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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm curious about this -- my INTJ friends and I were talking about this recently and almost all the INTJs involved in this conversation disagreed with the idea of tipping. So I was curious on hearing INFJ views on this now.

For me, I always leave tips (using that 10-15-20% guideline) because my family always reinforced leaving good tips, but at the same time, it's just become one of those social niceties I do neutrally. On the other hand, I know some people who sometimes dont leave tips at a restaurant, and a part of me doesn't mind because I see their reasons (we paid for an overpriced meal, we paid for gratuity, the waiters/waitresses's job is to wait/serve anyway, i'm a student) and another part of me thinks "but we have to" because that's how I was raised, and these are the norms I've been indoctrinated with. Personally, I prefer (and enjoy) tipping in situations where tips are encouraged and invited on a voluntary basis, but these days I feel that tips are becoming more of an obligation on the part of everyone (especially at restaurants) and for me, this takes out the personal, kind gesture in tipping.

So yeah... I'm interested in hearing different aspects about the idea of tipping, reasons for it, reasons against it. In the past, I've seen that this can be a sensitive topic, so it'd be constructive if the discussion could focus on reasons for it, reasons against it, rather than criticizing those who don't or those who do.
 

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Yeah, I tip because it's a polite thing too. It's not like I can't afford a few extra bucks. I was raised this way as well. My mom used to be a waitress so I can totally understand how happy they are when tipped. Why not make one person's day? Some waiters/waitresses put in extra effort so I see it as a reward of hard work. They don't necessarily have to be all smiley and warm but some do and small things like this can affect how I enjoy the meal.

Generally with gratuity you don't do extra tipping, right? I'm not too sure about this though, because I've only encountered this once (when I went to this fancy downtown Italian restaurant).

Funny, my INTJ friend doesn't like to tip either. :tongue:
 

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i kinda like giving tips, it makes me feel better because i know i made the other person feel better. For example, when i get my haircut, if they do a good job il give a 2 dollar tip and walk out with a smile on my face (or at least in my mind i'll be smiling)
 

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I'm not sure I would have to ask, I only tip when I know they deserve it.
 

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Having worked as a waitress in college, you better believe I tip now. I actually think everyone should be required to work waiting tables at least six months, because I have seen people treat some servers like dirt and it really pisses me off.
 

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i like to tip for good service. if you dont provide good service, you arent getting nothing. bad service as in not coming by and checking up on the table, no refills, the only time i see you is when you hand us the ticket.
 

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I hate tipping. Their pay should be high enough that it's made unnecessary, and they deserve it anyway. Their work can be so demanding. I've worked at a job where there were no tips, but what was given to me was called a "raise" and I actually felt a little insulted by it o_o;; and Ive met a few (hair salon) who also felt the same way. $2, $5, $10 what's that really going to buy me in this day and age?? If I'm going to do it, I'd do it discreetly and at the end of the week or month, the person could count it up, not knowing who or when it was from. Moreover I find it a hassle. I want to get what I came for and leave. No fuss, no thinking/ calculating.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 · (Edited)
I hate tipping. Their pay should be high enough that it's made unnecessary, and they deserve it anyway. Their work can be so demanding. I've worked at a job where there were no tips, but what was given to me was called a "raise" and I actually felt a little insulted by it o_o;; and Ive met a few (hair salon) who also felt the same way. $2, $5, $10 what's that really going to buy me in this day and age?? Moreover I find it a hassle. I want to get what I came for and leave. No fuss, no thinking/ calculating.
Ah yes... I definitely relate to this -- wanting to keep things simple without a fuss or having to calculate extra.

If they make their pay high enough, it results in unnecessary complication for everyone, right?

Also, the more I think about this, the more and more I hate how tipping is being seen as a moral obligation or requirement of some sort. I tip for good service (using the 10-15-20% method), but I hate it when people tell me "you have to and if you don't, you're a jerk," because I think at least for me, I tend to be oriented towards fulfilling my obligations. And I dislike it when there's a moral string/judgment attached to this obligation. :angry: Especially when I know that there are tons of other jobs out there that are more stressful and demanding that don't get tipped or appreciated. I'd rather think of this as a voluntary, helpful act that makes someone's day happier, but once I start hearing things like "you have to tip, because the person doesn't get paid enough," i feel like the responsibility is shifted on me (as the customer) to fulfill someone else's obligation...?
 

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I am generally predisposed to love waiters. And nearly all that I've met were very pleasant. (they tend to be quite attractive too, if you're at a high end or popular resturant, heheh). So therfore I tip very generously. Often I pay a few more dollars than the fifteen percent amount. I just went to Chili's this weekend and the combined bill with tip was like 46.22 or something. I just gave them a 50. I don't know, it just makes me feel happy knowing that they also feel happy. Ironically I just left the bill on the table and then left the resturant. Thinking back I'm not actually sure if that was polite. I bet you well-mannered INFJs could clear that up for me, though!

Oh, and for below average waiters, I typically just tip 'em the normal 15%. Sometimes less if they were really bad haha.


Waiting seems like a fun job, actually. :tongue:
 

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Moral Obligation of Tips

Also, the more I think about this, the more and more I hate how tipping is being seen as a moral obligation or requirement of some sort. I tip for good service (using the 10-15-20%) method, but I hate it when people tell me "you have to and if you don't, you're a jerk," because I think at least for me, I tend to be oriented towards fulfilling my obligations. And I dislike it when there's a moral string/judgment attached to this obligation. :angry: Especially when I know that there are tons of other jobs out there that are more stressful and demanding that don't get tipped or appreciated. I'd rather think of this as a voluntary, helpful act that makes someone's day happier.

Agreed! I also really dislike when people think that tipping HAS to be done. Although I still always make sure my tip is at least 15% as ettiquete dictates. Thinking about, that's generous enough already, but I guess since you're expected to do that it may go unappreciated.
 

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Ah yes... I definitely relate to this -- wanting to keep things simple without a fuss or having to calculate extra.

If they make their pay high enough, it results in unnecessary complication for everyone, right? I, too, worked at a place where there were no tips but they gave a "(small) bonus" that was scheduled throughout the year. I personally think this is a good system. It's clean and simple.

Also, the more I think about this, the more and more I hate how tipping is being seen as a moral obligation or requirement of some sort. I tip for good service (using the 10-15-20% method), but I hate it when people tell me "you have to and if you don't, you're a jerk," because I think at least for me, I tend to be oriented towards fulfilling my obligations. And I dislike it when there's a moral string/judgment attached to this obligation. :angry: Especially when I know that there are tons of other jobs out there that are more stressful and demanding that don't get tipped or appreciated. I'd rather think of this as a voluntary, helpful act that makes someone's day happier, but once I start hearing things like "you have to tip, because the person doesn't get paid enough," i feel like the responsibility is shifted on me (as the customer) to fulfill someone else's obligation...?
The salary doesn't have to be so high it interferes with profits. I just mean when compared to the living standards of the particular city, that the pay should allow the person to have decent food, shelter, etc.

I don't even like to be served really lol unless it's a friend or family. I rather get it myself. I only go to restaurants for get-togethers, to say good-bye (but if I can I will get everyone to stay home). Or I go to one if they offer unique dishes

Yea I've often heard that it's a way to show politeness or you only do it when you've had good service. I think that's the same for giving your seat to the elderly on the bus? And people corrupt that too. They turn it into a rule. In my city people get harassed for not doing that, even assaulted. And then the old lady yells out, "I didn't say I wanted to sit down. I can stand fine! I'm capable!" It's so..sad. (or she is the one doing the assaulting.)
I also noticed someone adding tips right into the price of something someone was buying and not giving a receipt. I should have notified the revenue agency (#_#) I didn't know back then.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I am generally predisposed to love waiters. And nearly all that I've met were very pleasant. (they tend to be quite attractive too, if you're at a high end or popular resturant, heheh). So therfore I tip very generously. Often I pay a few more dollars than the fifteen percent amount. I just went to Chili's this weekend and the combined bill with tip was like 46.22 or something. I just gave them a 50. I don't know, it just makes me feel happy knowing that they also feel happy. Ironically I just left the bill on the table and then left the resturant. Thinking back I'm not actually sure if that was polite. I bet you well-mannered INFJs could clear that up for me, though!

Oh, and for below average waiters, I typically just tip 'em the normal 15%. Sometimes less if they were really bad haha.


Waiting seems like a fun job, actually. :tongue:
Edit: whoops, I read something wrong. :p Anyway, I usually leave the bill on the table unless they take a long time to bring the bill and I go to the front to pay.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
The salary doesn't have to be so high it interferes with profits. I just mean when compared to the living standards of the particular city, that the pay should allow the person to have decent food, shelter, etc.

I don't even like to be served really lol unless it's a friend or family. I rather get it myself. I only go to restaurants for get-togethers, to say good-bye (but if I can I will get everyone to stay home). Or I go to one if they offer unique dishes

Yea I've often heard that it's a way to show politeness or you only do it when you've had good service. I think that's the same for giving your seat to the elderly on the bus? And people corrupt that too. They turn it into a rule. In my city people get harassed for not doing that, even assaulted/mobbed. And then the old lady yells out, "I didn't say I wanted to sit down. I can stand fine! I'm capable!" It's so disgusting.
I also noticed someone adding tips right into the price of something someone was buying and not giving a receipt. I should have notified the revenue agency (#_#) I didn't know back then.
About the bus "rule" - it's ridiculous that people would get harassed for not doing that. It's polite, it's courteous, but yeah... that's messed up.

I guess, I'm noticing a pattern of what I dislike: legalistic notions - it's fine if certain things are encouraged, but it's not fine when it begins to be a social rule and there's judgmental opinions of those that don't follow the rule.
 

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I personally always tip something because I know what it feels like working all day on your feet, but at the same time I resent those places that already include the tip into the bill making everyone pay it. Just destroys the whole notion of a tip. They might just as well make all of their food more expensive and pay their employees more.
 

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In my country pay standards are higher and tipping rates accordingly lower. 10% is quite a bit. I think tipping is good, it shows your appreciation for the hard work.
 

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The debate on tipping probably rivals the to-rinse-or-not-to-rinse dishes before putting them in a dishwasher debate in causing strain on my relationships…more than politics, religion, etc. My best friend in high school was a really bad tipper and I’d often run back in the restaurant to add to the tip while she was getting the car, or would let her configure the tip if I thought the service was that bad.
I typically tip closer to 20% at restaurants, 15% if it’s just so-so. And like most, mainly because it’s how I was raised and the socially appropriate thing to do…plus since it’s expected and I want people to like me I just can’t do anything that would draw attention to me for being what might be perceived as rude. Oh, and I double the tip at a restaurant if we’ve stayed longer than the usual rotation possibly costing the server another table.
 

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However I also resent the expectation of it, it’s no longer an added bonus given out of generosity. And then there’s the issue of what warrants a tip? Etiquette dictates that it’s going above and beyond what the job requires or providing some sort of service. So I understand room service (you could just get the food yourself) or your hairstylist (it’s a skill and if they do a good job they appreciate knowing you appreciate their work) but we’re expected to tip a cab driver but not a doctor or dental hygienist? Yes the cab driver got you safely to your destination but isn’t that what they’re supposed to do? And then the other day I had to call a service to get my car jumped, the guy was 30 minutes later than he said he would be and then joked about it and was just weird and made me uncomfortable. The service was covered by my insurance but I still had to sign off on it and the clipboard had a sign taped to it that said “tips are appreciated, I just signed the form and avoided eye contact with the guy since he knew I had seen it and drove off as quickly as possible. Plus I wasn’t expecting my car to break down and didn’t have appropriate cash on me…awkward.

I actually thought tips are used in jobs where the pay is little. If it's not, hmm...
For those who tip because the wages are lower, this isn’t necessarily true. I work in a bookstore that has a café. I’ve worked in both departments. Both make the same exact wages and both work hard, but the level of commitment and specialty service that goes into pressing a button on a machine vs. spending 15 minutes getting to know a customer and recommending a book is vastly different…yet at the end of the night the café servers split up their tips and take home $10-$15 that the rest of us didn’t get. And those that work on the book side have had to clean up just as many disgusting things. So yeah, that one really cheeses me off.
 

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I always tip, i briefly worked as a waiter and i hated it i think its a shitty job especially when it seems no one appreciates the hard work you put in for them, so i always smile, thank them and give a nice tip and so far i aint come across a rude waiter yet, if i did i just wouldn't smile at them :crazy:
 

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I see it this way, I have come across many waiters/servers that leave me thirsty having to wait for them to come back to my table and have for many years gotten up and went hunting for my own tea pitcher so I could finish hot food before it gets cold and boy do I get odd looks from not only other waiters/servers but from other customers as well as if I should just sit there and wait like everyone else to get refills.

I've even had a manager seeing me go to the tea pitcher tray loudly say "sir ! .... we have waiters for that! " and I said back to the manager "5 minutes waiting and I'm still supposed to be patient for what might not come and if and when it does come I'm supposed to enjoy the rest of my cold food?"... the manager shut his mouth after that.

I make it a point to tell any waiter/server up front after I order and before they leave my table that I drink a lot of tea, I make that clarification so as they know that they will be making tracks to my table or either they can leave a spare glass of tea.

I don't care how long I have to wait for my food to be brought , I only care about not choking by having enough tea to drink, sometimes I've waited 10 minutes for my food to be brought and sometimes 20 minutes, and at the same diner, I see no difference between the 2...if I just have enough tea to drink with my food then thats all I care about.

If I have to hunt a tea pitcher I leave no tip. Write ups on INFJs say they like routine and that I do, I often eat at the same places again and again. I find something that I like and I order it again and again. I like to seek out and find a good waiter/server and then ask their schedule so I'll know their hours and that I know I can expect good service by using them again and again and won't eat there on their off-days. If what I order comes to $7.75 and the waiter/server was good then I pay $10.00 and they keep the $2.25.

By using the same good waiter/server they remember me as leaving a fair tip and thus they always remember to keep my one simple need..."I drink a lot of tea".

If I do eat at a place and the waiter/server is lousy...not only do I not leave a tip but I don't go back there again until a few weeks have passed hoping they have left and if I walk in and see them there I walk right back out and just NEVER go back there.

I will NEVER , EVER, eat at ANY place where the gratuity is figured into the bill automatically, that's a no-brainer, the waiter/server has no incentive to deliver good service because they know the customer has no choice in the matter of gratuity and that's a pet peeve of mine...no automatic gratuity. I've known quite a few people that have complained about service at automatic gratuity restaurants and I have never and will never eat at one.

If you frequent the same place over and over, waiters/servers do remember regulars, and its best to either leave tips or just find another place where the service is worth leaving gratuity. There's no telling what could be going into your food or drink back in the kitchen away from your eyes.

I tend to eat at Dennys 3 to 4 times a month and I always eat at the same one. After eating at a bad Dennys where the service was bad 2 different times and having 2 different waiter/servers I just switched to another Dennys where everything is good, I found me a good waiter/server on the day shift and another good waiter/server on the night shift and for me that's rare to find 2 good waiter/servers working at the same diner, from my experiences.

If you have to make a complaint to the manager because of bad service, its best to find another place to eat or at least wait a month or 2 before going back trying that same place again.
 
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