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How do you deal with trust?

  • I trust everyone all the time.

    Votes: 5 2.3%
  • I trust everyone until I'm betrayed.

    Votes: 45 20.7%
  • Trust is earned.

    Votes: 62 28.6%
  • Trust is a privelege.

    Votes: 17 7.8%
  • Trust is rare; only given to a few

    Votes: 55 25.3%
  • I sleep with one eye open.

    Votes: 20 9.2%
  • I do not trust anyone at all.

    Votes: 13 6.0%

  • Total voters
    217
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MOTM July 2010
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I don't trust anyone at all. What's the use of trusting anyone anyway? Nobody's perfect.



 

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I trust according to the capacity of the person. As what, how much I trust, etc.
I might trust a co worker to do something in his capacity, or a friend to show up on time, maybe even not telling people who I fancy; but that doesn't mean that I'll start confessing my darkest secrets and fantasies to them.
 

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Very distrusting... People have to earn it... And it's not easy. I'm an extremely distrusting person... Very few have earned my trust and held onto it.
 

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Yes thank you for the advice, you're not the first that gave it to me, and I have had instances in my life when "gut instict" proved to be correct and other instances when it didn't. This gut thing is helpful to a certain degree but in no way I am prepared to make generalizations. For example a friend of mine had some bad relationships, ugly ones at that, nasty women, he's like a magnet for bitches. Now his gut tells him that all women are bad because it affected his psyche in that dirrection. Intuition is indeed a marvelous function when it proves to be correct, i find it extracool to be right before any reason can be applied but it's a double edged sword really for one can never be sure, personal experience may bias..maybe in a good direction, maybe in a bad one. I trust my instincts and I am proud of them, act on them on many ocasions that cannot be damaging to a person... but when it comes to interaction with other people I wait for further evidence because I may harm that person unknowingly. What if the justice system was based arround "guilty until proven innocent". Alsi I am sorry to hear about your bad experiances, it's good to learn from your mistakes but that doesn't mean they will happen again, sure it's probbable, but then again almost everithing is.
Your friends distrust of women is learned...that's not gut instinct. I agree that our justice system should be based on "innocent until proven guilty"...but I'm not the government. :happy: I don't need to be friends with everyone...if my gut tells me something bad about a person, I won't go running the streets telling anyone who will listen that they're bad. I just don't want them in my life anymore than I can control.

The experiences that I've referred to will never happen again, because I will never walk in to the lion's den knowing there is a lion. It's true that I can't control random acts of violence, but I've learned how to make myself less of a target for predators. This is still no guarantee, but it's a huge step in the right direction.
 

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I said that I trust everyone until I am betrayed.

I can usually spot someone I absolutely cannot trust with relative ease from the outset, but overall I am inclined to give people the benefit of the doubt and see the good in them - so generally I'm really quite trusting, so much so I have been accused of naivety in the past.
 

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I went with "trust is earned", but to expound...

I don't trust nor distrust anyone I don't know (unless I get a very bad vibe). I try to take what people say at face value without putting much stock into it either way until I know the person well enough to make an assesment about their charater and whether or not they are trustworthy people.
 
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Trust.. I went with "trust is a privelege". I trust certain people with certain things but I dont trust anyone with everything. People have different qualities and liaisons. With that said trust is necessary to achieve greater things and I want to give everyone a fair chance
 

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Your friends distrust of women is learned...that's not gut instinct. I agree that our justice system should be based on "innocent until proven guilty"...but I'm not the government. :happy: I don't need to be friends with everyone...if my gut tells me something bad about a person, I won't go running the streets telling anyone who will listen that they're bad. I just don't want them in my life anymore than I can control.

The experiences that I've referred to will never happen again, because I will never walk in to the lion's den knowing there is a lion. It's true that I can't control random acts of violence, but I've learned how to make myself less of a target for predators. This is still no guarantee, but it's a huge step in the right direction.
*DISCLAIMER*

If I answer to your comments, It doesn't mean I judge you, I'm just interested in your idea and present counterpoints. I'm saying this because my commenting combined with my curiosity usually gives people the wrong perception that I judge them. (a gut feeling if you will). How you live your life is your problem. But I am ever so curious about different ideas and their motivations. That being said let's move on.

Your friends distrust of women is learned.
The experiences that I've referred to will never happen again, because I will never walk in to the lion's den knowing there is a lion.
--nice said by the way

Didn't you "learn" there is a lion too out there among the innocent ...probbably the hard way ..like he did?

This is still no guarantee, but it's a huge step in the right direction.
You're talking about safety...i quite frankly don't believe this concept can work full proof. Of course everyone has an amount of safety, i watch to see if there are cars when i cross the street etc...but how does that apply to trust between people?

Remember there is safe...and there is

:crazy:
 
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*DISCLAIMER*

If I answer to your comments, It doesn't mean I judge you, I'm just interested in your idea and present counterpoints. I'm saying this because my commenting combined with my curiosity usually gives people the wrong perception that I judge them. (a gut feeling if you will). How you live your life is your problem. But I am ever so curious about different ideas and their motivations. That being said let's move on.
No worries. I haven't given you much detail and if you knew what happened and judged me anyway, I'd just stop talking to you. From what I have seen from you in the forum though, I have no reason to believe you're that kind of bastard. Despite the fact that there are some people who would judge me, I think that what I have to say may help some others. If I can help someone develop themself for the better by sharing a little, then it is worth the risk.

Didn't you "learn" there is a lion too out there among the innocent ...probbably the hard way ..like he did?
I can understand why you're going down this route of thinking, but it's simply not the case. I'll explain myself a little further, but I won't go into all the gory details of what happened publically.

I'd been taught there were perverts in the world and I knew there were liars. This was not something I automatically believed about people though. Quite the opposite, I tended to trust everyone.

When he approached me, I knew there was something off about him. He started talking to me about something totally "innocent" (his cover to lure me in), and I knew he was a pervert. It was the first thought that popped into my head when he started with his bait. I could feel it coming from the core of myself. I knew I should walk away but I told myself this was a horrible thing to believe about somebody when I had no evidence to support such a belief. There were a lot of other thoughts that followed, but in the end, trying to invalidate what I knew from the start to be the truth got me horribly hurt. (sidenote: I helped send him to prison later. He's no longer a threat to anybody in this world.)

There are many reasons why vicitms of sexual abuse feel guilty. One of the common reasons is because their gut started churning the moment the predator approached them and they ignored that feeling giving themselves a variety of reasons why they should do so. I was one of those people. I don't feel guilty anymore because I've learned what I needed to from what happened to me. It's okay to walk away from somebody who makes you uncomfortable. It's easy to get caught up in the "what ifs". What if there was a great opportunity to be had? What if everything within you is screaming to GET AWAY and that everything was dead to rights? There will be other opportunities. There's no erasing what happens when that instinct is right though.

I'm not talking about cutting people off because your first impression is that they're a show off, or that they're not very smart or any other variety of less desirable traits a person might have. I'm talking about sensing evil and giving them a chance to affect you directly anyway.

You're talking about safety...i quite frankly don't believe this concept can work full proof. Of course everyone has an amount of safety, i watch to see if there are cars when i cross the street etc...but how does that apply to trust between people?
I already said it's not fool proof. Something that I needed for a long time was the ability to move freely through the world without the fear that somebody was going to hurt me. I need to be able to walk through a parking lot to get to my car. I need to be able to go out with my friends and relax. Could some random act of violence catch us off guard? Absolutely. The chances however are low, and even lower when one knows how to behave so that others won't take them for an easy target. Even better when you have a girl friend who used to be a cage fighter and has an uncanny knack for scaring the shit out of creepy guys at the bar.


Remember there is safe...and there is

:crazy:

LMAO, yes, I tried that route at one time. It doesn't work so well.
 

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I do not agree with having a gut feeling about someone and judging them for it. But at the same time I can't really argue with:
It's okay to walk away from somebody who makes you uncomfortable. It's easy to get caught up in the "what ifs". What if there was a great opportunity to be had? What if everything within you is screaming to GET AWAY and that everything was dead to rights? There will be other opportunities. There's no erasing what happens when that instinct is right though.

I'm not talking about cutting people off because your first impression is that they're a show off, or that they're not very smart or any other variety of less desirable traits a person might have. I'm talking about sensing evil and giving them a chance to affect you directly anyway.
I am only posting because I want to note the reverse. Many people feel they *know* when something is wrong with a person and they're usually right. But the problem is these same people often feel they *know* when someone is a good person and they let themselves be taken advantage of because of it. They may not even realize that the other person is manipulating them. When you have a gut feeling and are threatened by another person you should keep in mind that you could be wrong, but you should probably just back away from this person. But it is also a problem when you have a gut feeling that someone is a good person and you simply trust it. Because of this trust in your feeling you blind yourself to their wrongdoings and they take advantage.

Perhaps a little irrelevant, but its one of the things that always bothers me.
 

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I do not trust anyone at all.
Not even me? )':

Just a little?

Let me steal all your secrets without too much resistance, and I will dispose of you in a dignified manner.



I don't 100% trust someone, including my own mind, thoughts, even myself. Not even my own family. But some people reach levels of 100% - 2%^x where x is so high, one could say that it's like approaching the limit of 100%.

There's also the times where trust can give a positive outcome, where, if I trust someone, it can lead them to actually be trustable. Where trustworthiness deeming becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

editadd: trust is gained or lost not through people doing things that are good to me, or refraining from "betraying", but through me understanding them better and being able to calculate, or "see" the likelihood of them stabbing me in the back given such and such circumstances based on my understanding of them. The more fuzzy that understanding is, the more spread the percentages of chance on each outcome is, as far as I know.
 

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No worries. I haven't given you much detail and if you knew what happened and judged me anyway, I'd just stop talking to you. From what I have seen from you in the forum though, I have no reason to believe you're that kind of bastard. Despite the fact that there are some people who would judge me, I think that what I have to say may help some others. If I can help someone develop themself for the better by sharing a little, then it is worth the risk.



I can understand why you're going down this route of thinking, but it's simply not the case. I'll explain myself a little further, but I won't go into all the gory details of what happened publically.

I'd been taught there were perverts in the world and I knew there were liars. This was not something I automatically believed about people though. Quite the opposite, I tended to trust everyone.

When he approached me, I knew there was something off about him. He started talking to me about something totally "innocent" (his cover to lure me in), and I knew he was a pervert. It was the first thought that popped into my head when he started with his bait. I could feel it coming from the core of myself. I knew I should walk away but I told myself this was a horrible thing to believe about somebody when I had no evidence to support such a belief. There were a lot of other thoughts that followed, but in the end, trying to invalidate what I knew from the start to be the truth got me horribly hurt. (sidenote: I helped send him to prison later. He's no longer a threat to anybody in this world.)

There are many reasons why vicitms of sexual abuse feel guilty. One of the common reasons is because their gut started churning the moment the predator approached them and they ignored that feeling giving themselves a variety of reasons why they should do so. I was one of those people. I don't feel guilty anymore because I've learned what I needed to from what happened to me. It's okay to walk away from somebody who makes you uncomfortable. It's easy to get caught up in the "what ifs". What if there was a great opportunity to be had? What if everything within you is screaming to GET AWAY and that everything was dead to rights? There will be other opportunities. There's no erasing what happens when that instinct is right though.

I'm not talking about cutting people off because your first impression is that they're a show off, or that they're not very smart or any other variety of less desirable traits a person might have. I'm talking about sensing evil and giving them a chance to affect you directly anyway.



I already said it's not fool proof. Something that I needed for a long time was the ability to move freely through the world without the fear that somebody was going to hurt me. I need to be able to walk through a parking lot to get to my car. I need to be able to go out with my friends and relax. Could some random act of violence catch us off guard? Absolutely. The chances however are low, and even lower when one knows how to behave so that others won't take them for an easy target. Even better when you have a girl friend who used to be a cage fighter and has an uncanny knack for scaring the shit out of creepy guys at the bar.





LMAO, yes, I tried that route at one time. It doesn't work so well.

Yes, say no more about what happend, i understand. I'm surprised you trust people at all now that I know your experience.

I knew there was something off about him.
and I knew he was a pervert.
I could feel it coming from the core of myself.
He started talking to me about something totally "innocent"
OK. I am no longer questioning that intuition, what I am curious now is how it appeared, what spawned it? there must have been something.

Was it something like... "This is too good to be true i'm missing something?" because you said he had a "cover story"

I understand perfectly how you arrived at your reasoning. I had a girlfriend that was raped and while we were making love I accidentally said something the rapist said. I believe it was "Do you like it princess?" something fairly innocent in nature, but all at once she recalled that memmory and started shaking with fear. God I felt so bad afterwards...I loved her so much... also I know how hard it was for her to trust me after that experiance. That's why I argue like acid against people that think psychology is 100% DNA related and not environment related. Some experiances alter perceptions.

Also I would like to ask something. Did you have this sorts of "gut feeling" before this unfortunate experiance and if so the same question. How,when,and,where did it happen?

Kudos for sending the guy where he belongs although I have to say these guys usually had they're own fill of crap and abuse in their lives so they reenact them with a vengeance, this however in no way excuses their behaviour, they belong in jail/mental hospital, but society more or less creates these people too. Personally I can't stand a guy that's agressive to a woman even verbally...no matter how some, even women, may call me weak for this behaviour.
 

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Kudos for sending the guy where he belongs although I have to say these guys usually had they're own fill of crap and abuse in their lives so they reenact them with a vengeance, this however in no way excuses their behaviour, they belong in jail/mental hospital, but society more or less creates these people too.
I don’t feel bad for him in the least. He knew what he was doing was wrong. He knew it was illegal. He knew that options for help were available to him. He chose to act on his compulsions knowing that it would hurt others. Whatever suffering he endured in the beginning of his life is sad. He lost any sympathy he might have had from me when he chose to become the monster that he was.
 
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I definitely have major problems trusting people. It probably has to do with the fact that I'm not the most trustworthy person. I am working on that, though... slowly, but surely. It's rough work but hopefully I'll make it out the other end with some repaired relationships.

I don't trust a soul, though... besides my therapist and even sometimes then I have issues. :S
 

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I definitely have major problems trusting people. It probably has to do with the fact that I'm not the most trustworthy person. I am working on that, though... slowly, but surely. It's rough work but hopefully I'll make it out the other end with some repaired relationships.

I don't trust a soul, though... besides my therapist and even sometimes then I have issues. :S
Has your therapist told you to cut yourself some slack??
because it sounds like you don't.. Not completely
So far My therapy has not been so productive , save for that.. I am learning to understand that what we do and when we do it is what we know up to that point.. and we do what we need to survive..

Who says you are "untrustworthy"?? .. Someone else? or yourself?
 

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MOTM Jan 2010
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"I trust everyone until I'm betrayed."

I'm a little bit too trusting and gullible :frustrating: It has led to me getting hurt at times, but at this point I don't think I'll change it. I think the world could use a little more trust, anyhow.
 
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I have a certain level of trust for people in general. It helps me walk down busy streets without being paranoid.

Despite this, I chose "Trust is earned"

I pay attention to my intuition, and hold back from people who seem like they may not be trustworthy.
I can be wrong sometimes though, and I am willing to open up to people who I was wrong about, or have changed.

When I like somebody I become gradually more trusting as the relationship develops.

And I do my best to understand what makes them tick, so as not to have unrealistic expectations. (I am aware that I can sometimes be a perfectionist, and try my best not to take it out on them.)
 

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Shouldn't the title of the thread be "How do you deal trust."

Anyhow, I can't trust anyone even though I try. I can't even go to the hospital because of it. I don't trust anyone to help me, especially when I am injured(that's probebly a primal thing). I recognize this as one of my greatest weaknesses. So as for me, "I sleep with one eye open."

Anyone else have problems with trusting doctors?
 
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