How do you guys stay so calm all the time

Iconoclastic Visionary said:

Don't be fooled by the 9's outer demeanor. We may appear calm outside, but inside we have either shut down from the conflict to avoid being drawn out into the situation, or we are bottling up all the rage soon to be released by some future trigger.

Of course, if you're a healthy nine, you're entirely present to the situation using your incredible peacemaking ability to mitigate the conflict while at the same time being calm about inside and out.

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princessJAY said:

I too have received comments that I seem calm, though I was experiencing amazing inner stress. While I'll readily rant over daily annoyances, I do not like to emote *real* stress -- feels too much like spirally out-of-control, but this might be an INTP thing.

However, one main reason I am calm, even bubbly, in general is -- as Sonny outlined so well -- due to several prime assumptions: Everyone has their own opinions, and mine is no more important to others than theirs may be to me, therefore win-win or even compromise is best. When people are unpleasant, it tend to stem from the human foibles & anxieties we all have, therefore compassion & empathy is best. Life is full of the unexpected and uncontrollable, therefore flexibility is best. I rarely place expectations on people or events, therefore am rarely disappointed and always happily surprised by the outstanding and good. Tend not to worry about things out of my control. Tend to avoid dramatic situations /people and deflect /deflate conflict wherever it arises.

I like being intensely alive, but mainly through good food/ music/ exotic travels/ hobbies/ learning, while the fundamental of my life is kept very stable: relationships, job, finances, health.

At its best, E9 perspective verges on the zen. Expect much and be haunted by pain. Expect little, and a mote of dust can bring joy.

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MBTI Enthusiast said:

Be careful what you wish for. 9s have been known to "sleep through" their lives, reaching an old age and realizing they never went after their true passions or desires. Just let everything slide until there was nothing left...

Anyway, I will reiterate what others have said:

My first reaction to a proposed stress is to stop caring, lower expectations, etc. For instance, I get much less nervous before tests when I feel quite underprepared. I figure there's not much more that I can do, and how much do grades matter anyway? I think of the worst case scenario, but it doesn't bother me because I don't care. Surely everything will end up fine anyway. It's easy to stay calm if I don't care to begin with.

I feel more nervous when I am well prepared because I don't want to mess up. I want to show what I can do. I care. In those situations, I can feel quite anxious, although don't show it on the surface. If I can't force myself to stop caring about it, I start getting very anxious. I often think of worst case scenarios at this stage, while I would remain optimistic at the previous stage. If I can't quench the thoughts and negative feelings, if I can't grasp onto some optimism, it turns into a downward spiral where I shut down. In these situations I may act impulsively, grasping at my "routines"/comforts and hoping they provide me relief. In very intense situations I may feel like I can't physically move. Calmness is synonymous with coma in this case.

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crazyeddie said:

"Interesting game. The only way to win is not to play."?

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