Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 47 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,454 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Kind of a dumb question but, how do you feel about your birthday? I've heard some comedians joke that you shouldn't have a birthday party passed the age of 8. But in my mind, it's important to embrace your inner child (don't have to have a huge party to do this, of course).


I was talking with my INTP friend about this recently and she said that she never really cared for the whole concept of a birthday. The fact that she would be celebrated on a day where she didn't do anything seemed odd. So growing up, she would give gifts to her mom on her birthday instead. And I said, "So your mom got to have two birthdays? That sounds fair :p" And she added that it was more like she got to have three birthdays because Mother's Day is a thing lol. And we both laughed.


I went on to tell her that I think your birthday is just a way to recognize that your existence matters (because it does) and there's nothing wrong with that. It's no different than any other holiday in that way. We are recognizing something. She thanked me for my point of view and said she liked it. For me, I do prefer to spend my birthday with people I'm intimate with. Small, intimate gatherings are the best. It's an excuse to celebrate and have fun. I always jokingly say that I like to milk it for all it's worth :p No shame ;) Of course I'll do the same for others on their birthdays too :) I really want everyone to have a good time.


How about you? Do you like to do anything special on that day or is it just another day? For some, it can be depressing if they don't feel like they have anyone who truly cares about them in their life. How has your view of your birthday changed from when you were a kid to now, as an adult?
 

·
Registered
INTP 9w1-5w4-2w3 sp/so
Joined
·
2,601 Posts
That is a really good question. :3 I'm usually very excited and happy for my birthday and love spending it with people I love. It's not quite as big as it was when I was younger but it's still a positive day. I always enjoy going out to dinner on my birthday. I simultaneously find it sad how time goes by so quickly and how quickly I age. I feel a lot younger than my age. How you feel and how old you actually are can both be taken into consideration and it can vary from person to person. I always know that the next year will be here before I know it. It is a day to celebrate the person and I love celebrating friends birthdays and getting them gifts that they would like. People deserve to be happy on their special day. I find it depressing that some people outright say that it's only marking that you're closer to death. While this may be true, it is also a time to celebrate.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,108 Posts

I actually love my birthday! ( It's May 9th in case anyone wants to celebrate ) I make a big deal out of other people's birthdays. It's the one holiday I make any fuss over. Usually, I could do without most of the traditional holidays. I haven't gone to Thanksgiving in years. Yesterday, was my INFP best friend's birthday. I sent her funny gifs and texts all day. I even found an Arrested Development card on Etsy that I think she would enjoy and I plan on sending it to her. Usually, in my world, my closest family members and I just eat and go do whatever activity the birthday boy or girl enjoys. I love thoughtful gifts over expensive gifts. On my last birthday, I got two sweaters that were found for like $7.00. I got a thrill that they got such a deal! I think it means a ton to wish another a happy birthday. It's a positive thing. Some people don't have long lifetimes, so celebrating another year is an accomplishment and a pretty big deal. Time often flies and to be granted a longer life is a gift. Also, the older I get, the more I learn and grow and that's precious and valuable.

* Also, I really like it when people throw birthday parties for their pets! *
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
300 Posts
I don't get worked up about the aging part of birthdays, but I don't like being the center of attention among casual acqaintences. I don't normally tell anyone who isn't in my close circle of friends. I normally spend the day indulging in a favorite hobby, then go to an extravagant dinner with just a few of my closest friends. Typically, it is casual fine dining of the highest order where the finest beers flow like wine. I always dreaded the idea of a surprise party until someone threw one for me. It was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me, and all of my favorite people were there.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,318 Posts
I like to take opportunities to enjoy myself and kind of break the humdrum of life. Birthdays are a good excuse for doing something fun.

I didn't enjoy any of my teenage birthdays, or was indifferent at best (if you held a gun to my head and asked what I did for my 18th and 19th birthdays, I'd be in trouble). 21 was nice, though. Went out to my favorite restaurant and got some fancy, delicious wine.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,896 Posts
Kind of a dumb question but, how do you feel about your birthday? I've heard some comedians joke that you shouldn't have a birthday party passed the age of 8. But in my mind, it's important to embrace your inner child (don't have to have a huge party to do this, of course).


I was talking with my INTP friend about this recently and she said that she never really cared for the whole concept of a birthday. The fact that she would be celebrated on a day where she didn't do anything seemed odd. So growing up, she would give gifts to her mom on her birthday instead. And I said, "So your mom got to have two birthdays? That sounds fair :p" And she added that it was more like she got to have three birthdays because Mother's Day is a thing lol. And we both laughed.


I went on to tell her that I think your birthday is just a way to recognize that your existence matters (because it does) and there's nothing wrong with that. It's no different than any other holiday in that way. We are recognizing something. She thanked me for my point of view and said she liked it. For me, I do prefer to spend my birthday with people I'm intimate with. Small, intimate gatherings are the best. It's an excuse to celebrate and have fun. I always jokingly say that I like to milk it for all it's worth :p No shame ;) Of course I'll do the same for others on their birthdays too :) I really want everyone to have a good time.


How about you? Do you like to do anything special on that day or is it just another day? For some, it can be depressing if they don't feel like they have anyone who truly cares about them in their life. How has your view of your birthday changed from when you were a kid to now, as an adult?
For those who don't anything about my history, I was born into a violent, chaotic, even criminal family... then foster care as an infant, toddler, emergency placements and so on, plus a father who didn't want any of us (Seven of nine were his 'for sure') and a mother conflicted, not maternal, just doing what her mother (Appalachian roots) did, having babies because that's what women did, part of their identity as female, part of a clannish way of life, and in part because birth control wasn't available or was too shameful to use.

So with that Intro, when I was a kid I hoped for a happy birthday but don't recall any. When I was 12, my mother bought me a jewelry box--not the one I wanted but still a gift, then talked me out of it because she liked it a lot.

My birthday also falls in the coldest stretch of winter, after so much cold, so it was--and now that I'm back in Ohio--still is gloomy too.

After I had so many miserable birthdays including getting the flu, a cold, injured (just some kind of bad luck run--if I believed in luck), culminating with my anticipation that turning 50 would be great, and instead I pulled rib muscles from coughing hard (bacterial infection), got put on Prednisone, had an almost deadly reaction to it, kicked off a horrid auto-immune disease response... I gave up on birthdays in a good sense:

Like other holidays, I filed it away, and focused instead on celebrating small things like the first robin I see in spring, finding a pair of thick sweats at Goodwill in great shape for my husband, showing and sharing daily good times, and to the extent possible watching that one day turn... and noting either, "Hey, this year I didn't have an accident, injury, other mishap," or "Just a head cold, not too bad for a birthday."

No point in thinking, "Well, if I had a bigger family than just my husband and me it would be better or great," because that's not my situation.

I really don't mind any more. And I really do show my husband as he shows me care and signs of appreciation regularly, so it's OK. Just took getting used to.

It helped, too, that when I was 9 I had two friends, one (Grace Wong) was Cantonese-Chinese who didn't know how old she was, which at the time seemed mighty odd, but as I learned about other people's cultural differences, I was able to fit big deal American holidays into a different, broader but also deeper framework where for some a birthday is meaningful and for others it doesn't cause even a blip on their own or their parents' radar.

I did note, without emotion, that today my ex-husband--the one my biological mother arranged my marriage to; the sociopath; the one who 'may' have murdered a middle-aged man and his son... turned 60 today:

If he's still alive. And I noted that my son doesn't know his father's birthday, and wouldn't care if he did.

So much in life is more important, positive. I'm grateful for those experiences, no matter how seemingly small.

And I feel good for the people who have loving families and good birthdays, enjoy celebrating them in an atmosphere of conviviality.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,157 Posts
I would like to make a bigger deal out of it, to be honest.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,488 Posts
I was talking with my INTP friend about this recently and she said that she never really cared for the whole concept of a birthday.
Same.

How about you? Do you like to do anything special on that day or is it just another day? For some, it can be depressing if they don't feel like they have anyone who truly cares about them in their life. How has your view of your birthday changed from when you were a kid to now, as an adult?
I really don't care about it. I don't even like it when people I know (my mother, father) wish me a "good birthday". I wish they would just forget about it. It kinda makes me feel uncomfortable. And sad. And angry. Because we never had money, but my mother would still buy me a little something, and I knew that even that she had trouble affording it. So no birthdays--no gifts, no "surprise parties". I guess I'm just not into celebrations, at all. Christmas, Valentine's Day etc. I respect everyone wish to celebrate their birthdays, but don't "force" that on me. That's it. :tongue:
 

·
Delphic Seer
Joined
·
18,076 Posts
I like my b-day bc it’s like a reminder that I’m still alive and that I’ve been able to overcome the challenges I had to face during the preceding year. However, I couldn’t care less about celebrating it bc I don’t think it’s necessary and I also dislike unwanted attention. So, it’s a special day but that hardly makes it extraordinary in the grand scheme of things.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,544 Posts
I agree with a lot of what you said. On one hand it always feels just a little disappointing when I actually get to the day, like the anticipation makes it feel like there should just be something intrinsically "different" feeling about one's birthday--but then of course it's not really like that!!

I do think birthdays are nice ways to just recognize our existences and appreciate that we are here and who we get to be here with (because also like you, I definitely like birthdays spent with just those I'm closest to best). It's also just a nice day to feel like you can do whatever you want and not worry one bit about anything else, it's all about you! And when it's a birthday of someone else I love, same goes, I find just as much joy in making their day exactly how they want it as much as possible.

I had one really big birthday party. It was in second grade (or was it first??). Anyway, the whole class was there, and albeit it was a small school but it was still a pretty big crowd with all the kids and families. Lots of planning to do. It was fun, but the kinds of birthdays I have now are best for me now.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,348 Posts
In one way, I don't view my birthday as really that significant or important, just an arbitrary number of years I've been alive, but in another way it doesn't feel that way or like just another day when it comes around, no matter what I think about it in general.

I usually get really introspective on/around my birthday, and think of what I was doing on every single previous birthday (even if I didn't do anything at all) back to around age 3 or 4. This starts to get a little overwhelming at times as I get older with more and more birthdays to remember.

The last birthday was the last time I did anything significant since I turned 21, and even then I didn't really do much. It does feel weird that I'm getting close to turning 30, even though the number/age itself doesn't really hold any significance and I won't be any different, it's just weird to think about. I can probably expect some major introspection there because it just seems more natural that I will be spending more time reflecting on an entire decade. :crazy:

It's already reminding me of Nick's 30th birthday from The Great Gatsby. :laughing:

Thirty – the promise of a decade of loneliness, a thinning list of single men to know, a thinning brief-case of enthusiasm, thinning hair.
It can really depend on the year or month or week I'm having most of the time. If I'm in a good place birthdays are usually kind of nice, and I enjoy reflecting on the previous year and different phases of my life and the place I'm at is amplified. If I'm not, they can be very depressing and have the same amplifying effect. There really seems to be no way to predict which it'll be until a few days to a week before the birthday. Sometimes I'll treat myself to a book or video game I want. :blushed:

I always like celebrating others' birthdays and doing something nice for them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,472 Posts
I don't like people to know about my birthday and then draw attention to it. I especially don't like it when people who don't care about me feel the need to make a fuss, when it means nothing to them [or me]. I don't mind if someone who loves me wants to celebrate with me, but just with me, not by having a party. I've had 5 parties in my life, and they were all surprise parties organised for me by well meaning folk, none at my request.

I don't mind celebrating other people's birthdays, though, and I will be happy for them if it makes them happy.

I prefer the idea of a day to give thanks for life generally, maybe not necessarily on my birthday, and not focused on me personally, lol. I do think that life is precious and wonderful and something to celebrate.


@mp2 I can honestly say that my early thirties were the best years of my life so far. I'm a decade ahead of you. So chin up, it might be the best is yet to come for you too :happy:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,949 Posts
I don't like birthdays paha. Last time I did anything for it was senior year of high school, where I asked my parents to pay for a weekend hotel stay alone!

The thing is, I become super hyper aware of how people's behavior changes when its someone's birthday.

"Oh, it's their birthday? I have to act more excited for them. Maybe even give a gift. I have to give them a phone call. Post on their facebook wall. Make sure they're also happy."

I become stressed out over how much they're acting, and how I have to act right back. It all just feels incredibly fake, that I prefer to spend the day with myself. Hell, I even change my birthday on Facebook before it comes up, so people aren't notified.

That said, like most things, I don't feel this way toward others. If someone is having a birthday, I'm right there making sure it's as epic as they want it to be haha.
 
1 - 20 of 47 Posts
Top