How do you guys stay so calm all the time

MBTI Enthusiast said:

Be careful what you wish for. 9s have been known to "sleep through" their lives, reaching an old age and realizing they never went after their true passions or desires. Just let everything slide until there was nothing left...

Anyway, I will reiterate what others have said:

My first reaction to a proposed stress is to stop caring, lower expectations, etc. For instance, I get much less nervous before tests when I feel quite underprepared. I figure there's not much more that I can do, and how much do grades matter anyway? I think of the worst case scenario, but it doesn't bother me because I don't care. Surely everything will end up fine anyway. It's easy to stay calm if I don't care to begin with.

I feel more nervous when I am well prepared because I don't want to mess up. I want to show what I can do. I care. In those situations, I can feel quite anxious, although don't show it on the surface. If I can't force myself to stop caring about it, I start getting very anxious. I often think of worst case scenarios at this stage, while I would remain optimistic at the previous stage. If I can't quench the thoughts and negative feelings, if I can't grasp onto some optimism, it turns into a downward spiral where I shut down. In these situations I may act impulsively, grasping at my "routines"/comforts and hoping they provide me relief. In very intense situations I may feel like I can't physically move. Calmness is synonymous with coma in this case.

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I was making a bit of a joke at myself by that statement. I can see what you are saying, though, about sleeping through life.

These are all very different points of view- I've never even considered this way of thinking. There is always pressure for me to pick one option over another. But what I see here is that there is a *different* option.

I see a lot of insightful and intelligent things here...

LittleB81 said:

These are all very different points of view- I've never even considered this way of thinking. There is always pressure for me to pick one option over another. But what I see here is that there is a *different* option.

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"Interesting game. The only way to win is not to play."?

crazyeddie said:

"Interesting game. The only way to win is not to play."?

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That makes a lot of sense, actually. I don't wish to play the game anymore- it is exhausting. Old habits die hard, though.

Really, I live in my head. Even when I'm inwardly screaming, I tend to appear calm. If something is too much to deal with, I'll either resolve and forget or push down with distractions. Though I wallow over events, it's usually easy to move my mind onto another topic. If it's not too bad, I'll usually just decide it isn't worth my time and won't bother getting upset.

I wouldn't recommend this, though. There's probably a good balance in between 6 stressing and 9 avoiding.

GoodOldDreamer said:

And I find that defeating hordes of Reapers in Mass Effect 3 at home after a rough day at work can be very cathartic and calming. ;o)

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Yes! It has to be one of the most satisfying distractions Cx Not to mention the beautiful soundtrack.

@nottie - FemShep! You are hereby awesome in my book! roud:

Oh yeah, one more trick I use is called a "deep breath." It works wonders, at least for me! roud:

People perceive me as being laid-back all the time but I'm not sure that I would say that for myself. I feel I often have a some kind of a negative emotion naggling around over something.
But yeah, as others have said, my calm and happiness come from plain ol' optimism, you know, always looking for the silver lining and more importantly a set-in-stone belief that at the end of the day everything works out.

Also, trying to eat healthily, exercise, and have a have a healthy social life help tremendously.

Music is what keeps me calm! If I didn't have it, I would be a nervous wreck. Any genre will do,but I found that Jazz-Fusion and Soft Rock are probably the best for soothing.
Such as this song:

There's two components to Nine's staying calm.

One is genuinely being calm, and this is an innate personality trait (e.g. low neuroticism on the Big 5), or it can be a temperamental thing due to the brain of the individual just not being wired to get stressed or worked up as much.

The other is what we've already had rehashed in this thread, that Nines are not so much completely unflappable, but more that, for whatever reason, we don't tend to let negative emotions show. Part of our character script is to be "the calm guy", perhaps because in early life others picked up on and reinforced to us how easy-going we are to whatever our natural extent is. Well, that's a causality kludge, so think carefully before accepting it as a factoid, lol.

If you want to learn to "be naturally calm", it's physically impossible. Part of your hardware determines how intrusive worries and negative emotions are (I think, but again, don't take that as gospel). Thankfully, all humans come preinstalled with highly flexible software called "consciousness", and you can learn to use your intellect to disconnect emotional anxiety from the worrying process.

Some of us are just always externally calm and make sure we can get rid of stress when we are conscious of the fact. I just don't think it's going to help anyone if I freak out or something public simply because I am stressed. I think it's about finding a more constructive way to solve conflicts, being a 9.

I just don't see the need to get worked up about something that is either not meant to be or that isn't able to be changed.

Some of the downsides to this thinking is that I never want to do anything, even if I like to do.

Steel Magnolia said:

Hello Type 9s,

I am a very anxious type 6 who really admires the healthy 9's ability to be calm and collected all the time. I wanna know, what is your guys' secret? How do you deal with stress? And what keeps you calm in stressful situation.

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I think I'm a 9 with a strong 6 fix.

Not all 9s are calm under stress. Remember, we lose the coolness of 9s once we disintegrate into 6. 9s still feel stressed when faced with conflict/trouble. It's just that we repress the anger that's stressing us because I don't want to waste my living with fear and anxiety:

I always think that the likelihood of failure is always lower than the likelihood of success. For instance, if you think about how many days you have lived from the day you were born, the likelihood of your death is not there yet. In other words, life will still continue as-is regardless of what is to come. That's why the last thing I want to do is mope around and get angry. I will not die without the face of fear and anxiety, but I will die with peace in my mind. To me, that's always my #1 priority. I mean if we're all bound to a certain failure (i.e. death, getting fired, divorce, etc.), I don't see the point of preparing for it 24/7. Yes, I recognize the need to be a realist and dangers and needs around it but dwelling over and over around it for me is a waste of time. What I want to do is experience life AS IS and nothing more

Another thing is, I will not settle for more, and I will not settle for less. That's why I don't worry about other things that much because the things that I'm doing are relatively easy. However, nines must still challenge themselves albeit one step at a time to integrate to 3. What matters to me more is being happy on my own terms. A sense of indepence from others.