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Discussion Starter #1
how do you feel or what do you do when someone tells you "BEING INTROVERT IS BAD!"?

You know, society has a very wrong concept about personality: according to the average person, personality means "your social skill", your skill to relate with others. so the society thinks that the person who has a bunch of friends and loves to socialize and party hard is someone with a great personality, while the quiet and shy guy who sits at the botton corner of the class has no personality at all

the concept is completly wrong, erich fromm and sigmund freud both debunked this "theory" about what personality is and made their own.
but even after that, a bunch of people still think that is something bad to be introvert.

for example a bunch of my friends. while discussing about how we relate to each other, they usually tell me "why you dont like parties or going out to a mall or talk to strangers?" my answer would just be "because it makes me feel uncomfortable"
and they always tell me "you need to change that, that is bad, you need to socialize or you are not anyone"


while its obvious that being introvert is nothing bad, some people think it is, so I was wondering how do you guys feel when you hear this and how do you act?

I tend to feel very angry and just tell them "no, I dont need to change, its you who must open your own mind"
 

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Subterranean Homesick Alien
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In typology, introversion and extroversion are not about how social you are.
 

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for example a bunch of my friends. while discussing about how we relate to each other, they usually tell me "why you dont like parties or going out to a mall or talk to strangers?" my answer would just be "because it makes me feel uncomfortable"
and they always tell me "you need to change that, that is bad, you need to socialize or you are not anyone"
They tell you to change that because you are referencing your feelings as INFJ - "it makes me feel bad". Ask an INTJ or INTP why they don't want to socialize and you'll probably get a response "people are too uninteresting for me to want to want to spend time with them". Nobody will then tell them then that they need to change. Response you get will be heavily influenced by how you talk about introversion with extraverts. If you describe introversion at a period of time that you want to spend on self-growth, learning, painting, some other of your own hobbies, etc. then people will not treat it as a bad thing. But if you simply answer that socializing makes you "feel bad" then of course extraverts will tell you that there is something wrong with you.
 

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I portray my introversion confidently. It intimidates E types. I make sure they are fully aware that I am in deep thought while I'm staring at them mid-conversation. They don't prefer to speak the unspoken words of thought normally so it makes them uncomfortable.

I could care less if they are better at talking to people then I am. I like being introverted.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
In typology, introversion and extroversion are not about how social you are.
I know but you get the point :p

They tell you to change that because you are referencing your feelings as INFJ - "it makes me feel bad". Ask an INTJ or INTP why they don't want to socialize and you'll probably get a response "people are too uninteresting for me to want to want to spend time with them". Nobody will then tell them then that they need to change. Response you get will be heavily influenced by how you talk about introversion with extraverts. If you describe introversion at a period of time that you want to spend on self-growth, learning, painting, some other of your own hobbies, etc. then people will not treat it as a bad thing. But if you simply answer that socializing makes you "feel bad" then of course extraverts will tell you that there is something wrong with you.
but why cant they understand? cant they be more open minded and understand that not everyone loves socializing...and that if they see you sitting alone just looking at nothing its not always because you are extremely depressed or have no friends?
 

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Subterranean Homesick Alien
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Personally, I'm probably less social and more reserved than you are(from what you typed). I don't really give a shit what people think of that, though. It doesn't bother me if people look down on that for any reasons.
 

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but why cant they understand? cant they be more open minded and understand that not everyone loves socializing...and that if they see you sitting alone just looking at nothing its not always because you are extremely depressed or have no friends?
They cannot understand because each of us goes around thinking that our way of seeing the world is how other people perceive and feel about it too. There is this inherent understanding that our own internal way is the only way, and that other people should be viewing and responding to the world in similar ways that we do. When significant deviation is encountered it leaves us puzzled, we feel like we cannot understand the other person in this case.

The realization that other people do not see things same way only happens later in life. And I would think that may be it is difficult to understand for those who are low on intuition, especially of introverted intuition. This function is highly developed in you so you have little problem seeing issues from different perspectives, or another person's point of view. However other people simply are lacking in this ability.
 

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yeah, I hear some guys telling me sometimes this kids of shit believing that they, fucking retards are more social than me... and me, who prefer to stay more quiet and aside I am a damn fuck idiot?! But to cope with this, just ignore them... what do they believe? that, if they are social and go out at a bar and do nothing and they just go there and look at females... they are pretty tough? let's see if the same friends will help each other when harsh times come, not when things are good. well, I just select my friends I go out with, they are not many, and most of the time I go alone... like a lonely wolf! and it's more cool to experience world and develop opinions on your own than following the pack
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Personally, I'm probably less social and more reserved than you are(from what you typed). I don't really give a shit what people think of that, though. It doesn't bother me if people look down on that for any reasons.
dont listen to those results, I am very very antisocial
 

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dont listen to those results, I am very very antisocial
No, I'm talking about your original post lol. MBTI tests are unreliable, IMO.
And I think that 'antisocial' means something different than what you may think :p
 

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antisocial are psychopaths who sit in prison for murder
asocial are people who are ambivalent about socializing

however many people refer to introverts as anti-social as way of casting negative judgement on their behavior (i.e. if you are not spending time socializing with us you must have something against us, you are anti-, contrary to our social group)
 

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Discussion Starter #14
antisocial are psychopaths who sit in prison for murder
asocial are people who are ambivalent about socializing

however many people refer to introverts as anti-social as way of casting negative judgement on their behavior (i.e. if you are not spending time socializing with us you must have something against us, you are anti-, contrary to our social group)
well then I guess im associal :)
 

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There is no reason on earth why one should comply to someone else's behavior. And yet, even unspoken, I can feel other people's judgments ...

Whatever, I don't care, by times I just shut down and introvert. There is nothing I can do to change that, other than being untrue to my own person.
 

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You know, society has a very wrong concept about personality: according to the average person, personality means "your social skill", your skill to relate with others. so the society thinks that the person who has a bunch of friends and loves to socialize and party hard is someone with a great personality, while the quiet and shy guy who sits at the botton corner of the class has no personality at all

the concept is completly wrong, erich fromm and sigmund freud both debunked this "theory" about what personality is and made their own.
but even after that, a bunch of people still think that is something bad to be introvert.

for example a bunch of my friends. while discussing about how we relate to each other, they usually tell me "why you dont like parties or going out to a mall or talk to strangers?" my answer would just be "because it makes me feel uncomfortable"
and they always tell me "you need to change that, that is bad, you need to socialize or you are not anyone"


while its obvious that being introvert is nothing bad, some people think it is, so I was wondering how do you guys feel when you hear this and how do you act?

I tend to feel very angry and just tell them "no, I dont need to change, its you who must open your own mind"
My response to such comments would be "yeah so is being a ignorant moron but you get by ok" :crazy:
 

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HOW TO CARE FOR INTROVERTS

- Respect their need for privacy.

- Never embarrass them in public.

- Let them observe first in new situations.

- Give them time to think. Don’t demand instant answers.

- Don’t interrupt them.

- Give them advanced notice of expected changes in their lives.

- Give them 15 minute warnings to finish whatever they are doing before calling them to dinner or moving on to the next activity.

- Reprimand them privately.

- Teach them new skills privately rather than in public.

- Enable them to find one best friend who has similar interests and abilities: encourage this relationship even if the friend moves.

- Do not push them to make lots of friends.

- Respect their introversion. Don’t try to remake them into extraverts.

Introverts need to learn about the positive benefits of their personality type. They need to be taught that reflection is a good quality, that the most creative individuals sought solitude, and that leaders in academic, aesthetic and technical fields are often introverts. Parents need to know that more National Merit Scholars are introverted than extraverted, and that introverts have higher grade point averages in Ivy League colleges than extraverts (Silverman, 1986). Contrary to public opinion, success in life is not dependent upon extraversion. Introverts also have an advantage at midlife in that long, hard journey to the soul which heralds the second half of the life cycle. The time has come to respect the introverts in our families and classrooms, and the hidden introvert in ourselves.

-Linda Kreger Silverman, Ph.D.
 

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The problem is that society is 'dominated' by extroverts, that we introverts are 'outnumbered' by the extrovert majority, thus making us the odd ones out.

This is untrue, though, since there are about equal numbers of extroverts and introverts. The misconception, I feel, stems from the fact that introverts are more reserved and more likely to keep to themselves or keep only to a small group of trusted friends. Extroverts are the ones 'getting out there' and socializing and being seen. We introverts operate behind the scenes and don't necessarily thrive on having lots of attention showered over us, in fact people with stronger introversion actively shy away from it. Even before I knew what intro/extroversion even was (back when I thought I was just 'dull, boring, shy', which is why introversion is stigmatized as), I kept telling myself and my family that I would rather be the kind of guy that works the rigging and the curtains behind stage, I don't want to be the guy out in the limelight for everyone to see.

The persistent problem we introverts face is that society makes heroes of extroverts, and Hollywood in particular just loves the protagonist who is outgoing/brave/heroic/etc. I rarely see an introvert play the main protagonist role that everyone wants to be empathetic towards, at best they get relegated to the role of 'quirky sidekick', 'misunderstood dame who needs to be saved from herself' or, at worst, the maniacal social outcast of an antagonist who must be stopped at all costs or else OH NO. The hero-introverts rarely-if-ever get noticed by society because, honestly, they don't want to be noticed.
 

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This issue used to annoy me very much when I was younger. They made me think there was something wrong with me. Now, I either shrug or smile to the person and say "that's how I am". If they accept me for who I am then good if they don't then I couldn't care less.
 

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I don't hear that much anymore. I smile a lot, listen intently, ask a pertinent question, and listen again. If they ask why I am so quiet, I respond that I love watching people and listening to their stories. All this is true... and it makes them feel like I am participating in their activities. It's the occasional question that makes the difference in making them feel like I'm participating. In other situations, I fake being an extravert. You know they never look deeper than that... You can get a lot of "alone" time wandering from group to group, but it looks like you're participating. You are who you are. You are not answerable to anyone. :) Being inside the mind of an extravert must be like switching channels every 3 seconds, with a bad antenna. shudder.
 
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