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How do you guys stay so calm all the time

7603 Views 31 Replies 23 Participants Last post by  Skord 76
Hello Type 9s,

I am a very anxious type 6 who really admires the healthy 9's ability to be calm and collected all the time. I wanna know, what is your guys' secret? How do you deal with stress? And what keeps you calm in stressful situation.

I am a way easier person to be around when less anxious, so yes, I want to learn from you guys. Many of you seem to have the answer (or multiple answers). So, how do you stay calm when stressed? I want to learn from you guys- you seem like great teachers.

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This thread has raised an important part of understanding 9s: Realising that the appearance of calm can in actuality be avoidance of disruption, or reality. Sometimes calm is achieved because we are not invested, we are not there. Do not pass over that point. We can tread water like no one else.

But that's not all of it. Something that goes with 9 imo is an element of modesty that is half linked to uncertainty, half linked to an understanding that our way is not the only way. For a 9 no way is "right", there is simply your way, and his way, and her way, everyone is different, everyone is of value, every idea you raise deserves to be heard, and if something works for you than who am I to judge you because I would do it different? And linked to that is "what's so special about the way I do it?". That results in a need to let things flow, as well as down play ourselves.

Selling our strengths is not the easiest thing for a 9 so don't leave this thread with the answer being that 9s are not calm we simply do not face anything. Calm is part of it, and avoidance when stressed can be one reason, but actually accepting is another part of it.

So in a generalist way, remaining calm when faced with stress is linked to our more global view of things:
  • We are generally optimistic, we have this innate knowing that things will work out.

  • We neither have great confidence that our way is absolutely right, or that another's would be wrong so we seek the middle ground more oft than not.

  • As keeping hold of inner peace is so important to us we seek to maintain outer peace, in moments of stress we therefore attempt to calm others, tone down the anxiety because frankly we don't like it when you rant and scream and emote, dammit!

  • We have this deep uncontrolled, untainted knowing within us that people have good intentions, tie that back to the believing things will work out and we're generally not wondering if someone's about to screw us over. This problem right now doesn't need to be personal. (of course as a T I may not be speaking for F's on that last point)

  • Following from that I read about this notion that 9s feel other people are similar to us, and so logically conclude from that they may not be, but I still feel they are. I feel somewhere deep inside of me that everyone has great value and everyone shares a connection, a similar way of being.

  • Because we don't see our way as the only way we do not presume to place expectations on others.

  • We see ourselves as flawed and as such accept other people as having flaws, it's something everyone has, so again: who are we to judge.

  • And we are normally easy going because we are totally happy being in our minds, it really is such a nice pleasant place to be so we don't want for too much so long as we have that.

All those things amount to an easily obtained patience and tolerance for different people and different way of doing things.

So if you take that more global view that a 9 has and take it back to a stressed situation you can see that the way a 9 approaches acceptance and calm is in a way that is right for 9s, the way a 6 would do it will be different. As a gut type our issue aligns with anger, not anxiety.
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