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Hello there! I'm just wondering what your guys' views on INTPs were as a whole; you know, as we are your opposites and all... sort of...(if you know any)! My boyfriend is an ExFJ (probably an S) and I was wondering what you thought of us. Just doin some research ;)

Any feedback is appreciated and I'm interested to hear your responses!
 

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El oh el. Well this thread has been informative so far.
Fellow ESFJ are probably just trying to think of sufficient words to express their unconditional, overwhelming love for INTPs.
 

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I am actually interested in hearing all you guys' thoughts on this sort of thing too. As an INTP who will soon be marrying an ExFJ (most likely an S), I think your input would be pretty interesting. Go ahead, fill us in. What do you love, what do you hate, what do you just fail to understand? I promise I wont try to account for our actions.
 

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Keep in mind the idea of introspection verbalized in writing, the most natural thing in the world to INxP's, seems to be completely alien to the average ESFJ, so they stay well away from forums like this one. They probably see it as a waste of time. The handful who ever post here are extreme outliers.

The few ESFJ's I've met in real life don't really like me though, though. There seems to be a pretty big barrier to mutual communication.
 

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Well, it depends on the INTP.

Some, I LOVE. Like my Pastor, cousin and Professor. They're all awesome. Some, I'm not too thrilled with. . . I still will talk to them though, and do my best to make their time around me enjoyable. So yeah. It really depends. Haha. Sorry if that's not descriptive enough for you. =P

You would probably get better responses from ESFJ's that you know personally. Go out and live it, and ask the ESFJ's what they think of you. Then you'll have better statistics. ;)
 

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Well....

This thread seems to sum up all interactions I've had with ESFJ's. Personally, they terrify me. This is because every interaction I've had with a female ESFJ, their utter disapproval of me was soul-crushing in its intensity and thoroughness. I always came away with the impression that everything about me offended their sensibilities.

These experiences may have been out of the ordinary, though, because each time the ESFJ in question was my manager at work.

Now I'm genuinely curious as to why the ESFJ's were offended by me. Unfortunately, when I knew any ESFJ's I was still too terrified of social interaction to honestly ask them why they seemed to hate me.

Anyone want to take pity on me and let me know what you like/dislike about INTPs? Honestly, I won't be offended or take anything personally, or be hurt by anything. :)
 

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I am actually interested in hearing all you guys' thoughts on this sort of thing too. As an INTP who will soon be marrying an ExFJ (most likely an S), I think your input would be pretty interesting. Go ahead, fill us in. What do you love, what do you hate, what do you just fail to understand? I promise I wont try to account for our actions.

Hmmm maybe I can give you a bit of feedback on my past relationship with an ESFJ. Well, first off, he was caring and nurturing. I mean, I could not believe how selfless this guy was capable of being. Anytime I freaked out about something, he always knew exactly what to say. He was always there, I never had to remind him to make little gestures or call me and check up. He did it automatically. He said "I love you" constantly. He was always super loving with his gestures. We had very well established rituals that he just stuck to. ESFJ men are just so aware of your feelings and how to care for them. Even after five years, he was devoted and loving. I always heard my friends complain about how their boyfriends were heartless and absentminded. I NEVER had any of those issues with him.
Of course there was a downside (hence the word "ex"). Really, he just never understood my weird ideas and tangents. I felt like I couldn't talk to him about whatever contemporaneous interest I held. I love learning and reading about so many things and he didn't really relate at all. Also, he would lie to me just because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. It was about stupid shit too. The lie really upset me because it was just more hurtful then hearing the truth. He also seemed incapable of using his own internal compass. I feel like all of his values were determined by what everyone else is doing. He wasn't a free thinker and never really broke away from the pack. He would get extremely upset about things that I just didn't understand. After time, I realized the best way to deal with his emotions was to give him time to cool off. I found imposing my rationale on him when he was pissed just upset him more regardless of how calm and composed I was. He was always the one who would yell and cry about things.
Anyway, there were good and bad parts to it. Ultimately, I don't think an ESFJ is really my type. I have dated other types (ENTJ and INTPs) and I feel like intuition as a secondary function is just magnificent! I mean the possibilities are endless with an intuitive.
 

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Well....

This thread seems to sum up all interactions I've had with ESFJ's. Personally, they terrify me. This is because every interaction I've had with a female ESFJ, their utter disapproval of me was soul-crushing in its intensity and thoroughness. I always came away with the impression that everything about me offended their sensibilities.

These experiences may have been out of the ordinary, though, because each time the ESFJ in question was my manager at work.

Now I'm genuinely curious as to why the ESFJ's were offended by me. Unfortunately, when I knew any ESFJ's I was still too terrified of social interaction to honestly ask them why they seemed to hate me.

Anyone want to take pity on me and let me know what you like/dislike about INTPs? Honestly, I won't be offended or take anything personally, or be hurt by anything. :)
For what it's worth, I have a female ESFJ friend how finds me horrifying sometimes. She thinks my sense of humor is incredibly vulgar and that I don't act like a "normal girl." She gets angry when I say perverted things (which I am very prone to) She also finds my obsessive intellectual pursuits "Nerdy." In fact I think she has been quoted as saying "all obsessions are nerdy/dorky).
 

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Well....

This thread seems to sum up all interactions I've had with ESFJ's. Personally, they terrify me. This is because every interaction I've had with a female ESFJ, their utter disapproval of me was soul-crushing in its intensity and thoroughness. I always came away with the impression that everything about me offended their sensibilities.

These experiences may have been out of the ordinary, though, because each time the ESFJ in question was my manager at work.

Now I'm genuinely curious as to why the ESFJ's were offended by me. Unfortunately, when I knew any ESFJ's I was still too terrified of social interaction to honestly ask them why they seemed to hate me.

Anyone want to take pity on me and let me know what you like/dislike about INTPs? Honestly, I won't be offended or take anything personally, or be hurt by anything. :)
Well. . . . to answer your question, not every ESFJ is the same because I personally love to read, and I also love nerds. lol. So I tend to get along really well with INTP's and even INTJ's at times, [but a lot of times y'all seem to think that I'm an ENFP instead of ESFJ at first, which I've never understood.]

Upsides to INTP's are:
You're interesting. You're always full of new ideas with good reasons [which I love, because I'm a really curious ESFJ]

You're introverted. Which means that if I need space because everyone barges in on me ALL THE FREAKING TIME you can give me space and not feel like I'm ignoring you, because you completely understand my need for space at times. [of course you need more space then I do, but for some reason I also need my space.] You also know when I need to just relax and you can command me to relax, even when in the midst of a large group of people that are around me, and you can step in and save me at times from the world which is SO GREAT!

You tend to be HUGE cuddlers, and SO AM I!!! =D

You love to read. I love to read. Therefore we get along. =D

You tend to be more intelligent then the average type which I love because then you can keep up with me and also teach me new things. [Again, I'm a super abnormal and curious ESFJ, so the new and innovative really intrigue me.]

You're really good at being specific when you list off things that I need to work on. You can go: "I really don't like it when you don't notice that you're standing in front of other customers when you're shopping in the store" [I grew up North where people didn't worry about other people in the store so when I went down South and did that the Southern INTP was like, WHAT? You're normally really people-friendly but in the store you just blitz to get your items on your list and you don't worry about other people! "oops" =S]


Hmmm. . . well I pretty much like everything about y'all so I could continue, but I may end up writing a book. =P


Cons [can] be:

Sometimes you can come across a bit cold [but I've gotten used to that now so it doesn't really bother me.]

At times when you're talking to my friends and they ask you how you're doing and you go "well, I've been working on [these specific functions of Anatomy, or Physics, or Chemistry, etc.] in great detail and they look at you going. . . . ??? I tend to have to step in and have a "signal" or something to "dumb it down, or to change the subject because people just don't get it." [But I love learning new things so you can explain it to me later. =D]

Sometimes we disagree on our basic worldview and philosophy, [which doesn't bother me and I'm open to conversing it with you, [but it can be a killer to the idea of a close friendship or a relationship.]

Sometimes, [when you leave for over a week [or month, depending on the relationship] and you don't answer my e-mails or texts or say hi to me in the hallway, I can begin to wonder if you still care about me. So I may begin to act "colder" towards you because I'm preparing myself for rejection.



Honestly though, I like you guys unless you decide to be a real jerk to me and maul me over. But that rarely happens, so were pretty cool. =D
 

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Well. . . . to answer your question, not every ESFJ is the same because I personally love to read, and I also love nerds. lol. So I tend to get along really well with INTP's and even INTJ's at times, [but a lot of times y'all seem to think that I'm an ENFP instead of ESFJ at first, which I've never understood.]

Upsides to INTP's are:
You're interesting. You're always full of new ideas with good reasons [which I love, because I'm a really curious ESFJ]

You're introverted. Which means that if I need space because everyone barges in on me ALL THE FREAKING TIME you can give me space and not feel like I'm ignoring you, because you completely understand my need for space at times. [of course you need more space then I do, but for some reason I also need my space.] You also know when I need to just relax and you can command me to relax, even when in the midst of a large group of people that are around me, and you can step in and save me at times from the world which is SO GREAT!

You tend to be HUGE cuddlers, and SO AM I!!! =D

You love to read. I love to read. Therefore we get along. =D

You tend to be more intelligent then the average type which I love because then you can keep up with me and also teach me new things. [Again, I'm a super abnormal and curious ESFJ, so the new and innovative really intrigue me.]

You're really good at being specific when you list off things that I need to work on. You can go: "I really don't like it when you don't notice that you're standing in front of other customers when you're shopping in the store" [I grew up North where people didn't worry about other people in the store so when I went down South and did that the Southern INTP was like, WHAT? You're normally really people-friendly but in the store you just blitz to get your items on your list and you don't worry about other people! "oops" =S]


Hmmm. . . well I pretty much like everything about y'all so I could continue, but I may end up writing a book. =P


Cons [can] be:

Sometimes you can come across a bit cold [but I've gotten used to that now so it doesn't really bother me.]

At times when you're talking to my friends and they ask you how you're doing and you go "well, I've been working on [these specific functions of Anatomy, or Physics, or Chemistry, etc.] in great detail and they look at you going. . . . ??? I tend to have to step in and have a "signal" or something to "dumb it down, or to change the subject because people just don't get it." [But I love learning new things so you can explain it to me later. =D]

Sometimes we disagree on our basic worldview and philosophy, [which doesn't bother me and I'm open to conversing it with you, [but it can be a killer to the idea of a close friendship or a relationship.]

Sometimes, [when you leave for over a week [or month, depending on the relationship] and you don't answer my e-mails or texts or say hi to me in the hallway, I can begin to wonder if you still care about me. So I may begin to act "colder" towards you because I'm preparing myself for rejection.



Honestly though, I like you guys unless you decide to be a real jerk to me and maul me over. But that rarely happens, so were pretty cool. =D
I like ESFJ's. They make me feel so comfortable and at ease. I can let my feelings out without restraint... lol.
 

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Curiosity
Healthy and appreciable in anyone, from INTP to ESFJ. Assuming you are correctly typed, your behavior is much of the reason people think you're ENFP - people who work off stereotypes to make assumptions will sometimes get these things wrong.

For what it's worth, you sound fun.
 

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For what it's worth, I have a female ESFJ friend how finds me horrifying sometimes. She thinks my sense of humor is incredibly vulgar and that I don't act like a "normal girl." She gets angry when I say perverted things (which I am very prone to) She also finds my obsessive intellectual pursuits "Nerdy." In fact I think she has been quoted as saying "all obsessions are nerdy/dorky).
She says, as she puts on her Obsession perfume, and obsessively applies makeup...
 

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Haha, I started this thread forever ago and forgot about it because I got no responses. I was going into "everybody hates me" mode for a while... jk.

I was just curious, because I know two VERY different ESFJs and was trying to get a general consensus to explain their very polar behavior. My boyfriend is incredibly caring and loving, and I couldnt ask for anything more from him. He is funny, incredibly smart, and also very, very curious about my ideas, which is fantastic. He keeps me grounded, and I keep him entertained. Its a good trade off haha.

Then the other ESFJ I know is my roommate. We used to get along just fine, but now she turned loony and treats me like... poop. She is incredibly self-centered and constantly calls me "weird" and gives me these looks like I'm crazy. She doesnt appreciate my sense of humor at all and always tells me I should probably try a little more with my appearance. She criticizes my quirks constantly, and then expects me to sit and listen to her gossip about people I've never even met and pretend to be baffled when she goes "CAN YOU BELIEVE HE/SHE DID THAT!?" no. I just cant believe it. Im as shocked as you are. not.

I was just curious because I found it very odd for them to be so incredibly different, but so amazingly similar at the same time. I suppose my boyfriend is just more accepting than my roommate, but I just wanted a little more perspective maybe haha. Overall, though, I love ESFJs. You guys are so caring and warm. You make up for my absent-minded indifference haha. I like it
 

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Haha, I started this thread forever ago and forgot about it because I got no responses. I was going into "everybody hates me" mode for a while... jk.

I was just curious, because I know two VERY different ESFJs and was trying to get a general consensus to explain their very polar behavior. My boyfriend is incredibly caring and loving, and I couldnt ask for anything more from him. He is funny, incredibly smart, and also very, very curious about my ideas, which is fantastic. He keeps me grounded, and I keep him entertained. Its a good trade off haha.

Then the other ESFJ I know is my roommate. We used to get along just fine, but now she turned loony and treats me like... poop. She is incredibly self-centered and constantly calls me "weird" and gives me these looks like I'm crazy. She doesnt appreciate my sense of humor at all and always tells me I should probably try a little more with my appearance. She criticizes my quirks constantly, and then expects me to sit and listen to her gossip about people I've never even met and pretend to be baffled when she goes "CAN YOU BELIEVE HE/SHE DID THAT!?" no. I just cant believe it. Im as shocked as you are. not.

I was just curious because I found it very odd for them to be so incredibly different, but so amazingly similar at the same time. I suppose my boyfriend is just more accepting than my roommate, but I just wanted a little more perspective maybe haha. Overall, though, I love ESFJs. You guys are so caring and warm. You make up for my absent-minded indifference haha. I like it
Hopefully some ESFJs will wonder through and respond, but I'd say that Si is all about what you're used to. So a good chunk of how those two ESFJs act could just be how they were raised. Idk.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
Hopefully some ESFJs will wonder through and respond, but I'd say that Si is all about what you're used to. So a good chunk of how those two ESFJs act could just be how they were raised. Idk.
I actually am pretty sure thats the case. they come from very different families, and I have long suspected that about my roommate. I was looking for some sort of commonground between them if that makes sense
 

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Soo...ESFJs have about 360 threads on their forum page..while INTPs have about 4,000+ (INTJs have ~3,000) lol

I had a very good friend in college who is an ESFJ and his biggest complaint about me was that I wouldn't be entertaining enough. Or not caring enough. This guy made it a point to talk to EVERYONE he came into contact with, which would get pretty annoying if we were out and he would spend more time talking to the waiter or the bartender or the guy behind our booth than he would talking to me. I would just sit there and let him talk, which I thought was more than generous :) but of course he found it really odd and stand-offish that I wouldn't join in the conversations. He liked my sense of humor though, and most of the time he would find my lack of social skills (like small talk and networking) and subsequent analysis of said social skills to be totally hilarious...but in a kind way. Even though in the beginning he didn't really understand me at all, he made a sincere effort to introduce me to his millions of friends at a time when I was feeling very friendless and alone, which I thought was very sweet. He also helped me develop my "feeling" side and definitely brought out the kindness in me buried in the trenches of my soul lol. Great to be around for sure, but definitely exhausting..and I'd be lying if I said that there weren't moments when I really wished I had his effortless and superb people skills!
 
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