[ClarifiedMind]

This is my first time posting but I've been lurking for a while now, but here's my question.

I'm having a rough time with some family staying with us for the week. I can't take it! I need my space to spread out, and I need to be able to go slinking off by myself whenever I need to. I'm trying to be upbeat and engaging as possible because I don't want to hear "are you okay?" or "What's wrong?" My husband and my kids knows how I am. I don't get moody or mean but I get that way if I am expected to engage with others too much. I'm actually a pretty fun person but it takes me a while to snuggle up to the idea of being a hostess and by the time that happens it will be time for them to leave. Thank goodness they are pretty reserved.

Any tips? Also, do you visit others or do others visit you?

 

[FearsomeCritter]

=\

If they're not my guest, i go back to my room, shut the door, and turn on the fan.

If they are, i sit around with black coffee and watch them entertain themselves while i wonder why i let them come... That is... Unless it's another ISTP or an INFJ...

 

[ThoughtProcess]

...with salad tongs.

Seriously though, family used to stay with us a lot when I was a kid. Play cards or dice or something so you can engage them in an activity. When you need to excuse yourself, do so without reservation. You need alone time, as does everyone. Just a make a point of coming back before too long. You can rest up after they leave.

I so the same thing when I'm touring with people I barely know and stuck in a van for hours on end.

 

[Functianalyst]

If your family know how you are, I would hope they would intervene for you at least occasionally to get a needed break. Unfortunately if you are the person that generally get things done like cooking and making sure everyone else is comfortable, then you may have to grin and bear it. I am not sure of the dynamics of the visitors (your relatives, his relatives, mutual friends, etc). If they are his, then you probably may get more time than you know since hubby should bear the brunt of most of the socializing. If yours, then hopefully they know you as well. But that is not always the case especially if they do not understand the need for you to have your own space.

On another note as it pertains to type, you have probably been through this scenario more times than you can count as well, so you may want to ask what is driving the anxiety. Well that's easy, it's your tertiary function Ni that is considering how this future event will unfold. The problem is that it can't always be trusted, at least mine can't and many times it just fills me with unnecessary anxiety. Currently that pesky tertiary is being allowed to run rampant creating anxiety, but at some point our trusted Se will awaken to cease the moment and allow you to actually enjoy yourself. Welcome to the forum.

 

[ClarifiedMind]

they are my husband's guest, but as someone before said I am the one responsible for the cooking and such I am the one who has to make sure everyone is comfortable. I wouldn't say I'm anxious..it's more like "oh boy, I don't feel like this today". You know what it is...I like to do things when I'm ready, I that's selfish and I try really hard not to be that way; outwardly. I have gotten better at socializing in situations that I would rather not be in.

My husband is some sort of J...I don't know which one. He can start nagging me after a while (or as he calls it, checking up) and I try to avoid that at all costs. He also gets his undies in a twist if anything thing is out of order or not neat. The fact we have guests make it worse because it stresses him out too. He doesn't like it when people think anything less of perfection when it comes to him. But me well I could care less. Also, he defers to me when making decisions (like where to go, what to make for dinner, etc.) so I have to do all the thinking! Ever see a owner and a dog, the dog is sitting down and the owner is pulling the lease and the dog won't budge? That tends to be me and my husband haha.

Okay, someone is cooking in my kitchen without asking :angry:. It's day two and I'm still feeling a little grumbly :dry:

 

[Capsicum]

Okay, someone is cooking in my kitchen without asking

I recently spent a few days with a couple of relatives (ESTJ and ESFP) so just remember that while that behaviour isn't something we'd do, they mean no harm.

And yes I would suggest spending a lot of time out of their way, or even better, keep talking to them until they get sick of it. :tongue:

 

[ZC Carbon]

"Yeah, it's a real Samurai sword. Here, it isn't sharp. I'll show you. Give me your arm."

On more than one occasion.

 

[DJArendee]

alcohol. Do it.

 

[ClarifiedMind]

oh man how I would love to have a drink! But I no longer do that so that's out. Besides, I get a little rowdy when drinking and these are good Christian folk. Its been getting better...we just got back from the mall of course I didnt want to go, my husband started his nagging and I gave in. I actually had a good time and everyone was ready to go when I was. Which was great.