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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I'm looking for raw experience here. I think our minds are all fascinating.

1. What MBTI type do you think you are? If unsure, put unsure. I hope this is as far as we go with referencing MBTI. Don't worry if you answer all of the questions, but you can try to use the questions to probe into what your mind does. Please describe how you experience these things as best you can, ignore the questions and just dive in if needed. I hope we all learn more about ourselves and each other.

2. (a) Would you say you review the past and it replays when you’re reviewing it? Very often? Sometimes? You hate it when your brain does that? Or not really? How do you experience your memories? Very clear playback on voices and sounds? Or images? You remember all of the senses like smell and taste with equal playback? Or only certain voices, sounds, images and others are more difficult?
Can you recall very far back in play-back-mode? Or you usually only reference the past for big events? Is your memory very good for whatever you are working on at the moment? Do you remember certain types of memories best? Like specifically memories of people? Only memories with emotion? Do you remember numbers or names better? When you remember a certain time can you also remember what else was happening around that same time? What are you best at remembering? What are some of your strongest memories?

2. (b) When you think of the future, is it more like a straight path or like many possible different paths? How certain does the future feel to you? If you want to change the future how sure are you that if you have the right tools and people with a specific attitude that you would know exactly how to do it?
Is it easy to experience the present just how it is? It is what it is? Sometimes? Or is it very hard? Where do your thoughts spend the most time? Past? Present? Future? Or Possible Futures? Tell us more about the one you choose and your enjoyment of it. Tell us about the one that is the hardest. Tell us about the one that seems painful, if they do. Tell us if you have difficulty choosing just 1 and what 2 are you experiencing the most and do you feel a big contrast when experiencing one or the other? Just describe as best you can.

3. What kind of dialogue is going on in your brain? Sometimes silence? Never silence and how could it possibly ever be silent? Do you have multiple layers of thoughts when you try to still your brain? Thoughts can be detected and rise up under the thoughts? Or does that sound just bizarre? Is there one clear voice going on? Or dialogue is not really happening? Do you think in language? Or more like symbols and thoughts before they are thoughts? Do you think of what you will say before you say it? Or are your thoughts being created as you speak? How do you experience the inner workings of your mind? Please describe as best you can.

4. What do you experience as more private and owned? Do your feelings belong to you? Do your interests belong to you? Which one is more easy to discuss with others, the feelings or the interests? Which one are you more protective of? Which one feels like “yours”. Or do they both feel like yours? What kind of things do you get excited about and want to share? What about your thoughts? Do you feel protective of your thoughts? Do you feel it is easy to share your thoughts? Do you closely control your feelings around others or would controlling feelings be unnecessary? Or would it be difficult? What are you happy to share with those who seem interested? Which would you usually rather not share to most people, thoughts, feelings, or interests? Please describe how you experience all this even if my questions don't quite seem correct for how you experience it.

Thank you! Have fun!
Also... please reference @ai.tran.75 's first "How do you think" threads. We learned a LOT from these:

https://www.personalitycafe.com/nfs-temperament-forum-dreamers/1206122-how-do-you-think.html
https://www.personalitycafe.com/nts-temperament-forum-intellects/1206130-how-do-you-think.html
https://www.personalitycafe.com/sps-temperament-forum-creators/1206138-how-do-you-think.html
https://www.personalitycafe.com/sjs-temperament-forum-overseers/1206146-how-do-you-think.html
 

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Discussion Starter #3

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1. ENFP
2 (a) Mostly I have an abstract and emotional memory just like you'd think, but I'd like to describe what that is like if possible. My memory is very good for voices when emotions are involved. This surprises me because I am not an audio learner, but I remember things my grandfather said in HIS voice from when I was 5 or younger. I know because he died when I was 5. I also remember things my mother said well before that in HER voice. I usually remember how old I was when certain things happened. I realize that I remember the same types of things, usually time spent with family doing new experiences like hiking to a cave or rock-hounding. Memories in an abstract way are hard to describe, it's as if I remember the essence of the day, the mood that the whether created, a lot of the laughter or the crying or fear. I always tried to take visual "snap shots" of beautiful things, so I remember rivers we visited on vacations and lots of sunsets that I tried to take "snap shots" of. I remember learning moments where my brain went "Eureka!" and I remember emotional moments best. Vacations are important for learning, yo. lol.

I remember music and it plays back in my mind constantly and as good as if I were listening to it externally. There is usually not one minute my brain goes without my "radio" playing something in the background, and obviously I love that. I need it. I am so grateful for it. I really am not an audio learner, though (see below).

I remember concepts very well (as expected? <shrug>) and concepts build on concepts--- I remember these in a visual way. When someone is making a conceptual point my brain usually has some kind of drawing pad going on. It's remembered as movement. I remember the first time I became consciously aware that my brain was doing that. I think I was 4. My mom was telling me that we lived inside of a city inside of a state and my brain only grasped this by putting the names of them into a box and then enclosing it into a bigger box.

I do not remember tastes or smells very well, except for their essence, in a way. It usually ties to a type of emotion. For instance citrus has a astringic acidic brightness and visually I can abstractly picture light on the segments of the orange. I cannot recall the taste just as if I were eating it... it's not like my radio that way.

Looking at pictures and remembering some parts of the past used to almost be physically painful. Getting out a box full of my old school writings or art projects used to almost give me nausea when I was young. I am still mostly not sentimental about most physical things, but I need to know that some physical things I think are important are safe in case I want them... like under my bed in a certain box. Repeating beloved things... like reading a beloved book... I had to be in the right mood for, and now is easier. In fact, I'm not sure I love the newer books or music as much as I did when a child or in my early adulthood. New is usually what I want, but old beloved things are sometimes emotionally restful. I'm kind of wincing while I'm writing this part, it's an interesting dynamic. I can only take so much old, and it should probably be the stuff that resolves on a good note.

2 (b). My mind is mostly in alternate futures, fairly immediate or further away in what I would say are "projects" or even further away my "ideals for several years away". Basically, at some point I would like to be doing X. I do think prudently for retirement, etc, but mostly what I want for the distant future is close connections and tender feelings with my family. I do need beautiful nature. I do need new experiences. I grab and create new experiences daily with what I learn, though, and there is no danger of them running out. And this is where my mind mostly is. Basically, right now, what do I want to learn or create? What questions do I want to ask? What projects and programs will I start? In my alternate realities and futures then, yes, if I have the right tools then I can navigate what will work easily and what will be difficult to work. I know what the system needs in order for it to work. If I need to research, I do. Is much of this time kind of just wasted? I guess some people would think so. I don't mind. It's also useful in the real world for how I roll through my day doing my job that requires lots of flexibility--- teaching, writing, project analysis. Learning never seems wasted since concepts are used for the next concepts. Thinking of each alternative of what I want and what it would take to get it to happen doesn't seem wasted, although if I don't act on them then they are. Every day I usually come up with a new business concept or a new book idea and research all of them and then wonder if it is worth the effort when there are so many other ideas to pursue...and not acting on these ideas means I can act on the other ones that will come and I'm happy enough with what I've created now. Except that I need to write my books.... sigh... but there are so many books. And each idea makes me happy until my mind has figured all the plots and characters out and then I will already have been mapping out some new ones, and obviously I love doing that and it's exciting and isn't life to be loved? Although I should write a few books before I die. I do want that. For posterity and to make my mark.

The present? Well now it's gone. What else will I do in the next few hours? I'd say 90% of my mind is probably in alternate futures or alternate pasts if I'm researching a historical fiction and 10% the true past as it is now fact, although you can re-interpret judgments of past events. I can only do the present moment or... Mindfulness?... when I'm teaching Mindful Eating with other people. I actually can't do it alone and I usually tell people to try to do it around the dinner table together because.... I've never been able to otherwise.

3. What's going on in my mind? The inner dialogue is made up on the spot and is synonymous with what I am writing now. If I try to still this voice, then underneath is another train of thought that rises up and that I do believe was running all along. There's also the music in the background. Also the inner dialogue has to pull from memories and from my note-pad. Can it be silent? I've tried that all my life since when I was about 10 I read that some monks try to find enlightenment by "thinking of nothing" and no... I never accomplished this for even a few seconds. I suppose meditation might get me there? It was a goal of mine at age 10, but I gave it up pretty quickly as something unattainable and super-human.

4. I experience my feelings as "mine". I experience information and interests as excitement to share with others and for them to share with me. I think excitement about interests are usually shared comfortably and easily and I do not feel like it gives anything about me away. It's all too positive to not. Of course interests that I think others wouldn't be into I guess I do guard those a bit closer. The ones I'm very invested in... like my 10 years of research in an area of archaeology that nobody else cares about, that kind of thing. But it just all depends on if I find people who also love those things. I actually love to share some of my feelings, but usually that is reserved for people who will also hold them as precious, and even then I don't want to burden people with the hard stuff usually... although sometimes my need to experiment and learn if people are trust-worthy... or my real need to get them off of my chest... makes me try it out with a friend and usually it's not good. I try to keep it positive. My thoughts will come out often, sometimes they almost seem hard to hold back, but mostly my feelings do hold them back if they seem negative and rightfully so, I'd say. If neutral, no problem. There's no problem stating facts or concepts for me. I am usually in tight control of my emotional expression and regulation and if I can't be then you can believe I make sure that I am alone. lol.
 

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Question 1: What MBTI type do you think you are?

Answer: ISFJ-T


Question 2 (a): Would you say you review the past and it replays when you’re reviewing it?

Answer: The strongest way of reviewing my past is through my dreaming. I can't control what I dream, but the intensity at which I dream varies depending on my mood. The visuals depend on what's been stored away in my amygdala.

For example: Back when I was in elementary school, I transferred from a public school to a private one. I ended up developing a major crush on a girl in my class and used it as a buffer to counteract all the negative feelings I experienced on a daily basis. Long story short, she was the popular tomboy and I was basically the class reject. One weekend, after having attended violin practice, my mom took me to a mall where I broke off from her and wandered the interior on my own. It was there where I won a watch from one of those claw machines you see in the TILT arcades; like the one in The Terminator. The next school day, I basically offered the girl the watch as a token of my affection towards her. Naturally, she turned it down and basically walked away from me without saying a word. Then, I guess she told the guys in my class and they decided to do something about it. Later on that day, I was sitting in the middle of a carpeted strait stairwell during P.E. with at least 20 steps from top to bottom, staring out the window... when I noticed a head jutting out from the bottom left corner of my eye. The moment my eyes darted at it, the head disappeared around the corner. But then I heard snickering followed by faint whispering; it started from the bottom but then I heard more at the top. Just as I swiveled my head to see what was behind me, I realized I was in trouble. I tried to dash up the stairs but it was to no avail. The punks at the bottom pulled my legs from out under me and I hit my chin on one of the top steps. Somehow, I managed to flip myself over and struggled as the punks from the top held me in place. Then I remember my body going limp as they dragged me down the stairs from top to bottom in one fell swoop; like the strike of a match. It was like the moment you feel before a sudden drop; you know it's coming... but you're powerless to stop it. As I laid on the bottom of the stairwell with my back on fire, my right inner elbow covering my eyes, and tears welling up in my eyes... I felt a hand on my chest. It was the girl I expressed my affection towards before the attack. For whatever reason, she injected herself into the situation; most likely to buy my silence.

There are nights where I am forced to relive the incident. The school may have been demolished physically, but mentally... it still exists. And in here, nothing ages.

I guess the takeaway is... the more traumatic the experience, the stronger the likelihood of remembering everything.


Question 2 (b): When you think of the future, is it more like a straight path or like many possible different paths?

Answer: I don't think of the "future" in a conventional sense. I think of the present, but primarily live in the past. Honestly, I live my life hour to hour and brace for impact at certain hours on certain days. As early as 1998, I came to a crossroad in my life where I thought I could alter my destiny; but I was wrong. One of life's earliest lessons that was forced down my gullet was to hope for the worst and you will never be disappointed. I applied to become a police officer later on in life, but the darkness of mankind just proved to be too great; looking back now, I think it was a blessing in disguise.


Question 3: What kind of dialogue is going on in your brain?

Answer: Mostly rumination. I think of the bullies that made my life the hellish hell hole it is now (the 2 that died in a car accident, the one that was arrested for suspicion of DUI and numerous other shitheads who used to exhibit South Park/Wrestling/Jack Ass behavior) and I think of the teachers who failed me. I think of my past choices in "friends" and cringe whenever I realize just how much they screwed me. But mostly, I think of the girl I developed the crush on. She told me I'd get over her one day, but alas... that day just hasn't arrived yet. She doesn't know. But it wouldn't matter even if she did.


Question 4: What do you experience as more; private or owned?

Answer: I'm not quiet sure what this question means. Are my "feelings" my own? Of course, they are... but they're all based on one thing: trauma. If I could "heal" my wounds given the chance to through talk therapy, would I? No. I wouldn't. Why? Because... "Maybe it makes sense now. Maybe somewhere in all of this there's a reason. Maybe somewhere in all of this there's a why. Maybe somewhere there's that thing that lets you tie it all up with a neat bow and bury it in the backyard. But nothing, not getting angry, not prayers, and not tears, nothing can make something that happened unhappen." - 2003 (The United States of Leland)

Besides... the trauma is what makes me who I am today. It's only bad now (at this moment in time) cause I'm sitting here, wracking my brain, trying to think of the words that would accurately describe my current state of mind.
 

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(There's a bunch of questions within the questions so I'm not going to answer everything. Just the main idea if I'm grasping it correctly.)

1. ESTJ

2a. I choose to review the past of whatever I choose to remember. It can be vivid or opaque depending on how/if I choose to remember it. The rest, I forget effortlessly. You can jog my memory all you want but I still wouldn't remember it. It's pretty weird. I don't really feel anything about it because it feels like just a natural part of my life. I don't remember mundane things like names and I will only remember faces if it's right in front of me, but I cannot envision a face clearly in my head on its own.

All of my most vivid memories are from those who have done me wrong in some way.

2b. I thought I used to think the future a lot but it wasn't until now have I realized how much I live in the moment. It's why this question is uncomfortable for me to answer. Cause the futures have so many possibilities that I prefer not to think about the future and just let it happen and I'll adapt as it comes.
I don't particularly think about changing the future really. I just kind of take whatever comes or what I encounter as it comes.

3. This is hard! Most of my internal dialogue is in second person. But dialogue is not that common cause I'm mostly thinking about situations, something that happened, a conversation that happened, regular old imagination or I'm rereading something so that my brain processes it.
My head is loud though. Rarely quite.

4. I'm protective of my internal feelings and whatever I consider to be a weakness. Sharing them is not a natural knee jerk reaction for me. In fact, my ENTJ mentor is working on this with me and identifies it as one of my problems that I need to go to therapy for.

I'm 100% more comfortable sharing my thoughts and opinions. But I consider most things mine. I'm pretty possessive and territorial.
 

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There are so many questions that it is a little overwhelming lol, but I'll give it a shot.

1. ISFJ.

2a. I have both an inner monologue and mental imagery when I think. When I am remembering something, it's usually just visuals unless the sound is important to the memory in some way (so no white noise... well, unless the memory is about white noise I guess). Just like my dreams, I don't really utilize smell, taste, or touch when recalling memories very much, unless, again, it's an important part of that memory. Rarely, I will smell or taste something that almost aggressively brings up a memory (for example, I once smelled something that smelled almost exactly like my old elementary school hallways did. I don't know how to describe that, and I don't even really know what that smell is, nor was I thinking about it at all at the time, but smelling it just triggered it so vividly). As for how far back I can recall memories, well, I didn't have the best home life as a child, so I have a hard time remembering much of anything from when I was a kid. I have more memories from school than I do from being at home (probably because they didn't involve my parents). Memories form easier for me when they make some sort of memorable impact on me in some way. I can't really define it any better than that; it's just a raw personal experience that sometimes seems like it has a lot of meaning, and sometimes doesn't seem to have any meaning at all, but nonetheless, it impacted me somehow. When I remember things, I remember my emotions just as vividly as the imagery. I remember faces better than names. My memories are pretty dissociated from time, but I think that might have something to do with my bad home life--unless the memory took place at school (where it's easy from context to work out what grade I was in, and thus what age I was), my memories from home in my childhood are much harder for me to try and figure out what age I was. I have absolutely no idea at all.

2b. To be honest I really don't think of the future. I guess I would say it's more like a bunch of possibilities than one straight path of fate. Whatever the future becomes depends on what I do right now, and I could do anything right now, so there's a large number of possibilities. I definitely live in the present, but it can sometimes be hard for me to process it in real-time. If it's too much to handle, I usually need to retreat and be alone with my thoughts and feelings for a while to work through them. My thoughts are mostly about the present. I don't have any sort of plan for the future and just kind of take things as they come.

3. I have a constant inner monologue. It's as if I were talking to myself out loud, except I'm not actually saying anything out loud. It's never silent. Some times may be a bit quieter than others, but never silent. And by 'quieter,' I mean that occasionally I will 'think' primarily in feelings moreso than words until the words catch up with me. Yes, sometimes I interrupt my own thoughts with new thoughts. If I am having a conversation, I am the 'think out loud' type and just say what I'm thinking as soon as it comes to me, albeit with some filtering where necessary (so as not to insult people or something).

4. My feelings and thoughts are mine. Feelings, thoughts, and interests are what we 'are.' That's what my entire personality and sense of self is. I have a hard time expressing my emotions in person because of my emotionally constipated and distant family. It's easier to do online because I have anonymity. So I find it much easier to talk about my interests with others than my feelings. Unless they are positive feelings. I always want to share my excitement with others, and I hope they don't think it's stupid. Even if they don't understand what I'm talking about because I'm going on about some obscure interest, I can't help but want to share that with them. It's easiest to share interests, then thoughts, then feelings.
 

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@ai.tran.75 thanks for the mention. It helps me respond when people call me out directly!

I'm looking for raw experience here. I think our minds are all fascinating.

1. What MBTI type do you think you are? If unsure, put unsure. I hope this is as far as we go with referencing MBTI. Don't worry if you answer all of the questions, but you can try to use the questions to probe into what your mind does. Please describe how you experience these things as best you can, ignore the questions and just dive in if needed. I hope we all learn more about ourselves and each other.
ESTJ. Some people think I am ENTP because I have a fairly well-developed Ne, but I think ESTJ fits pretty well. Been typed as such for about 10 years now.

2. (a) Would you say you review the past and it replays when you’re reviewing it? Very often? Sometimes? You hate it when your brain does that? Or not really? How do you experience your memories? Very clear playback on voices and sounds? Or images? You remember all of the senses like smell and taste with equal playback? Or only certain voices, sounds, images and others are more difficult?
I'll assume "review" means intentionally revisiting a memory and "replay" means the actual act of replaying it in your mind. Let me know if that's the wrong interpretation.

So I don't revisit the past as often as I did simply because I don't have the time these days. However, a fair amount of memory recall is non-voluntary; it is triggered by present-occurring experiences that have similar overlap to those memories. I am sure these are probably pretty non-standard answers as humans go, haha.

I personally don't have a negative relationship with my past, even the parts that were painful. So going back into my memories is not an unpleasant experience. The actual act of recalling things, voluntary or involuntarily, is also neither annoying or unwanted. I find many of my strongest emotions (outside anger) are experienced when I recall the past or look at the present through the lens of the past.

Memories rarely have a lot of concrete "facts" tied into them. They're more defined by visual flashes (think a picture rather than a video) and the emotions associated with the experience. So for example, if I think back to a really joyful time hanging out with friends; I don't remember what exactly was discussed. I remember say, the way we sat in the living room, the way someone wrapped a blanket around them or played with their hair while talking. I remember the feeling of that atmosphere, and the emotions it left me.

My memories are probably 95% visual, with small elements of sound. I can't say I remember smell/taste that often (although I DEFINITELY unconsciously store some of that, because I do have some smells/tastes that trigger past associations).

One thing I would say that's a little unusual is that a lack of concrete "facts" to a memory doesn't mean my memory recall of a situation is bad, per se. There's something in the way I "store" the impression of an experience that allows me to very accurately ID what actually did/did not happen at an event, even if I have no actual recollection of the facts themselves.

So for example, a friend might say "oh yeah, we were talking about this and you said that" or "this happened when Friend A got up to go to the restroom." I can quickly check with my "impression" of the night to see if it "feels true." If it doesn't, it usually means that person's memory recall is off and the facts didn't play out exactly the way I'm being told.

I am not 100% accurate with that (ain't perfect!). But I'd say I'm usually right about 80% of the time. More than enough for it to be greater than statistical chance.

Can you recall very far back in play-back-mode? Or you usually only reference the past for big events? Is your memory very good for whatever you are working on at the moment? Do you remember certain types of memories best? Like specifically memories of people? Only memories with emotion? Do you remember numbers or names better? When you remember a certain time can you also remember what else was happening around that same time? What are you best at remembering? What are some of your strongest memories?
I'll try to answer your questions:

1. Or you usually only reference the past for big events?

Usually how strong a memory is has almost no bearing on how "impactful" it was on me life-wise.

2. Is your memory very good for whatever you are working on at the moment?

This is tricky to explain. I have a good memory about certain things...for example, I might remember a very specific section of an article I was reading for a project. Or the layout of a page. But then I don't remember things like deadlines, or what I agreed to work on versus what I coworker agreed to work on.

I know for sure I am not an auditory person. Anything shared to me via spoken word is almost immediately forgotten. Written things stick strongest in my memory when it comes to projects/work.

3. Do you remember certain types of memories best?

I remember memories with emotions tied to them best, but I remember them best BECAUSE they have emotional resonance. This answer, of course, isn't counting memories that are more just basic things like "oh, we went to church on Sunday as kids" or "I read that book in college." Which are memories, but more generalized than a true recollection of the experience.

4. Like specifically memories of people? Only memories with emotion? Do you remember numbers or names better? When you remember a certain time can you also remember what else was happening around that same time? What are you best at remembering? What are some of your strongest memories?

There are some basic things I am terrible at remembering: dates, dates, dates, dates, dates, and deadlines. Oh, and details about people's facial features (except hair, I'm good with hair. Oh, and clothes).

I've had friends for decades. I have family I'm close to. I remember no one's birthday. I have no idea how old anyone is. I don't remember anniversaries or holidays. I can only tell you my immediate family's eye color because I chose to intentionally memorize it in the last year or two. I forget my own eye color. I can't tell you what makes a face memorable or what someone's smile/face/eyes/nose looked like. None of it sticks.

There's a running joke with some of my friends...I've met their housemate probably 15+ times. I still see random strangers on the street and accidentally think it's him (I don't approach them because I'm never entirely sure).

It's not frequent enough a problem for it to be anything serious. But yeah, I don't have a memory for things like that.

I offset this in two ways: I'm very honest when I meet people I don't remember; usually people are okay with me not knowing who they are without help. The other is I remember the HELL out stories people share with me. I can meet someone and forget their face/name, but as soon as I recall I remember the smallest details they told me about that time they took their dog to the hospital at 2 am or the fact that they once owned a red bicycle.

5. What are you best at remembering?

Feelings. Moments in time that had strong emotional resonance.

So for example the feeling of driving through the desert after the sun had set and dusk had settled in. The vista in front of me stretched out for about 30 miles and was framed by mountains in the distance that had turned a deep purple in the low light. I remember that visual and the music I was listening to and just the feeling of it.

I also remember things like sitting naked in an ice cold shower trying to get over a very terrible experience that happened to me. The shower had 2 minute timer, and I kept hitting it over and over to feel the ice water hit me over and over (so the shock of the cold could temporarily overwhelm the emotional feelings I was experiencing in that moment).

Regarding other people, I remember the stories they tell me about themselves best.

6. What are some of your strongest memories?

Too hard to say. Things I remember are all pretty vivid in their own right.

I'll answer the rest in a second reply.
 

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@ai.tran.75 Sorry I took so long to get back to you.

1.
 
What MBTI type do you think you are? If unsure, put unsure. I hope this is as far as we go with referencing MBTI. Don't worry if you answer all of the questions, but you can try to use the questions to probe into what your mind does. Please describe how you experience these things as best you can, ignore the questions and just dive in if needed. I hope we all learn more about ourselves and each other.


ISTJ I think? I could put unsure but it seems ISTJ mostly fits.

2.
 
(a) Would you say you review the past and it replays when you’re reviewing it? Very often? Sometimes? You hate it when your brain does that? Or not really? How do you experience your memories? Very clear playback on voices and sounds? Or images? You remember all of the senses like smell and taste with equal playback? Or only certain voices, sounds, images and others are more difficult?
Can you recall very far back in play-back-mode? Or you usually only reference the past for big events? Is your memory very good for whatever you are working on at the moment? Do you remember certain types of memories best? Like specifically memories of people? Only memories with emotion? Do you remember numbers or names better? When you remember a certain time can you also remember what else was happening around that same time? What are you best at remembering? What are some of your strongest memories?


Yes, I recall the past vividly. I often look at old pictures because they bring back fond memories, which feel good. Negative events also make me distrustful of people, and sometimes, I dwell on lessons learned from those past events as well. I more focus on how the memories make me feel, not really a neutral intake of sensory information such as voices, sounds, smells and such. So not really, no vivid sensations.

I actually can be forgetful, so I memorize things best with repetition. If I'm more experienced to it, I'll remember it better.

I remember names better. I've actually always been very good with names. I don't know why. I just am able to remember names even though I'm not that good with remembering faces.

2.
 
(b) When you think of the future, is it more like a straight path or like many possible different paths? How certain does the future feel to you? If you want to change the future how sure are you that if you have the right tools and people with a specific attitude that you would know exactly how to do it?
Is it easy to experience the present just how it is? It is what it is? Sometimes? Or is it very hard? Where do your thoughts spend the most time? Past? Present? Future? Or Possible Futures? Tell us more about the one you choose and your enjoyment of it. Tell us about the one that is the hardest. Tell us about the one that seems painful, if they do. Tell us if you have difficulty choosing just 1 and what 2 are you experiencing the most and do you feel a big contrast when experiencing one or the other? Just describe as best you can.


This question isn't as easy to answer as the first. I guess because the future feels uncertain to me. I'm not certain that it's a straight path but I also don't dwell on thinking of many possible futures...I guess more of a straight path then if I had to choose. That's because I do my best to plan for the outcome that I want. I'm practical and methodical, meaning I do A and B to get to C.

My thoughts are fixated on the whys a lot. Even when watching a movie, I'm constantly wondering the motives and try to empathize with the characters, even the evil ones. I'm often interested in their feelings at the time they do their actions, and sometimes, that makes me not tuned into the present happening of the events I guess. Maybe that's more past fixated? Since the action already happened and then I reflect on it after it happened.

Future can be painful, but so can past. Present is just what it is, and you just live it out. So sometimes, either dwelling on the past or thinking of an uncertain future can be more painful than living out what actually happens in the present.

3.
 
What kind of dialogue is going on in your brain? Sometimes silence? Never silence and how could it possibly ever be silent? Do you have multiple layers of thoughts when you try to still your brain? Thoughts can be detected and rise up under the thoughts? Or does that sound just bizarre? Is there one clear voice going on? Or dialogue is not really happening? Do you think in language? Or more like symbols and thoughts before they are thoughts? Do you think of what you will say before you say it? Or are your thoughts being created as you speak? How do you experience the inner workings of your mind? Please describe as best you can.


Never silence. If I could achieve that, I think I would have much better sleep at night. Not really multiple layers all the time, but at times, yes. It seems there's either one or two clear voices going on most of the time. Yes, I would say I think in English. I'm not always aware of the medium in which I think in, but when I become aware, I would say it's in English. I rarely speak before thinking, unless it's very casual talk and I'm comfortable with the company I'm with. Otherwise, I am a very guarded person.

4.
 
What do you experience as more private and owned? Do your feelings belong to you? Do your interests belong to you? Which one is more easy to discuss with others, the feelings or the interests? Which one are you more protective of? Which one feels like “yours”. Or do they both feel like yours? What kind of things do you get excited about and want to share? What about your thoughts? Do you feel protective of your thoughts? Do you feel it is easy to share your thoughts? Do you closely control your feelings around others or would controlling feelings be unnecessary? Or would it be difficult? What are you happy to share with those who seem interested? Which would you usually rather not share to most people, thoughts, feelings, or interests? Please describe how you experience all this even if my questions don't quite seem correct for how you experience it.


I am very private about showing weakness to people, even family that I've lived with for years. That is something extremely private about me, because I always try to guard myself and don't want to let others see vulnerability that they can use against me in the future. So my feelings belong to me, basically. My interests can more easily be shared, I'm not so rigid in wanting to keep those to myself. I also mainly keep my thoughts to myself unless I really trust the person to an extreme. I would rather not share feelings with people, but sometimes, I do...then I regret it, because it seemed unproductive to have done so, because I don't like doing things unless it would result in a favorable outcome.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Question 1: What MBTI type do you think you are?

Answer: ISFJ-T


Question 2 (a): Would you say you review the past and it replays when you’re reviewing it?

Answer: The strongest way of reviewing my past is through my dreaming. I can't control what I dream, but the intensity at which I dream varies depending on my mood. The visuals depend on what's been stored away in my amygdala.

For example: Back when I was in elementary school, I transferred from a public school to a private one. I ended up developing a major crush on a girl in my class and used it as a buffer to counteract all the negative feelings I experienced on a daily basis. Long story short, she was the popular tomboy and I was basically the class reject. One weekend, after having attended violin practice, my mom took me to a mall where I broke off from her and wandered the interior on my own. It was there where I won a watch from one of those claw machines you see in the TILT arcades; like the one in The Terminator. The next school day, I basically offered the girl the watch as a token of my affection towards her. Naturally, she turned it down and basically walked away from me without saying a word. Then, I guess she told the guys in my class and they decided to do something about it. Later on that day, I was sitting in the middle of a carpeted strait stairwell during P.E. with at least 20 steps from top to bottom, staring out the window... when I noticed a head jutting out from the bottom left corner of my eye. The moment my eyes darted at it, the head disappeared around the corner. But then I heard snickering followed by faint whispering; it started from the bottom but then I heard more at the top. Just as I swiveled my head to see what was behind me, I realized I was in trouble. I tried to dash up the stairs but it was to no avail. The punks at the bottom pulled my legs from out under me and I hit my chin on one of the top steps. Somehow, I managed to flip myself over and struggled as the punks from the top held me in place. Then I remember my body going limp as they dragged me down the stairs from top to bottom in one fell swoop; like the strike of a match. It was like the moment you feel before a sudden drop; you know it's coming... but you're powerless to stop it. As I laid on the bottom of the stairwell with my back on fire, my right inner elbow covering my eyes, and tears welling up in my eyes... I felt a hand on my chest. It was the girl I expressed my affection towards before the attack. For whatever reason, she injected herself into the situation; most likely to buy my silence.

There are nights where I am forced to relive the incident. The school may have been demolished physically, but mentally... it still exists. And in here, nothing ages.

I guess the takeaway is... the more traumatic the experience, the stronger the likelihood of remembering everything.


Question 2 (b): When you think of the future, is it more like a straight path or like many possible different paths?

Answer: I don't think of the "future" in a conventional sense. I think of the present, but primarily live in the past. Honestly, I live my life hour to hour and brace for impact at certain hours on certain days. As early as 1998, I came to a crossroad in my life where I thought I could alter my destiny; but I was wrong. One of life's earliest lessons that was forced down my gullet was to hope for the worst and you will never be disappointed. I applied to become a police officer later on in life, but the darkness of mankind just proved to be too great; looking back now, I think it was a blessing in disguise.


Question 3: What kind of dialogue is going on in your brain?

Answer: Mostly rumination. I think of the bullies that made my life the hellish hell hole it is now (the 2 that died in a car accident, the one that was arrested for suspicion of DUI and numerous other shitheads who used to exhibit South Park/Wrestling/Jack Ass behavior) and I think of the teachers who failed me. I think of my past choices in "friends" and cringe whenever I realize just how much they screwed me. But mostly, I think of the girl I developed the crush on. She told me I'd get over her one day, but alas... that day just hasn't arrived yet. She doesn't know. But it wouldn't matter even if she did.


Question 4: What do you experience as more; private or owned?

Answer: I'm not quiet sure what this question means. Are my "feelings" my own? Of course, they are... but they're all based on one thing: trauma. If I could "heal" my wounds given the chance to through talk therapy, would I? No. I wouldn't. Why? Because... "Maybe it makes sense now. Maybe somewhere in all of this there's a reason. Maybe somewhere in all of this there's a why. Maybe somewhere there's that thing that lets you tie it all up with a neat bow and bury it in the backyard. But nothing, not getting angry, not prayers, and not tears, nothing can make something that happened unhappen." - 2003 (The United States of Leland)

Besides... the trauma is what makes me who I am today. It's only bad now (at this moment in time) cause I'm sitting here, wracking my brain, trying to think of the words that would accurately describe my current state of mind.
Okay, so, first THANK YOU.
Second, I am an aspiring writer. I hope to be able to write something as compelling as what you just wrote. If you could write a book, just exactly like what you wrote above, there is NO WAY that people wouldn't care about that character.
I read mostly classic books, but when I read the Hunger Games and Katniss was burying her 12 year old friend (I can't remember her name) I was just bawling and I thought to myself "Have I ever cared about a character more?" That's how what you wrote just made me feel.
I saw an ISFJ male a while back with a tag line that said "The past beats in me like a second heart" and it gave me a double-take. I thought... that's art.
I sincerely hope for your future. I also read a book lately about an INFJ whose mother was an ISFJ (it seemed obvious to me) and the ISFJ had a trinket on her keys (actually I can't remember if it was a ring or what) that said "Anything can happen" I think I'd like to tell you that as you grow older and creating possible futures become a bit more feasible.... I'm traveling the opposite direction in my experience. I'm headed towards more review of my past and changing things less. Anyway, I care that this happened to you. Your writing, your memory, made me care about you. I don't know what you're up to, but if you're interested in writing, I don't think it's a bad thing when the writing is partially autobiographical.
Anyway, again, thank you for contributing to this as an experiment as well, but thank you for sharing your story. I was right there with you.
 

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@ai.tran.75 Sorry I took so long to get back to you.

1.
 
What MBTI type do you think you are? If unsure, put unsure. I hope this is as far as we go with referencing MBTI. Don't worry if you answer all of the questions, but you can try to use the questions to probe into what your mind does. Please describe how you experience these things as best you can, ignore the questions and just dive in if needed. I hope we all learn more about ourselves and each other.


ISTJ I think? I could put unsure but it seems ISTJ mostly fits.

2.
 
(a) Would you say you review the past and it replays when you’re reviewing it? Very often? Sometimes? You hate it when your brain does that? Or not really? How do you experience your memories? Very clear playback on voices and sounds? Or images? You remember all of the senses like smell and taste with equal playback? Or only certain voices, sounds, images and others are more difficult?
Can you recall very far back in play-back-mode? Or you usually only reference the past for big events? Is your memory very good for whatever you are working on at the moment? Do you remember certain types of memories best? Like specifically memories of people? Only memories with emotion? Do you remember numbers or names better? When you remember a certain time can you also remember what else was happening around that same time? What are you best at remembering? What are some of your strongest memories?


Yes, I recall the past vividly. I often look at old pictures because they bring back fond memories, which feel good. Negative events also make me distrustful of people, and sometimes, I dwell on lessons learned from those past events as well. I more focus on how the memories make me feel, not really a neutral intake of sensory information such as voices, sounds, smells and such. So not really, no vivid sensations.

I actually can be forgetful, so I memorize things best with repetition. If I'm more experienced to it, I'll remember it better.

I remember names better. I've actually always been very good with names. I don't know why. I just am able to remember names even though I'm not that good with remembering faces.

2.
 
(b) When you think of the future, is it more like a straight path or like many possible different paths? How certain does the future feel to you? If you want to change the future how sure are you that if you have the right tools and people with a specific attitude that you would know exactly how to do it?
Is it easy to experience the present just how it is? It is what it is? Sometimes? Or is it very hard? Where do your thoughts spend the most time? Past? Present? Future? Or Possible Futures? Tell us more about the one you choose and your enjoyment of it. Tell us about the one that is the hardest. Tell us about the one that seems painful, if they do. Tell us if you have difficulty choosing just 1 and what 2 are you experiencing the most and do you feel a big contrast when experiencing one or the other? Just describe as best you can.


This question isn't as easy to answer as the first. I guess because the future feels uncertain to me. I'm not certain that it's a straight path but I also don't dwell on thinking of many possible futures...I guess more of a straight path then if I had to choose. That's because I do my best to plan for the outcome that I want. I'm practical and methodical, meaning I do A and B to get to C.

My thoughts are fixated on the whys a lot. Even when watching a movie, I'm constantly wondering the motives and try to empathize with the characters, even the evil ones. I'm often interested in their feelings at the time they do their actions, and sometimes, that makes me not tuned into the present happening of the events I guess. Maybe that's more past fixated? Since the action already happened and then I reflect on it after it happened.

Future can be painful, but so can past. Present is just what it is, and you just live it out. So sometimes, either dwelling on the past or thinking of an uncertain future can be more painful than living out what actually happens in the present.

3.
 
What kind of dialogue is going on in your brain? Sometimes silence? Never silence and how could it possibly ever be silent? Do you have multiple layers of thoughts when you try to still your brain? Thoughts can be detected and rise up under the thoughts? Or does that sound just bizarre? Is there one clear voice going on? Or dialogue is not really happening? Do you think in language? Or more like symbols and thoughts before they are thoughts? Do you think of what you will say before you say it? Or are your thoughts being created as you speak? How do you experience the inner workings of your mind? Please describe as best you can.


Never silence. If I could achieve that, I think I would have much better sleep at night. Not really multiple layers all the time, but at times, yes. It seems there's either one or two clear voices going on most of the time. Yes, I would say I think in English. I'm not always aware of the medium in which I think in, but when I become aware, I would say it's in English. I rarely speak before thinking, unless it's very casual talk and I'm comfortable with the company I'm with. Otherwise, I am a very guarded person.

4.
 
What do you experience as more private and owned? Do your feelings belong to you? Do your interests belong to you? Which one is more easy to discuss with others, the feelings or the interests? Which one are you more protective of? Which one feels like “yours”. Or do they both feel like yours? What kind of things do you get excited about and want to share? What about your thoughts? Do you feel protective of your thoughts? Do you feel it is easy to share your thoughts? Do you closely control your feelings around others or would controlling feelings be unnecessary? Or would it be difficult? What are you happy to share with those who seem interested? Which would you usually rather not share to most people, thoughts, feelings, or interests? Please describe how you experience all this even if my questions don't quite seem correct for how you experience it.


I am very private about showing weakness to people, even family that I've lived with for years. That is something extremely private about me, because I always try to guard myself and don't want to let others see vulnerability that they can use against me in the future. So my feelings belong to me, basically. My interests can more easily be shared, I'm not so rigid in wanting to keep those to myself. I also mainly keep my thoughts to myself unless I really trust the person to an extreme. I would rather not share feelings with people, but sometimes, I do...then I regret it, because it seemed unproductive to have done so, because I don't like doing things unless it would result in a favorable outcome.
I find the way you describe the way you review the past... that it's mainly to review the emotional impact...familiar to me. That is how I review the past with Fi and Si as far as I can tell, although I suspect that I would do it much less.
When I watch movies I am also putting myself into the character's place, feeling their feelings. Movies and stories are great for Fi development. I think if we've felt it, we really learn more about why people act how they do. The future is not ever painful for me to think of, though, and the past sometimes is painful and the present hardly happens for me because I'm thinking of what I will do next. And I realize that it is a deficit, that I am missing out on the present. There's sometimes I experience the present when I'm experiencing something new and it creates wonderful memories like snorkeling or being in a beautiful garden or eating some wonderful food. Reading... I'm both present and away when reading, right? But most of the time I'm thinking about what I want to do next. I suppose there can be many layers of what people call spontaneity. When I hear the word spontaneous, I always think of someone just grabbing a suitcase and heading out somewhere on a whim. I don't do that. I think about the consequences of pretty much everything that I do, but do I know what exactly I'll do next? No. Analyzing what is going on in my mind right now, I've got somewhere in between 5-7 plans right now that I'm excited about for this afternoon. This lazy afternoon where I'm home with what has to be a normal cold. And it's exciting for me to think over and wonder which ones I will actually do or if I will do something completely different. I am talking about small things: take my dog on a walk, watch a random movie, write a chapter of my book, play a game with my daughter, learn more about the Inuit, eat Thai food, go get a COVID test to prove to my work that I can come back to work... I already made chocolate chip muffins and have been on PerC which were also part of those "Maybe I will"s before I did them. The COVID test I need to make sure happens today, but what actually happens will probably be fun as well. And I had to just kind of think again about what is actually going on, and learn more about myself and spontaneity while I put myself into SJ shoes and think about what spontaneity might mean for others.

I don't plan to clean... if I do I feel dread and make a mountain out of a molehill that kills my motivation. I clean best if I do it almost subconsciously while getting ready to make muffins or while being engrossed in a podcast. So I have to clean spontaneously, basically...but I usually do some cleaning daily too. The more engrossed I am in other thoughts the longer I'll clean.
 
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Discussion Starter #13
(There's a bunch of questions within the questions so I'm not going to answer everything. Just the main idea if I'm grasping it correctly.)

1. ESTJ

2a. I choose to review the past of whatever I choose to remember. It can be vivid or opaque depending on how/if I choose to remember it. The rest, I forget effortlessly. You can jog my memory all you want but I still wouldn't remember it. It's pretty weird. I don't really feel anything about it because it feels like just a natural part of my life. I don't remember mundane things like names and I will only remember faces if it's right in front of me, but I cannot envision a face clearly in my head on its own.

All of my most vivid memories are from those who have done me wrong in some way.

2b. I thought I used to think the future a lot but it wasn't until now have I realized how much I live in the moment. It's why this question is uncomfortable for me to answer. Cause the futures have so many possibilities that I prefer not to think about the future and just let it happen and I'll adapt as it comes.
I don't particularly think about changing the future really. I just kind of take whatever comes or what I encounter as it comes.

3. This is hard! Most of my internal dialogue is in second person. But dialogue is not that common cause I'm mostly thinking about situations, something that happened, a conversation that happened, regular old imagination or I'm rereading something so that my brain processes it.
My head is loud though. Rarely quite.

4. I'm protective of my internal feelings and whatever I consider to be a weakness. Sharing them is not a natural knee jerk reaction for me. In fact, my ENTJ mentor is working on this with me and identifies it as one of my problems that I need to go to therapy for.

I'm 100% more comfortable sharing my thoughts and opinions. But I consider most things mine. I'm pretty possessive and territorial.
Question. So most of your internal dialogue is in second person? You say "You" to yourself? Or do you talk to someone else who is "you". Would you describe this more please, Katie?

I think it is very hard for many people to feel safe exposing weaknesses, but I think it is so worth it. Brene Brown is someone who has written some of the best research, ideas and strengths of being vulnerable. I highly recommend her, plus she writes compelling things. You could also find her talking on youtube. I know that not owning their weaknesses is probably one of the biggest reasons that my husband and his family are estranged. Them not owning when they have been wrong or hurtful is basically like saying they do not care about his feelings. They don't care that they've hurt him--- that's the message--- even if really it has to do with them feeling they need to look strong and solidified in their parental role. Anyway, it makes for much better relationships when all parties are equal in the fact that we all have weaknesses, imo, but I know this is hard. I think it's highly worth it, though, for the pay-off that you get with connection to others. Or I hope so, anyway. I wonder what other STJs would tell you. I know it's tough.
 

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Discussion Starter #14 (Edited)
@ai.tran.75 thanks for the mention. It helps me respond when people call me out directly!



ESTJ. Some people think I am ENTP because I have a fairly well-developed Ne, but I think ESTJ fits pretty well. Been typed as such for about 10 years now.



I'll assume "review" means intentionally revisiting a memory and "replay" means the actual act of replaying it in your mind. Let me know if that's the wrong interpretation.

So I don't revisit the past as often as I did simply because I don't have the time these days. However, a fair amount of memory recall is non-voluntary; it is triggered by present-occurring experiences that have similar overlap to those memories. I am sure these are probably pretty non-standard answers as humans go, haha.

I personally don't have a negative relationship with my past, even the parts that were painful. So going back into my memories is not an unpleasant experience. The actual act of recalling things, voluntary or involuntarily, is also neither annoying or unwanted. I find many of my strongest emotions (outside anger) are experienced when I recall the past or look at the present through the lens of the past.

Memories rarely have a lot of concrete "facts" tied into them. They're more defined by visual flashes (think a picture rather than a video) and the emotions associated with the experience. So for example, if I think back to a really joyful time hanging out with friends; I don't remember what exactly was discussed. I remember say, the way we sat in the living room, the way someone wrapped a blanket around them or played with their hair while talking. I remember the feeling of that atmosphere, and the emotions it left me.

My memories are probably 95% visual, with small elements of sound. I can't say I remember smell/taste that often (although I DEFINITELY unconsciously store some of that, because I do have some smells/tastes that trigger past associations).

One thing I would say that's a little unusual is that a lack of concrete "facts" to a memory doesn't mean my memory recall of a situation is bad, per se. There's something in the way I "store" the impression of an experience that allows me to very accurately ID what actually did/did not happen at an event, even if I have no actual recollection of the facts themselves.

So for example, a friend might say "oh yeah, we were talking about this and you said that" or "this happened when Friend A got up to go to the restroom." I can quickly check with my "impression" of the night to see if it "feels true." If it doesn't, it usually means that person's memory recall is off and the facts didn't play out exactly the way I'm being told.

I am not 100% accurate with that (ain't perfect!). But I'd say I'm usually right about 80% of the time. More than enough for it to be greater than statistical chance.



I'll try to answer your questions:

1. Or you usually only reference the past for big events?

Usually how strong a memory is has almost no bearing on how "impactful" it was on me life-wise.

2. Is your memory very good for whatever you are working on at the moment?

This is tricky to explain. I have a good memory about certain things...for example, I might remember a very specific section of an article I was reading for a project. Or the layout of a page. But then I don't remember things like deadlines, or what I agreed to work on versus what I coworker agreed to work on.

I know for sure I am not an auditory person. Anything shared to me via spoken word is almost immediately forgotten. Written things stick strongest in my memory when it comes to projects/work.

3. Do you remember certain types of memories best?

I remember memories with emotions tied to them best, but I remember them best BECAUSE they have emotional resonance. This answer, of course, isn't counting memories that are more just basic things like "oh, we went to church on Sunday as kids" or "I read that book in college." Which are memories, but more generalized than a true recollection of the experience.

4. Like specifically memories of people? Only memories with emotion? Do you remember numbers or names better? When you remember a certain time can you also remember what else was happening around that same time? What are you best at remembering? What are some of your strongest memories?

There are some basic things I am terrible at remembering: dates, dates, dates, dates, dates, and deadlines. Oh, and details about people's facial features (except hair, I'm good with hair. Oh, and clothes).

I've had friends for decades. I have family I'm close to. I remember no one's birthday. I have no idea how old anyone is. I don't remember anniversaries or holidays. I can only tell you my immediate family's eye color because I chose to intentionally memorize it in the last year or two. I forget my own eye color. I can't tell you what makes a face memorable or what someone's smile/face/eyes/nose looked like. None of it sticks.

There's a running joke with some of my friends...I've met their housemate probably 15+ times. I still see random strangers on the street and accidentally think it's him (I don't approach them because I'm never entirely sure).

It's not frequent enough a problem for it to be anything serious. But yeah, I don't have a memory for things like that.

I offset this in two ways: I'm very honest when I meet people I don't remember; usually people are okay with me not knowing who they are without help. The other is I remember the HELL out stories people share with me. I can meet someone and forget their face/name, but as soon as I recall I remember the smallest details they told me about that time they took their dog to the hospital at 2 am or the fact that they once owned a red bicycle.

5. What are you best at remembering?

Feelings. Moments in time that had strong emotional resonance.

So for example the feeling of driving through the desert after the sun had set and dusk had settled in. The vista in front of me stretched out for about 30 miles and was framed by mountains in the distance that had turned a deep purple in the low light. I remember that visual and the music I was listening to and just the feeling of it.

I also remember things like sitting naked in an ice cold shower trying to get over a very terrible experience that happened to me. The shower had 2 minute timer, and I kept hitting it over and over to feel the ice water hit me over and over (so the shock of the cold could temporarily overwhelm the emotional feelings I was experiencing in that moment).

Regarding other people, I remember the stories they tell me about themselves best.

6. What are some of your strongest memories?

Too hard to say. Things I remember are all pretty vivid in their own right.

I'll answer the rest in a second reply.
This is the exact kind of memory that I see my ESTJ mother in law and an ESTJ manager who is no longer my manager have. I don't think every ESTJ has the same type of memory. In fact, if you look at DaveSuperPowers' stuff then he has actually categorized the functions with being what he termed masculine and feminine and equates memory as being held in the masculine functions. So... he would say your memory might be in Ne and less in Si.... but I haven't been sure that I see this myself, and I don't like how he labeled it, but it is interesting. Anyway the way you describe your memory I see with these 2 ESTJs too, but I'd have to ask some other ESTJs in my life who I suspect are each unique what things they forget and what things they remember. It is really nice seeing that you are very aware of your memory. Even down to the eye colors! I'm so glad that you chose that exact example, Coburn. I have wondered several times how my mother in law forgot her own eye color (dark brown) and her childrens' (also dark brown). It also makes the fact that she almost had a cow in public every time she would see me do my hair curly... it was just probably hard for her memory to change? I have hair that is sometimes curly depending on weather and product.

I think after reading what you wrote, I regret not telling more stories to my mother in law...when I think about it, she did understand me better and had compassion for me in that certain area whenever I did tell her a story about me. She isn't a good listener to others' ideas and opinions and I think it made me mostly tell her as little as I could possibly tell a person, but the few times I told her a story I realize that it really worked for her and then for me. Although once I told a story about a family heirloom in my family, a piano, and she then got really weird about family heirlooms and made sure I did not get a piano from my husband's aunt who wanted to give me an unused one that had been in storage.

I am going to write this hoping maybe it helps you and yours. The ESTJ manager... she will make decisions before understanding all of the data or knowing how all of it works and she is very "I said JUMP!". AND she has 3 ENFP workers. We know when her decisions will not work because of knowing the system, but she is so volatile and impatient we can't disagree with her or explain to her why it won't work. We will wait until we catch her some other time or wait until what she told us to do causes a problem and then give her more information and she will make another decision (sometimes also prematurely) and if we bring up that we couldn't do it the first way or that the first way made problems, she will act like she never said that. She will shake her head and act like we are trying to get away with something or pin the problem onto her. I can see where she might feel that. She often thinks people are trying to get away with things... that's particular to her, I believe. Okay, see if this checks out for you. I think what happens is that it "Doesn't feel right" now that she knows more information and when it became obvious to her that what we are telling her was the first judgement was not the right decision. She acts totally disassociated with the decision that she made that caused the problems. At any rate.. .there are several different ways to avoid all of this, for sure. She could choose to write down what she says, she could choose to listen better to people who understand the systems better than she does before making a decisions, or not be so volatile and patient so that people feel comfortable giving her more information. I do not think that every ESTJ has these problems... far from... but both my mother in law and this manager do have these problems and I think quite a lot of it might have to do with memory and also from a strength as well, the desire to be decisive and quick and to simplify. Te has the economize, bang-for-the-buck feature. I hope you don't mind me sharing this. There was much for me to learn from this exchange as well. I really had a hard time, because being confrontational with either one of these people was one of the scariest challenges of my life and I failed to for years. And I've learned you guys usually appreciate others pushing back. I'm scared about it right now, too... but we will see what you think. Respond on my page if you want to rant at me. Now I'm finding this idea humorous. =) You know I like and respect you, Coburn! Also, thank you very much for responding to the questions. We are all learning so much about each other. Especially when I think of the importance of learning from stories, it helps me orient to what is needed.
 

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@Coburn


I’ve always enjoy reading your responses it’s very detailed and elaborated.

I do see a lot of Ne in your response and can see how you could be mistaken for an Ne dom .

Interesting that your memory is mainly visual - would you say that the more far back the more visual they become or do they tend to be visual all in general

How do you recall voices ? Do you hear other people voices or your own inner voice when you recall conversation or is it all abstract but make sense to you in your mind and speaking if voices - do you have an inner voice or inner voice all in general ?

I have horrible memories with faces as well - I recalled telling my partner 3 weeks into our relationship that if I were to see him in real life - I might walk right by him before turning back .

In another post probably years ago I recalled you saying that sometimes your memories can make you feel as if you travel back in time - can you elaborate more about that ?

Oh and last question- how far back can you retrace your memory ( like how old were you ) and when you remember things - do you see it in 3rd person or do you feel as if you were there . Thanks for answering !


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@bunnicula How does planning work in your mind?
 

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1. MBTI Type
I type as ISTJ and comfortable with that. Given the bit about controlling feelings in part 4, I should add I'm also typed as Type 1 in Enneagram, and am pretty true to form on that one too (never been sure about the wings, sp instinctual variant (by a long way over so, with sx last)).

2. (a) Memory Recall
I tend to think about the past only when there is some real reason to revisit it. Unless it's the fairly recent past (like the last week), in which case it just pops into my head for review in terms of choices made, mistakes etc. I tend to move on pretty quickly, however, and not really dwell on days gone by. I'm not particularly nostalgic in that way.

If I need to revisit something, for example, if someone brings up a prior experience and it's relevant for me to recall the events in question, it can replay quite vividly. Voices aren't something I remember particularly well. I don't tend to remember people's faces very well either, but that's in part because I don't think I look at them properly! In terms of the experience of the replay it depends on what the memory is, and there isn't a specific pattern that you can hone in on. I'm quite a visual thinker, so visual images, colours are easy to recall. Spatial awareness is pretty high for me too, so if I remember an event I usually have a strong awareness of positioning - so where I was stood, what was around me, and then other things like how things (physically) felt - like the air, temperature, how light/dark the room was; atmospheric elements tend to have an impact for me. If you ask me to recall a food, I will get a sense of the taste and texture, visuals (maybe the smell if my prior experience involved a strong one). It is more dependent on what made the impact at the time if anything, so it varies. The emotional aspects return vividly too, or at least I can experience the emotions much like they were at the time, good or bad.

I remember a lot of day-to-day specifics easily. I don't always remember events as such, but rather some small element of the event. I don't remember masses from childhood, but I don't know if that's just because I move on quite easily. My memory is the sort of thing where events come flooding back when they're relevant to the present situation, but quietly forgotten if there's no need for it right now. It sometimes feel like I'm remembering something I've forgotten.

2. (b) Future Thoughts
I don't think the future has any natural certainty, but I do think you can choose a future for yourself. I tend to think more in terms of say, a long term goal, and work out the main path to get there based on research, and consider any potential obstacles that I need to plan for. So it starts as a straight path to a goal, with various options that I plan for in between.

I believe that I can achieve anything if I put my mind to it. I just have to work out the way to do it. I'm sure there are some things which are impossible, but my goals tend to be naturally realistic, while still ambitious, so there's usually a challenge in there. The future isn't really a fantasy world to me, it's just now, but with developments, some things replaced, some things retained.

I don't know if experiencing the present just how it is should be described as easy - it isn't always easy, but it is happening and I'm quick to accept you just have to ride whatever wave is rolling right now, hopefully guiding it to a more positive place in the future. I feel solid in the present, with the past and the future branching out forwards and backwards. I imagine it more like a sketching out a graph, so you have your known recorded points in the past, and then you sketch a similar path in line with the most likely possibility.

I don't find thinking about past, present or future painful or enjoyable. I don't really see that much of a contrast either, they're just different points on the same curve. There's a song with the line "Don't tell me you're afraid of the past, it's only the future that didn't last" and I like that way of thinking of it. They are all events in the same world. The past is known, the present is learning and the future is to be learned. I like learning best, but the known helps you to understand the things to be learned better.

3. Brain Dialogue
I can do brain silence. I can separate from thoughts if I need to clear my head, for example, to sleep. You just sort of, don't think about anything. But that isn't how things are usually. When I'm typing, like with this, the words come almost spontaneously, so I don't feel like I'm thinking before I type. But that's ok; I can go back and change it if it doesn't make sense. Verbal dialogue works differently. I do plan what I'm going to say before I say it, I think about the words and formulate a few (often partial) sentences. The partial sentences allow me to focus on the important points for discussion (and at least have the phrases to hand for those) which can be more fluidly applied so as to adapt to the conversation quickly.

I don't think I think in words very much, unless I'm trying to plan a conversation in advance, thinking about what I'm about to write or if I'm imagining a potential scenario. I think in terms of actions a lot, like I get a sense of the thing I'm going to do. It doesn't start very specifically, but then fleshes out with the specifics as I go through the variables, images, options. So I might get a sense of it being time for dinner, and then my brain will filter through the different foods in the kitchen. As I mention above, if I think of a food, I think of how it 'feels' (to taste, to touch (in the mouth)), so I get like a mish-mash of these as I decide what to eat, flowing from one option to the next. Usually I have some meat defrosted from the freezer, so I know what the main ingredient is, so I think through the options of what I fancy most at that time with the defrosted item.

I often have musical earworms going around in my head. I must think in words sometimes because every now then I'll get a song stuck in my head with certain lyrics which form a phrase I recently thought of - like the phrase triggers the musical interlude. I once ended up with the "Teddy Bears' Picnic" stuck in my head and traced it back to a thought that involved the phrase "Today's the day".

4. Private Thoughts
I see my interests as being interconnected with my feelings (emotional). When I think of my interests they carry the emotion themselves and they're not really separate. So if I'm talking about my interests, I'm talking about my feelings. I don't talk about either very often, but don't mind elaborating on things if asked. Both feel equally personal and private though but I don't really feel as if I have secrets, even though I don't tend to volunteer information about myself, if that makes sense.

I don't think it matters as to how well I know someone whether I'm happy to discuss feelings or interests - it's more whether I think they are trustworthy enough to not use my personal admissions against me or in a negative manner. I was over-sensitive as a kid and I'm not sure I've entirely lost that. In that way, I am somewhat protective as they're "mine".

I don't always share my thoughts. I think about a lot of things and for the most part, I don't expect people to be that interested. I've found real life to be consistent with some of the criticisms levelled at SJs around here - that we describe things with too much detail that other people aren't interested in. That we never get to the point because we focus on relating the experience which other people don't always care for. If people want to know, they can ask.

I try to temper my thoughts. I can be too honest. If the truth is bad, I'd rather hear it so we can fix it and get it out of the way, and it requires some conscious effort for me to not go down that path with people who might not take that attitude well. I'm naturally quite opinionated too, so I hold back with that too, but less so with people who know me well. I don't want to hurt people and I know that for others, directness and blunt truth isn't always appreciated. I'm more outspoken around those I know well or am close to though, in part because I also see honesty as a sign of respect, and if I care about you, you deserve the truth and to know where you stand. I don't have a lot of need to express my feelings to others, but I'm not afraid of expressing them, even if it doesn't happen much. So I'm controlled in that way, though internally the thoughts are as alive and expressed as ever whether they're externalised or not.
 
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