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I'm interested in finding out differences in how you express anger. Not what ticks you off but rather how do you deal with and address that issue?

For me, it's usually an angry rant where I call out the pointlessness of something and I'll probably throw in a funny metaphor or compare/contrast.

E.g. recently I was told about a friend who couldn't go somewhere and I was outraged at first and then said "Imagine not being able to buy Smarties." It isn't dry humor for me, it's more being imaginative in how you give your outrage form.

How do you express yourself when angry?
 

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It really depends on specific circumstances that involve many different factor such as intensity of anger, consequences of expressing anger in specific form in given situation, cause of anger etc. Sometimes it may be criticism of person, methodology or an argument but I could simply roll my eyes, refuse to cooperate or not express it at all, of course when I'm during a task/project and something or someone is hindering my objective I may increase speed of work to the point quality of my work suffering in the process.

Your topic name should be how do you express your anger, not how do you get angry as question is imprecise and could mean what makes you angry or what is intensity of your anger. Granted, you've clarified in the post but still bit misleading before someone reads the post.
 

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I guess there's a few ways.

Most normal way is to just get really silent and shut myself off to the person, what they just said, and my current surroundings. I become distant and just try to be cold and calculated because I don't want to risk letting my emotions out.

A less severe ticked off anger I might rant, just rant about how stupid something is, a waste of time it is, all the reasons this thing is dumb, useless, and pointless.

A more reactive and rare way is to blow up, this only happens when I do the first way too much or have had too much time to think about something that made me angry, then I just blow up and say everything I've been waiting to say really loud and harshly.

One time my roommate washed his dirty clothes in my kitchen sink, at the time I just told him to never do it again, but inside I was enraged. Later that day I went off saying "WTH made you think it was a good idea to wash your DIRTY ASS clothes in the KITCHEN SINK?! Where we put stuff that we eat on!"
And he was like "your still thinking about that" XD.


That's funny that you get creative with your anger lol.
 

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One time my roommate washed his dirty clothes in my kitchen sink, at the time I just told him to never do it again, but inside I was enraged. Later that day I went off saying "WTH made you think it was a good idea to wash your DIRTY ASS clothes in the KITCHEN SINK?! Where we put stuff that we eat on!"
And he was like "your still thinking about that" XD.
Sherlock_confused_buffering_gif.gif

So, you want to tell me that you confronted your roommate over said person washing a dirty object in a device suited for cleaning dirty objects and presumably you're using it in a fashion most people do, to clean a dirty objects. Unless for some reason you keep your clean dishes in a kitchen sink what's exactly reason you complain about it?
 

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This is quite a question. I have not experienced anger within myself for years but others who have witnessed my outbursts have identified it as me being angry, however i do not feel angry. My perspective is i am not associated with the anger, that emotion only moves out of me through a prompt. Sometimes it is within my power to alter an emotions momentum but other times it cant be changed and moves out to be expressed. I have not dealt or addressed anger in its raw unhinged form for a long time as it is such an obvious counterproductive emotion that it can not exist next to my being. Although anger does feature in my makeup it is always remains an agent to love and works out of that. How i express anger is totally unpredictable but has a consistent quality to it some could call "passionate".
 

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Well, it's interesting to me, because I can be very different, with who is in front of me.

1. With husband: We just let the anger flow. Let's say we see someone do something stupid, usually political -- we will curse, yell, call them names.

2. With everyone else, it depends. There is a weighing of the risk/benefit of expending "anger energy", reward, resolution potential and "is this person/issue worth it"? Some people can't be reasoned with, or they legally have an advantage over me. But neither husband, or I, like to be taken advantage of, or considered Doormats. As the years have rolled on, I've become more assertive with those in the service industry or doctors/nurses. If they do something to make me angry, there is a good chance I will address it. What made the difference, compared to when I was younger? A LOT of regrets about "man...... I should have done something about that or that person...I should have voiced my disgust/anger..a lot of drives home with husband where we say 'I should have smacked that person'....".

3. My guess... my days go like this --->> 93% I'm pretty chill ----> 7% I'm ranting/angry to husband, about some stupid human or --issue-- or --foible--. It's always The Humans, that are sending me over the edge.
 

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I'm interested in finding out differences in how you express anger. Not what ticks you off but rather how do you deal with and address that issue?

For me, it's usually an angry rant where I call out the pointlessness of something and I'll probably throw in a funny metaphor or compare/contrast.

E.g. recently I was told about a friend who couldn't go somewhere and I was outraged at first and then said "Imagine not being able to buy Smarties." It isn't dry humor for me, it's more being imaginative in how you give your outrage form.

How do you express yourself when angry?
1) Some variation 'What mess is this?'

2) Silence. Externally, it looks like I have forgotten to complete my reaction. Internally, I am fighting thoughts of impulsive retaliation (berating the other side with a long list of 'wrongs' from the past 3-6 months).

3) I share my course of action (loudly). No discussion, this is what I'm doing so deal with it.

I don't think I've been 'angry' this year. I do get annoyed / bothered / perturbed a lot, but those have a different path. The anger route takes a lot out of me, and it usually means the end of the attachment to said person / situation. It's a last resort emotion for me. I can work through something when I'm bothered, but if I'm angry, watch out.

Most people that know me have said they don't want to be on my bad side, and I think they're wise about it. There's usually a good reason for my anger (because it's too exhausting).
 

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View attachment 832097

So, you want to tell me that you confronted your roommate over said person washing a dirty object in a device suited for cleaning dirty objects and presumably you're using it in a fashion most people do, to clean a dirty objects. Unless for some reason you keep your clean dishes in a kitchen sink what's exactly reason you complain about it?
That's exactly what he thought.

Sometimes I leave dishes, cups and utensils in the sink. I don't want laundry detergent or bleach in my sink, I don't want body sweat and musk, hair follicles and other body residue on/in/around my kitchen sink. That's disgusting. There's germs on the rest of the body that don't belong in a kitchen sink.

Let someone wash a pair of draws and socks in your kitchen sink.
 

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E.g. recently I was told about a friend who couldn't go somewhere and I was outraged at first and then said "Imagine not being able to buy Smarties." It isn't dry humor for me, it's more being imaginative in how you give your outrage form.
That's totally something I would say not meaning it to be funny but people would laugh at:rolleyes:

I think when I get angry lately I get much more vocal than I did when I was younger. I was actually attacked on public transport a little while ago and instead of sitting there and taking it I pushed the guy back and started shouting and swearing to get attention from people. That's pretty unusual for me, usually I would just stay quite or try to get away.

If I am angry with a person I usually don't say anything because I know if I do I will erupt and say things I will be embarrassed about later. So I bottle it up and become very quiet, which gives away that I am angry so usually I will have to get out of there before they ask what's wrong. So it's difficult, I either spew all my anger at someone or become frozen and can't talk to them at all.

My anger is usually short lived and I have to let it run its course. I'm also very forgiving so when I stop being angry I will usually forgive the person (if they did something wrong).
 

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That's exactly what he thought.

Sometimes I leave dishes, cups and utensils in the sink. I don't want laundry detergent or bleach in my sink, I don't want body sweat and musk, hair follicles and other body residue on/in/around my kitchen sink. That's disgusting. There's germs on the rest of the body that don't belong in a kitchen sink.

Let someone wash a pair of draws and socks in your kitchen sink.
Well, you're realize there are germs everywhere up including kitchen sink? I assume you clean those dishes that you leave in the sink. So there should be no problem especially if bleach was used as it's disinfectant, unless of course he decided to mix up bleach for some reason with dish soap containing ammonia what could be actually dangerous.

I wouldn't really care, it wouldn't result in any negative consequence to me, so their business not mine if they want to wash it that way.

Anyway, I'm going the off-rails so I'm not touching upon it further.
 

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One washes and otherwise prepares food in the kitchen sink, frequently laying it during some part of the process on the surface of the sink. Detergent residue doesn't make food tastier, nor do hair (especially pubic hair, yum), bleach, detached lint or threads, body oil or other physical debris or bodily offputtings which I leave to the imagination, etc. etc. add to gastronomic desirability. One should leave the kitchen sink in a state appropriate for its characteristic usage.
 

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Well, you're realize there are germs everywhere up including kitchen sink? I assume you clean those dishes that you leave in the sink. So there should be no problem especially if bleach was used as it's disinfectant, unless of course he decided to mix up bleach for some reason with dish soap containing ammonia what could be actually dangerous.

I wouldn't really care, it wouldn't result in any negative consequence to me, so their business not mine if they want to wash it that way.

Anyway, I'm going the off-rails so I'm not touching upon it further.
If you consume bleach it can be dangerous. And there is a problem because not everything you clean is 100% clean, if draws touch your kitchen sink you can be sure that draw residue is still in your sink unless you take the time to bomb the whole sink with disinfectant. Just the idea alone is disturbing to me and not a nonchalant "sink is used to clean dirty things so clothes qualify" kind of plain issue as you put it. And I can't defend against germs that are unbeknownst to me. And e coli would result in a negative consequence to you.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
This is all really interesting. I have this theory that anger is a Fi thing, where being able to express or handle it might be, um, more creative for Fi users. Which leads me to my next question:

Are Fi users more angry than Fe users?
Or is it the other way around- does Fi allow you not to care as much? Or is it equal, perhaps depending on what makes you angry?
 

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To answer the first question:

It depends kind of what context I am getting angry in. If it's about something like political (I mean like a concept that I have an opinion on, that doesn't relate to my personal life) I'll just usually be talking to myself (lol). Exasperated or desirive are the words I would use to describe my attitude with this.

If it's with other people it's usually over their behaviour or something they've done. If I am a bit annoyed I might try to mention it to them in a polite tone of voice. If they don't respond the way I am hoping for it might escalate bit by bit. If I'm really annoyed I might bottle it up and try to tell myself not to say anything, because I know from experience (especially being younger I was not able or willing to control such outbursts so easily) that I'll probably be loud, aggressive, shouty and just something that is fun for no one. Nowadays I usually know that I'm probably better off if I just keep quiet and allow the feeling to pass, though it can take a lot of effort to keep down. When I feel more seriously angry is when I feel like my Fi values have been violated in some way. It doesn't happen very often.

Are Fi users more angry than Fe users?
Or is it the other way around- does Fi allow you not to care as much? Or is it equal, perhaps depending on what makes you angry?
I don't think we are more or less angry. I think it's expressed differently and maybe is caused by different things. I think Fi (and Te) users are more likely to feel the anger internally and it's usually caused by some kind of conflict or tension they sense in relation to another person. I think Fe (and Ti) users are more likely to be angry as an expression of their personal feelings about some subject, though I don't fully grasp it from their POV. Maybe one can chime in here. Also, I think anger can cloud Fi/Te users judgement and make them behave irrationally, whereas I've seen Fe/Ti users can actually sometimes focus better when they're angry. I think it could be the difference between Te and Ti rather than Fe and Fi. Also, that for Te users anger may be more context based/situational whereas it is more personal for Ti users. Just a theory.
 

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One washes and otherwise prepares food in the kitchen sink, frequently laying it during some part of the process on the surface of the sink. Detergent residue doesn't make food tastier, nor do hair (especially pubic hair, yum), bleach, detached lint or threads, body oil or other physical debris or bodily offputtings which I leave to the imagination, etc. etc. add to gastronomic desirability. One should leave the kitchen sink in a state appropriate for its characteristic usage.
If you put the food on the surface of the sink without previously cleaning and disinfecting it , germs and residue will be present regardless of cleaning the clothing or not in said sink.If you really care about hygiene that much you shouldn't be putting food or kitchen accessories on the surface of the sink in the first place unless they're already dirty and you intend to clean them later on and put them on the clean surface near the sink that isn't contaminated with residue. So truly, if you experience any above problems you fail as a cook so badly that you're hazard to yourself and people around you, it would require Mr Bean level of recklessness.
@L P

Yes, if you plan directly consuming it, small dosage being previously used in sink won't result in you consuming it, in fact some people opt to use a little bit of bleach during sanitizing dishes and "live to tell the tale". You won't end up consuming e-coli just because someone washed their clothes in the sink, you're not really at any significantly greater risk than otherwise.You would have to be paranoid about it to the point using disinfectant someone comes to contact with sink to consider risk significant.

Well, I suppose OP doesn't seem mind too much if we go into discussing specific instances of what makes you angry

As for more Fi being more creative in expressing anger, from what I'm not really seeing it, in fact most of responses seems to express anger in rather standardized manner ie confronting, complaining or not reacting at all.

As far I'm concerned Fe/Fi would simply differ in regard what would thick it off (but same is true for same types) as and perhaps how person decided to handle it, with Fe judgement possibly being more likely to confront or express anger if harmony in environment was disrupted or something.
 

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If you put the food on the surface of the sink without previously cleaning and disinfecting it , germs and residue will be present regardless of cleaning the clothing or not in said sink.If you really care about hygiene that much you shouldn't be putting food or kitchen accessories on the surface of the sink in the first place unless they're already dirty and you intend to clean them later on and put them on the clean surface near the sink that isn't contaminated with residue. So truly, if you experience any above problems you fail as a cook so badly that you're hazard to yourself and people around you, it would require Mr Bean level of recklessness.
@L P

Yes, if you plan directly consuming it, small dosage being previously used in sink won't result in you consuming it, in fact some people opt to use a little bit of bleach during sanitizing dishes and "live to tell the tale". You won't end up consuming e-coli just because someone washed their clothes in the sink, you're not really at any significantly greater risk than otherwise.You would have to be paranoid about it to the point using disinfectant someone comes to contact with sink to consider risk significant.

Well, I suppose OP doesn't seem mind too much if we go into discussing specific instances of what makes you angry

As for more Fi being more creative in expressing anger, from what I'm not really seeing it, in fact most of responses seems to express anger in rather standardized manner ie confronting, complaining or not reacting at all.

As far I'm concerned Fe/Fi would simply differ in regard what would thick it off (but same is true for same types) as and perhaps how person decided to handle it, with Fe judgement possibly being more likely to confront or express anger if harmony in environment was disrupted or something.
Or you can just use a washing machine like a normal person. If they are washing underwear in the sink you just raised your chances of getting e coli.
 

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Or you can just use a washing machine like a normal person. If they are washing underwear in the sink you just raised your chances of getting e coli.
Waste of resources, especially if you've only few small things to clean, so if you're interested in saving some money you may opt for hand washing if you don't mind putting some effort and time. Extremely unlikely especially given bleach was involved, you would have greater chance contaminating your food from food residue in your sink if you don't clean and disinfect it on a regular basis. So you're overreacting.
 

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What I do nowadays to get angry on a regular healthy basis is listen to death metal to get the ball rolling. I'm wired to "prefer" feelings of sadness and nervousness in place of anger so I need the help lest I blame everything on myself or just get angry at the wrong time, like for example at work.
 

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I'm interested in finding out differences in how you express anger. Not what ticks you off but rather how do you deal with and address that issue?
Well... there are a couple of scenarios that come to mind.

1) When I don't exactly know why I am angry. And 2) When I know why I am angry.

When I don't exactly know why I am angry... like, hormones, past hurts, fears, unfairness of life, etc. etc. And, I get triggered for whatever reason... well, that gets a little muddy. I am trying to figure out why I am so heated about something so trivial in the midst of all of my damn feelings raging on and on... so, I try to stomp them all down and not express ANYTHING at all until I know what the issue actually is and if it is worth raising hell about (it usually isn't).

This rage is usually internal, but it bubbles around my usual way, unfortunately. If I am around someone I am comfortable with, I let this show on my face sometimes, but I can't even talk about it because I feel like words won't do my feelings justice. I am so heated, and I can't explain out loud how I am feeling (esp cause I don't know why yet).

This thought tends to race through my head while the fury rages on: Even if I were to share how I feel now, how would that help me and this situation? IT WOULDN'T! I'D FEEL WORSE!

So, I stifle, stifle. Rant about it in my journal. And, sometimes it really just goes away.

---

If I know my anger is fully-100% justified and I can pinpoint exactly why I am angry, then I determine if it is worth vocalizing or not. Will I be heard? Will it change the situation positively? Will I die inside if it goes unsaid? Etc. etc. For me, I struggle with fearing of what other people think about me and want peace and harmony, so I usually won't say anything except to those closest to me. This anger comes out in a blast of feelings with tears, but also with a ton of data to back it up (which doesn't come out so succinctly, but I've taken the time bottling up loads of examples - thanku, Si).
 
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