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Instinctual variants have been fascinating to me recently because I see how it affects my life so much. I am an so/sp, which I think, first of all, looks strange in a 4, but I also have SO much shame and anger thinking about my lacking sexual variant. Fours are always trying to find what's missing in themselves, and I found something huge. Especially since it is an instinct that is attractive and has rich emotions, 2 things fours love, I have so much envy for sexual types. On the other hand, when my friends talk about how much they want boyfriends and how they want to have their first kiss so badly I'm just like... why is this so important to you... go take up a hobby or read a book or something. It annoys me but I don't feel I am even capable of maintaining one-one relationships and or capable of attracting a person so I mostly am a mix of frustration and indifference when thinking about it. Like the beautiful description of the so/sp says:

This type tends to be a bit formal and awkward in one to one relations. They may lack warmth and individual identity and this could lead to problems in forming meaningful relationships outside of a shared social interest. The motivation for this type is to attain status within their chosen sphere – the “social climber".​

Anyway it just makes me so angry that other people can have this inherent attractive/non attractiveness, and feel connected to people so easily. I definitely feel chemistry between myself and certain others, but it's rare and doesn't feel urgent and I can easily switch it off (or so I tell myself). It's annoying that, I could be in a group of 3 people, all happy and talkative, and right when one person leaves, I realize how much I am disinterested in this person, or both people, and the conversation topic. The only thing giving me energy was the existence of a group of people. Or, I do like the person but my energy still drops and I get real awkward and shy. I swear it's a full on personality change. I do like it when I'm with a person who kind of makes it feel like I'm still communicating with the world, that gives me more energy. Thing is, I want intimate relationships, I want to spill my guts to people, but it just doesn't happen naturally for me. It's also really bad because I keep in all my shit and my head is going to explode.

If anyone can tell me how much they wish they were social that would be helpful lol.

OH let's ALSO talk about how we're working on improving our blindspot!!

Here's something I got off a website that describes the roles of the dominant, secondary, and blindspot instinct:

The dominant variant is the one given top priority. What gets conscious attention, what causes those sleepless nights. Where your buttons get pushed and you start decompensating. Thus taking an elevator trip to a lower level of health. A lot of this behavior is unconscious. Self-growth happens if you can be present to when you act out of the instincts.

The secondary variant provides support to the first or is where you go on vacation from neurotic stuff. You don’t think about the operation of this instinct much, you’re generally not stressed or neurotic about it. One is least self-conscious in this arena. Not a lot of issues are attached or projected.

The third (last or bottom) variant in the stack is what Russ calls the “blind spot”—it’s like an unused muscle. One might think that it’s not important and that you can do without it. There’s often a negative reaction when you see it operating actively in others.

For example, Sp last people might get impatient with people who fuss about making themselves comfortable. Russ acted out someone fiddling with the room temperature, fiddling with a seat cushion, arranging their bottled water and sweater around their place, etc. (Me, I get bored to distraction if I’m trapped in a conversation about food, home decorations, or money (unless one is talking about these things symbolically).

Sx last people might get the creepy-crawlers with people making out in public—wish they would go get a room someplace.

Soc last people might get impatient with “chit-chat”—they want to get down to business.

Russ said that there’s enormous shame associated with the blind spot variant. A sense of deficiency, being far behind, less of a person. The deepest fears about the self are in this domain. You feel like you need remedial help. You’re not practiced in this area.

On the other hand, one takes the dominant instinct as a given. Thinks that everone should be this way. And are sometimes surprised that everyone else isn’t. In a relationship, if you share the dominant instinct, you’re both going in the same direction, so this gives stability to the relationship.

Russ said that if you address the blind spot you will go up the levels of health faster. It brings balance. However, regarding the last instinct, there’s a tendency to resist and procrastinate. Or make an end-run around it. But if you deal with it, then things can land in the world. You can learn to ask for support from friends.

You’re cynical in the domain of your blind spot.
 

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Instinctual variants have been fascinating to me recently because I see how it affects my life so much. I am an so/sp, which I think, first of all, looks strange in a 4, but I also have SO much shame and anger thinking about my lacking sexual variant. Fours are always trying to find what's missing in themselves, and I found something huge. Especially since it is an instinct that is attractive and has rich emotions, 2 things fours love, I have so much envy for sexual types.

It is not true that SX is always "attractive," there's definitely an unhealthy or unattractive side to it. Which every SX type is capable of.
I am also not proud of being this emotionally volatile; sometimes I wish I had SX secondary because it feels like it's killing me from the inside out, as my central neurosis. But then I would have another instinct that was more neurotic so...haha fours, always longing for a better version of ourselves. Anyways, I don't see how SX last 4s have to be any less richly emotional. They may just not be as likely to put something of their essence out there to the extent SX types do, but that doesn't mean that essence isn't there. And you certainly don't have to be SX to be "attractive."


On the other hand, when my friends talk about how much they want boyfriends and how they want to have their first kiss so badly I'm just like... why is this so important to you... go take up a hobby or read a book or something. It annoys me but I don't feel I am even capable of maintaining one-one relationships and or capable of attracting a person so I mostly am a mix of frustration and indifference when thinking about it. Like the beautiful description of the so/sp says:

Hmm, I don't think SX firsts will be likely to lament "lack of a boyfriend," or "really wanting to be kissed." I think they have their eyes set on something very specific, and although there is commonality between different SX types, there is also a specificity. It is this specific thing they long and ache for; not just any "boyfriend" or "kiss" or whatever. Because they wouldn't want either of those things unless they find in the relationship precisely what they were looking for.

Anyway it just makes me so angry that other people can have this inherent attractive/non attractiveness, and feel connected to people so easily. I definitely feel chemistry between myself and certain others, but it's rare and doesn't feel urgent and I can easily switch it off (or so I tell myself). It's annoying that, I could be in a group of 3 people, all happy and talkative, and right when one person leaves, I realize how much I am disinterested in this person, or both people, and the conversation topic. The only thing giving me energy was the existence of a group of people. Or, I do like the person but my energy still drops and I get real awkward and shy. I swear it's a full on personality change. I do like it when I'm with a person who kind of makes it feel like I'm still communicating with the world, that gives me more energy. Thing is, I want intimate relationships, I want to spill my guts to people, but it just doesn't happen naturally for me. It's also really bad because I keep in all my shit and my head is going to explode.

Here's the thing: the central wound or neurosis - whatever you want to call it, is not in itself "attractive." It's a wounding, it hurts like hell, no matter what kind of wound you have. It's quite strange - and I have certainly done this - but when people say they want to be another type, it's like saying "I want your neurosis," which is just weird. You care about these things, you care about "spilling out your guts," regardless of where your SX falls, so the latter doesn't even matter. What matters is who you are and what drives you.


OH let's ALSO talk about how we're working on improving our blindspot!!


Here's something I got off a website that describes the roles of the dominant, secondary, and blindspot instinct:
The dominant variant is the one given top priority. What gets conscious attention, what causes those sleepless nights. Where your buttons get pushed and you start decompensating. Thus taking an elevator trip to a lower level of health. A lot of this behavior is unconscious. Self-growth happens if you can be present to when you act out of the instincts.


The secondary variant provides support to the first or is where you go on vacation from neurotic stuff. You don’t think about the operation of this instinct much, you’re generally not stressed or neurotic about it. One is least self-conscious in this arena. Not a lot of issues are attached or projected.


The third (last or bottom) variant in the stack is what Russ calls the “blind spot”—it’s like an unused muscle. One might think that it’s not important and that you can do without it. There’s often a negative reaction when you see it operating actively in others.


For example, Sp last people might get impatient with people who fuss about making themselves comfortable. Russ acted out someone fiddling with the room temperature, fiddling with a seat cushion, arranging their bottled water and sweater around their place, etc. (Me, I get bored to distraction if I’m trapped in a conversation about food, home decorations, or money (unless one is talking about these things symbolically).​
This is very true. However, I find SP types a stabilizing and grounding influence. I may not care at all about the things they are concerned with, but they still seem to complement me in some way. As long as they are the ones handling the SP stuff though, if I am asked to apply it to myself, I can't find enough motivation in me because it just doesn't bother me as much as it should. I actually have a lot of SP issues going on currently, and has been for several months now. SP types will freak out over the amount of issues I am personally dealing with, while I am here blissfully feeling like "everything is going to be ok." Which is why I think of it as...not feeling pain when you should be. Not realizing what is hurting you.
I also get extremely bored with SP first specific conversations. I might listen to someone out of care, because I know it matters to them, but I cannot sustain that conversation haha.


Russ said that there’s enormous shame associated with the blind spot variant. A sense of deficiency, being far behind, less of a person. The deepest fears about the self are in this domain. You feel like you need remedial help. You’re not practiced in this area.
This doesn't sound like me, as far as I am aware. In fact, my most shameful and painful issues are with my dominant instinct.


On the other hand, one takes the dominant instinct as a given. Thinks that everone should be this way. And are sometimes surprised that everyone else isn’t. In a relationship, if you share the dominant instinct, you’re both going in the same direction, so this gives stability to the relationship.
Yeah, I still, to this day, get surprised by the nonchalance shown towards SX issues by those that are secondary or blindspot.

A few examples: I ask my friend if he likes this girl he has been hanging out so frequently with. He replies, "I like a lot of people." Such a stereotypical 9 answer. I remember being so confused by him at the time because I focus single-mindedly on one (ok rarely 2, but it can happen) person, and he made absolutely no sense to me.

I asked another friend if he had a crush on this girl, because he wanted to reveal personal things about himself with her (he let her read his diary): and he goes "I don't really like her. I was just confused." SX last, and it's clear he tried analyzing the SX-charged attraction, instead of just letting it be.

My mother says she "stopped herself from having feelings for crushes because her parents wouldn't want that."

All of this has made me feel flabbergasted haha. Because naturally I assumed other people were like me, and so their degree of detachment or control over their SX felt so unnatural to me. It's not unnatural of course, just different priorities.


Russ said that if you address the blind spot you will go up the levels of health faster. It brings balance. However, regarding the last instinct, there’s a tendency to resist and procrastinate. Or make an end-run around it. But if you deal with it, then things can land in the world. You can learn to ask for support from friends.
I guess I should pay attention to my SP then, haha.
 

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I'm fairly confident that I'm sx last, and I don't feel much of anything about it. If anything, I'm glad sx is last because it seems less important than so and sp: self-preservation stuff and group connections are more crucial to survival. On the other hand, maybe I'm more focused on survival because I'm so/sp.

I think a large part of the reason I don't much care about Sx is because I'm so So-starved. I'm not exactly ready or in the proper state of mind to fully appreciate people's individuality, and I've also lost a lot of my ability to even focus on stuff like intense interests due to focusing on So.

We don't have a lot of group unity here in the United States, so one-on-one connections (with both people and experiences) are by necessity more important than they might otherwise be in my life. I have a very bad relationship with almost everything related to So; I don't even enjoy group activities, but I also have little power to change that (partially due to lack of sx-related interest/skills, lol), so I expect that I'll have to rely on one-on-one connections for my social life, at least for a while.

That kind of makes Sx a crutch for me as well as something I can't really do properly or wholeheartedly, not only because I'm trying to fulfill the needs of another instinct (what's missing in terms of community), but also because people having no sense of community makes them even less attractive to me. I don't really feel much about any of that, though, it's just the way things are.

When I was younger and more unaware of how divided society is, I was much more positive about and interested in one-on-one connections with people because I viewed those connections as a way to plug in to the collective, like my friend or girlfriend would be my own personal link or interface to the group. Knowing that I can't expect that destroyed an important part of my interest, and looking at what's left and comparing it to how passionate other people seem to be about individual relationships, I'm struck by the bare truth of how little I've ever been interested in people as individuals. The contrast is interesting.

I've been kind of grossed out and confused by what seemed like Sx stuff, stuff like people spending thousands or millions of dollars on their hobbies (instead of donating the money to the needy) or having seemingly random or frivolous preferences in a romantic partner (what I now recognize as possibly just very individualistic preferences). I'm better at distancing myself from that now.

Sx can stay at the bottom of my stack as far as I'm concerned. It's not that important to me. I already get intense experiences from being type 5 and having sensory sensitivities, and I got some from life circumstances. I don't have much desire for more.
 

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I don't remember what. The topic was its too long for the top of my phone.

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My instinctual blindspot is where people screw me over when im not looking in the same spot every time.

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Its ruining my carpal tunnel vision.

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I feel like there's. Magical leprechaun that wants to be just like me even though I've never been to Ireland how strange.

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Sx can stay at the bottom of my stack as far as I'm concerned. It's not that important to me. I already get intense experiences from being type 5 and having sensory sensitivities, and I got some from life circumstances. I don't have much desire for more.
Lol, I don't much relate to your post in general, but this part I found amusing. So I do like the idea of experiencing something intense, but I'm also really sensitive, so my idea of what counts as "intense" is probably different than some people's.
 

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Sp-last, typing at sx/so for the noooow but could well be so/sx (I'll note that I also have inferior Si which I feel can overlap)

To try to organize a bit

Devaluing of self-preservation

Self-preservation is something I never found interesting or valuable. I can say that when I was a child I thought it was stupid and weak and disgusting when people focused on sp matters. I devalued sp and Si to the point that I won all kinds of physical contests because I did not care what happened to my body. I saw exercise, matters of health etc as purely matters of competition and social status. I saw performing well in school as proof of my intelligence, a competition, etc. without ever considering that it would be something I would need later in life, that it mattered how I performed for anything other than my own gratification. I mean, up through high school, when I would purposefully perform badly in classes of teachers I personally disliked, to punish them :D

My parents are both attachment types who aren't sp-last, very practical people, and they believed they were instilling basic knowledge of how to get on in the world into me, I did not understand this at all. I recently realized that I took their lessons about sp to be essentially lessons about social. For example they were very strong on healthy eating, not eating fast food, mother had me fill in all kinds of pyramids and educated me about complex carbohydrates and what-not, but I understood these lessons as 'fast food is ugly and we're not like the people who eat it', 'homemade food is better (for integrity reasons)', etc. Or I would hear them talk about people being wasteful with money, and I thought their chief complaint was with the crassness of it, though now I understand them better I see that they had complaints about their...handling of the money. They instilled a lot of good values in me, mother has a lot of useful rules of thumb and such, but I never understood their lessons the way they intended and I was operating under some confusing myths for this reason

Really, truly, self-preservation is a difficult instinct for me to recognize in real life, even now that I'm aware of it, and I spent a large part of my life attributing self-pres things to other factors. I was always aware that, for example, villains being motivated by money in fiction never made much sense to me, but when people said that kind of thing in real life it either came off cartoonishly evil or I assumed they were actually talking about something else somehow (he wants a new chair? oh, I guess he's secretly in love with Jane)

And other things...types of holding back, idk

Dislike of self-preservation

I don't like it, self-preservation, honestly that's a reason I was typing at higher sp, I just dislike the instinct so much and I didn't want to be fooling myself

But I don't like it, now that I've learned about it in Enneagram I am trying to respect it more and I can understand sp-firsts better, not that all of them bothered me in the first place, but as noted as above I was either completely deaf to their sp things or wildly misascribing them, but . . . I still don't like it, the idea of it, often how it shows up in other people, very much how it shows up in me. I hate that I care if I'm hungry, I hate that people make choices and plans to...feed their own benefit, and not for stupid whimsical Ne and sx and so 7 reasons like I do, it's unpleasant to me, I wish it didn't exist

(this sounds mean but people were being pretty mean about sx here lol, trying to be honest)

Hatred of self-preservation

Not only that but sp can be...overpowering and draining for me. I was talking on another thread -

It's just that I feel like there's this big warp of my time that sometimes happens that's 'random sp stuff', like somehow today I spent like five hours...buying food and taking out the trash??

happens not always, always a little I think, but sometimes a lot, like there's one city I can't even think about without being sick because when I was there all I was doing was finding hotels and going to restaurants, I mean that was somehow taking up all my time, but it was like...the whole mindset, hard to explain I guess, at the time I was even wondering if I was somehow a sp 8 disintegrating to 5 lol, like it was a distinct feeling of my sp being that bleak and bizarre, weird tunnel vision, which I can get flashes of at other times too
sp can feel hellish. When I was a teenager I used to get really upset at the idea of living in some random town, going to work at a factory and coming back to some white-washed apartment, this specific image bothered me so much and the idea in my mind was not having someone to live for, basically living for sp feels like living for nothing, like scraping at the bottom, I was terrified of a sp-led existence

Feeling victimized by self-preservation

Well, devaluing it...I guess I could say there's a part of me that felt like self-preservation was this mysterious force keeping people away from me, holding them back. So that's one of the main things I think about, with self-preservation

When self-preservation makes an appearance

Besides the above scenario where it feels like I've been dragged down to the earth and staring with blinders into an endless sickening parade of foods and beds and wines and worrying about the luggage being heavy and wanting to destroy people trying to carry my luggage for me and wanting to be left alone and having to go out and all my time spiraling down the drain...

On other forum someone suggested that our blindspot is where we might see the neurosis of our type show up the most, I liked this idea, noted:

I think it makes sense because, our dominant and secondary instincts we're USED to dealing with, we've found strategies for them, we know what they're about, used to experimenting, hiding, playing with them, but the blindspot we're not used to, so when the focus turns to it, it can slap us in the face and express itself more purely, shows us what our strategies are when we haven't been studying

sp-last 7, i could definitely say that it's in sp things that I feel like I exhibit uncontrollable gluttony, of course that's most obvious way for gluttony to manifest though...
So I can see sp as the rudder I hit where my 7 defense mechanisms become most obvious, 7 fear of deprivation becomes tangible when I'm at home and I've eaten the last biscuit (well, most tangible when I've used the last of my data), it's a sensate reminder of my 7 impulses, can feel more childish about sp things and...yeah

_____________

(I truly believe I'm sp-last and it makes sense but if someone reading this would think I was sp-first I'd totally get that and you can hit me up in the Gently Honest Mistype Revelation Thread)
 

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How do you feel about your instinctual blindspot?


My SO instinct?

What SO instinct?

What does a SO instinct even mean?

You like hanging out in groups, talk politics?

You know what, I don't care to know.


That's how I feel about my blindspot -- I don't see it.
 

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Besides the above scenario where it feels like I've been dragged down to the earth and staring with blinders into an endless sickening parade of foods and beds and wines and worrying about the luggage being heavy and wanting to destroy people trying to carry my luggage for me and wanting to be left alone and having to go out and all my time spiraling down the drain...
:laughing: a very vivid and effective description
 

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I'm So/Sp and I deeply long for a connection to my Sx blind spot. I actually see life as pointless without Sx. Sure, So and Sp are great for surviving and getting by, but Sx is where the fun is at. In my eyes, it's the total embodiment of irrationality, and I truly believe with that irrationality comes freedom. I abide by the rules, I play by the rules. I don't attend to what I actually desire, what I'm actually gravitated to in life, which is only a short period of enlivened energy. Why energy on something as boring as taking care of yourself and fitting in superficially with your outside world? Why not on doing what drives you to your core? Even if that be looking for juice in a random conversation with a stranger, or stubbornly pursuing your vision for a night by yourself regardless of responsibilities? I can't help but see myself as deprived without the "fun" energy of Sx. In my blinded eyes, Sx is the meaning of life. Fun, stubborn, irrational, reckless, orgasmic energy.
 

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I relate to a lot of @Nissa Nissa 's post, especially this:
Self-preservation is something I never found interesting or valuable. I can say that when I was a child I thought it was stupid and weak and disgusting when people focused on sp matters. I devalued sp and Si to the point that I won all kinds of physical contests because I did not care what happened to my body. I saw exercise, matters of health etc as purely matters of competition and social status. I saw performing well in school as proof of my intelligence, a competition, etc. without ever considering that it would be something I would need later in life, that it mattered how I performed for anything other than my own gratification.
I wouldn't do poorly in school just to punish my teachers, but I do think that is pretty funny XD

I find it distasteful to focus on self preservation. Being obsessed with money and creature comforts seems like something you should be ashamed of. Especially hoarding and penny pinching and being territorial are big no nos for me.
 

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When I was younger, I thought I wanted to play hockey, probably because my cousins seemed to enjoy it and Mum had also played it in the past. However, I was a terrible team player. Staring out into space and daydreaming instead of watching the ball when I was meant to be goalkeeping, things like that. I only realise this in retrospect, like the wider social dynamics and my responsibilities as part of the team didn't even occur to me at the time.

I'm more aware of such factors now, but it's all rather... abstract, theoretical. Recently it was pointed out to me that I'm part of a team in my workplace, and my immediate reaction was something like, "Um, I guess I am?" Like, I sort of understand that, we are working together after all, but I feel seperate enough from the group that I was still a little bit taken aback to hear such a thing applied to me directly. I'm probably lucky that the peron who pointed this out wasn't a co-worker or boss, come to think of it :laughing:

I enjoy reading or hearing about social and political issues, and it's not as though I'm uninvested in such things. It's all very interesting and I realise that such matters have the potential to affect my life in very significant ways. So, perhaps I feel less detached from the social sphere than I used to be. In fact, I am certain that this is the case.

I thought that I was sx-last for awhile, mostly because of how little I relate to Beatrice Chestnut's description of the sx 5, but now that I'm thinking of the instincts seperately from my type I think that so-last makes more sense, especially if I examine my life overall and not just the last couple of years. I might go into more of this later, but right now I need to rush away so that I'm not late for work.
 

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Yeah, I still, to this day, get surprised by the nonchalance shown towards SX issues by those that are secondary or blindspot.

A few examples: I ask my friend if he likes this girl he has been hanging out so frequently with. He replies, "I like a lot I asked another friend if he had a crush on this girl, because he wanted to reveal personal things about himself with her (he let her read his diary): and he goes "I don't really like her. I was just confused." SX last, and it's clear he tried analyzing the SX-charged attraction, instead of just letting it be.

My mother says she "stopped herself from having feelings for crushes because her parents wouldn't want that."

All of this has made me feel flabbergasted haha. Because naturally I assumed other people were like me, and so their degree of detachment or control over their SX felt so unnatural to me. It's not unnatural of course, just different priorities.
Lol yes, relatable. A few months back I realized I like-liked my best friend and it was purely a matter of logical deduction. When I confessed I literally told them "I was thinking that I might be interested in a relationship now at this point in my life, and I thought about it, but I was worried that they'd be concerned about how much time I spend with you, and then I realized, oh, wait, why does that bother me?".

And then my friend told me the same thing, so that's basically how a Sx-last love story starts I guess. :tongue: So far we haven't done much differently other than flirt with each other when we play video games.

I can say that when I was a child I thought it was stupid and weak and disgusting when people focused on sp matters. I devalued sp and Si to the point that I won all kinds of physical contests because I did not care what happened to my body. I saw exercise, matters of health etc as purely matters of competition and social status. I saw performing well in school as proof of my intelligence, a competition, etc. without ever considering that it would be something I would need later in life, that it mattered how I performed for anything other than my own gratification. I mean, up through high school, when I would purposefully perform badly in classes of teachers I personally disliked, to punish them :D
:shocked:

I find it distasteful to focus on self preservation. Being obsessed with money and creature comforts seems like something you should be ashamed of. Especially hoarding and penny pinching and being territorial are big no nos for me.
This is so fascinating to me because (to a certain extent) I take a ton of pride in those things. I remember when I got a new job this past summer working a lot of hours and I'd always grin from ear-to-ear whenever I turned in my checks because I got to watch my little nest of money grow :crazy:. Shame that I hated the rest of the job.

I also recently calculated that I have spent less than half of my entertainment budget for the past 6 months and it brought me so much joy.

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Overall I barely think about Sx. I consider it by far the least necessary instinct. I think most of what I think I want out of Sx (feel more alive) is some sort of confused mixture of a little bit of Sx and a lot of Se.

I find it interesting that the Type 4 So/Sps of this thread have been a lot more resentful of it than other So/Sp posters here. I'm thinking it's a function of 4ness rather than So/Sp behavior.
 

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I find it distasteful to focus on self preservation. Being obsessed with money and creature comforts seems like something you should be ashamed of. Especially hoarding and penny pinching and being territorial are big no nos for me.
Yeah, wouldn't have thought to phrase it like that but I essentially agree.

When I was younger, I thought I wanted to play hockey, probably because my cousins seemed to enjoy it and Mum had also played it in the past. However, I was a terrible team player. Staring out into space and daydreaming instead of watching the ball when I was meant to be goalkeeping, things like that. I only realise this in retrospect, like the wider social dynamics and my responsibilities as part of the team didn't even occur to me at the time.

I'm more aware of such factors now, but it's all rather... abstract, theoretical. Recently it was pointed out to me that I'm part of a team in my workplace, and my immediate reaction was something like, "Um, I guess I am?" Like, I sort of understand that, we are working together after all, but I feel seperate enough from the group that I was still a little bit taken aback to hear such a thing applied to me directly. I'm probably lucky that the peron who pointed this out wasn't a co-worker or boss, come to think of it :laughing:
I'm definitely not social-last but this brought back memories of my parents forcing me to join a baseball team thing when I was younger, wanted to see me more of a sportsman (I was already quite active so I'm not sure why), remembering just pacing around the area where I was supposed to stand imagining a conversation with my shadow, think I got sacked from the team or something, was ashamed

and yeah that 'part of team' thing always sounds fake to me, can't imagine many people actually feel that, I am aware it's supposed to be a thing though, but I mean . . . that's bullshit for everyone, isn't it?


it was purely a matter of logical deduction.
:laughing:
That's an adorable story though))
 
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and yeah that 'part of team' thing always sounds fake to me, can't imagine many people actually feel that, I am aware it's supposed to be a thing though, but I mean . . . that's bullshit for everyone, isn't it?
Reminds me one time someone talked to me about feeling this... sense of belonging and such, and I wasn't sure what to say in response, because I'm like is that actually a thing? Because it sounds like something made up, a romanticized idea to make experience with other people sound like more than it is.

Or perhaps I'm reading into it too much. I mean, I can get into competitions and such, though it's not my favorite thing, but I do get emotionally invested enough in certain things to feel frustration that suggests I identify with stuff to a degree, but I dunno. Seems different.
 
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