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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I'm looking for raw experience here. I think our minds are all fascinating.

1. What MBTI type do you think you are? If unsure, put unsure. I hope this is as far as we go with referencing MBTI. Don't worry if you answer all of the questions, but you can try to use the questions to probe into what your mind does. Please describe how you experience these things as best you can, ignore the questions and just dive in if needed. I hope we all learn more about ourselves and each other.

2. (a) Would you say you review the past and it replays when you’re reviewing it? Very often? Sometimes? You hate it when your brain does that? Or not really? How do you experience your memories? Very clear playback on voices and sounds? Or images? You remember all of the senses like smell and taste with equal playback? Or only certain voices, sounds, images and others are more difficult?
Can you recall very far back in play-back-mode? Or you usually only reference the past for big events? Is your memory very good for whatever you are working on at the moment? Do you remember certain types of memories best? Like specifically memories of people? Only memories with emotion? Do you remember numbers or names better? When you remember a certain time can you also remember what else was happening around that same time? What are you best at remembering? What are some of your strongest memories?

2. (b) When you think of the future, is it more like a straight path or like many possible different paths? How certain does the future feel to you? If you want to change the future how sure are you that if you have the right tools and people with a specific attitude that you would know exactly how to do it?
Is it easy to experience the present just how it is? It is what it is? Sometimes? Or is it very hard? Where do your thoughts spend the most time? Past? Present? Future? Or Possible Futures? Tell us more about the one you choose and your enjoyment of it. Tell us about the one that is the hardest. Tell us about the one that seems painful, if they do. Tell us if you have difficulty choosing just 1 and what 2 are you experiencing the most and do you feel a big contrast when experiencing one or the other? Just describe as best you can.

3. What kind of dialogue is going on in your brain? Sometimes silence? Never silence and how could it possibly ever be silent? Do you have multiple layers of thoughts when you try to still your brain? Thoughts can be detected and rise up under the thoughts? Or does that sound just bizarre? Is there one clear voice going on? Or dialogue is not really happening? Do you think in language? Or more like symbols and thoughts before they are thoughts? Do you think of what you will say before you say it? Or are your thoughts being created as you speak? How do you experience the inner workings of your mind? Please describe as best you can.

4. What do you experience as more private and owned? Do your feelings belong to you? Do your interests belong to you? Which one is more easy to discuss with others, the feelings or the interests? Which one are you more protective of? Which one feels like “yours”. Or do they both feel like yours? What kind of things do you get excited about and want to share? What about your thoughts? Do you feel protective of your thoughts? Do you feel it is easy to share your thoughts? Do you closely control your feelings around others or would controlling feelings be unnecessary? Or would it be difficult? What are you happy to share with those who seem interested? Which would you usually rather not share with most people, thoughts, feelings or interests? Please describe how you experience all this even if my questions don't quite seem correct for how you experience it.

Thank you! Have fun!
Also... please reference @ai.tran.75 's first "How do you think" threads. We learned a LOT from these:

https://www.personalitycafe.com/nfs-temperament-forum-dreamers/1206122-how-do-you-think.html
https://www.personalitycafe.com/nts-temperament-forum-intellects/1206130-how-do-you-think.html
https://www.personalitycafe.com/sps-temperament-forum-creators/1206138-how-do-you-think.html
https://www.personalitycafe.com/sjs-temperament-forum-overseers/1206146-how-do-you-think.html
 

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Largely as a reflection of my to-do list, and it stresses me out & prevents me from thinking freely, even while I'm procrastinating.

:-(

But when I was younger, I described it as bubbles. Bubbles of idea-like material would gradually come together to form ideas and become clearer. But I think it was only like that for a little while. Now it's more like I have tons of mental connections sometimes, and I can't type them all as fast as I can forget them, so they slip away until the next time I unexpectedly think of them.

Before that, when I was little, I would be reading, and then I'd start to think about something I'd read, and one thought would go to a related thought, and so on, down a chain of thoughts. As a game, I would see how far it would go before I finally had a thought that reminded me of the original thought. And then I'd get back to my book. Was fun at the time. I still do it naturally, without meaning to. Can be a little inefficient now.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Largely as a reflection of my to-do list, and it stresses me out & prevents me from thinking freely, even while I'm procrastinating.

:-(

But when I was younger, I described it as bubbles. Bubbles of idea-like material would gradually come together to form ideas and become clearer. But I think it was only like that for a little while. Now it's more like I have tons of mental connections sometimes, and I can't type them all as fast as I can forget them, so they slip away until the next time I unexpectedly think of them.

Before that, when I was little, I used to be amazed at how I'd be reading, and then I'd start to think about something I'd read, and one thought would go to a related thought, and so on. Sometimes it would lead through a long chain of thoughts until I finally had a thought that reminded me of the original thought. And then I'd get back to my book.

Was fun at the time. Can be a little inefficient now.
Thank you, Pippi! :heart:
Bubbles is cool. I started a "thought train" game, although it's not really a game on the ENFP thread and please go try it out and see if you like it as much as I do. I like it because it's restful somehow and I remembered SO many things by doing it. You pick the last word the last person wrote and just kind of write the memories or thoughts that come up (and of course I don't pursue all of them) and you just stop when you want to. It usually takes 15 seconds and I swear it's just a comforting thing for Ne-Si to try, but tell me what you think when you do it.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Here is mine for good measure and to help get the ball rolling:

1. ENFP
2 (a) Mostly I have an abstract and emotional memory just like you'd think, but I'd like to describe what that is like if possible. My memory is very good for voices when emotions are involved. This surprises me because I am not an audio learner, but I remember things my grandfather said in HIS voice from when I was 5 or younger. I know because he died when I was 5. I also remember things my mother said well before that in HER voice. I usually remember how old I was when certain things happened. I realize that I remember the same types of things, usually time spent with family doing new experiences like hiking to a cave or rock-hounding. Memories in an abstract way are hard to describe, it's as if I remember the essence of the day, the mood that the whether created, a lot of the laughter or the crying or fear. I always tried to take visual "snap shots" of beautiful things, so I remember rivers we visited on vacations and lots of sunsets that I tried to take "snap shots" of. I remember learning moments where my brain went "Eureka!" and I remember emotional moments best. Vacations are important for learning, yo. lol.

I remember music and it plays back in my mind constantly and as good as if I were listening to it externally. There is usually not one minute my brain goes without my "radio" playing something in the background, and obviously I love that. I need it. I am so grateful for it. I really am not an audio learner, though (see below).

I remember concepts very well (as expected? <shrug>) and concepts build on concepts--- I remember these in a visual way. When someone is making a conceptual point my brain usually has some kind of drawing pad going on. It's remembered as movement. I remember the first time I became consciously aware that my brain was doing that. I think I was 4. My mom was telling me that we lived inside of a city inside of a state and my brain only grasped this by putting the names of them into a box and then enclosing it into a bigger box.

I do not remember tastes or smells very well, except for their essence, in a way. It usually ties to a type of emotion. For instance citrus has a astringic acidic brightness and visually I can abstractly picture light on the segments of the orange. I cannot recall the taste just as if I were eating it... it's not like my radio that way.

Looking at pictures and remembering some parts of the past used to almost be physically painful. Getting out a box full of my old school writings or art projects used to almost give me nausea when I was young. I am still mostly not sentimental about most physical things, but I need to know that some physical things I think are important are safe in case I want them... like under my bed in a certain box. Repeating beloved things... like reading a beloved book... I had to be in the right mood for, and now is easier. In fact, I'm not sure I love the newer books or music as much as I did when a child or in my early adulthood. New is usually what I want, but old beloved things are sometimes emotionally restful. I'm kind of wincing while I'm writing this part, it's an interesting dynamic. I can only take so much old, and it should probably be the stuff that resolves on a good note.

2 (b). My mind is mostly in alternate futures, fairly immediate or further away in what I would say are "projects" or even further away my "ideals for several years away". Basically, at some point I would like to be doing X. I do think prudently for retirement, etc, but mostly what I want for the distant future is close connections and tender feelings with my family. I do need beautiful nature. I do need new experiences. I grab and create new experiences daily with what I learn, though, and there is no danger of them running out. And this is where my mind mostly is. Basically, right now, what do I want to learn or create? What questions do I want to ask? What projects and programs will I start? In my alternate realities and futures then, yes, if I have the right tools then I can navigate what will work easily and what will be difficult to work. I know what the system needs in order for it to work. If I need to research, I do. Is much of this time kind of just wasted? I guess some people would think so. I don't mind. It's also useful in the real world for how I roll through my day doing my job that requires lots of flexibility--- teaching, writing, project analysis. Learning never seems wasted since concepts are used for the next concepts. Thinking of each alternative of what I want and what it would take to get it to happen doesn't seem wasted, although if I don't act on them then they are. Every day I usually come up with a new business concept or a new book idea and research all of them and then wonder if it is worth the effort when there are so many other ideas to pursue...and not acting on these ideas means I can act on the other ones that will come and I'm happy enough with what I've created now. Except that I need to write my books.... sigh... but there are so many books. And each idea makes me happy until my mind has figured all the plots and characters out and then I will already have been mapping out some new ones, and obviously I love doing that and it's exciting and isn't life to be loved? Although I should write a few books before I die. I do want that. For posterity and to make my mark.

The present? Well now it's gone. What else will I do in the next few hours? I'd say 90% of my mind is probably in alternate futures or alternate pasts if I'm researching a historical fiction and 10% the true past as it is now fact, although you can re-interpret judgments of past events. I can only do the present moment or... Mindfulness?... when I'm teaching Mindful Eating with other people. I actually can't do it alone and I usually tell people to try to do it around the dinner table together because.... I've never been able to otherwise.

3. What's going on in my mind? The inner dialogue is made up on the spot and is synonymous with what I am writing now. If I try to still this voice, then underneath is another train of thought that rises up and that I do believe was running all along. There's also the music in the background. Also the inner dialogue has to pull from memories and from my note-pad. Can it be silent? I've tried that all my life since when I was about 10 I read that some monks try to find enlightenment by "thinking of nothing" and no... I never accomplished this for even a few seconds. I suppose meditation might get me there? It was a goal of mine at age 10, but I gave it up pretty quickly as something unattainable and super-human.

4. I experience my feelings as "mine". I experience information and interests as excitement to share with others and for them to share with me. I think excitement about interests are usually shared comfortably and easily and I do not feel like it gives anything about me away. It's all too positive to not. Of course interests that I think others wouldn't be into I guess I do guard those a bit closer. The ones I'm very invested in... like my 10 years of research in an area of archaeology that nobody else cares about, that kind of thing. But it just all depends on if I find people who also love those things. I actually love to share some of my feelings, but usually that is reserved for people who will also hold them as precious, and even then I don't want to burden people with the hard stuff usually... although sometimes my need to experiment and learn if people are trust-worthy... or my real need to get them off of my chest... makes me try it out with a friend and usually it's not good. I try to keep it positive. My thoughts will come out often, sometimes they almost seem hard to hold back, but mostly my feelings do hold them back if they seem negative and rightfully so, I'd say. If neutral, no problem. There's no problem stating facts or concepts for me. I am usually in tight control of my emotional expression at all times, or if not.... I have made sure that I am alone. lol.
 
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1/ I’m a native ENTP so my preferences is for being impersonal and altruistic.
However a combination of being a claircognizant empath (think emotional telepathy) that resulted in being ostracised, and having a traumatic self awakening (essentially I met my shadow and saw that I was dangerous, causing me to emotionally self isolate to protect others from myself) resulted in massive shadow Fi utilisation until i came to terms with myself. So now I walk a line between T/F and Fe/Fi/Ti. Plus I can tap into Ni a little bit if I put my mind in the right space. (Aka using fi to quiet Ne). Running dual introverted judgement functions tend to make you very sure of you judgement while being very bad at actioning!

2a/I prefer to not spend time reviewing my past because of the many traumatic memories. However My memories are quite extensive and sort of exist in a catalog system, From a start point i can easily dig down into them for more extensive info. They are primarily visual spatial and informational. I have very poor sound memory, as most of that gets transcribed into abstract knowledge for storage. I’m terrible at languages. However I’m very good a remembering smells (although the memory is somewhat impressionistic) for instance I’m involve in the wine industry and can probably describe most of the interesting wines that I have fond memories of drinking.

Then there is a separate class of flashback memories that visual/emotional and highly realistic. They mostly relate to traumatic events, but also to positive things like the first time I kissed a gal! They combine perfect visual clarity with the emotional sensations that come with being empath and directly feeling other people emotions. They are very much of a short moment. The earliest memory of this is when a girl in kindergarten had fallen over and spilt her knee open and was crying in pain, and i felt her emotional state and froze up in my enneagram 5 way and felt immense shame at being unable to offer help or sympathy.

2b/ I perceive time as sort of drifting down a stream of life which will inevitably end up in the ocean. There is a certain level of predictability. Since I see myself as a soul within a body, I’m not really concerned that much for life/time. They are meaningless from my concept of self. I am here to observe and learn, although I do like to help others do the same. Mostly I just live in the present/abstract space in my mind.

3/ Mostly my thoughts are a rapid conversation with myself. Sometimes I have imaginary conversations with people (I do most of the talking), other times its more problem solving and I will keep discussing different iterations with myself. My inner dialog doesn’t shut up much, and I love to laugh at my own dad jokes! I do have a high energy novel concept analysis mode, where I employ a Ni artificial work space that I manipulate with my other functions until I manage to define the original pulsating blob of new untested information into a perfect crystalline object that makes sense and becomes “true” and this can be downloaded into my Si worldview. It’s very easy to burn out in that mode.
Lately I’ve been learning to delve into my emotions (which previously I’d compartmentalised) both as a form of self development and a means of artistic self expression. basically my emotions allow me to exit my informational conversation mode and just “feel” I can then use a sort of claircognizance to convert feeling into words in an almost Ni way. It sort of feels like silently listening to the universe. I let the thoughts come to me instead of actively searching like with Ne.

4. I’m a self aware black sheep that was rejected by the herd. When you see yourself as special and for a Fe user different = Bad then sharing personal stuff problematic. I want to belong but cant belong. The best I an do is Fi relate to others that have a shared history of traumatic experiences. Of course its traumatic for me to share in person because I can feel the other persons responses, be it triggering their own negative feelings or dismissal of mine. So mostly I prefer to stick with making people feel good since it make me feel good. I’ve only had 1 friend who I felt comfortable sharing with, who could both comprehend and handle my experiences.
 

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However I’m very good a remembering smells (although the memory is somewhat impressionistic) for instance I’m involve in the wine industry and can probably describe most of the interesting wines that I have fond memories of drinking.

Then there is a separate class of flashback memories that visual/emotional and highly realistic. They mostly relate to traumatic events, but also to positive things like the first time I kissed a gal! They combine perfect visual clarity with the emotional sensations that come with being empath and directly feeling other people emotions. They are very much of a short moment. The earliest memory of this is when a girl in kindergarten had fallen over and spilt her knee open and was crying in pain, and i felt her emotional state and froze up in my enneagram 5 way and felt immense shame at being unable to offer help or sympathy.


3/ Mostly my thoughts are a rapid conversation with myself. Sometimes I have imaginary conversations with people (I do most of the talking), other times its more problem solving and I will keep discussing different iterations with myself. My inner dialog doesn’t shut up much, and I love to laugh at my own dad jokes! I do have a high energy novel concept analysis mode, where I employ a Ni artificial work space that I manipulate with my other functions until I manage to define the original pulsating blob of new untested information into a perfect crystalline object that makes sense and becomes “true” and this can be downloaded into my Si worldview. It’s very easy to burn out in that mode.
Lately I’ve been learning to delve into my emotions (which previously I’d compartmentalised) both as a form of self development and a means of artistic self expression. basically my emotions allow me to exit my informational conversation mode and just “feel” I can then use a sort of claircognizance to convert feeling into words in an almost Ni way. It sort of feels like silently listening to the universe. I let the thoughts come to me instead of actively searching like with Ne.

4. I’m a self aware black sheep that was rejected by the herd. When you see yourself as special and for a Fe user different = Bad then sharing personal stuff problematic. I want to belong but cant belong. The best I an do is Fi relate to others that have a shared history of traumatic experiences. Of course its traumatic for me to share in person because I can feel the other persons responses, be it triggering their own negative feelings or dismissal of mine. So mostly I prefer to stick with making people feel good since it make me feel good. I’ve only had 1 friend who I felt comfortable sharing with, who could both comprehend and handle my experiences.
Interesting- I’m not too good with remembering smell but I am with voices /how something tastes , however with smell - if I were to smell something familiar it’ll make me become more nostalgic and I can retrace it back to the first time I smell it or a memory of me smelling something that feels like I traveled back in time a brief second - do certain smell triggered your memories?
Also when you hear voices in your mind - can you recall other people voices or are they all yours ?


That’s interesting how you recalled the memory of the girl who split her knees in kindergarten- is the flashback more visual or audio or do you feel like you were standing there observing what had happened ?


Lol I can relate to rapid conversations and imaginary conversations with other people where I do most of the talking - my mind doesn’t shut up - which is something I enjoy . Would you say that your inner thought is more visual or audio or both ? Also pertaining to visual - how vivid can you recall what something look or sounds like ?

I think with fi - or for my case at least I can sympathize even if it’s something that I haven’t experience before- often time I can offer active listening , the difference is I can separate emotions and bc empathetic towards those individuals whereas when it’s a shared trauma /experience it’s more difficult to separate emotions


Thanks for answering !


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
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Interesting- I’m not too good with remembering smell but I am with voices /how something tastes , however with smell - if I were to smell something familiar it’ll make me become more nostalgic and I can retrace it back to the first time I smell it or a memory of me smelling something that feels like I traveled back in time a brief second - do certain smell triggered your memories?
Also when you hear voices in your mind - can you recall other people voices or are they all yours ?
I don’t get nostalgia from familiar sensations. But its like each cluster of data is like a chapter. So a single word can link to a cluster of memory that I can then navigate at will through. As for voice memory I can’t remember conversations, but I sense of people’s tone and style of speech, sort of like a muffled echo

That’s interesting how you recalled the memory of the girl who split her knees in kindergarten- is the flashback more visual or audio or do you feel like you were standing there observing what had happened ?
I’m basically there in the moment like its happening, but its primarily visual and emotional. Sounds/smells/touch are just blurred background

Lol I can relate to rapid conversations and imaginary conversations with other people where I do most of the talking - my mind doesn’t shut up - which is something I enjoy . Would you say that your inner thought is more visual or audio or both ? Also pertaining to visual - how vivid can you recall what something look or sounds like ?
I’d probably say 95% of my inner thoughts are audio, unless I briefly think of something and visualise it. Other than emotional flashbacks most of my memory is converted to language/knowledge, which I can then think of to access visual aspects but they are more impressionistic than my flashbacks.
I think with fi - or for my case at least I can sympathize even if it’s something that I haven’t experience before- often time I can offer active listening , the difference is I can separate emotions and bc empathetic towards those individuals whereas when it’s a shared trauma /experience it’s more difficult to separate emotions
I try to avoid engaging the emotions with anything negative since I instinctive freeze up and stop being of use. Although Fi types probably think I’m just a really good listener! Keeping it in the NeTi zone is much more comfortable for me

Thanks for answering !

Cheers
 

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@ai.tran.75

@Llyralen

Yellow,

Of course! It would be my pleasure to describe the intricate details of the void inside my head :) I'll just put the questions in red letters to make them easier to read and separate from the answersthemselves.

1. What MBTI type do you think you are? ENTJ, but very balanced on the E vs I (if this detail is relevant), but yeah... ENTJ... mostly... If ANTJ (A for ambivert) were a type, that would definitely be my type. Enneagram type 8w9 (if that helps)


2. (a) Would you say you review the past and it replays when you’re reviewing it? Very often? Sometimes? As in having flashbacks from the past? Yes, it happens rarely, but it does happen. These are like automatic reflexes in some situations, not intentional.

You hate it when your brain does that? Or not really? Nope, I don't have any problem with it. Again, it happens rarely. If it were to occur more often, then yes... I think it would be annoying, but considering this is the way my brain operates naturally, nope, not bothered.

How do you experience your memories? Very clear playback on voices and sounds? Or images? You remember all of the senses like smell and taste with equal playback? Or only certain voices, sounds, images and others are more difficult? I would compare them to pictures or short videos... even gifs, but like played back only once (not the usual gif endless loop). It is usually images, but it can be audio/smells/other things, but it needs a specific trigger and they're rarer. The video is like tunnel vision. You know how in films they show you images from the perspective of an animal, low on the ground and it has a specific focus only on what's in front? This sort of visceral, instinctive view? That's what it's like!

Can you recall very far back in play-back-mode? Or you usually only reference the past for big events? Yes, my earliest memory is when I was aged 3... 1989. But I think it's also significant what exactly those memories are... story time :)

I remember making a decision to go home alone when I was bored because my 2 grandmothers were talking about random relatives (these discussions always bored me to death), so I decided to go home. I remember making the decision and where I was... so I just left on my own... 3 years old. I remember crossing a wide boulevard on my own (I don't remember the desperate relatives looking for me).

I also remember the cold, having to wear multiple layers of clothes indoors during winter (we weren't allowed central heating during winter) and when they cut the light (we were allowed electricity only a few hours per day) and one neighbour, somewhere in the neighbourhood would swear loudly. I also remember the intro of a TV program called "Reflector" with a spotlight turning the light straight into the camera. I remember the happy things, like cartoons, being sad (they were trying to make you happy, because you were a kid, but it was like inside they were crying)... this is a sensation, not something specifically visual (the HBO show "Chernobyl" had a wonderful shot that encapsulates and triggers this sort of sensation/visual memory, in the last episode... I think... I think it's during the 2 main characters' last discussion they show a brief shot of a sort of Mickey Mouse-like statue with its paint fallen off... that's exactly the essence of the sensation). "Chernobyl" does a magnificent job depicting exactly my sensations regarding the period, the mentalities, everything... even specific objects we had in our homes... when the fireman and his wife see the explosion in the distance, my attention is drawn to the door in the background... we had one just like it. They even mention my potential death on the day I was born... There is a meeting and they list countries that would become uninhabitable (including my own) if another potential explosion took place and I think that meeting took place on the day I was born or 1 day before, because they solved that issue when I was 1 day old. And of course, I remember the soldiers shooting right above us, the tracers lighting the night dark. They were right above our apartment and could have easily jumped in our balcony and killed us, so we all hid under the bed, but I heroically ventured forth to look for my presents under the Christmas tree (my mum tells me I did that, but I don't remember this part).

Is your memory very good for whatever you are working on at the moment? Do you remember certain types of memories best? Like specifically memories of people? Only memories with emotion? Do you remember numbers or names better?

I have a good memory with numbers and names mostly, not faces, somewhat good with voices. But I can tell you bank account numbers off the top of my head, 24 number/letter sequences, even though I haven't used them in years. If you look at what I said above, I noticed a theme of light in the dark... don't know why... maybe the contrast makes it striking for my brain? There's also an emotional component to it obviously.

When you remember a certain time can you also remember what else was happening around that same time? What are you best at remembering? What are some of your strongest memories?

No, I usually don't remember what else was happening, unless I remember seeing something on TV. I already mentioned my earliest memories above, other strong memories include being sick in the hospital (1990, age 4), another memory is being alone at night, tied to a bed with a perfusion needle in my arm and crying alone, I remember football matches and tournaments during the 1990s, groups, scores, etc. (my fondest memories are related to a specific stadium I hope to see one day: Rose Bowl in Pasadena, we won every game played there 3-1 against Colombia, 1-0 against USA and 3-2 against Argentina, I remember all the goals and the tension after Balbo scored for 3-2), I remember the 1999 Champions League final... it was the only time in my life I cried because I was happy, I prayed the entire match and during half-time... and God answered with a miracle. In the very last 80 seconds of the match, when all hope seemed lost, we scored twice to turn the score 2-1. The UEFA president took the elevator to give the trophy to one team and when he got down, he gave it to another.

I remember the dream I had while being in a coma/aftermath of the come (1999, age 13), some of the things I saw after the coma and different things in the hospital, seeing someone with hydrocephalus... even now I'm amazed, it was like seeing an alien, I struggled not to stare, I didn't want to be rude... So these are my strongest childhood memories: hospitals and football mainly, but also some stuff from school, playing football with other kids, childhood friends, being bullied... by my own brother mainly, crying out of rage (it wasn't sadness, but rage... hate and feeling powerless) because I was bullied, not going out to avoid the bullying, etc.

2. (b) When you think of the future, is it more like a straight path or like many possible different paths?

I see a possibility and my mind locks on to that one possibility. In order to see many possible paths, I need to do an analysis of the situation and think things through, it's not automatic.

How certain does the future feel to you?

It feels certain enough, as I said, my mind locks on to that possibility and treats it like: this is what WILL happen, not might happen.

If you want to change the future how sure are you that if you have the right tools and people with a specific attitude that you would know exactly how to do it?

As in... self-confidence? The question rarely crosses my mind... My instinct (I would describe myself as primarily an instinctive person, not rational and not emotional) tells me automatically if I can't do something. If it doesn't tell me that, then I can do it. Self-confidence is something I rarely consider... I either do (which means I have the right tools) and don't do. Regarding people, I don't trust people in general, not as in: I think you're bad, but as in: I don't think you can execute my idea exactly as I have it in my mind. I don't even consider people as part of the equation, I think in terms of situations and logical outcomes and rely only on myself. And I'm saying this not in the "people hurt me" way (they are disappointing though, not rising to my standards), as much as I automatically assume I'm alone in facing anything... for the same reason I don't ask for help in general, I use my mind/skills to find a solution and rely on myself.


Is it easy to experience the present just how it is? It is what it is? Sometimes? Or is it very hard?

Mmmm... so and so... it depends. Usually I treat situations as what I see is what I get, I rarely immediately see a deeper meaning in things or patterns, this comes a bit later. This being said: my mind is usually either lost in the moment (if I'm reading something or watching a film, I just absorb it... rarely with any critical thinking, that part comes afterward, after some time) If I intend to engage and discuss things with people making statements, then yes, there is a question at the back of my mind: does that make sense? As in: is there a logic to it? Are there inconsistencies? Is the person jumping to certain conclusions? Or exaggerating things? And I judge the ideas, not the person. Meaning, that regardless of tone... is the sentence factually or objectively correct?

But other than these my mind exists in a sort of semi-attentiveness... I don't pay much attention to things around, I think about my stuff, lots of imaginary conversations when I'm bored, but as soon as there are some significant external stimuli, anything unusual, my mind immediately locks on to that and focuses on it, while the instinct tells me how to react in the moment. As I said, I see myself as primarily an instinctive person, not rational and not emotional. There is one specific exception: if I'm in physical danger. There is an initial fright, for... 5 seconds max, then a calm sets in and my mind begins to calmly do a strategic analysis of the situation. I still remember being chased by a pack of 5-6 dogs and while running, I noticed that 1 of the dogs was trying to outflank me on my left, on my right there was a road with higher traffic, it was free now, but cars were incoming and a sort of small fence and a tram station and tracks, so I could cross the roads before the cars got here, it was risky, but the cars could kill the dogs behind me while I jumped over the small fence and flee to the mall across the street. The dogs just stopped chasing me... but my mind did all this calculation in about less than 1 second. It was automatic, it was instinctive.

Where do your thoughts spend the most time? Past? Present? Future? Or Possible Futures? Tell us more about the one you choose and your enjoyment of it. Tell us about the one that is the hardest. Tell us about the one that seems painful, if they do. Tell us if you have difficulty choosing just 1 and what 2 are you experiencing the most and do you feel a big contrast when experiencing one or the other? Just describe as best you can.

My thoughts are usually are focused on possibilities, not the past, not the present, not the future, sometimes on A possible future, if I'm about to do something important and I visualise how it's about to go down. I'd say the hardest are the past (unless I have a flashback, as described above, I very rarely think of the past) and present (I can do it relatively easy if it's something important). The future is ok, but again my mind is focused on possibility between these options, without any reference to time.

3. What kind of dialogue is going on in your brain? Sometimes silence? Never silence and how could it possibly ever be silent?

If I'm doing something it's silence, with my instinct telling me from time to time: do this, do that, wait, stop, go, etc. If I'm bored, there are hypothetical conversations... possibilities with no reference to time, past, present or future. It's like my mind is normally scanning... waiting for something to come up and then the instinct orders and the body obeys.

Do you have multiple layers of thoughts when you try to still your brain? Thoughts can be detected and rise up under the thoughts? Or does that sound just bizarre?

No, I don't get multiple layers of thoughts... it's quite linear. Mind scans, instinct commands, body obeys.

Is there one clear voice going on? Or dialogue is not really happening? Do you think in language? Or more like symbols and thoughts before they are thoughts?

Yes, usually there is a voice/voices (if it's a conversation, there are also images) and sometimes, somewhat rarely there are just images. These imaginary conversations can be between me and either real people in a hypothetical situation or imaginary people.

Do you think of what you will say before you say it? Or are your thoughts being created as you speak? How do you experience the inner workings of your mind? Please describe as best you can.

Usually, no. Even now, what I'm writing is the exact first thing that comes to mind. Same thing with speaking, I say immediately what my instinct tells me to say. What's funny is that often when talking about stuff the first thing that comes to mind makes me sound like I was pondering certain topics for years, wrote books on the subjects, when in fact it's my mind making things up on the spot. With more complex questions however, I think before I speak and while speaking new images/relations between ideas come up, so it starts with thought-speaking-thought-speaking-thought-speaking. Even while writing this, this happened.

Only if I have to discuss feelings, do I really have to dig deep and think/feel before I speak... If you show me a picture and ask me: how does it make you feel? My mind will go through a cycle: 1. Instinct: I don't feel anything, but then I realise that's not the answer you're looking for, 2. Sensation: what am I seeing? More exactly a literal, not figurative description of what I'm seeing. So it's like "a white duck on a lake" not "a metaphor for loneliness". It's physical description of detail, not emotional significance, but I also realise you don't want the physical description, 3. I get annoyed... it's a duck on a lake, what do you want from me? BE SPECIFIC! WHAT DO YOU MEAN: HOW DOES IT MAKE ME FEEL? NOTHING! I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING! I FEEL ANGER NOW! THERE! HAPPY?, and again I realise this is definitely not what you are looking for and 4. I either dig veeeeeery deep, but I have to focus and be alone to reach the feelings (except anger), I can't do it with people around or I have to isolate mentally from what's going on around me, and only then will I come up with a usually shallow answer: I feel sad/happy/etc. with barely any real connection with the actual picture, because the only answer that would have any relation to the picture, in my mind, would be the physical description.

4. What do you experience as more private and owned? Do your feelings belong to you? Do your interests belong to you?

Yes, of course, my feelings are my own and so are my interests.

Which one is more easy to discuss with others, the feelings or the interests? Which one are you more protective of? Which one feels like “yours”. Or do they both feel like yours?

I'm not sure what you mean by interests... do you mean interests as in hobbies, passions? Or do you mean interests as in: personal objectives? I usually discuss my feelings more easily than my interests (as in personal objectives, usually I keep those hidden from people), but interests (as in hobbies) more easily than feelings. They are all mine. I guess you can say I'm more protective of my personal objectives. However, I want to make an important mention here: the objectives aren't hidden because I perceive them as something of a vulnerability, something to hide from people, but because they're my own and there is no point in discussing them with others. Same story with feelings in general, unless someone asks about them (BUT NO PICTURES, OK :D ), it's not that I'm hiding them, just that... it doesn't occur to me to talk about them. I'd rather talk to people about current events, politics, history, than myself as a person, but if someone asks about me as a person... ok... this is what I'm doing right now. So it's not unpleasant or a touchy subject or anything like that and it's not like I'm protecting them per se, as if they're threatened somehow or a vulnerability. If someone wants to know anything about me, just ask :)

What kind of things do you get excited about and want to share?

I rarely get excited about anything :) But when I do, it's usually something new I saw/learned. Usually, knowledge is what I like to share... or something funny.

What about your thoughts? Do you feel protective of your thoughts? Do you feel it is easy to share your thoughts?

Yes, of course. If I have something I feel is really important to say, I'll say it. Regarding the notion of "thought" vs "feeling", one caveat here... I think it might be a cultural distinction or owed to the language difference. I think in my own language primarily, with some English thrown in there at times. Same thing when I speak, yes sometimes I speak English... in a sort of bilingual combination, with a few English words/expressions thrown in there. And in my language we tend to say "eu cred" (I believe) or "eu simt" (I sense/feel) and we use them interchangeably, so we don't usually draw a distinction between thinking, feeling and even sensing in some contexts, something I noticed English speakers do. We simply group all thoughts together into one. So everything I said on the subject of feelings also applies to thoughts usually. I tried to make the English-speaking differentiation, but it's a bit unusual, especially since we're a Latin people and we're more hot blooded/touchy-feely culturally.

Do you closely control your feelings around others or would controlling feelings be unnecessary? Or would it be difficult? What are you happy to share with those who seem interested? Which would you usually rather not share with most people, thoughts, feelings or interests? Please describe how you experience all this even if my questions don't quite seem correct for how you experience it.

Not really, as I said we're a more touchy-feely people, so if I feel something I tend to express it. We're not as expressive as Italians or Latinos, but not as cold as Anglo-Saxon/Germanic cultures... so we're like Slavs come to think of it, I always saw the Russians as being by far the closest to us in temperament, but they have a bit more distrust towards strangers. Maybe there are some situations where we hide our feelings, like embarrassment or anger, but we're usually more expressive and expressing feelings tends to be appropriate, even in the workplace... we don't operate on the Anglo-Saxon/Germanic "strictly business" standards. If I like you, I'll always prioritise helping you over anyone. And at work, we tend to see people as friends/close acquaintances, not just coworkers. So keep this in mind.

However, this being said, I don't have feelings very often, I have mostly thoughts. Well, I'll share (almost) anything I'm asked to share (the only exception would be my non-existent love life, that's the only subject I won't discuss with strangers). I'm even inclined to share things more readily with strangers and friends than with my family (my ISFJ mum has a very bad habit of reminding me of things I did/said years ago, I prefer things said and forgotten, not being reminded over and over and over again about things I did a long time ago).

So, if you have any questions, shoot :)
 

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@ai.tran.75

@Llyralen

Yellow,

Of course! It would be my pleasure to describe the intricate details of the void inside my head :) I'll just put the questions in red letters to make them easier to read and separate from the answersthemselves.

1. What MBTI type do you think you are? ENTJ, but very balanced on the E vs I (if this detail is relevant), but yeah... ENTJ... mostly... If ANTJ (A for ambivert) were a type, that would definitely be my type. Enneagram type 8w9 (if that helps)






Can you recall very far back in play-back-mode? Or you usually only reference the past for big events? Yes, my earliest memory is when I was aged 3... 1989. But I think it's also significant what exactly those memories are... story time :)

I remember making a decision to go home alone when I was bored because my 2 grandmothers were talking about random relatives (these discussions always bored me to death), so I decided to go home. I remember making the decision and where I was... so I just left on my own... 3 years old. I remember crossing a wide boulevard on my own (I don't remember the desperate relatives looking for me).

I also remember the cold, having to wear multiple layers of clothes indoors during winter (we weren't allowed central heating during winter) and when they cut the light (we were allowed electricity only a few hours per day) and one neighbour, somewhere in the neighbourhood would swear loudly. I also remember the intro of a TV program called "Reflector" with a spotlight turning the light straight into the camera. I remember the happy things, like cartoons, being sad (they were trying to make you happy, because you were a kid, but it was like inside they were crying)... this is a sensation, not something specifically visual (the HBO show "Chernobyl" had a wonderful shot that encapsulates and triggers this sort of sensation/visual memory, in the last episode... I think... I think it's during the 2 main characters' last discussion they show a brief shot of a sort of Mickey Mouse-like statue with its paint fallen off... that's exactly the essence of the sensation). "Chernobyl" does a magnificent job depicting exactly my sensations regarding the period, the mentalities, everything... even specific objects we had in our homes... when the fireman and his wife see the explosion in the distance, my attention is drawn to the door in the background... we had one just like it. They even mention my potential death on the day I was born... There is a meeting and they list countries that would become uninhabitable (including my own) if another potential explosion took place and I think that meeting took place on the day I was born or 1 day before, because they solved that issue when I was 1 day old. And of course, I remember the soldiers shooting right above us, the tracers lighting the night dark. They were right above our apartment and could have easily jumped in our balcony and killed us, so we all hid under the bed, but I heroically ventured forth to look for my presents under the Christmas tree (my mum tells me I did that, but I don't remember this part).

Is your memory very good for whatever you are working on at the moment? Do you remember certain types of memories best? Like specifically memories of people? Only memories with emotion? Do you remember numbers or names better?

I have a good memory with numbers and names mostly, not faces, somewhat good with voices. But I can tell you bank account numbers off the top of my head, 24 number/letter sequences, even though I haven't used them in years. If you look at what I said above, I noticed a theme of light in the dark... don't know why... maybe the contrast makes it striking for my brain? There's also an emotional component to it obviously.

When you remember a certain time can you also remember what else was happening around that same time? What are you best at remembering? What are some of your strongest memories?

No, I usually don't remember what else was happening, unless I remember seeing something on TV. I already mentioned my earliest memories above, other strong memories include being sick in the hospital (1990, age 4), another memory is being alone at night, tied to a bed with a perfusion needle in my arm and crying alone, I remember football matches and tournaments during the 1990s, groups, scores, etc. (my fondest memories are related to a specific stadium I hope to see one day: Rose Bowl in Pasadena, we won every game played there 3-1 against Colombia, 1-0 against USA and 3-2 against Argentina, I remember all the goals and the tension after Balbo scored for 3-2), I remember the 1999 Champions League final... it was the only time in my life I cried because I was happy, I prayed the entire match and during half-time... and God answered with a miracle. In the very last 80 seconds of the match, when all hope seemed lost, we scored twice to turn the score 2-1. The UEFA president took the elevator to give the trophy to one team and when he got down, he gave it to another.

I remember the dream I had while being in a coma/aftermath of the come (1999, age 13), some of the things I saw after the coma and different things in the hospital, seeing someone with hydrocephalus... even now I'm amazed, it was like seeing an alien, I struggled not to stare, I didn't want to be rude... So these are my strongest childhood memories: hospitals and football mainly, but also some stuff from school, playing football with other kids, childhood friends, being bullied... by my own brother mainly, crying out of rage (it wasn't sadness, but rage... hate and feeling powerless) because I was bullied, not going out to avoid the bullying, etc.


Is it easy to experience the present just how it is? It is what it is? Sometimes? Or is it very hard?

Mmmm... so and so... it depends. Usually I treat situations as what I see is what I get, I rarely immediately see a deeper meaning in things or patterns, this comes a bit later. This being said: my mind is usually either lost in the moment (if I'm reading something or watching a film, I just absorb it... rarely with any critical thinking, that part comes afterward, after some time) If I intend to engage and discuss things with people making statements, then yes, there is a question at the back of my mind: does that make sense? As in: is there a logic to it? Are there inconsistencies? Is the person jumping to certain conclusions? Or exaggerating things? And I judge the ideas, not the person. Meaning, that regardless of tone... is the sentence factually or objectively correct?

But other than these my mind exists in a sort of semi-attentiveness... I don't pay much attention to things around, I think about my stuff, lots of imaginary conversations when I'm bored, but as soon as there are some significant external stimuli, anything unusual, my mind immediately locks on to that and focuses on it, while the instinct tells me how to react in the moment. As I said, I see myself as primarily an instinctive person, not rational and not emotional. There is one specific exception: if I'm in physical danger. There is an initial fright, for... 5 seconds max, then a calm sets in and my mind begins to calmly do a strategic analysis of the situation. I still remember being chased by a pack of 5-6 dogs and while running, I noticed that 1 of the dogs was trying to outflank me on my left, on my right there was a road with higher traffic, it was free now, but cars were incoming and a sort of small fence and a tram station and tracks, so I could cross the roads before the cars got here, it was risky, but the cars could kill the dogs behind me while I jumped over the small fence and flee to the mall across the street. The dogs just stopped chasing me... but my mind did all this calculation in about less than 1 second. It was automatic, it was instinctive.

Where do your thoughts spend the most time? Past? Present? Future? Or Possible Futures? Tell us more about the one you choose and your enjoyment of it. Tell us about the one that is the hardest. Tell us about the one that seems painful, if they do. Tell us if you have difficulty choosing just 1 and what 2 are you experiencing the most and do you feel a big contrast when experiencing one or the other? Just describe as best you can.

My thoughts are usually are focused on possibilities, not the past, not the present, not the future, sometimes on A possible future, if I'm about to do something important and I visualise how it's about to go down. I'd say the hardest are the past (unless I have a flashback, as described above, I very rarely think of the past) and present (I can do it relatively easy if it's something important). The future is ok, but again my mind is focused on possibility between these options, without any reference to time.

3. What kind of dialogue is going on in your brain? Sometimes silence? Never silence and how could it possibly ever be silent?

If I'm doing something it's silence, with my instinct telling me from time to time: do this, do that, wait, stop, go, etc. If I'm bored, there are hypothetical conversations... possibilities with no reference to time, past, present or future. It's like my mind is normally scanning... waiting for something to come up and then the instinct orders and the body obeys.



Is there one clear voice going on? Or dialogue is not really happening? Do you think in language? Or more like symbols and thoughts before they are thoughts?

Yes, usually there is a voice/voices (if it's a conversation, there are also images) and sometimes, somewhat rarely there are just images. These imaginary conversations can be between me and either real people in a hypothetical situation or imaginary people.




Do you closely control your feelings around others or would controlling feelings be unnecessary? Or would it be difficult? What are you happy to share with those who seem interested? Which would you usually rather not share with most people, thoughts, feelings or interests? Please describe how you experience all this even if my questions don't quite seem correct for how you experience it.

Not really, as I said we're a more touchy-feely people, so if I feel something I tend to express it. We're not as expressive as Italians or Latinos, but not as cold as Anglo-Saxon/Germanic cultures... so we're like Slavs come to think of it, I always saw the Russians as being by far the closest to us in temperament, but they have a bit more distrust towards strangers. Maybe there are some situations where we hide our feelings, like embarrassment or anger, but we're usually more expressive and expressing feelings tends to be appropriate, even in the workplace... we don't operate on the Anglo-Saxon/Germanic "strictly business" standards. If I like you, I'll always prioritise helping you over anyone. And at work, we tend to see people as friends/close acquaintances, not just coworkers. So keep this in mind.

So, if you have any questions, shoot :)
You were 3 in 89’ which makes us the same age I believe ~ I was born in 1986 :)

* How did you get into a coma ? And do you have bouts of false reality while you were dreaming ? Or any outer body experience?

I’ll have to check Chernobyl out - the trailer looks visually spectacular. In regards of retracing your memories do you feel as if you were there at that time again as a child or someone visiting the past- is it more in a first or third person POV ?

* interesting how you mentioned just knowing it would happen with the future - is it coming from a gut instinct place or do facts in your mind lead you up to that conclusion?



* when watching a film or reading something interesting do you get lost in that moment as if you’re in the book and film itself or does your mind blank out for a bit ?

* in regard of voices- are they all yours or do you hear different voices when you have conversations with others in your mind . On another note - how does music play out in your mind and how do you do math ?
For ex- I can hear voices and other voices - however in terms of music it’s more abstract I may remember a melody or beats that sounds familiar and pretty realistic to me but when I focus in on it - it bc a mixture of my own voice humming along with the melody itself - it’s not exact.
With math - I tend to see a clear window and marker like numbers would appear if I’m solving a math problem - memorizing number sequence is more audio than visual for me though

* interesting how you mentioned your fright last less than 5 seconds - I can relate to that - I wonder if it’s human instinct but I tend to remain calm under dangerous situations or traumatic situation- more so when my life is in jeopardy .

* I never knew about treating coworkers like friends more than strictly business- I think in America ( I’m Vietnamese but was born and raised in the Silicon Valley ) they drill in your mind that work is work and the bond should never lead towards friendship bc it might effect your work outcome , course people still make friends with their co workers or bosses - but the mind set is that it shouldn’t be treated that way due to productivity which contradicts with the culture that I was brought up in at home with where you should help those all around you. Likewise it’s a norm for old people to be put into nursing homes , whereas the Asian culture it is expected for family to genuinely want to take care of their parents /siblings /relatives when they get older .

Last question - what country are you from? Also thank you for answering, it was really intriguing to read- touching, humorous and to the point- felt like I was actually having a conversation with you


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You were 3 in 89’ which makes us the same age I believe ~ I was born in 1986 :)
Yup... 1986... best year ever :)

* How did you get into a coma ? And do you have bouts of false reality while you were dreaming ? Or any outer body experience?
I fell ill... encephalitis and I was in a coma for 3 days, even even died at one point, but doctors managed to resuscitate me.

False reality... I'm not sure what that is, but what I do remember was a very, very, very... almost unending dream. Later, there were... supernatural things I saw. I don't know how much you know about medicine, but let's just say a coma ending is absolutely nothing like in films, as the brain resumes activity, you experience hallucinations. I was staggering walking, even weeks later, other kids had to relearn how to walk. And I couldn't swallow any food or water properly without choking on it. There was even a sign saying: be careful how you swallow! You can barely speak, you see in films people just waking up after decades and they immediately recognise all the people around them and start to communicate clearly. I could barely remember my own name and slurred a lot of words. At one point I hit my mum, because I thought she was an old man making fun of me... that's the level of hallucinations we're talking about, so it's not that your sight is a bit off or you see like through a fog... no. I clearly remember seeing lab mice, those white ones, walking over me... they were real, they were there, I saw them clearly.

I’ll have to check Chernobyl out - the trailer looks visually spectacular. In regards of retracing your memories do you feel as if you were there at that time again as a child or someone visiting the past- is it more in a first or third person POV ?
First person and it's in picture form.

I don't want to get too political in this post, but I think Chernobyl shines in 3 ways and I strongly recommend it... it's a heavy viewing, but I think it's totally worth it:

1. It is the most accurate Western depiction of life in socialism I ever saw, from everyday objects around homes (what is funny is that while some were paying attention to the action in the series, my attention would be from time to time drawn by objects in the background, like that door... it's a white wooden door with a big glass on it... a sort of opaque glass, like pieces and pieces of a puzzle put together in one big glass, it's not clearly visible in the scene, but that's what it looked like in reality), the aesthetic to the general atmosphere, the greyness... so it's very well done both in detail, but also in spirit. My parents and many others that lived through the period confirmed that my recollections are correct.

2. It really depicts social relations very well, like the scene where a party leader, a former shoe factory worker is telling a nuclear physicist what's what and the false bravado/fear/lies, the combination between them, the old man telling the party leaders when one proposes evacuating the city that it's their time to shine or how the plant leadership refuses to believe the gravity of the situation and lies desperately to cover up (it wasn't just you might get fired, but your career/life is over, a stain in your party record could mean you might never find another job, except maybe as a street sweeper and even your family might be marked... they had this expression in the late 40s, early 50s "unhealthy social origin", if your dad/mum/etc did something wrong, they would be distrustful of you)

3. I don't know who wrote the script, but the person understands our East European/Eastern Orthodox mentality very well and what makes it different from the Western Christian Catholic and Protestant one. You can see it really well done in 2 scenes: when the minister asks the miners (they had a freer, more irreverent mentality) to go to Chernobyl, when they hear the truth, they understand what it means, that they'll die and not even one objects or whines and when they need volunteers to close the valves and Boris tells them they MUST suffer, it's their duty to suffer. You'll see some complain, but the essence of their complaints are: we're not told the truth. But if you tell us the truth: I'm sending you to die, there is no other way... it's almost: oh, ok, why didn't you say so in the first place (although it's not how it happened in real life, it captures our spirit well). In WW1, during the battle of Belgrade, a Serb officer held a speech to his men before sending them into a desperate charge and he told them their regiment was being sacrificed for the glory of the King and the honour of the capital, that it had already been erased from the army rolls... and this actually emboldened the troops, they decorated their rifles and uniforms with flowers from a nearby flower shop and attacked. The opposite German commander, that would later also invade our country, Gen. August von Mackensen was deeply impressed by the Serb spirit that he erected a small monument, a simple stone in honour of his Serb enemies, as a sign of respect, that says in Serbian and German: "Here rest Serb heroes!". It's said that during the battle of Borodino, the Russians facing Napoleon charged yelling: "We're going to die!" I know it may seem weird, we're not suicidal or anything, but our Eastern Orthodox faith places great importance on patient suffering. Our histories are filled with poverty, suffering, invasions, tyranny and enslavement... suffering almost has an aesthetic beauty to it. It might seem like sheep going quietly to the slaughter (sometimes it is) and don't think that we don't revolt, but suffering is something noble in our faith, it is the path to sainthood. While Western faiths may stress freedom and reason, our mentality tends to be more mystical, less grounded in the here and now, less material. Hardship forges character and suffering, in a way... again in a way... is our birthright. And when Western armies invaded Russia and inflicted horrendous losses on them (27 million dead in WW2), the Eastern Orthodox spirit still won, through patient suffering. I hope the cultural/historical references can help improve your viewing experience and explain some of the things I noticed some Western people didn't understand.

* interesting how you mentioned just knowing it would happen with the future - is it coming from a gut instinct place or do facts in your mind lead you up to that conclusion?
I'm not saying that instinct is always correct, it's rarely correct... almost never, but yes it's a gut instinct, but if asked to explain why I think that way, I'll simply draw on my knowledge to build a narrative to explain it. However, where my instinct shines, it's decision making... not anticipating the future... I tend to make very good decisions with very little information, I sense danger and opportunities alike. So, this instinct isn't reckless, it's actually quite cautious, if it detects any danger, it tells me to stop and evaluate... This is why I trust it, it's tried and tested and usually is correct.

Also, I use the word instinct and not intuition... maybe they're the same, maybe not. It can act like thinking decision-making functions, it can even do strategy. So, it's in a sense a mixture of thinking and intuition, but I always experience it as a gut reaction. Let me give you an example of my strategic intuition: I often watch videos about historical battles and just with one glance I instinctively can tell what the winning move is and how to move the troops... and often, the video says the same

* when watching a film or reading something interesting do you get lost in that moment as if you’re in the book and film itself or does your mind blank out for a bit ?
Blank mind... I rarely get lost in it, as in lose touch with anything around me. It would have to be something really, really, really interesting. I often multitask while watching a film... my attention span is limited and so is my patience, but inside my mind it's a blank, just absorbing the information. My instinct giving orders from time to time... and what's somewhat surprising is that I absorb more information than you'd think following this method. But it works for me. During college, when I'd learn, I'd just read, no notes, no underlining, no markers, no organising the information... just take it all in, preferably in the evening, when I was tired. And then go to sleep. The next day, at the test... I knew my stuff. I remember reading a book "The Protestant Ethics and the Spirit of Capitalism", my eyes were at one point simply moving along the letters... you can't even say I was reading or understanding the information, I was THAT tired. And the next day, at the test, the answers were coming to me on the spot.

* in regard of voices- are they all yours or do you hear different voices when you have conversations with others in your mind . On another note - how does music play out in your mind and how do you do math ?
For ex- I can hear voices and other voices - however in terms of music it’s more abstract I may remember a melody or beats that sounds familiar and pretty realistic to me but when I focus in on it - it bc a mixture of my own voice humming along with the melody itself - it’s not exact.
With math - I tend to see a clear window and marker like numbers would appear if I’m solving a math problem - memorizing number sequence is more audio than visual for me though
When it's me thinking: it's my inner voice, separate from how I hear my own voice when I speak. If it's a mental conversation, every person has his real-life voice and when it's imaginary people in the conversation they have their own imaginary voices.

Music... it's hard to say... I'd say I remember more of the song, but not the song exactly as it is. Also, most of the music in my mind, they're not exactly existing songs, but songs that just come to me, that I never heard in real life. And no, there's no humming of my own voice.

Math... also hard to say... often it's like my instinct is focusing to... feel the answer... It's like it's not even doing the calculation, it's sensing the answer... instinctively... But other times, for more complex calculations I see the numbers in black on a white background and I just do the calculation mentally, struggling to remember/visualise all the numbers and their places.

* interesting how you mentioned your fright last less than 5 seconds - I can relate to that - I wonder if it’s human instinct but I tend to remain calm under dangerous situations or traumatic situation- more so when my life is in jeopardy .
Yes, that's exactly what it's like for me as well... And I'm not necessarily a brave person, but it's like... there is no fear, past a certain point. And even the initial reaction, it's more like being surprised, not afraid.

* I never knew about treating coworkers like friends more than strictly business- I think in America ( I’m Vietnamese but was born and raised in the Silicon Valley ) they drill in your mind that work is work and the bond should never lead towards friendship bc it might effect your work outcome , course people still make friends with their co workers or bosses - but the mind set is that it shouldn’t be treated that way due to productivity which contradicts with the culture that I was brought up in at home with where you should help those all around you. Likewise it’s a norm for old people to be put into nursing homes , whereas the Asian culture it is expected for family to genuinely want to take care of their parents /siblings /relatives when they get older .
Well, it does affect your work, but you know what? I don't care... we tend to value personal relations and family, especially family, above work. A South African guy once sent an official recognition to my managers praising me (it was rare for my team, I was like: you are now officially my brother, if you need anything: fuck everyone else!) Same story for a former coworker, I even told my current ENFP boss about her... if he ever hears her name, he should be nice to her and help her, because she helped me when I was just starting, extremely competent, hard working and a decent person... I'll take out of my free time just to help her. This may lead to corruption in extreme cases or inefficiency, rule-breaking in some cases, but I value people above procedures. There are more important things than money.

Being East European, our mentality is somewhere in between the Western individualist Protestant ethic of productivity and freedom and the Asian community ethic you mentioned. I think on a collective/individual axis, we'd be something like 50-50. Our ethic is akin to the Asian one regarding older people and family is key for us. Even for me, I'm not particularly close to my parents, not that there's bad blood or anything, it's just that we're different and don't have much in common, whenever my parents need anything, I'll gladly pay without any expectation to be paid back. Same thing with my friends. I have this saying: "Where there is friendship, there is no accounting" and "Friends are always indebted to each other" Putting people in nursing homes is the exception, in extreme cases, definitely not the rule and yes, you take care of your elders somehow.

I know a few people that used to work in the US and they told me something that I found striking about Americans: they're polite, they'll smile to you, but you'll never be their friend. For us, we may come across as colder first (especially Russians), because we may not be all smiles, but once you're in our hearts, you're in! I remember there was at a football match I went a while ago against Spain, there was this Asian guy with a big blue-yellow-red tricolour flag of my country and my first thought was: my brother! (even though very likely he wasn't born here, but because he had that flag and was supporting my country, I felt brotherhood towards him, I would have bought him a beer right then and there) Another guy, he had some German friends and they visited him and his family here and they stayed at his place, not in a hotel and afterwards, when they left, they left him some money to pay for their stay... and while it was nice of them and fair... he was disappointed by his German friends... friends don't need to pay. Our home is your home, as they say in Spanish: "My casa es tu casa"... in a way it cheapens the friendship, even though of course their intentions were very nice. So this is our general attitude, especially towards guests/foreigners... we're colder/more suspicious between us.

Last question - what country are you from? Also thank you for answering, it was really intriguing to read- touching, humorous and to the point- felt like I was actually having a conversation with you
I'm from Romania, the "Latin island in a Slavic sea", originally from the city of Buzău (Romanian is extremely easy to read, every letter is a sound and every sound a letter, to spell you just have to say the letters in quick succession: so it would be pronouned Boozăoo, where ă is the sound you make, between t and r, when you pronounce "computer" or "mother" or "master" and u is like "oo" in "school" or "book"), but I now live in the capital, Bucharest. Thank you very much for letting me know about this thread, it was my pleasure and of course I'd be glad to answer any more questions :)
 

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@Strelnikov That was just so awesome! I loved hearing your stories. I feel like I understand your mind, which is pretty different than mine, but also seems very understandable to me because you wrote about it so well and also, I think because your mind seems so clear and efficient. It's like a well-run office lol. I watch other ENTJs and what I experienced when reading your post does seem fairly similar to what I see in them. Especially those instincts for actions that you described.
I also really like hearing about your willingness to go out of your way to help those who you know have helped you and who you trust. I feel like it should be this way. People should get praised for going out of their way for others, in my opinion. Such interesting memories, too. Thank you so much for taking the time!
By the way, I do highly recommend Chernobyl as well. My husband lived in Poland for a few years and was even more fascinated. The denial! The way people had to just turn around and work knowing they were going to die horribly. It was fascinating and so well written and acted.
 

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@Strelnikov That was just so awesome! I loved hearing your stories. I feel like I understand your mind, which is pretty different than mine, but also seems very understandable to me because you wrote about it so well and also, I think because your mind seems so clear and efficient. It's like a well-run office lol. I watch other ENTJs and what I experienced when reading your post does seem fairly similar to what I see in them. Especially those instincts for actions that you described.
I also really like hearing about your willingness to go out of your way to help those who you know have helped you and who you trust. I feel like it should be this way. People should get praised for going out of their way for others, in my opinion. Such interesting memories, too. Thank you so much for taking the time!
By the way, I do highly recommend Chernobyl as well. My husband lived in Poland for a few years and was even more fascinated. The denial! The way people had to just turn around and work knowing they were going to die horribly. It was fascinating and so well written and acted.
Thank you too! :)

Efficient? My brain sometimes seems random, because my instinct, even though I always obey it, seems a bit random. It misses some things and makes mistakes. And make no mistake about it... it's lazy. My conscience says: I should be doin X and my instinct could be: nah, I don't wanna... it just does whatever it wants :)

Usually, ENTJs are depicted as these highly efficient working machines, always on the go... it's flattering to be seen as this all-powerful indomitable force of nature... but actually inside my head I know all the stuff I should have been doing, but didn't do. Regarding helping... an ENTJ 1w9 friend of mine took a lot of time off to go to Spain and take care of his mum after she had an operation... I'm not sure if this is type related, if that's what ENTJs are usually like or if it's a cultural thing. What I can say definitely is that our Latin culture (with strong Slavic influences) might soften the edges you'd see in the usual ENTJ descriptions.

The denial... yes, I've always had this saying: people are not logical, but psychological. Logically it shouldn't have been that way, but all jobs were distributed by the state (there were no or very few, highly over-regulated private enterprises, you didn't have CVs or applied for jobs, you were given one by the state depending on your education/location). And the state wasn't strong as many see it (especially conservatives/libertarians in the US), but it was actually very weak compared to the single party. Being party boss was more important than being some minister. The state was merely a puppet of the party. We didn't have a president until decades after becoming a republic, but we always had a First Secretary/General Secretary of the Party.

This is why you see so many slavishly trying to ingratiate themselves with party bosses... that was your only chance for career advancement, but they were also afraid that if the party leadership was displeased, a lot of bad things could come their way. I'm not saying they'd be killed (the killing spree was over long before the 80s), they weren't, but still... they had a way to harass you. So the people in denial were in denial for a double reason: your career ambitions could be over + you could be in trouble, so they were afraid. It was a carrot and stick approach, obey the party and you get nice things, do something bad and bad things will happen to you and your family and the plant leadership... in order to be in any managerial position, it was self-evident you had to be a party member. If you weren't in the club, you could be some menial labourer, but however skilled, you'd never go above a certain level. Loyalty and obedience were the most important qualities (that's how you have a shoe factory worker leading the regional party offices). And the plant leaders, they knew how the game was played, when they plan the test notice how they talk about it as if it's a political thing, not a technical thing. They wanted to do the test to look good in the eyes of the party, even if some things were right from the start and they took unnecessary risks. That's why Dyatlov kept repeating it's a setup, why he genuinely thinks he's a victim in the game. He knew he just lost the game and expected the worst, he's resigned to his fate past a certain point. And I have to say: he's a classic East European boss, a tyrant to those below and a slave to those above. Thankfully, things changed since then. But there were Dyatlovs everywhere.

You see them repeating it can't happen, they're afraid that if this happened, consequences could be extremely severe. This makes people find refuge in the official information as a sort of narrative/justification/defence. "I was following the official party line, I am obedient and loyal to the party, I was only executing orders, please don't punish me" is what they're implicitly saying when they deny it... until they can't anymore... Scherbina, coming from the centre, he was literally a god on Earth among them. Notice how he casually threatens the professor to throw him out of the helicopter, because all power was in the party and right then and there he was the living embodiment of the party. See how the 2 receive him all smiles and assure him slavishly everything is fine. In their mental refuge, being afraid, they deny. And notice how, when he hears the real number of 15000 Rontgen, he just needs to snap his fingers and they're arrested on the spot... He's not a prosecutor or a cop, but he can operate arrests just like that. And ultimately, the speech in the courtroom tells it all: lies... lies and lies and lies and it's true, you couldn't even tell what the truth was anymore. It was lies and fear rolled up into a time bomb that just happened to blow up then, but it was a matter of time until it did, if not then, then some other time.
 

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I'm looking for raw experience here. I think our minds are all fascinating.

1. What MBTI type do you think you are? If unsure, put unsure. I hope this is as far as we go with referencing MBTI. Don't worry if you answer all of the questions, but you can try to use the questions to probe into what your mind does. Please describe how you experience these things as best you can, ignore the questions and just dive in if needed. I hope we all learn more about ourselves and each other.

2. (a) Would you say you review the past and it replays when you’re reviewing it? Very often? Sometimes? You hate it when your brain does that? Or not really? How do you experience your memories? Very clear playback on voices and sounds? Or images? You remember all of the senses like smell and taste with equal playback? Or only certain voices, sounds, images and others are more difficult?
Can you recall very far back in play-back-mode? Or you usually only reference the past for big events? Is your memory very good for whatever you are working on at the moment? Do you remember certain types of memories best? Like specifically memories of people? Only memories with emotion? Do you remember numbers or names better? When you remember a certain time can you also remember what else was happening around that same time? What are you best at remembering? What are some of your strongest memories?

2. (b) When you think of the future, is it more like a straight path or like many possible different paths? How certain does the future feel to you? If you want to change the future how sure are you that if you have the right tools and people with a specific attitude that you would know exactly how to do it?
Is it easy to experience the present just how it is? It is what it is? Sometimes? Or is it very hard? Where do your thoughts spend the most time? Past? Present? Future? Or Possible Futures? Tell us more about the one you choose and your enjoyment of it. Tell us about the one that is the hardest. Tell us about the one that seems painful, if they do. Tell us if you have difficulty choosing just 1 and what 2 are you experiencing the most and do you feel a big contrast when experiencing one or the other? Just describe as best you can.

3. What kind of dialogue is going on in your brain? Sometimes silence? Never silence and how could it possibly ever be silent? Do you have multiple layers of thoughts when you try to still your brain? Thoughts can be detected and rise up under the thoughts? Or does that sound just bizarre? Is there one clear voice going on? Or dialogue is not really happening? Do you think in language? Or more like symbols and thoughts before they are thoughts? Do you think of what you will say before you say it? Or are your thoughts being created as you speak? How do you experience the inner workings of your mind? Please describe as best you can.

4. What do you experience as more private and owned? Do your feelings belong to you? Do your interests belong to you? Which one is more easy to discuss with others, the feelings or the interests? Which one are you more protective of? Which one feels like “yours”. Or do they both feel like yours? What kind of things do you get excited about and want to share? What about your thoughts? Do you feel protective of your thoughts? Do you feel it is easy to share your thoughts? Do you closely control your feelings around others or would controlling feelings be unnecessary? Or would it be difficult? What are you happy to share with those who seem interested? Which would you usually rather not share with most people, thoughts, feelings or interests? Please describe how you experience all this even if my questions don't quite seem correct for how you experience it.

Thank you! Have fun!
Also... please reference @ai.tran.75 's first "How do you think" threads. We learned a LOT from these:

https://www.personalitycafe.com/nfs-temperament-forum-dreamers/1206122-how-do-you-think.html
https://www.personalitycafe.com/nts-temperament-forum-intellects/1206130-how-do-you-think.html
https://www.personalitycafe.com/sps-temperament-forum-creators/1206138-how-do-you-think.html
https://www.personalitycafe.com/sjs-temperament-forum-overseers/1206146-how-do-you-think.html
I get mentioned so here it goes.

1. INTJ. Sure by both evaluation and elimination process, 95% confidence level.

2. a. Yes. But I don't really keep and play the exact photographic/detail memories per se, but rather in more abstraction of ideas, times, peoples, events. I have no idea when did I started to do this to my memory, i could only guess that it is the peculiar way my brain doing to save storage. If that making sense. Maybe my brain decide I really don't have infinite storage or it is merely anticipating incoming future flow of infinite information.

2.b. One straight way and many possible paths all at once. It is not easy to describe, fuzzy.

3. Never silence. Has layers, running multithreaded albeit most in background because I can only consciencely recognize one active foreground thread at any single time. I think in symbols. Fuzzy.

4. Feelings? Errr... they are even more abstract than my thoughts. Rarely do I have to actively control it, it is self regulated underneath. But even when it is triggered, I can actively control it.
 

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Not so much that I have encyclopedic knowledge, but more being overwhelmed by the millions of possible mental routes to take & the impossibility of systematizing them, to the point that I often don't want to deal with them at all and would rather just screw around on PerC.

:blushed:
 

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Hi @ai.tran.75, and @Llyralen !

1. I'm an INTJ

2. (a) Remembering the past for me is a mainly "cognitive" process; I don't know if it is correct to use the term in this case, because remembering itself is a cognitive process. What I mean is that, somehow, the thoughts that I was having at the moment when the things I'm remembering are reproduced in my head, most of the memory then consists of thinking, not so much reproducing images or voices. The thoughts are interrupted by brief segments that I perceive as watching a movie in which I am immersed, but at the same time I am only an observer. Despite this, I tend to relive with great force the emotions of remembered moments.
The scenes tend to look dull, dark; some give the impression of happening underwater, due to the lack of sharpness of the images and sounds. I think I perceive events predominantly in an abstract sense. I have a hard time describing the experience.
My sense of smell and taste don't work quite well physically, so in a memory it is practically impossible for me to experience smells or tastes. Occasionally it happens that some aroma or flavor reminds me of some experience associated with it, but this happens very rarely.

I don't hate remembering, unless the experience I'm remembering is associated with feelings of hate (in which case I would feel it with great power).
People's memories tend to displease me and I find it useless to remember people. I think I remember both the numbers and the names well, rather it depends on how important they are to me.
I tend to detach myself from the past, so I only remember very strong experiences that I haven't fully resolved, or information that I need to remember for my current experiences.

2. (b) The future tends to show itself with multiple possibilities. I have a tendency to create a wide range of possible scenarios for a single event.
I am always suspicious of life, especially when it comes to the future. I have a feeling that things will be tough and that I must be prepared for the events to come.
About changing the future ... I have no absolute control over the future, I know that there are unforeseen events, life is so chaotic in what I have observed that any model of the future, no matter how precise it is, can easily collapse in a matter of seconds. Some claim that the future is the direct result of the decisions and actions of the present, but in reality it is much more than that. It is an overlap of controlled variables and variables that are beyond our control. I can take care of the variables that are within my control, I trust my strategic abilities, I know that I can design a highly functional plan for almost anything I want to accomplish, but I still never rest on the feeling of security, for the On the contrary, I always live with uncertainty, although to tell the truth ... I don't get along very well with it.
The present ... I have a hard time living the present, I am always thinking about the future.

I tend to avoid trips to the past. I hate nostalgia and melancholy, I avoid them as much as I can, they are excessively painful emotions, at the same time that they are totally useless. Surrendering to nostalgia and melancholy is foolish, it is self-infliction of pain in an act of masochism that makes no sense to me. I don't like to waste time thinking about how things would have been if I had done something different. I don't like to miss the people or things that I have left behind.


3. It is very difficult for me to have some silence in my mind. The times that I have succeeded, is when I get to "flow" with the present. This almost never happens.
Multiple layers?
yes
Thoughts can be detected and arise under thoughts?
yes
Is there a clear voice?
Sometimes
Or is the dialogue not really happening?
Sometimes it happens like this

Do you think in language? Or more like symbols and thoughts before they are thoughts?
Both of them

Do you think about what you will say before saying it?
Yes

Or are your thoughts created as you speak?
It also happens. Let's say I always think about what I'm going to say, but more thoughts arise while I'm talking.

How do you experience the inner workings of your mind?
In general, my mind is a very dark place; although, to tell the truth, it is the closest thing I have to a home. Honestly I live my mind more than in reality and still find a new corner to explore every moment. There exists both heaven and hell.
I have very disturbing thoughts, I think a lot about existence, life and death on a very deep level. I tend to think of things that do not exist and that for others are unthinkable, I think of things that are considered a waste of time.
My mental universe is infinite, messy, chaotic and noisy (although I look so serene and expressionless on the outside).
I feel like multiple universes are collapsing and others are seeing their birth inside my mind, every day, so I'm never the same person.
I have a strong tendency to question everything. Because of this, the creation and destruction of thoughts, ideas, beliefs ... is something that happens at all times in my thinking. Every day I collapse entire belief systems, to build others. Build and destroy ... like a chaotic city where you can see big skyscrapers collapsing and being quickly replaced by more modern ones. It is an endless dance, a constant struggle for renewal. I am reborn in my mind every dawn.
I feel strong from my mind, and I tend to disconnect from my body. Sometimes I feel like the pilot of a "meka".
There are periods when my mind becomes too unstable and hostile. When this happens I experience great anxiety. It is an anxiety caused by not having a shelter. Few things terrify me as much as reality itself. When the mind becomes hostile, I am forced to immerse myself in reality.

4. I am very tight overall, too private with almost everything personal. My interests and feelings belong to me, although honestly it is much more difficult for me to discuss my feelings. I am excited to talk about the things I am passionate about regarding certain areas of knowledge, my research, findings, ideas; although I do it with detachment. My thoughts ... depends on how deep they are. Normally I have no problem sharing thoughts that I consider "trivial", the deepest are a kind of "treasure" that I do not share with almost anyone, there are thoughts that I have never shared with anyone.
I control my feelings whenever I can.
 
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Hi @ai.tran.75, and @Llyralen !

1. I'm an INTJ

2. (a) Remembering the past for me is a mainly "cognitive" process; I don't know if it is correct to use the term in this case, because remembering itself is a cognitive process. What I mean is that, somehow, the thoughts that I was having at the moment when the things I'm remembering are reproduced in my head, most of the memory then consists of thinking, not so much reproducing images or voices. The thoughts are interrupted by brief segments that I perceive as watching a movie in which I am immersed, but at the same time I am only an observer. Despite this, I tend to relive with great force the emotions of remembered moments.
The scenes tend to look dull, dark; some give the impression of happening underwater, due to the lack of sharpness of the images and sounds. I think I perceive events predominantly in an abstract sense. I have a hard time describing the experience.
My sense of smell and taste don't work quite well physically, so in a memory it is practically impossible for me to experience smells or tastes. Occasionally it happens that some aroma or flavor reminds me of some experience associated with it, but this happens very rarely.

I don't hate remembering, unless the experience I'm remembering is associated with feelings of hate (in which case I would feel it with great power).
People's memories tend to displease me and I find it useless to remember people. I think I remember both the numbers and the names well, rather it depends on how important they are to me.
I tend to detach myself from the past, so I only remember very strong experiences that I haven't fully resolved, or information that I need to remember for my current experiences.

2. (b) The future tends to show itself with multiple possibilities. I have a tendency to create a wide range of possible scenarios for a single event.
I am always suspicious of life, especially when it comes to the future. I have a feeling that things will be tough and that I must be prepared for the events to come.
About changing the future ... I have no absolute control over the future, I know that there are unforeseen events, life is so chaotic in what I have observed that any model of the future, no matter how precise it is, can easily collapse in a matter of seconds. Some claim that the future is the direct result of the decisions and actions of the present, but in reality it is much more than that. It is an overlap of controlled variables and variables that are beyond our control. I can take care of the variables that are within my control, I trust my strategic abilities, I know that I can design a highly functional plan for almost anything I want to accomplish, but I still never rest on the feeling of security, for the On the contrary, I always live with uncertainty, although to tell the truth ... I don't get along very well with it.
The present ... I have a hard time living the present, I am always thinking about the future.

I tend to avoid trips to the past. I hate nostalgia and melancholy, I avoid them as much as I can, they are excessively painful emotions, at the same time that they are totally useless. Surrendering to nostalgia and melancholy is foolish, it is self-infliction of pain in an act of masochism that makes no sense to me. I don't like to waste time thinking about how things would have been if I had done something different. I don't like to miss the people or things that I have left behind.


3. It is very difficult for me to have some silence in my mind. The times that I have succeeded, is when I get to "flow" with the present. This almost never happens.

yes

yes

Sometimes

Sometimes it happens like this


Both of them


Yes


It also happens. Let's say I always think about what I'm going to say, but more thoughts arise while I'm talking.



In general, my mind is a very dark place; although, to tell the truth, it is the closest thing I have to a home. Honestly I live my mind more than in reality and still find a new corner to explore every moment. There exists both heaven and hell.
I have very disturbing thoughts, I think a lot about existence, life and death on a very deep level. I tend to think of things that do not exist and that for others are unthinkable, I think of things that are considered a waste of time.
My mental universe is infinite, messy, chaotic and noisy (although I look so serene and expressionless on the outside).
I feel like multiple universes are collapsing and others are seeing their birth inside my mind, every day, so I'm never the same person.
I have a strong tendency to question everything. Because of this, the creation and destruction of thoughts, ideas, beliefs ... is something that happens at all times in my thinking. Every day I collapse entire belief systems, to build others. Build and destroy ... like a chaotic city where you can see big skyscrapers collapsing and being quickly replaced by more modern ones. It is an endless dance, a constant struggle for renewal. I am reborn in my mind every dawn.
I feel strong from my mind, and I tend to disconnect from my body. Sometimes I feel like the pilot of a "meka".
There are periods when my mind becomes too unstable and hostile. When this happens I experience great anxiety. It is an anxiety caused by not having a shelter. Few things terrify me as much as reality itself. When the mind becomes hostile, I am forced to immerse myself in reality.

4. I am very tight overall, too private with almost everything personal. My interests and feelings belong to me, although honestly it is much more difficult for me to discuss my feelings. I am excited to talk about the things I am passionate about regarding certain areas of knowledge, my research, findings, ideas; although I do it with detachment. My thoughts ... depends on how deep they are. Normally I have no problem sharing thoughts that I consider "trivial", the deepest are a kind of "treasure" that I do not share with almost anyone, there are thoughts that I have never shared with anyone.
I control my feelings whenever I can.
Thank you very much for this description. The "tearing down and building up" is something my INTJ sister in law and friend has never talked about, and yet I see it in her. She also hints at having horrible anxiety at times... it seems worse to me now than when she was younger. A snow-ball effect almost. I think she expresses that stronger feelings have become her Mecca in her 40's. In all this I see where I can help in what you are saying.. I feel like I better understand why she needs me...I understand her better. I hope you don't mind, your mind seems the most similar to hers of any INTJ I've met. I don't know how old you are, but age does matter with MBTI when Dario Nardi looked at neuroscience MBTI and age he did see people developing their third function the most in mid-life. I wonder what you study. I wonder if you would believe that about age.

I have questions for you. Your mind does some things some other Ni minds have said they do not in the past... but our minds are infinite as you said and I would think that most people have parts of their brain that are anomalies based on who is closest to them and what work they have done repeatedly. Do you happen to have anyone very close to you who matters to you who is Ne and also maybe someone who is Si? Who in your life to do feel raises your emotions the most? Do you know their types? I'm talking about what feels like what I would call spiritual connections, people or a person that are/is more special than the usual? Can I say it like that and leave it up to you? I feel almost certain that I can, but you can laugh at me too. Interpret it how you will.

What about your work? What do you research? What is your training in? I hope you don't mind my asking. Cheers to you and thank you very much for responding! I am learning SO MUCH!
 
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1/ I’m a native ENTP so my preferences is for being impersonal and altruistic.
However a combination of being a claircognizant empath (think emotional telepathy) that resulted in being ostracised, and having a traumatic self awakening (essentially I met my shadow and saw that I was dangerous, causing me to emotionally self isolate to protect others from myself) resulted in massive shadow Fi utilisation until i came to terms with myself. So now I walk a line between T/F and Fe/Fi/Ti. Plus I can tap into Ni a little bit if I put my mind in the right space. (Aka using fi to quiet Ne). Running dual introverted judgement functions tend to make you very sure of you judgement while being very bad at actioning!

2a/I prefer to not spend time reviewing my past because of the many traumatic memories. However My memories are quite extensive and sort of exist in a catalog system, From a start point i can easily dig down into them for more extensive info. They are primarily visual spatial and informational. I have very poor sound memory, as most of that gets transcribed into abstract knowledge for storage. I’m terrible at languages. However I’m very good a remembering smells (although the memory is somewhat impressionistic) for instance I’m involve in the wine industry and can probably describe most of the interesting wines that I have fond memories of drinking.

Then there is a separate class of flashback memories that visual/emotional and highly realistic. They mostly relate to traumatic events, but also to positive things like the first time I kissed a gal! They combine perfect visual clarity with the emotional sensations that come with being empath and directly feeling other people emotions. They are very much of a short moment. The earliest memory of this is when a girl in kindergarten had fallen over and spilt her knee open and was crying in pain, and i felt her emotional state and froze up in my enneagram 5 way and felt immense shame at being unable to offer help or sympathy.

2b/ I perceive time as sort of drifting down a stream of life which will inevitably end up in the ocean. There is a certain level of predictability. Since I see myself as a soul within a body, I’m not really concerned that much for life/time. They are meaningless from my concept of self. I am here to observe and learn, although I do like to help others do the same. Mostly I just live in the present/abstract space in my mind.

3/ Mostly my thoughts are a rapid conversation with myself. Sometimes I have imaginary conversations with people (I do most of the talking), other times its more problem solving and I will keep discussing different iterations with myself. My inner dialog doesn’t shut up much, and I love to laugh at my own dad jokes! I do have a high energy novel concept analysis mode, where I employ a Ni artificial work space that I manipulate with my other functions until I manage to define the original pulsating blob of new untested information into a perfect crystalline object that makes sense and becomes “true” and this can be downloaded into my Si worldview. It’s very easy to burn out in that mode.
Lately I’ve been learning to delve into my emotions (which previously I’d compartmentalised) both as a form of self development and a means of artistic self expression. basically my emotions allow me to exit my informational conversation mode and just “feel” I can then use a sort of claircognizance to convert feeling into words in an almost Ni way. It sort of feels like silently listening to the universe. I let the thoughts come to me instead of actively searching like with Ne.

4. I’m a self aware black sheep that was rejected by the herd. When you see yourself as special and for a Fe user different = Bad then sharing personal stuff problematic. I want to belong but cant belong. The best I an do is Fi relate to others that have a shared history of traumatic experiences. Of course its traumatic for me to share in person because I can feel the other persons responses, be it triggering their own negative feelings or dismissal of mine. So mostly I prefer to stick with making people feel good since it make me feel good. I’ve only had 1 friend who I felt comfortable sharing with, who could both comprehend and handle my experiences.
Thank you so much for sharing and there are many things you mention that seem unique to you and I think I might be able to learn something for me myself personally. I have a question for you that isn't really part of this thread, it's probably more from the one we interacted in on the INFJ threads recently. I understand E5 and the lack of emotional shields, the vulnerability of E5. I've seen it in my sweet E5 INTP daughter. I feel like you'd be an amazing mediator if the subject or the people don't hurt each other too much. Since you experience both Fi and Fe and I'm taking into account the way you describe the experience of talking about your emotions and the response... tell me this. When you sympathize with Fe and when you sympathize with Fi because you've been there, even if you have not been there, basically, what are the differences and strengths of both kinds of sympathy/empathy in your opinion? Or is it so mixed up together for you that you essentially do both at the same time? What limitations do you see to both? Do the limitations of both give you conclusions? For instance, for me with Fi I realize that there is a danger in telling things to people who have not been through those exact same things. Sometimes a real true danger of judgement that can shut doors and end possibilities. But I still hope that this is not going to be my ultimate conclusion. What have you learned about sharing with others due to this? Feel free to write on my page if you aren't comfortable answering here.

Also I'm sure you know due to contrasting with your Ni partner what seems more Ni that your experience. That might be an area that you could help describe each to each side as well. Is there anything else you would like for us to know? And thank you!
 
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I get mentioned so here it goes.

1. INTJ. Sure by both evaluation and elimination process, 95% confidence level.

2. a. Yes. But I don't really keep and play the exact photographic/detail memories per se, but rather in more abstraction of ideas, times, peoples, events. I have no idea when did I started to do this to my memory, i could only guess that it is the peculiar way my brain doing to save storage. If that making sense. Maybe my brain decide I really don't have infinite storage or it is merely anticipating incoming future flow of infinite information.

2.b. One straight way and many possible paths all at once. It is not easy to describe, fuzzy.

3. Never silence. Has layers, running multithreaded albeit most in background because I can only consciencely recognize one active foreground thread at any single time. I think in symbols. Fuzzy.

4. Feelings? Errr... they are even more abstract than my thoughts. Rarely do I have to actively control it, it is self regulated underneath. But even when it is triggered, I can actively control it.
This is very interesting too. Just when I thought we had concluded from @ai.tran.75 's "How do you think?" thread how Ni experiences itself... a few Ni doms... INFJs actually were like "There's no way you experience several tracks of thought at once, right?"' and Ne was like "Well that is how it is... we didn't know everybody didn't do that too..." and so we concluded that it was very different. But here you are saying it's not so clear cut. Of course these ARE our brains that adapt to info we are talking about... Nothing is clear cut, is it?

=)
You might want to read over the last few (especially @wums) NF "How do you experience your own mind?" posts. I wonder if you could respond here to what you see are the differences. Also the SP responses always knock my socks off.... I hope you're interested. I'd love to see what you think of the contrasts! I get really excited.
 

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Thank you so much for sharing and there are many things you mention that seem unique to you and I think I might be able to learn something for me myself personally. I have a question for you that isn't really part of this thread, it's probably more from the one we interacted in on the INFJ threads recently. I understand E5 and the lack of emotional shields, the vulnerability of E5. I've seen it in my sweet E5 INTP daughter. I feel like you'd be an amazing mediator if the subject or the people don't hurt each other too much. Since you experience both Fi and Fe and I'm taking into account the way you describe the experience of talking about your emotions and the response... tell me this. When you sympathize with Fe and when you sympathize with Fi because you've been there, even if you have not been there, basically, what are the differences and strengths of both kinds of sympathy/empathy in your opinion? Or is it so mixed up together for you that you essentially do both at the same time? What limitations do you see to both? Do the limitations of both give you conclusions? For instance, for me with Fi I realize that there is a danger in telling things to people who have not been through those exact same things. Sometimes a real true danger of judgement that can shut doors and end possibilities. But I still hope that this is not going to be my ultimate conclusion. What have you learned about sharing with others due to this? Feel free to write on my page if you aren't comfortable answering here.

Also I'm sure you know due to contrasting with your Ni partner what seems more Ni that your experience. That might be an area that you could help describe each to each side as well. Is there anything else you would like for us to know? And thank you!
Well my original post got lost to the upgrade, oh well....

As far as empathy that is pure perception, I simply feel/know other’s emotions. But it doesn’t stop there, I need to know why they feel that way. So I almost do a Fi/Ti thing of trying to understand what the others thoughts are so I can understand what caused the feelings, which gives me a platform to try and help them. Sympathy varies based on how the person responds. I’m adept at problem solving, humor, and getting people to see alternative viewpoints thanks to Ne. But doing little things for people and complements/praise works for Fe types, while sharing personal stuff (which I desire to do but are usually hesitant) is not everybody's cup of tea. I have been hurt a few time when I’ve had D&M with people only to have them freak out and push you away afterwards. As for judgement shutting down possibilities thats never been much of a problem. When you have to perfectly balance the needs of Ti, Fe and shadow Fi, and decisions you make are extremely certain. Mostly opportunities are lost because of waiting too long and not acting. As a master of analogies I generally don’t have much of a problem discussing anything with anyone as long as the are interested. It’s easy for me to pick up if someone is uncomfortable with a topic, although once I get going I can drone on lost in my own little world while theIr eyes have already glazed over. As for sharing with other, I know it’s something I need to do for self improvement even if its uncomfortable, and it’s much easier to online than in person. Its distressing for me to see other people affected by my own traumatic stories. But I also know that people find comfort in knowing they are not alone in dark places and that terrible experiences can be survived. I prefer to suffer than to feel another person suffer, so It’s a small price to pay for helping people.
 
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