible that I can't take it anymore and that I'm pulling the plug. He called me and I idiotically answered his call. We talked a bit and I ignored any pleas to get together and talk this out (because I knew where this would end) and remained steadfast.
He then asked me if I really thought he couldn't find me, to which I actually said "No, you won't" (I was temporarily living as a subtenant and there was a chinese name on my door-bell; I'm not chinese^^).
After a few days looking over my shoulders everytime I went shopping for groceries, it began to dawn on me that he wouldn't really waste time to ACTUALLY drive all the way to this town just to find me.
He always thought he was better than others and felt others were beneath him. So once I asserted my freedom against his wishes I must've gotten on the list of those people. Also he was always big on words and dared me to do things (which I eventually always ended up doing, or otherwise there would've been a serious discussion again), but when it came to HIM?
Nah, he NEVER did the things he dared me to do. And in the beginning, when I dared to challenge him, he immediately became defensive in an aggressive manner, turning it around on me somehow.

Having said all this, I can say that the time after which I've freed myself from him was like getting a second chance at life. The kind of freedom I felt was ecstatic.

So, judging from my own personal experience I can only agree. Changing my address and, in my case, not taking any part in any of the social media websites at all (which I don't have much interest in anyway, but my situation guaranteed I didn't), was the ONLY way for me to free myself, both body and - especially - mind.

Having done my research on narcissism after that time and having first hand experience with one, I can definitely say that I will never ever in my entire life make the same mistake to befriend one. And I know I'll have no trouble identifying one when I meet one.
So far it has worked for 9 years already.^^ *knocks-on-wood* (not superstitious)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
273 Posts
Amen to that! (not religious)

I only discovered in hindsight that I was "confined" with a narcissist for a friend.
While I was friends with him, I slowly lost all other friends. It was so bad that after all the years I felt mentally restricted.
Everything that wasn't working in our friendship was because I didn't do something.
I had no free time anymore, since he always wanted to do something together. And if I even dared to not be enthusiastic about us meeting up as soon as possible again, then he'd question my friendship.
And is wasn't as simple as I'm describing it here. He used very manipulative tactics that eroded my clear thinking. It was like I was sinking ever deeper into the ocean, everything around me becoming darker and darker.

And I never saw a way out, because everytime something happened that he saw as something serious he went to extreme lengths to basically mentally bully me into admitting that my lack of <whatever> was the problem.
Don't get me wrong, there were good times as well, but they slowly got replaced by more and more bad times.
This went so far that after a time I was constantly stressed out, had no money (because we always had to do something that involved money) and generally felt mentally abused. My mind felt like it was in a vise.

Then, one day I moved to a new apartment in another town. At first I didn't realize that this could be my chance to get rid of him without fearing his always looming and totally disproportionate retaliation. We wanted to move together to that new town, first me then him. But while I was there alone for a month for the first time in years, I was slowly getting a grasp of my mind again and it dawned on me that this was my chance.
So I moved to yet another apartment, sent him a message saying as polite and non-aggro'ing as possible that I can't take it anymore and that I'm pulling the plug. He called me and I idiotically answered his call. We talked a bit and I ignored any pleas to get together and talk this out (because I knew where this would end) and remained steadfast.
He then asked me if I really thought he couldn't find me, to which I actually said "No, you won't" (I was temporarily living as a subtenant and there was a chinese name on my door-bell; I'm not chinese^^).
After a few days looking over my shoulders everytime I went shopping for groceries, it began to dawn on me that he wouldn't really waste time to ACTUALLY drive all the way to this town just to find me.
He always thought he was better than others and felt others were beneath him. So once I asserted my freedom against his wishes I must've gotten on the list of those people. Also he was always big on words and dared me to do things (which I eventually always ended up doing, or otherwise there would've been a serious discussion again), but when it came to HIM?
Nah, he NEVER did the things he dared me to do. And in the beginning, when I dared to challenge him, he immediately became defensive in an aggressive manner, turning it around on me somehow.

Having said all this, I can say that the time after which I've freed myself from him was like getting a second chance at life. The kind of freedom I felt was ecstatic.

So, judging from my own personal experience I can only agree. Changing my address and, in my case, not taking any part in any of the social media websites at all (which I don't have much interest in anyway, but my situation guaranteed I didn't), was the ONLY way for me to free myself, both body and - especially - mind.

Having done my research on narcissism after that time and having first hand experience with one, I can definitely say that I will never ever in my entire life make the same mistake to befriend one. And I know I'll have no trouble identifying one when I meet one.
So far it has worked for 9 years already.^^ *knocks-on-wood* (not superstitious)
It seems to me that that person was jealous and lonely.
To my mind, these characteristics can make such a crazy person as you've described. He wanted to have a friend who would pay his entire attention only to him. Probably, he feared in some way to loose you. In such a case, he would become a loner again, and you would pay attention to the other person, and not him. Such thoughts, I suppose, could have made him behave like that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
273 Posts
A lot of times when we were in arguments he would act like he was better than everyone else, he just decidided that he was an atheist. i could be wrong but it seemed that he was using that to look like he was smarter than everyone else. he always had this smug face on him whenever i was in an argument with him, and he would make up lies to prove a point. I cant exactly decide if he is a narcissist but he was definatly full of himself. we knew each other since we were 4 or 5.

Actually a little story, i decided to buy a computer and it was a really nice laptop with good specifications. i was telling him this and he would keep telling me that he hated computers and he would never use them. however a week later he bought a huge gaming computer for 2000$ right out of the blue, he started saying my laptop was horrible with horrible specs. of course i didnt really care. 2 months later he was trying to sell his computer and he regretted buying it; i still laugh at him internally because of this.
Well, probably, he used that "smart" look and behaviour because in fact, he wasn't that smart. He could put on a mask in order to create an illusion of being clever/smart/better.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
251 Posts
It seems to me that that person was jealous and lonely.
To my mind, these characteristics can make such a crazy person as you've described. He wanted to have a friend who would pay his entire attention only to him. Probably, he feared in some way to loose you. In such a case, he would become a loner again, and you would pay attention to the other person, and not him. Such thoughts, I suppose, could have made him behave like that.
He had other friends as well, some of which we shared. But he always thought himself superior to others and thought himself to be very self-confident. But the slightest amount of critique directed at him would reveal that he was VERY sensitive about critique (despite claims to the contrary and even inviting to "find" any faults) and it would make him very aggressive & dismissive, always turning the critique around and/or doing childish things to defy and piss you off. He had no realistic picture of himself, there was only his warped view. And these weren't the only things. He consistently displayed most-if-not-all(!) the qualifiers for narcissism.
But whatever you want to call what he was... it was toxic and slowly eroding my life.

And I'm aware that this might make me biased towards WANTING to believe he was narcissistic, despite him maybe not being it.
But I've taken this into account and actually tried to explain it in some other way to find evidence against it and to explain it in some other way in order to compensate for that. But after every article I've read, every video I watched, every paper I've read and after applying a grain-of-salt-filter... I always ended up with narcissism again. Which actually made me - can you believe it - pitty him, because he was limiting himself mentally with this and wouldn't be able to grow.
Now, there's still the possibility that this is still not accurate. But what he is or isn't doesn't matter much to me, I was just curious what was going on and narcissism was the result of my endeavor to find out.
What's important to me is that it was destroying me and that to get away in an instantaneous manner was the best, the ONLY solution.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,418 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
251 Posts
I don't deal with toxic people. I stay far away from them all.
Well, he didn't appear toxic when I met him. A bit eccentric maybe, but something like that was never a no-go for me.
Also when we were more people his narcissism (about which I didn't yet know anything) wasn't apparent and I wasn't around him all the time. It was a slow process and nowadays I can't imagine how I could've ever fallen into that trap. I guess when small bad things happened I wanted to give him a chance because we were friends. It happened slowly and in incremental steps without me realizing it. And with evry step my mind's critical thinking abilities got a bit more suppressed.
I would be one of the people that says that something like this would never happen to me, but since it was so slow and I didn't know about his inability to change for the better and for not only his manipulation of others, but especially his self-manipulation and distorted self-view, it happened in such a way that I didn't become aware of it at first. And by the time I could've been aware of it I was already trapped with no way out without fearing some retaliation of unnecessarily severe proportions.
And mind you that was in the phase inbetween school and university, so I wasn't exactly on my own feet yet.

You can bet that I stay away from toxic people like that now as well. But back in the day I...
- ... didn't know it was going to turn out like this,
- ... always gave people a chance, regardless if they weren't liked by other people (I made a really good friend this way)
- ... didn't yet know about this level of self-distortion that could lead to such destructive behaviour over time

So my way of learning about toxic people, or at least one type of them, unfortunately was through experience (to my detriment).
Because of that my "pattern recognition" regarding people like him has now been finely attuned.
And it began very very subtle so that I'm not sure I could claim to have recognized it without such experience or without having thoroughly researched about narcissism first.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
424 Posts
Narcissists are like internet trolls, you don't feed them.

But, if you want to save the friendship because this friend is special, delve in a more personal manner to find out his personal trigger for such behavior. Some posters have mentioned because maybe he feels like he is always intellectually challenged by others causing him to have this self-defense mechanism of projecting what he perceives as intelligence.
 
1 - 20 of 27 Posts
Top