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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I occasionally meet people who seem to hate me for no reason I can see, nothing I have done or said to them. It's a lasting hate, and I wonder what on earth it means. Some people just seem to want to go out of their way to be nasty to me, to make me feel bad. I don't know why, but I find it difficult, because my natural instinct is to build bridges... others just nurture a quiet contempt. I wonder what they think I am, or what they think I am doing...

How do you deal with these things? Personally, I'd like to care less... I have empathy for people who don't like me, and I'd much rather just think they're a c-ck!
 
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In my case, the contempt is almost always mutual. I'm not sure how I deal with it, though.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
well, some of the problem is occuring at a cuddle workshop. I get a lot of benefit from it, and don't want to leave, but I sense some dislike, and hostility from a couple of men in the group. Part of me wants to get away from them, but I also want to stay because there are people I really connect with there... the thing is, it's a lottery who you are picked to cuddle with, and I don't want to have to touch these guys, it feels like licking a battery- I expect they feel the same!

I don't like groups, one to one is so much better for me. you can really go deep with someone, find out about them... when I'm in a group, the conversation tends to get dominated by some forceful personailties who like to yak on about f all. They'd do it all day if they could. Total superficial nonsense, and it bores me silly. I'm interested in people's emotions, how they feel...
 

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well, some of the problem is occuring at a cuddle workshop. I get a lot of benefit from it, and don't want to leave, but I sense some dislike, and hostility from a couple of men in the group. Part of me wants to get away from them, but I also want to stay because there are people I really connect with there... the thing is, it's a lottery who you are picked to cuddle with, and I don't want to have to touch these guys, it feels like licking a battery- I expect they feel the same!

I don't like groups, one to one is so much better for me. you can really go deep with someone, find out about them... when I'm in a group, the conversation tends to get dominated by some forceful personailties who like to yak on about f all. They'd do it all day if they could. Total superficial nonsense, and it bores me silly. I'm interested in people's emotions, how they feel...
I've never heard of a cuddle workshop.

Sounds terrifying.


Really, put this in the back of your mind. If it were your place of employment or the general reception you would face from the community it would be an entirely different matter.. If you happen to have to touch one of the offenders do as you do and whatever it is you do at a cuddle workshop. Sometimes exposure has a way with dispelling what troubles one, even then, the potential for growth in attending one of these workshops far outweighs letting another's irrational dislike get the better of you.
 

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For a long time I had trouble understanding why I'd effortlessly make one-sided enemies, so this is something I can relate to.

Love and hate are related as the person feeling either emotion has a passionate attachment to the recipient of that emotion. Not sure if that thought would be comforting or alarming, though.

For what I do when I suspect someone dislikes me I try to eat the feeling before it eats me. This is done by changing how I see the situation, it's difficult but I try to acknowledge my lack of responsibility in that persons opinion of me. I also feel compassion for the person and imagine they must be fairly closed minded, irrational, and/or fear-driven to hate a person they don't even know.

Also, I have a tendency to worry how others who behave like that see me, but that is just a mentally exhausting trap if you entertain those worries for too long. It's much easier (and likely more accurate) to ask in these situations "What is wrong with them?" rather than "What is wrong with me?"
 

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well, some of the problem is occuring at a cuddle workshop. I get a lot of benefit from it, and don't want to leave, but I sense some dislike, and hostility from a couple of men in the group. Part of me wants to get away from them, but I also want to stay because there are people I really connect with there... the thing is, it's a lottery who you are picked to cuddle with, and I don't want to have to touch these guys, it feels like licking a battery- I expect they feel the same!

I don't like groups, one to one is so much better for me. you can really go deep with someone, find out about them... when I'm in a group, the conversation tends to get dominated by some forceful personailties who like to yak on about f all. They'd do it all day if they could. Total superficial nonsense, and it bores me silly. I'm interested in people's emotions, how they feel...
Oh wow, sorry my first response came before I saw this. A cuddle workshop does sound like a really difficult place to experience hostility. Unfortunately it sounds unpreventable if the pairs are chosen at random. I don't know if there's an easier answer than to try and determine if the benefits are worth the potential discomfort for you.
 

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Not well at all. It's something I am very consistently working on dealing with better.

It makes me think about what I might have done wrong, because I feel like I try so hard to stay in my lane that it stuns me when someone is frustrated with me. I don't understand how they could feel that way when I haven't done anything to them, or at least tried my best not to get on their nerves.
 

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I have no idea why this guy at work hates me but it is palpable. Every time I see him and say good morning he turns his head away and ignores me. He has never once spoken my name. So today I unwittingly insured his eternal hatred. You see, he and another guy he works next to look exactly the same to me. Same height, same short hair, same hipster beard, they even both make their own coffee in a french press. So the other one, J, got promoted. And when this guy, T, came in today I saw him from the corner of my eye and thought it was J. So I said, "Hey J!" and when he turned his head I knew what I had done. He turned about 15 shades of red and screamed, "I AM NOT J!!!" Immediately I apologized and he refused to acknowledge my existence or my consternation at my honest mistake. I thought for a second he was going to come at me. I am certain I will never get an ounce of cooperation from him if I ever need it, not that it would have been forthcoming in the first place. This guy absolutely hates my guts and I have never done a thing to him as far as I know. I do know his name is T, but ask anyone, those two guys look like identical twins. Oh well. I keep telling myself not to feel bad because he has always been hostile to me from day one. But I do feel bad.
 

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@telepariah

This person sounds a bit insane and I'm sure it's not just you. Some people give off hostile energy to almost everyone.
 

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Unfortunately, I did not know even why they have contempt in the first place (probably because I cannot make sense of it), but I came to realize most often than not is something that is rather of the petty nature (ethnicity, race, gender, capability, jealousy, prejudice, my vulnerability - some people are suckers for it in a sadistic way). Just because it looks stupid to me (the reasons), it it is perfectly rational to them - a lot of this comes from being immature in a sense or threatened - but still it is a sign of stupidity almost. How I deal with it? Depends. Sometimes, I get angry so I say things in a language they do not understand. It does not help because it is not something that you want to have to be upset about. When you have to be around them, that is difficult. The more upset about you are, but also quiet about it to avoid the issue the more they show their contempt openly. They develop into bullies. I avoided my stalker to the point of pretending not to notice him. Like he is not there, and I even not even engaging him by giving him a glance to just check is the monstrum still there. That did not help, it just make him angrier (this one was probably some a kind of nut so there is no rational explanation about him not to this day). I am sick of taking a path of least resistance, like leaving places where these people are. They enjoy that and they want it. It is still hard in some way to accept that such people do exist, but unfortunately they do.

But this is an open contempt, it is even worse when someone pretends they are actually helping you, but what they actually doing is stabbing you in the back. That is not so easily noticeable and is too late when discovered.
 

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I figure that for anyone whose sense of identity depends on being not-Fi, not-female, not-feminist, or not-Christian, encountering a happy Christian feminist female Fi-dom must freak them the heck out. In a way that simply BEING not-Fi, not-female, not-feminist, or not-Christian would never do.

I used to let it worry me a lot. I would spend a lot of time reviewing encounters, trying to figure out whether I did something wrong.

Now my Ne keeps telling me, "It's possible that they've invested themselves in a self-deception campaign, and that their dislike says more about them than it does about you. Either that or you remind them of someone and they're not in the habit of making distinctions." My Fi is cool with that.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Oh wow, sorry my first response came before I saw this. A cuddle workshop does sound like a really difficult place to experience hostility. Unfortunately it sounds unpreventable if the pairs are chosen at random. I don't know if there's an easier answer than to try and determine if the benefits are worth the potential discomfort for you.
Yes, that's right... I feel like I've loosened up a bit since going twice... I'm typically British and repressed, but I'm finding it a bit easier to hug people if I'm pleased to see them. I suppose I have to decide if I'm going to tough it out... there's no rule that says I have to cuddle these people, in fact it's stated that you can say 'no' at any time... I feel it might be difficult to say 'no' to a specific person though without making the group even more difficult, ha!

I am enjoying this thread, good to hear others with similar experiences :)
 

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I used to be much the same as @Normcore... but these days, if it bugs me too much or if I need them to cooperate with me, I usually address it with them head on. I am terrified every single time I do it, but it beats bashing myself up over it.

I usually wait til they are alone on neutral ground and then I say something like, "I don't know if I am imagining things, but I am sensing some annoyance from you towards me... is there something I have done to offend you? Because I can't think of what that might be and I can't fix what I don't know."

The most common response is a denial and then the person makes an effort to extend civil courtesies, stops visibly excluding me etc so they don't have to have such an awkward conversation with me again. The way I see it, after this it is their problem not mine. I have done my best to bridge the gap, given them the opportunity to address issues with me... there is nothing more I can do.
 

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This use to really bother me, so so so so so much. But now I can quite literally tell you I give zero fucks if someone doesn't like me unless I've started to make a good friend dislike me. Then that's an issue, otherwise people can just get rekt.

I'll do what makes me happy and if I'm not 'hurting' them physically or something and they just don't like me. Meh f em and move on I'm not on this planet to please the world, only to do what I think is right for me without the cost hurting another person. People that are just assholes for no reason I laugh at and shake my head. Then I enjoy a replay of a favorite songs in my mind :)
 

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I much rather focus in on the people that luvs me. Or even likes me.

Zero fucks -- I swear. There are way too many nutters out there. I haven't got the time, desire or need to *help* every hater coming my way. "Ignoration", moving on and avoidance. They either learn to behave themselves, WITHOUT my reaching out or they get the door slam. And I hope the door hits them squarely in the head and knocks some sense into that nutter brain of theirs.

 
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