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Hi everyone :proud: lately I've been dealing with a lot of pressure and stress and I was wondering what you tend to do to get rid of stress, or healthy ways to let stress out?

I've read of exercising and writing but I have no time to do either, and as for writing I tried it once but never kept doing consistently. So if you can please share with me and anyone else dealing with the same situation what you think it would be very appreciated.
 

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I seek physical comfort, which means I lock myself in my home and become a hermit except for my nuclear family -and if I'm dating someone, this someone is also part of the exception.
So I'll seek hugs, kisses, sex, that kind of physical.
While hermiting, I interact with inanimate objects that bring me comfort and pleasure. So I'll do laundry (including cushions, beddings, curtains, carpet, rugs, everything), change my bed sheets, all the towels in the house, move furniture around...
I'll make a lot of tea and coffee and drink all day.
I'll take baths while watching Tony Robbins on my laptop, and feel like "someone out there understands me".
I'll give massages to myself with oil, apply some make-up to walk around the house (nobody needs to watch; being alone is perfect), do my hair perfectly, apply perfume (again, nobody's watching but I never dress up for other people, only for myself).
I'll lay in the sun -if there's sun- in my little garden for ten minutes and feel the cosmic connection of all things.
I burn incense and/or candles, choosing the scent intuitively in each moment depending on what mood I want to shift into.
After all that physical comfort, my stress is usually a bit more tamed, so I'll sit on a couch with a blanket, tea and a particular candle that smells of strawberry bubblegum, and read Harry Potter. But sometimes my mind can't concentrate on something passive like reading or watching a movie, because the passivity will make me remember all the stress I went through earlier (overthinking). So unless I tame the stress prior to reading, it's just not going to be effective. So like I said, I will "feather my nest" and myself. I go into a cleaning & beautifying frenzy.
If my environment looks soft, smells sweet, sounds silent and all soft textiles are in order, then I will feel soft, sweet and calm myself. I need to begin from the outside in when my inner state is out of control and inconsolable.

Don't know if this is just me, or an enn4 thing, or what. I keep reading that most INFPs are messy and don't care for visuals. I am the complete opposite, a clean freak.

For me, nothing passive helps. So no writing, no reading, no watching tv shows or movies.. They don't numb me, much less calm me down, they only make me daydream of my stress, remember terrible memories from what happened that stressed me out, and so on. Something active is best.

If I had to say what impacts me the most, I'd say doing 2 or 3 loads of laundry, including the entire bedding set, all cushions and the blanket(s) or whatever you use as a cover thing. When re-clothe my bed space, I spray homemade lavender essential oil mix on the fabrics and also on myself, but always after a self-massage with essential oils and hot shower :)
 

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Discussion Starter #3
I seek physical comfort, which means I lock myself in my home and become a hermit except for my nuclear family -and if I'm dating someone, this someone is also part of the exception.
So I'll seek hugs, kisses, sex, that kind of physical.
While hermiting, I interact with inanimate objects that bring me comfort and pleasure. So I'll do laundry (including cushions, beddings, curtains, carpet, rugs, everything), change my bed sheets, all the towels in the house, move furniture around...
I'll make a lot of tea and coffee and drink all day.
I'll take baths while watching Tony Robbins on my laptop, and feel like "someone out there understands me".
I'll give massages to myself with oil, apply some make-up to walk around the house (nobody needs to watch; being alone is perfect), do my hair perfectly, apply perfume (again, nobody's watching but I never dress up for other people, only for myself).
I'll lay in the sun -if there's sun- in my little garden for ten minutes and feel the cosmic connection of all things.
I burn incense and/or candles, choosing the scent intuitively in each moment depending on what mood I want to shift into.
After all that physical comfort, my stress is usually a bit more tamed, so I'll sit on a couch with a blanket, tea and a particular candle that smells of strawberry bubblegum, and read Harry Potter. But sometimes my mind can't concentrate on something passive like reading or watching a movie, because the passivity will make me remember all the stress I went through earlier (overthinking). So unless I tame the stress prior to reading, it's just not going to be effective. So like I said, I will "feather my nest" and myself. I go into a cleaning & beautifying frenzy.
If my environment looks soft, smells sweet, sounds silent and all soft textiles are in order, then I will feel soft, sweet and calm myself. I need to begin from the outside in when my inner state is out of control and inconsolable.

Don't know if this is just me, or an enn4 thing, or what. I keep reading that most INFPs are messy and don't care for visuals. I am the complete opposite, a clean freak.

For me, nothing passive helps. So no writing, no reading, no watching tv shows or movies.. They don't numb me, much less calm me down, they only make me daydream of my stress, remember terrible memories from what happened that stressed me out, and so on. Something active is best.

If I had to say what impacts me the most, I'd say doing 2 or 3 loads of laundry, including the entire bedding set, all cushions and the blanket(s) or whatever you use as a cover thing. When re-clothe my bed space, I spray homemade lavender essential oil mix on the fabrics and also on myself, but always after a self-massage with essential oils and hot shower :)
Seriously thank you very much just reading your advise felt comforting, I did notice that I started cleaning and doing house chores more lately since the intense stress started. And I drink more tea and coffee. Also reading and watching movies doesn't work well for me neither I just end up still thinking about what's stressing me out instead. But I love the rest of your suggestions and I sure will keep them in mind.
 

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Aw glad it made sense to you :)

And also! I forgot another thing! Filling the phone/ipod with happy energizing music and going for a walk to nowhere in particular, just to be exposed to the sun, the wind, the elements, and daydream of my ideal life with the music. I always go to country as my comfort music, because the music is catchy and they talk about romance, sex, beer, bonfires and just... farmer/country stuff, which really soothes me :)
Maybe some people prefer soft music like Coldplay or something.. or when I was younger I felt soothed by punk like The Distillers... so whatever the music it must be happy and remind you of your ideal life out there in a parallel universe where everyhting is rainbows and puppies and the sun is out and the wind blows and you can eat raw honey on toast xD
I can't do that lying down at home for some reason, the walking part is key. Again, goes back to the "active" concept I was talking about. I do this not only in my free time, but also during the commute from work to home. It's a sweet transition.
 

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Hmm. I don't usually feel too much stress, but when I do exercise helps. Punching bag, I may start off angry and frustrated, but usually by the end I'm just tired and feel somehow relieved. It takes me back to the basics. After a tough workout there is so much to do, thoughtless things, shower, cook, clean, and finish laundry.

By the end of all that I just look forward to a nice cold beer, and I feel much better. Sometimes just calling an old friend is nice too, or just going somewhere isolated where I can think of the things that are going right in my life.
 

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There are so many different kinds of stress and each of them has a different set of strategies for coping.

One thing I've found myself gravitating to is just trying to solve the problems rationally, and specifically one at a time if they tend to be piled up on you. There was a period of time a couple of months ago when I had half a dozen different external stresses that were converging upon me at the same time, and I took upon myself the strategy of patience and managing one thing at a time when the time was right to act, and eventually over time each problem went away in succession.

So I would say, just as a general rule, that if the stresses are external, rational problem solving is the way to go. A very significant support in my life over the past three years has really hammered that into me. Things never go away by ignoring them. Sometimes you really have to confront things in order to eliminate the problem.

Now, internal stress is a whole other can of worms, and for that I would echo some of the things @entheos suggested. Self-care is paramount when all is not well on the inside. The best thing about that is there are so many different things you can do. I can't say I'm always the best at it, but getting out of your head seems to be the common thread. That can take the form of either distracting yourself with various kinds of entertainment, or it can be refocusing your mind through something like meditation or yoga, or it can be as simple as the "taking a walk to clear your head" method that I think is underrated.

From personal experience, I would also strongly advocate for letting go of stuff you can't control. If you let it, that can eat up every bit of your mental energy.
 

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Watching nature documentaries often does it for me, but that's probably textbook INTJ. Other times, I need to engage sensation, so I step outside and just look at what's on display...which is often glorious (especially if you have an eye for the small details that most people miss).









Also snuggling with critters like these.
:kitteh:


 

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Discussion Starter #8
Watching nature documentaries often does it for me, but that's probably textbook INTJ. Other times, I need to engage sensation, so I step outside and just look at what's on display...which is often glorious (especially if you have an eye for the small details that most people miss).









Also snuggling with critters like these.
:kitteh:


You made me realize that I really should consider having a pet, when I had pets being around them definitely made me feel calmer and better :happy: and those rabbits are so adorable
 

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I let it fade away by doing something I like to do. If I open myself to going with the flow, I can flow right away from a tough situation!

I change my physical environment. If I am frazzled by music practice, I just go somewhere I don't have to think about it. It's like accomplishing tasks underwater—you have to take time to breathe eventually!

I do this more often with the feeling of anger, but sometimes I will sit back and analyze the role of stress and how it can be a tool. (Maybe you've heard of the term eu-stress?) Stress to me is more of a feeling that arises from anticipation, wanting to accomplish things, etc., maybe like fight or flight. You can use your brain's natural preparatory response to get started on a task that you're nervous about. I get a surge of "stress" feelings, and I am compelled to act. But this isn't the only kind of stress there is. There's the useless kind where you just worry about things. It's preparation for action, but there is no action to do, or at least not one at that time. Maybe it's stress about something you're powerless to change. That's where I have to quickly realize that I feel this way, but there's nothing I can do about it right now (or ever), so I will shut down this overactive "tool."

I actually choose to procrastinate. When I choose to do something, I choose to not fight myself in my mind about what I could or should be doing instead. I decide to stop procrastinating when I feel like stopping, and I feel like stopping whenever I feel nice and level in my mind. I still recognize that something needs to be done, but I've decided to fully immerse myself in not doing it! When I have reached a level point in my mind, I am most up to the task, and I use stress as a tool once again. Again with choosing, if I'm actually writing my essay that I put off until the day before, I'm not going to also worry about not getting it done! That's too much to think about! I'm just going to write my essay. My mind is clear, and I accomplish things to a higher quality.

Like my computer though, I only have so much RAM for my mind. Whenever I have a ton of "programs" to deal with at the same time, they cause further compression of the essential operating system RAM. That's when the house chores start to (literally) pile up and I don't shower in 4 days. When I get lethargic, sick, and have hallucinations, I then consider myself officially stressed out! (But it doesn't feel like I'm stressed out because my mind is fried!) The best thing I can do to avoid being stressed out is to just sleep enough. I manage my time better that way.
 

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I try to remove the source of the stress, but that's not always possible. I can usually avoid more stress; I'll try to avoid going to the store, for instance.

I like cooking and cleaning to work on stress. Neither activity has time limits and you get a positive result in the end. With cleaning you can turn your brain off, which is nice. Walking outside helps me too. I have a go-to reading option (I have the entire collection of Calvin and Hobbes comics). I pet my cat for a while. I'll play a relaxing video game and listen to Brian Eno off of YouTube (minecraft is a good example).

Oh, and of course process negative and positive feelings.
 

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Don't know if this is just me, or an enn4 thing, or what. I keep reading that most INFPs are messy and don't care for visuals. I am the complete opposite, a clean freak.
Same here. It's definitely a state of mind stabilizing thing, if that makes sense. It might even be Si/Fi related.. It's like if your general environment is a certain way, it easily affects you. It extends to all areas of my life, like being happy in your job or at least a strong awareness of if it is fulfilling, it's about keeping balance and if your outer environment is balanced, your state of mind is too. Definitely relate of the nice smells and layout of furniture, decorations etc.
 

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First -- I try not to create stress in my life.

Having these things in my life causes me stress, so I turn my back on them: school, job, drama, drugs, alcohol, criminal activity.

Of course many still have to work or go to school, I understand. I don't have to go. Health issues of loved ones causes me stress. How do I cope? I research the hell out of their ailments. Cures... prognosis.... first hand accounts. The more knowledge I have the better I feel.

Sleep seems to help me if I'm under stress.

Laughing. Coffee. Laughing.
 

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Get rid the source of the stress is the most effective if it's possible. I have had a stressful life for years because I couldn't handle the pressure and the high amounts of works of my job. I decided to quit and it's the best decision that I have taken. I felt so light after they accepted my resignation.

However, if it's not possible, I usually write the things down. What are the things that make you stress? If you think you have high amounts of the works, identify them so you will have the list of the things that should have done. Don't avoid them because it will make you suffer more.

I usually try to relax by lighting the candle, taking a warm bath, playing the soothing and relaxing music, practising mindfulness, drinking tea, drawing, or playing with my cat. You can do anything that you want and don't restrict yourself to not do that whatever the reason is because it will discourage you.

The last thing that you can do is to find the support from your friend or family. Talking is a really good thing too. It will release whatever you feel and at least you won't feel you are alone. I hope it helps. :)
 
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Get rid the source of the stress is the most effective if it's possible. I have had a stressful life for years because I couldn't handle the pressure and the high amounts of works of my job. I decided to quit and it's the best decision that I have taken. I felt so light after they accepted my resignation.

However, if it's not possible, I usually write the things down. What are the things that make you stress? If you think you have high amounts of the works, identify them so you will have the list of the things that should have done. Don't avoid them because it will make you suffer more.

I usually try to relax by lighting the candle, taking a warm bath, playing the soothing and relaxing music, practising mindfulness, drinking tea, drawing, or playing with my cat. You can do anything that you want and don't restrict yourself to not do that whatever the reason is because it will discourage you.

The last thing that you can do is to find the support from your friend or family. Talking is a really good thing too. It will release whatever you feel and at least you won't feel you are alone. I hope it helps. :)
What you said there is really important because I never really took the time to actually focus on what exact reasons I'm getting stressed. Every time I feel stressed I just start doing something else or sleep or procrastinate to avoid thinking of it too much. But I will try to work on figuring the reasons first.
 

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Everyone replying I hope you know that I'm grateful and I'm taking notes from all of you. Thank you for taking the time to share your advise and experience with me and others who might need it.
 

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I've read of exercising and writing but I have no time to do either, and as for writing I tried it once but never kept doing consistently.
I had a mentor when I first started university who told me "Balance is a myth".
What she meant by that was NOT "work yourself to death". Quite the contrary - she meant that if you need something, you schedule it.

I'm naturally a strong P, and I'm also prone to high stress and anxiety. Learning how to take command of my schedule was the most important thing for me in terms of being able to manage my stress. I have a weekly timetable pinned to my wall - I've allotted time for homework, but also time for relaxing, socializing and my martial arts classes (which work great to keep both me and my INFP partner sane and happy). Don't see your schedule as a restrictive, binding "rule" - see it as an idea, or a guideline. You can look to it when you're feeling stressed and remind yourself that there is something you can be doing with this time, even if that "something" is just stopping for 5 minutes to sit outside and breathe some fresh air.

This was huge for me, because I always used to feel that I didn't have enough time to do things to decompress. Another person said "Instead of saying 'I don't have time', try saying 'It's not a priority' and see if it feels the same".

I did have time. In my undergrad, I worked two jobs, volunteered, and had a full course load, and I still had time. I just had to learn how to allocate it. And you have time, too - you have time to come to personalitycafe and seek our advice, so you have time to sign up for a martial arts class, or meditate, or write, or whatever it may be. In fact, you're already writing! :)
 

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I love journaling in times of stress. It keeps me aware of my peace of mind, my thoughts, my concerns, and I gain a greater understanding of myself. Sometimes just writing it all out is very cathartic.

I also have a lovely collection of tea always waiting for me when I just need to sit for a minute. It's just so warm and calming, I always feel peaceful with my mug of tea, fuzzy socks on, curled up on the couch. Chai is perfect for fall too :fall:

I would also recommend meditation. It sounds so pretentious, but I really feel at one with myself just focusing on my breathing. It's very tranquil, just being there.

Side note, I love your avatar @QueenBella !! It's so pretty :)
 

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Don't know if this is just me, or an enn4 thing, or what. I keep reading that most INFPs are messy and don't care for visuals. I am the complete opposite, a clean freak.
Yes me too. I never understood that until I met my infp friend. She was as infp as you could get.

For me I will be as passive as possible. I'm conserving energy. I will sit and read, surf online, or watch movies. If I am very stressed, I personally don't comprehend anything I read. Sometimes it doesn't matter, because I just need it to block out the world. I may loop one song, or take long walks. I definitely do not talk too much.
 
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I had a mentor when I first started university who told me "Balance is a myth".
What she meant by that was NOT "work yourself to death". Quite the contrary - she meant that if you need something, you schedule it.

I'm naturally a strong P, and I'm also prone to high stress and anxiety. Learning how to take command of my schedule was the most important thing for me in terms of being able to manage my stress. I have a weekly timetable pinned to my wall - I've allotted time for homework, but also time for relaxing, socializing and my martial arts classes (which work great to keep both me and my INFP partner sane and happy). Don't see your schedule as a restrictive, binding "rule" - see it as an idea, or a guideline. You can look to it when you're feeling stressed and remind yourself that there is something you can be doing with this time, even if that "something" is just stopping for 5 minutes to sit outside and breathe some fresh air.

This was huge for me, because I always used to feel that I didn't have enough time to do things to decompress. Another person said "Instead of saying 'I don't have time', try saying 'It's not a priority' and see if it feels the same".

I did have time. In my undergrad, I worked two jobs, volunteered, and had a full course load, and I still had time. I just had to learn how to allocate it. And you have time, too - you have time to come to personalitycafe and seek our advice, so you have time to sign up for a martial arts class, or meditate, or write, or whatever it may be. In fact, you're already writing! :)
That's true :laughing: but yes I will definitely consider starting a timetable or a schedule because I really need it right now.
@Fawny Aww thank you very much love!! :happy: and I've seriously thought of trying out meditation but the environment I live in makes it hard to find a peaceful spot to meditate in haha
 

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I seek physical comfort, which means I lock myself in my home and become a hermit except for my nuclear family -and if I'm dating someone, this someone is also part of the exception.
So I'll seek hugs, kisses, sex, that kind of physical.
While hermiting, I interact with inanimate objects that bring me comfort and pleasure. So I'll do laundry (including cushions, beddings, curtains, carpet, rugs, everything), change my bed sheets, all the towels in the house, move furniture around...
I'll make a lot of tea and coffee and drink all day.
I'll take baths while watching Tony Robbins on my laptop, and feel like "someone out there understands me".
I'll give massages to myself with oil, apply some make-up to walk around the house (nobody needs to watch; being alone is perfect), do my hair perfectly, apply perfume (again, nobody's watching but I never dress up for other people, only for myself).
I'll lay in the sun -if there's sun- in my little garden for ten minutes and feel the cosmic connection of all things.
I burn incense and/or candles, choosing the scent intuitively in each moment depending on what mood I want to shift into.
After all that physical comfort, my stress is usually a bit more tamed, so I'll sit on a couch with a blanket, tea and a particular candle that smells of strawberry bubblegum, and read Harry Potter. But sometimes my mind can't concentrate on something passive like reading or watching a movie, because the passivity will make me remember all the stress I went through earlier (overthinking). So unless I tame the stress prior to reading, it's just not going to be effective. So like I said, I will "feather my nest" and myself. I go into a cleaning & beautifying frenzy.
If my environment looks soft, smells sweet, sounds silent and all soft textiles are in order, then I will feel soft, sweet and calm myself. I need to begin from the outside in when my inner state is out of control and inconsolable.

Don't know if this is just me, or an enn4 thing, or what. I keep reading that most INFPs are messy and don't care for visuals. I am the complete opposite, a clean freak.

For me, nothing passive helps. So no writing, no reading, no watching tv shows or movies.. They don't numb me, much less calm me down, they only make me daydream of my stress, remember terrible memories from what happened that stressed me out, and so on. Something active is best.

If I had to say what impacts me the most, I'd say doing 2 or 3 loads of laundry, including the entire bedding set, all cushions and the blanket(s) or whatever you use as a cover thing. When re-clothe my bed space, I spray homemade lavender essential oil mix on the fabrics and also on myself, but always after a self-massage with essential oils and hot shower :)
oh my gosh same!! After a stressful day, I come home, make myself clean, clean the house, or do my hair, spray my fave perfume, lay in the sunshine, make sure to take vitamins, light candles, play soft music....sometimes i daydream about coming home to clean sheets and soft clean comforter . hahaha divine

however, too much of that and it makes me lethargic and I avoid everything.

When I need to get my life together (which, lets be honest, about once a week I have to reign myself in because i haven't been following the schedule i made for myself) I write my to-do lists. I can usually knock it all out fairly quickly once I stop procrastinating.

MY favourite get-shit-done-without-stressing routine is : my favourite motivation music, cute but comfy clothes, nice make-up, a spray of perfume and then ready, set, tackle. No lounging in bed, just write it all down and go. Keep the music playing, take breaks every now and then.
 
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