How do you guys learn to feel less shame?

2941 Views 14 Replies 10 Participants Last post by Quernus, Sep 2, 2014

VioletTru

Discussion Starter · Aug 17, 2014

I ask this in regards to confronting emotions that you may be feeling at the moment, or attempt to resolve pent-up emotions associated with past events.

(I.e. guilt upon realization that you may have been acting in harmful ways towards specific people in your life, that rare time when you let yourself be angry over injustices committed against you instead of holding it in for the long-term, etc.)

Instead of habitually ignoring them or trying to avoid them do to the possible feelings of discomfort associated with the realization process, how does one let themselves be free of these burdens when they mostly aren't familiar with freeing themselves at all?

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kittenmogu

· #2 · Aug 17, 2014

I consider the opposite of shame to be acceptance. To accept that things happened, or that things are happening. Obviously easier said than done.

To see and accept the parts about yourself that you like and the parts that you dislike, without choosing any one thing to represent the whole. Rather than just focusing on trying to get rid of shame, try to actively create acceptance in its place. Construct rather than destruct. (Then building on that, you can integrate to One and improve yourself out of self-love rather than shame.)

It helps if you have someone who you feel honestly accepts you. Someone who sees your shit and says "okay yeah that's pretty bad but I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me to. I'm staying right here." Someone who doesn't leave but doesn't do the work for you, either.

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kittenmogu

· #6 · Aug 17, 2014

HFGE said:
The previous poster is a great example of how low-functioning 4s are incapable of accepting their own mistakes when they make a negative impact on others. Which is actually rather often. An inability to accept faults is something that needs to be consciously worked on. Much like how an 8 must work on not dominating everyone and everything in their environment, 4s must learn to accept uncomfortable aspects to their type.

I agree that that is an issue but I'm not sure where you got that from my post (if you were referring to me with "the previous poster". If not then this will be obsolete and I apologize.). Edit: bloop nvm

When I make a mistake that has a negative impact on another person I will beat myself up excessively over it, past the point of it being constructive to anyone. I've been told by my friend to just accept that it happened and move on, and recognize it when it does happen again, because I was dwelling on how I may wronged her. To realize the negative effects you can have on other people is important but being consumed by shame over it isn't the same as accepting that it did happen and moving forward constructively.

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